Prelude

 "You have worries?" His eyes searched my face as if he were looking for the worries written there.

"What?"

"You said 'like you have no worries.' That implies that you have them."

I sighed, "Really?" Edward just looked at me expectantly, waiting. "Well, I worry about the wedding."

"You're still worried about marrying me?"

"There is a difference between marrying you and the wedding. You are the one thing I am sure of."

He kissed my lips gently.

"I'm worried about standing in front of all of those people!"

"That love you and want to see you happy-"

"And then falling on my face!"

"That doesn't seem like much of a worry." And tonight it didn't.

"Is that your only worry then?"

It could almost be true right now, that the wedding was my only worry, the only thing that kept me up at night. I didn't answer, not wanted to ruin this moment.

"Nothing else?"

I sighed again; it was inescapable. Once Edward's thoughts were fixed on a certain course he was hard to distract. "You know all of my worries. I don't think you have to ask. I'm worried that I won't feel the same way about you, afterward."

"We don't have to then, Bella." His voice was gentle, and he caressed my arm. This was an old line of debate, but I enjoyed the gentler tone of his voice, and the way that he said we. This was no longer something that I was doing. But I knew that the love that had softened him made it all the more impossible for me to change my mind.

"My mind is made up on that account. Now what about you?" Now that we had waded into this morass, I decided we might as well do it completely.

"Me?"

"Your worries? Do I even want to know?"

"Well, about damning your soul, of course," he started like he was picking up in the middle of a long litany of misgivings; his eyes focused on some unknown point on the horizon. "And now with our agreement about after the wedding, I am truly taking all of your innocence and your soul too. And I worry that in the process I'll lose control and hurt you."

Edward seemed to stop despite himself and he looked away from me. I reached up to gently take hold of his jaw, and he let me turn his face to mine. There was something else there, something vulnerable that he was trying to mask. He blinked quickly, and looked at the ground.

"What else?" My voice was barely audible, not sure if I wanted to know what else he tortured himself with.

"I'm worried that you will resent me. That when you are changed, when you hunger for blood, you will resent me taking away your goodness. Now your first impulse is for your family and friends, to care for and save the ones you love. Will you resent me for putting everyone and everything second to your thirst for the kill? That worries me."

"Edward, this is my decision. I could never resent you. And who says I have to be a monster?"

"You have admitted as much yourself. Your priorities will change."

"Sure, that's my fear, but I don't think it has to be like that. Look at you. I believe you care more about me than anything."

"Bella, that's after years. And who's to say it's not just selfishness?" He looked out over the water and continued in a quieter tone, "Emmett has a theory."

"A theory?"

"He thinks that maybe our family loves deeply as a substitute for the one thing we deny ourselves, the one thing that would make us feel whole."

I was insulted just by the idea of it. "Well I don't believe in that theory! What I feel for you is the truest, purest emotion I've ever felt. Is it different for you? Because I didn't think I was alone in this."

"Bella, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. You know I love you more than anything. But there are no good vampires. We just fight what we are and do the best we can at it."

"What about Stregoni Benefici?"

Edward looked taken aback. "The legend?"

"What were you just telling me about legends the other day? They are human interpretations of the supernatural world. So there's at least one documented case of a vampire that fights the forces of evil. I certainly believe in him. Don't you?"

Edward was stunned. "You always surprise me. Don't say anything to Carlisle, though. He gets very embarrassed. But, you're right. As far as I know he has never hurt a soul."

"You believe in souls, you believe in heaven, it's time that you considered faith; maybe not in the religious sense of the word, but like destiny or something. When you were turned into a vampire you may have been fated to be a monster, but you chose not to. Have some faith in your choice."

"Bella, you don't know the things I've done, and I don't want you to, but you have to understand that what I am is not good."

I thought about that for a few seconds. I knew Edward had fed on humans, but I didn't know the details. I didn't need to anymore. "Edward, you need to figure out a way to let go of that. Everyone trusts you except for yourself. Please at least try."

"What we have is right, I have never known anything with more certainty. I have faith in that. We can't know what will happen, but we know it's the only way. Let's just believe in what we know is right." Tears were flowing down my cheeks, the only outlet for deep emotion that I couldn't completely name: a combination of love, conviction, anger and frustration.

Edward's only response was to tighten his grip on my waist, pulling my body closer to his. By now the sun had set, and the air around us was cooling rapidly. I salty breeze blew through my hair and I heard Edward breath deeply. He turned to look down at me and my body tingled like it always did when his face was so close to mine. Very quietly, in almost a whisper he said, "I want to see myself the way you see me, but I don't know if I can. But I'll do what I can, for you, before the wedding."

"No, do it for yourself. I have everything I need."

"I should take you back home. Won't Charlie be getting worried?"

I didn't want to leave, so many things seemed unsaid, but I couldn't begin to fathom what those things might be, or how to start.

"Wait while I try to make myself decent," I said wiping the tears from my eyes and fumbling with the buttons on my blouse.

"Bella, you can dry your eyes and button your shirt, but you will never be decent in that outfit. If Charlie has any sense he won't let you out of his site until the wedding day." I was glad Edward's mood had lightened. His eyes were luminous in the fading light; evidence that the conversation and the setting of the sun had not eclipsed his desire.

"And then you would just climb in my bedroom window anyway."

"Yes, I most definitely would."