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for Succubus

by TheDemon

schedule April 23, 2012 at 12:00 AM

That was very well played! Wonderfully done! I was truly in suspense as I waited to hear what he would do to get himself out of that dilemma. That portrayed extremely well Hook's debonair persona which is often overlooked.

I would like to point out a few technical things I noticed.

You have a slight bit of repetition here that interrupts the flow of your story:

he was thought to have been killed in the belly of a cold-blooded killer

And another here:

A mermaid had been captured. A living, breathing mermaid was set as gently as possible in front of him.

And you'll want to watch commas after dashes.

Truly, thank you for sharing this - I found it most amusing. Happy writing!

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