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Reviews for Love Fades

By : junkpuppet
  • From ANON - Sam on July 14, 2012
    I wish you'd post more VA fanfic! :)
    Report Review

  • From RogueMudblood on August 20, 2011

    When I started reading this piece, I was expecting, from the title and the way it begins, a dark angsty piece. I was surprised by your ending, and I can't help but say slightly disappointed as well.

    Through the first segment (before the ... line break you used), you're focusing on Rose's heartbreak, her complete devastation. I think that came through well. The line

    All I could do was shake my head no and she knew - she knew that given the information before hand, that brining back Strigoi would leave the person a broken shell, incapable of love - I still would have saved Dimitri.

    was particularly poignant, and I felt it helped capture her desolation.

    Continuing that emotional upheaval into her refusal to eat, to take a visitor, to use the bond with Lissa, cemented her anguish. Her dolor was apparent, and almost tangible.

    The breakdown of that imagery, where, when she is fantasizing about Dmitri fixing her spaghetti she admits to having snuck food from the kitchens, was disappointing. When you continued in this vein, going so far as to have her say

    "If you don't love me anymore I can deal with that but please...” My words were breaking with emotion. "...please don't shut me out of your life? I've waited so long to be a part of you again... it's all I could think about after you...” He looked away. "..were gone."

    I felt as though there was a break in your story. It felt almost as though you had started out wanting to write a piece where they resolved their relationship positively, but realized you captured her anguish and, in trying to move away from that, you dissociated from what story you had already established.

    I would be remiss if I did not point out the extremely humorous line, however:

    Spaghetti, thick – meaty spaghetti was filling my very soul.

    I honestly thought for a few moments that it was a very odd metaphor to use.

    I liked the ideas - both of them - in your story. But it really does feel to me as though you have two separate stories co-mingling.

    A technical note: melodramatic, not mellow dramatic.

    Thank you for sharing. I would be very interested to see if you developed either of the story ideas - her reconciliation, even only of friendship, with Dmitri; or her total emotional ruin. Happy writing to you!
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