schedule
May 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Loved could see him doing that just to get the girl hot.
Maria
Maria
schedule
July 1, 2005 at 12:00 AM
A promising start; very nice! :) However, there are numerous flaws in grammar and continuity. For example, "there" in your summary should be "their." Here's an explanation: http://www.planetoid.org/grammar_for_geeks/there_their_theyre.html
Anita's body is by no means "perfectly smooth" -- it is riddled with scars; for Edward, this would probably be a turn-on. Your characterization of their courtship (shooting ranges, etc) is nice, but Anita's reservations about sex (as it complicates things so much) would likely prevent her from falling in line with Edward over a "little crises." "Remind" should be "remained" (paragraph 6.) Jean-Claude disappearing is an intereting plot point -- can you develop on it, instead of mentioning it in passing? It sounds like kind of a big deal. In the 5th paragraph (sentence?) from the bottom, "your" should be "you."
Like I said -- an interesting story, but it is riddled with punctuation and grammar errors. I suggest you take your story to a beta. It's worth it! :)
Anita's body is by no means "perfectly smooth" -- it is riddled with scars; for Edward, this would probably be a turn-on. Your characterization of their courtship (shooting ranges, etc) is nice, but Anita's reservations about sex (as it complicates things so much) would likely prevent her from falling in line with Edward over a "little crises." "Remind" should be "remained" (paragraph 6.) Jean-Claude disappearing is an intereting plot point -- can you develop on it, instead of mentioning it in passing? It sounds like kind of a big deal. In the 5th paragraph (sentence?) from the bottom, "your" should be "you."
Like I said -- an interesting story, but it is riddled with punctuation and grammar errors. I suggest you take your story to a beta. It's worth it! :)