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Reviews for Internal Flame

By : Biokinetic
  • From RogueMudblood on May 20, 2012

    I wouldn't give it the same summation you did in your ending author's note, but I would make a few observations.

    First, if she were in heat (and that far aroused as a human, certainly would mean in heat in her wolf form) then Embry should have been able to smell that before he ever got close to her. If he had been alone on patrol, then I could see him being the only one to approach her. In that event, I'm hard-pressed to see them not rutting in their animal forms. Now, I personally am not fond of bestiality (squick for me, actually), but I really don't know of any other outcome when a male canine comes upon a bitch who is as far in heat as Fen obviously was.

    You opened the story on a very strong note, immediately capturing my attention and making me curious. I think if you had some development which prevented them for rutting while wolfen, or forcing them into human form to mate, then the mating scene itself wouldn't have struck me as quite so odd.

    When you have them coupling, I'm confused as to their positioning. It's not directly stated, and prior to the actual event, the last we are told, they are on all fours. Once human, I assumed they were standing, but that would require him to be holding her up in a clearing, supporting her entire weight and his own throughout copulation. It seems a minor thing, but it adds a bit of realism to your writing to have the characters moving into position.

    Perhaps they were on all fours while he was sniffing her, taking in her nude and aroused state, and she nudged forward. His distraction allowed him to be knocked off balance, and he found himself on his back with her above him. But this poses an entirely new conundrum; as the male, he would not allow a female to be in the superior position in mating given his animal instincts.

    I do think you could have a decent story here. It seems slightly rushed, though, so I would suggest outlining what you intend to happen and how those events are going to help your characters develop. If you intend PWP only, that's fine; my suggestion for that type of writing would be to make certain that the events flow.

    Overall, it was a good effort. Thank you for sharing it, and happy writing!
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