schedule
April 28, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I honestly fought with myself whether to leave a review or not. Since not getting/leaving any is way worse (as I know from own experiences), here is it, hoping to not make you hate me. ;)
Good things first: I like the plot. It's interesting whenever the Volturi get involved, and the ideas in your story certainly promise a bunch of tension and angsty stuff (which I love) in the future chapters.
However, and this leads me to the rather not-so-good-things, I kind of miss the emotions between the lines. It's not like your lacking the grammar, words or expressions, but like your style tends to get a bit too neutral at times. I can't quite explain it very well, either, since it was more a feeling while reading it.
Chapter 3, however, suddenly owned those emotions. So either you found it easier to write as you went on or I was simply too stupid to grasp it before. *lol* But the way you described Carlisle's inner pain and struggling was very touching to read and I think you caught that just perfectly well. Also, the descriptions of it seemed much more intense and easy to imagine than in the chapters 1 and 2.
Please continue. :)
Good things first: I like the plot. It's interesting whenever the Volturi get involved, and the ideas in your story certainly promise a bunch of tension and angsty stuff (which I love) in the future chapters.
However, and this leads me to the rather not-so-good-things, I kind of miss the emotions between the lines. It's not like your lacking the grammar, words or expressions, but like your style tends to get a bit too neutral at times. I can't quite explain it very well, either, since it was more a feeling while reading it.
Chapter 3, however, suddenly owned those emotions. So either you found it easier to write as you went on or I was simply too stupid to grasp it before. *lol* But the way you described Carlisle's inner pain and struggling was very touching to read and I think you caught that just perfectly well. Also, the descriptions of it seemed much more intense and easy to imagine than in the chapters 1 and 2.
Please continue. :)