Click Here!

  • 1

Reviews for Dead Warmed Over

By : hallie66
  • From bloodravyn on April 19, 2011
    ooooh, cannot wait for the next uppydate!
    Report Review

  • From ANON - stubborn_harpy on January 31, 2011
    really liking your fic. would love to read more please :)
    Report Review

  • From ANON - Anon on October 21, 2010
    This is an excellent story. Can't wait to read more!
    Report Review

  • From FairySlayer on October 19, 2010
    Re: Part 2

    The description and intensity of the sexual acts is definitely better, more satisfying than in the first chapter (before changes), though you could go even further here to make the pace match the reading time. For me it wasn't bad, but then again I read very slowly than the average reader, never mind the avid ones.

    Perhaps you meant "stroked my hair while murmuring..." though you could get away with a comma after hair if you really wanted to.

    "His smile could have melted all of Iceland as he turned me to face him." That line really tickled me for being sweet. Also, there's something in the way it's said that makes me wonder if she's also referring to Eric's travels. (Otherwise she could have said that about one of the Scandinavian countries.) Either way, I liked it. :) "Beautiful poison apple" was also a nice way to punctuate your description of how Pam looked when she showed up, plus there's a nice ring to it just for being a Snow White reference.

    Lemon juice is fatal to fairies? That's good to know so that I won't offer them any lemonade. (Well, this information clashes with one episode of The Fairly OddParents, but then again I'm sure that butterfly nets aren't inescapable to fairies in Southern Vampire :D)

    I also like how you ended with a cliffhanger. Leave 'me a little hungry. :)
    Report Review

  • From FairySlayer on October 15, 2010
    I'm familiar only with "True Blood" so I have to make some assumptions, but you clearly explained enough about who Dermot and Claude were by using the context. Also even though I don't know what fight had led up to the opening of your story, there's more than enough to make me understand that something big had happened within hours of the story's opening.

    The second paragraph confused me a bit with the pronouns because I got the feeling that he was saying that trouble followed Pam at first. I'd suggest using "Once he had cleaned up and seen to Pam's comfort he could only think of Sookie." ... if that's what you actually meant. (I'm pretty sure it is.)

    There were quite a few run-on sentences, but they'd be easy to fix just by chopping (most of) them into complete sentences as-is. However, the story still flows naturally and the pace of the writing sticks with the action for the most part.

    Also, watch your affect and effect! :)

    I first thought "tree deity" was supposed to be "true," but after looking up Yggdrasil it made sense. :) ... and considering how Sookie "provides" for Eric in many ways the connection makes a lot of sense too. So good call on that one. (Your mention of a "sky fey" earlier pointed out that there were different kinds of fairies, so I did wonder for a moment if Sookie was a "tree fey" or something too.)

    The different speaking styles also show up nicely, plus it gives me a feeling for the characters I don't know. Mixing in some ideas of their proclivities with Sookie's recounting also helped a lot. Now I would offer that in Sookie's (recounting) voice that "I could not keep my hands off of him" would probably be more natural with the contraction, but "I {just / simply / etc.] could not keep my hands off of him" would fit pretty good with her affect.

    (Again, my only point of reference is from "True Blood," and I understand that there are quite a few differences. So maybe an extra grain of salt is in order here.)

    After that it could have been clearer where Eric switched from cunnilingus to intercourse. Perhaps adding a sentence saying that he moved back up over her or something to that effect would do it. (The transition when Eric left Fangtasia and was in the graveyard was also a tad jarring.) As you've seen, I put a lot (maybe too much?) detail into my descriptions of sex scenes, versus the lovemaking here — but the big difference is that this story is more about the richness of Eric and Sookie's relationship and how that played out here, and that makes it a great little slice of life (er, and death) to enjoy.

    By the way, this story was already in my review queue before you left a review for one of mine. (I work slow.) The review exchange thread is working pretty well. :)

    Report Review

  • From SSjDiizoid on October 12, 2010
    I'll admit that I've never read this series before, however it sounds like the HBO hit True Blood which I have caught from time to time, and I believe that was based off a book series originally so I've got enough of an understanding to go with the flow of things.

    Eric's thought process suddenly giving way to Sookie's POV without any kind of a warning took a moment to realize, jumping from (IIRC) Second Person to First Person. Perhaps you should try at least a double space break, but enough of the blah-kind of details and on with the story itself:

    Definitely fast paced but relatively well described. Sookie certainly doesn't take much to get excited over Eric, least of all as he is now, and he himself makes' a remarkable recovery once in her presence properly.

    You were able to push the other two characters out of the way in what I would consider an easy transition, writing them off without it feeling too awkward. I have to say however that very quickly the actual act of sex finished up so fast it left me glancing back up and then down again a couple of times expecting more.

    Nevertheless the lead-up to that point flowed pretty well. I'd give the overall story at least a 7 out of 10 with some room for improvement. Expanding on the intercourse it self would be appreciated for sure though.
    Report Review

  • 1
T.O.S. | Content Guidelines | DMCA Info | F.A.Q. | Facebook | Tumblr | Abuse | Support | Contact | Donate

Click Here!