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May 12, 2012 at 12:00 AM
You've done an excellent job capturing the moment here. I like the tension between Ramses and Rowan.
There's one thing I would suggest for the sake of clarity. Please separate your speaking paragraphs. As a reader, it's hard on me to see multiple characters speaking within the same paragraph. It forces me out of your story, as I'm trying to make sense of what events are transpiring, and what's being said about them.
Other than that, I thought this was very well done - bittersweet, but very nicely rendered.
Thank you for sharing, and happy writing!