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Reviews for Succubus

By : TheDemon

From RogueMudblood on April 23, 2012
That was very well played! Wonderfully done! I was truly in suspense as I waited to hear what he would do to get himself out of that dilemma. That portrayed extremely well Hook's debonair persona which is often overlooked.
I would like to point out a few technical things I noticed.
You have a slight bit of repetition here that interrupts the flow of your story:

he was thought to have been killed in the belly of a cold-blooded killer
And another here:

A mermaid had been captured. A living, breathing mermaid was set as gently as possible in front of him.
And you'll want to watch commas after dashes.
Truly, thank you for sharing this - I found it most amusing. Happy writing!
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