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for SLEEPOVER

by Kttopper

person Anon
schedule May 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
dear god that sucked...
person diana
schedule May 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
hey i like your story its really good!!! thought about adding any more chapters??
email me!
person Anon
schedule April 28, 2005 at 12:00 AM
not as steamy as i hoped
person LosaLou
schedule April 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hm... Interesting
schedule April 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wow. That was a little awkward to read. I can understand the jumping around from perspective to perspective, but this is insane. You need to develop your ideas more, add detail into your work, and try to refrain from putting ‘Mia’s POV’ and whatnot to distinguish the change. A simple break in paragraphs would work fine enough. I think that you should write more, just expand on your ideas.
ciao,
cope
person Nee
schedule February 15, 2005 at 12:00 AM
No offense, but the site is for adults and you CLEARLY can't possibly be an adult by any stretch of the imagination. LIttle kiddies should not be writing about things they know nothing about. Your writing reads like a grade school assignment with some amateur smut added in. What is it with adding "I can't spell OMGWTF!!!111" in the middle of the story, anyway? Bad, bad writing.

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