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Reviews for What if?

By : aclassicpirate2
  • From ANON - Blackrosephantom on June 10, 2005
    =LOL=
    One of your reviewers, the one who tells you to spell Eri...with a k and not a c, also corrected you. =LOL= She did that to me too. She's entitled to her opinion, but she also needs to know that Eri..can be spelled either way. I looked them up. In fact, there's a web site called www.eric.com, where all the Erics of the world can go to. -lol-
    I also recognized a few other reviewers, like the delightfully funny Raouls Thong. I enjoyed some of Raoul's Thong's works. As for you, your story is off to a great start, but its a little weak. Also, when will the smut begin? How ironic that Erik has a lovely, lively, loyal woman in front of him, and he falls asleep? Also, she loves him, but does she have the hots for him? Hey, if you're into a traditional sort of love, where they wait until marriage, thats ok. Just please let them marry fast, and then eat each other's clothes off. I mean seriously, do we all solely love Eric for his brain? Nope. We love what we imagine underneath his black clothes and wing-like cloak. :P Eric: Pardon me, Black Rose Phantom. BRP: =Druels= Yesssss? Eric: First of all, look at my eyes when you're talking with me.

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  • From ANON - LoveGuardian on May 07, 2005
    Well, this is different. Erik is already happily involved with someone, and she is the one who causes a lot of the chaos in the opera. Nice. The only thisg that I have to say is that Erik had better talk to Alexandria before she does something bad, like hurt Christine. Hmm... wouldn't it be interesting if the events of the Masquerade and Don Juan were really Erik's way of either making Alexandria jealous or of protecting Christine? You should continue this story soon.
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  • From ANON - lilith on May 04, 2005
    I like your story and hope to see the rest of it soon.
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  • From ANON - Angel Marie on January 21, 2005
    Ok, first off--not a bad story; but just don't retell the movie. I like how you've spun the story to be a mistress with Erik; but its as if you just took Erik's character and split him in two, giving this Erik the more docile mannerism's and Alexandria the violent anger manner. Lots of spelling oopsie's and word mix-ups. Have you found a beta yet? If not, I recomend finding one soon. Spikesbint is a good beta. I would ask her for help if I were you. She's my beta and I believe my storie's to be better for her. If you desperately need a beta, I can do basic changes and edit's and the such. For the most part, that's what you have. And some grammer which could easily be corrected. Again, I suggest finding an experienced beta because they do help a lot. But if you need my help, just email me and I will help you the best I can.
    Also, I do believe you could do more with this story by adding details and not relying so heavily on the story line of the movie. You don't need to put the whole song of Music of the Night in chapter 4(?); just put in the key lines of the song. All it does is take away from the story which you could fluff up more by adding simple details and dialogue between the characters. Its difficult, I know, but you need to add more depth to your characters. Yes, we all know who Christine and Erik and Raoul and La Carlotta are, but still it would be nice to know more of James and Alexandria; how they came to be seperated, how Alex came to be with Erik, etc.
    I do not mean to be a mean little critic but your story has potential. You just need to break away from the safety lines of the plot from the movie and use your imagination. Its really quite fun. Elaborate and rely less on Andrew Lloyd Webber to write your dialogue for you. Ok? Good luck with finding a beta and I wish you the best on making this story the best it can be.

    Much love
    Angel Marie
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  • From RipeWickedPlum00 on January 19, 2005
    Sorry I meant to say it was "NOT as completely terrible as many Mary Sue stories tend to be..." See, even I screw up typing....LOL!
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  • From RipeWickedPlum00 on January 19, 2005
    May I suggest a BETA to help out the many grammatical, spelling, and techinical errors in this story. Please separate paragraphs.

    It's 'muscles' not 'mussels'. Mussels is a shell fish.

    Your plot is very weak and the plot development is sluggish and uninspired and not really much different from the movie, book, or play. Very Mary-Sue-ish, but completely terrible as so many Mary Sues tend to be. You have potential and a BETA can help you not only with techinical stuff, but can give you pointers on how to make the plot and whatnot more alive and fresh.

    Also, I think that quoting the lyrics from the musical should not be allowed, in my own opinion, as I feel it leads to cliches and being contrived and detracts from the plot.

    Please don't take this as a flame, I am trying to be helpful. If you were really bad I would have told ya to burn your keyboard... and believe me, I have done it many many times....

    I think this story could be good if you put a little more work into it. Good luck! And don't give up...



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  • From ANON - Freezer900 on January 18, 2005
    PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZPLZ PLZ PLZ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  • From ANON - Sesshygurl42 on January 18, 2005
    update soon, doin good so far
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  • From ANON - nancypalmer on January 18, 2005
    Terrific story! Love, love, LOVE it. Keep 'em comin
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  • From ANON - daygonna on January 17, 2005
    plz, plz, update soon. erik was so horrible. plz dont keep us waiting to see more
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  • From ANON - daygonna on January 17, 2005
    how sad! i felt tears creep up. i felt so sad for her. i hope u make them make up, erik was so insensitive towards her. i really hope ull update soon
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  • From ANON - Angela on January 17, 2005
    I'm so loving this story. He so needs to be happy. But when will we get some smut?
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  • From ANON - Angela on January 17, 2005
    Lovely begining. Please continue.
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  • From ANON - Cheryl on January 16, 2005
    I think it would kind of lessen the power of the story. It would defeat and undermine his character, as well as change the things that we love most about him. But don't ever change what you want to write because of other people. You should write strickly from your immigination and from desire to write, not for what people think of you. Always write what you want to, even if people don't like it, as long as you like it, who cares what other people think.
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  • From ANON - Pamina on January 16, 2005
    Firstly, his name is spelled with a "k," not a "c." Secondly, I don't know about the idea. That sounds to me like a Mary-Sue, which I'm generally not fond of. I like the E/C pair. It just wouldn't be as interesting if Erik never fell in love with Christine; none of the same events would take place, and the plot would be completely different. Please, write whatever you feel like, but I don't know if I'd read it.
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