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Reviews for Scarred Love

By : Onitsu
  • From ANON - Onitsu Blackfeather on September 03, 2005
    Thanks for the reviews all. But I had to start up a new log in name. Its Onitsu Blackfeather Im prolly gonna transfer this story to that acct and see if I can get this pename deleted.
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  • From ANON - Unvoicedsigner on July 21, 2005
    that was magnifico stupenda um yeah i loved it it was short but you made it work well that way i hope you write a sequel or sothing
    i can see it now erik and angie traveling the world together seeing eveything they didnt see alone
    lol theirs my mind running away anyways the loved the story hope you write more storyss like it very soon good bye ....for now


    -your faithful reader



    U.S.
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  • From ANON - Provocateur on March 30, 2005
    I'm glad that you aren't offended by my critique. I know that it's always helpful to recieve constructive criticism, but sometimes it can still be discouraging and a little saddening. Writing can be a very personal thing. Like I said, your story has a lot of potential, and you certaintly have a creative edge. Good luck with revising this story, I would love to see more from you in the future.
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  • From ANON - Vadne_Volaris on March 29, 2005
    Thank you for your critisism. I worked for over a year on this story trying to just get the main plot down. (writer's block is a real bich)
    You didnt make me feel inadequate ata ll. In fact you have given me some great insite into what I need to work on. Than you very much. I'll say it now though. This story was acctually kind of the rough draft. The beta. I was wanting to get some feedback from readers on wha tI need to work on. And I have. I just hope that I get more reviews to help me along.
    Once again:
    Thank you very much for your attention, and reviews.

    Vadne
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  • From ANON - Provocateur on March 27, 2005
    I like the premise of the story. The concept of two physically scarred people accepting eachother, physical flaws and all, is a promising one. However, you fall short in some areas where you could create emotional tension. Firstly, this story comes off as more of a diary entry than a work of fiction. You simply reiterate events without ever going into the thoughts or feelings of the characters. You discuss their actions but not their minds, and this keeps readers from being able to relate to them. All of the tragedy that you have created for your protagonists would leave them horribly tormented. Some inner-monologuing would be effective at so many parts of the story. Angelique is almost two-dimensional at times because you only talk about how she reacts to certain situations without allowing her to speak of her suffering and her pain. We see that she becomes violent and hardened, but we can't fully sympathize with her because she does not project her pain onto the reader. She seems like a female version of Erik who has all of his physical and mental qualities, but none of his mystery, darkness, and sinister appeal. The love story is severely under-developed as well. You need to work on building an emotional connection between the two characters, only then can you begin to build the sexual tension. I think that my main criticism is that your story is over-simplified in terms of character development, emotional appeal, and tragedy. The concept is tragic, yet I never felt the character's pain. The love story is the core, yet it's underwritten. The death of Christine seemed a mere annoyance rather than a heart-wrenching tragedy for Erik.

    I don't mean to make you feel like an inadequate writer, I think that you have a lot of potential, you're obviously very creative. I just think that you need to really work on making your characters come alive by giving them personality and thoughts and feelings. You describe events, but not people. We enjoy stories because we feel for the fictional people who inhabit them, therefore you need to work on breathing life into your characters. The ironic part of your story was that Angelique was so tortured and violent, yet so passive. A heroine should not be passive, especially not when she has been subjected to abuse, torture, and isolation.
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  • From ANON - Vadne on March 26, 2005
    Hey, I wrote this fic as a wone shot. it is acctually my first erotica fic that I have had published. But I hope that all whom have read it enjoyed it. If not than flame away. I'll just take it as constructive critisism ;P so there.
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