There are a couple of technical things:
Alice liked to used her tongue there - used should be use
And the issue of Bella, being a virgin, using three fingers to masturbate. Yes, I understand, she may still have her hymen without breaking it even with three fingers inside her, however, I would like to point out that particular outcome is unlikely in this scenario given the fact that she didn't really stretch herself. She woke up from a dream, randy, began fingering her clitoris, then shoved three fingers inside herself, according to what you've written. Regardless of copious amounts of lubrication, it's highly unlikely that she would remain a virgin after such a penetration.
You've done an excellent job describing the issue between these two with a very comedic take on the situation.
I love the fact that you've told the beginning of this story centered around Jasper, and not the angsting couple - at least not until Edward's playing his role as stalker.
I have to say this Sadly, the107 year old virgin was too easily swayed was my favorite line, because I immediately drifted from seeing vampire to randy old man, which enriched the humor you already had in the scene.
With regard to chapter two, I'm curious - is there a particular reason that there is no spacing in any of Alice's thoughts? Or Edward's later in the chapter?
I reiterate my point about the hymen and her virgin status above.
Overall I found this to be very amusing - I rather like the way you focus on Edward's lack of creativity with regards to sex. Your approach is very entertaining to read.
Happy writing!