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Reviews for My Bloody Valentine

By : christineyoung
  • From RogueMudblood on May 22, 2012

    While POV markers are a pet peeve of mine, I feel I should more address this line in your story:

    Maybe I should explain. I’m a vampire.

    Coming from one of the main characters of the books/movies, this seems superfluous. I understand that you're using it to segue into you section about how mates work in the world you've created, but it seems to assume that your reader is unfamiliar with the fandom.

    Leaving that aside, I must say I find myself taken aback by Jasper's complete obsession. He calls it love, but from this glimpse, it's bordering on neurosis.

    I do find it interesting you kept with the modern US standard of eighteen as her majority - to a vampire of his age, I would think it would be a younger chronological age. His visits to her at sixteen support the idea that he felt her physically ready for his presence. And that brings an interesting point up - he has, for all intent, forced himself upon her while she slumbers. Granted, you've not depicted any type of penetration, but his sexual interludes with her while she sleeps and has no choice (I assume he uses some form of telepathy to keep her asleep) increase the disturbing atmosphere you're crafting.

    That Bella starts to recognize that her reactions are not entirely her own (It was disconcerting to think that my body was responding to what he wanted rather than to what I wanted.) was well done.

    I admit to some curiosity in regards to how Bella would react upon waking as a vampire - to know that she never had a choice, that he had watched her since infancy, that a monster stole not only her innocence but her very existence.

    You've done very well depicting a dark, and very disturbing, Jasper. If you ever chose to explore their life after this moment, it would be very interesting to see how he develops emotionally given that the one thing that drove him for eighteen years is no longer his sole focus.

    Thank you for sharing, and happy writing to you.
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