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schedule
October 23, 2007 at 12:00 AM
well, overall not to bad but there are some things that could improve.
1)stoyrline could be more intricate. more plot and planning behind this. how many times had Cassie and Rach done this? in what morphs? and other small details like that.
2)more details, more details more details. more, not just on the sex sceen but in general. what was the room like, what kind of changes happened with rach's morphing, smaller details like that make a big difference with a story.
3)a little more vocabulary. try not to use words like "pussy" and "cock" to much in such few paragraphs. try different words that mean the same thing such as slit, cunt, lower lips, womanhood or shaft, dick, penis, hardon etc etc...
4)to short. add in a little of each of the above mentioned and it would greatly lenghthen your story.
BUT you do get bonus points for using the alteration manhood (or was it horsehood?) in the story lol.
As I said, overall not to bad.
1)stoyrline could be more intricate. more plot and planning behind this. how many times had Cassie and Rach done this? in what morphs? and other small details like that.
2)more details, more details more details. more, not just on the sex sceen but in general. what was the room like, what kind of changes happened with rach's morphing, smaller details like that make a big difference with a story.
3)a little more vocabulary. try not to use words like "pussy" and "cock" to much in such few paragraphs. try different words that mean the same thing such as slit, cunt, lower lips, womanhood or shaft, dick, penis, hardon etc etc...
4)to short. add in a little of each of the above mentioned and it would greatly lenghthen your story.
BUT you do get bonus points for using the alteration manhood (or was it horsehood?) in the story lol.
As I said, overall not to bad.
schedule
December 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOD.
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER READ.
Hahaha, I can't even breathe.
A+ dude.
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT I'VE EVER READ.
Hahaha, I can't even breathe.
A+ dude.
schedule
September 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
B: 4 fucking foot cock eh?!?? Her vagina must be 4ft deep! I could stand up in it, UP TO MY CHEST! Usually i can barely get my foot in. "Her horse cock exploded in pleasure" Man usually when my cock explodes there is only pain blood and a lingering sense of arousal... never pleasure you have to pay extra for that
J: "tears of joy came to her eyes"? it sounds like cassie's penis is a really moving experience. like seeing the berlin wall come down. "are you ready for some hot stuff?" apparently the sweet, shy cassie becomes like the tv repair man in every porno movie when she has a cock. Great job. By the way, our buddy R is with us right now and he'd like to comment as well.
R:if theres anything more romantic and beautiful in this world than a negro girl wiht a huge horse penis, keep it to yourself
B: R.... who the fuck let you off your leesh?!? This time im changing the safety word
J: "tears of joy came to her eyes"? it sounds like cassie's penis is a really moving experience. like seeing the berlin wall come down. "are you ready for some hot stuff?" apparently the sweet, shy cassie becomes like the tv repair man in every porno movie when she has a cock. Great job. By the way, our buddy R is with us right now and he'd like to comment as well.
R:if theres anything more romantic and beautiful in this world than a negro girl wiht a huge horse penis, keep it to yourself
B: R.... who the fuck let you off your leesh?!? This time im changing the safety word
schedule
September 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
A good idea for a story, but i couldn't enjoy reading it, all that wasted potential just got in the way.
I would consider re-writing it if i were you.
I would consider re-writing it if i were you.
schedule
August 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
it was good, but u sort of rushed into it, u should have built up why first, though id love for u to continue