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for The prison of his mind

by Prisonofmymind

person Lili
schedule December 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
It's good so far. Will it ever be continued??
person TG
schedule September 7, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I like it very much. It's pretty original, and I can't wait for an update.
person LoveGuardian
schedule May 8, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh, come on! They should have kissed. They make a cute couple, but I guess that you're going to put her with Erik, right? I wonder if Erik is going to think it's funny that a blind girl will be trying to swordfight with him. Update soon!
person vadne
schedule May 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please! Dont stop there at chapter 2. You are doing SO well! MORE MORE MORE!!!
person Jula
schedule February 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I was enjoying this story until I read that your original character was blind. That pretty much ruined it for me. You had a chance to make a completely original and entertaining original character... but you made her blind... Which is the most overused and contrived tool in the field of POTO fanfic. Granted you are a good writer, but please try to be original and create an original character/Erik story in which the girl is neither blind, disfigured, overly plucky or have had suffered a horrible life (abuse, orphaned, rape, etc). It's WAAYYYYYYYYY overdone!!!!!

It's not that I am against Mary-Sue characters or Mary-Sue type characters (means that they act very Mary-Sueish even though they are established characters, such as Elizabeth in Pirates of the Caribbean for example). Erik/Christine can get tiring after a while... But writing an OC is very tricky, especially in the POTO field... I have read a few OC's that were actually very very very well done and completely original, a breath of fresh air so to speak...

Please consider rewriting this with a different spin and avoiding the cliches. There are many web sites that will give you an indepth and detailed analysis of what a Mary Sue is and how to avoid that stereotype... Try googling "Mary-Sue" or "Mary Sue". By no means give up or get mad, cuz you have it in you to be a good writer if you avoid cliches. I am sure you wonder how making Hannah blind is a cliche. Only in the POTO field is it a bad thing. Her blindness should not be a means to an end. And personally in a general sense, I really wish writers would avoid using the whole painful life (abuse, orpahned,raped,etc) in their fics. Can anyone write a Mary Sure who has a great freaking life???!!!???

Anyhoo, I am rambling now... I hope I have helped some small bit. This is not flame, but is a mere bit of constructive criticism and I hope it helps ya....
person Anon
schedule February 25, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Wonderful second chapter as well. I liked it very much. Update soon please. :)
person daygonna
schedule February 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
this was a nicely written chapter...im still looking forward to when she finally meets erik though...hopefully soon? well i shall be wating for further updates
person me
schedule February 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I think this story is very well written, and, more importantly, very original! I am looking forward to finding out what happens when/if Hannah encounters the phantom. Who will help her find him? Mme Giry? The Persian? La Carlotta? Gaston Leroux? Perhaps she will meet Raoul and Christine - what would they say about him? Will Hannah have her revenge or will she be able to fogive Erik - or will he already be dead? Keep it up, it's great!
person CPQ
schedule February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Hey! Now this is something different. A disabled character, a good grounding for a backstory, a great grasp of her character traits... I want to keep reading this one. :)
person hollilia
schedule February 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Oh this is really good. I hope you continue quickly.


Ja ne!

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