rate_review Reviews

So cool! Your getting alot better at your spelling! I saw like one mistake! Update soon! I can't wait to see what happens next! ^_~

I really liked it! Some spelling mistakes and stuff, But that's ok! I can't spell for shit! I love the plot! I thnk you really did good on Erik's charcter! I could all ways see him as kinda a drunk after Chrsitne left, Update soon!!!!! =P

Loved it! Just I like I loved the last one. I only saw one or 2 spelling mistakes! YAY! ^_~ Update soon!

Loved it! Oh and I got your e-mail. I e-mailed you back. I don't know if you got it....But I Love this chapter! Please update soon! ^_~

The premise is good, but am I correct in assuming that English is not your mother tongue? You have made a valient effort in providing vivid descriptions, but your wording is a little awkward and grammatically incorrect. For example, one can not feel "betrayment." "Betrayal" is the term that you may be looking for. You also use a lot of comma splices that make your prose choppy and diffcult to read. For example: "He saw, a woman standing, on one side of a lake," is a poorly written sentence because no commas are necessary. Commas are used to divide thoughts within one complete sentence. An example of a sentence where a comma would be appropriate is: "She stood there on the other side of the lake, he had never seen her there before." A comma is used to prevent sentences from becoming fragmented, but if they are used too frequently or in inappropriate places, the words become cluttered and non-sensical. The reader will ultimately be too distracted to appreciate what you have written.

Do not take this as a flame, I only mean to provide you with constructive criticism. If you are indeed only learning how to write in English, I wish you the best of luck in improving. If you are making these kinds of mistakes out of carelessness or lack of revision, I recommend you find yourself a beta reader. I did not even have time to focus on your plot and characterization because your grammar was so distracting. With careful editing and a proofreader other then yourself, you could make this into a decent story.

Hello. Its ok.

Loved it! Update soon! I can't wait to see what happens when Erik gets home! ^_~

Hey...I'm reviewing again cause I read what that other reviwer said. It's tue you do need a beta......No I'm not flaming you....I really like this plot. And want to see where you go with this. I suck at spelling too. But if you want I could check it over for you. Just e-mail me and we can work something out. I hate it when people are mean if your going to to give a review for a fanfic you don't like than just tell them what to do to make it better. Don't make them feel bad. So you can e-mail me. ok? And I'll help you in any I can! Update soon! ^__^