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Married, Gay, or Dead	By : Phorcys Category: Anita Blake > General Views: 1811 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Anita Blake series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Married, Gay, or Dead
- 1
Married, Gay, Or Dead.

One shot I needed to write, I have no idea where it came from.

Set In the Anitaverse. I am making no maney from this and L K Hamilton is the insipiration along with a few other modern vampire stories.

I have a yahoo group for my stories and updates at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/phorcysfanfiction

Disclaimer: I own nothing

You know they say you can tell everything from what you see in a person’s shopping trolley. It just shows how right “they’ can be sometimes.

That night I was shopping for a few necessities I had left till the last minute and was enjoying shopping at 3 am. I love shift work and whenever I get the chance, I like to shop at this time in the morning; one meets the weirdest folk.

The day had been absolute Hell. I ‘love’ my work, I’m on the five to one shift at an all night fast food joint. And let me tell you the stories I could tell about that place it would definitely put a stop to your second order of fries.

That night I had put up with this sad arse loser who decided that being the only person at the counter I would make a good target for his slimy moves. After six hours of serving greasy food and smiling, I was quite ready to smack the guy over the head with a full tray and tell him where he could shove it. But I was already under a warning for doing just that to this guy the other week.

Hell, given the people I meet in my job, I wonder how the human race procreates, with this filth around. Anyway, this guy had ‘accidentally’ spilled his coke all over the floor and I had to clean it up. Ten minutes of stupid lines and he was lucky the bucket didn’t end up on his head. After his third attempt to slip his hand on me I swapped places with Steve, the other poor slob on my shift. After a while, the man I nicknamed ‘Hands’ left.

I decided, It really wasn’t my day when, as I was getting out of my uniform, I realised I had started my period and didn’t have any pads. The machine in the ladies wash room spat out one. So that’s how I ended up at the only supermarket open at 3 in the morning, ready to rip someone's head off.

Walking through the door I could see the same look in the clerk’s eye as I knew was in mine; ‘It’s 3 in the morning and no money is worth being awake. Please go away.’ As I started to wander through the rows of shelves, doing what everyone does; what started as a simple errand developed into my full grocery shopping.

As I stood in front of the breakfast cereals debating on Cornflakes or Coco Pops, healthy or childhood fun - hard choice - I saw a guy pass around behind me as he walked towards the soft drinks. This was a nice looking man. Tall but not too tall - don’t you hate it when you have to strain your neck? – Short brown hair, reasonable face. And he wasn’t talking to himself, definitely a plus for someone shopping at 3 in the morning. Deciding on the coco pops, ‘hey they’re a chocolate milkshake, only crunchy.’ I walked to the freezers. I love to cook but wasn’t above a frozen meal if I had to.

In the chests next to the sesame chicken in a bowl and black bean beef, was the range of food that I had heard about but hadn’t seen yet: ‘blood-to-go’. The supermarket must have been close to a vampire quarter.

It was an enterprising idea, I guess. With the vamps out of the closet, so to speak, The Company had started out with packaged bull’s blood, though, since the vampires couldn’t live entirely off animal blood, and the custom had grown, they had expanded to other varieties. As the advertising pointed out. ‘Varity was the Spice of Life.’ It was like a gourmet self service.
Then some bright spark in marketing decided: ‘What about the other preternatural out there?’ Which led to other ranges being included. It was all tastefully topped with somebody’s idea of a cute cartoon vamp nicknamed ‘Vinnie the Vampire.’ that the company used in its advertising.

It was strange; I spend most of my life awake at night but I don’t see many vamps. It’s the fast food place; they don’t need to eat so they don’t come near me. And possibly the smell.

My hopes for cute guy were ruined when I passed him in the next row as he was picking deodorant. You know you always look, it’s human curiosity. Taking a quick peek I was disappointed to see that next to the shoe insoles was a pack of ‘Vinnie the Vampire’s’ goat blood ‘For when you need a snack.’

You know my friend was right. All the good guys are either married, gay, or dead.

Putting it out of my mind, I finished my shopping and headed to the clerk - glad to get the hell away from the fluorescent lights - and home, to a warm couch and a bowl of popcorn. Leaving the market, I started to walk towards my car and saw the cute guy go through the check out behind me. Pity, I thought.

My car should be in a museum, or better yet Ripley’s believe it or not; for the only car made completely out of rust. I call it the Red Baron, but it still works, which is the main thing. Unfortunately, that night it decided it didn’t want to.
With the boot filled with my groceries and the car making a sound like a clogged drain, I began to bash my head into the steering wheel.

If It’s not one thing..., I was stopped from my stress relief by a knock on the driver’s side window. It was the cute guy from the supermarket. I smiled nervously and pushed down the lock on my door. He made a winding down motion with his hand. I tried to start the car again.
As it failed for the tenth time, I sighed in defeat and wound down my window.

“Hi.” The guy smiled, flashing a fang in the parking lot lights.

“Hey, I noticed your car wasn’t working would you like me to have a look at it?”

Wow, I was shocked; an honest to god Good Samaritan. Keeping my door locked - Hey, I was grateful not an idiot - I smiled up at the guy, his hair almost black under the lights.

“Oh, would you? That would be great. I don’t know how to thank you.”

He drew a hand back through their hair and laughed lightly. “What kind of person would I be if I didn't help someone stuck out here at night?”

I popped the hood and watched the guy walk to the front of my car and become hidden by the hood.

Hey, for a dead guy he was cute and he was fixing my car, cool.

Sitting there, I started to get thirsty but I had locked the bottle of apple juice I had brought, in the boot of the car. Damn, I could just pop out and grab it.
Screw it! Flinging open the driver’s side door, I jumped out and ran around to the boot. Ha! The mighty hunter I am not! Popping open the trunk, I searched through the plastic bags for the apple juice bottle. So I was completely taken by surprise when an arm reached around my middle and lifted me into the air.

“You know, a pretty girl shouldn’t be out by herself!”

Oh great! It was ‘hands’ from work. Can my day get any better?

“Look, let go of me, jerk.” Where was Good Samaritan when you needed him?

“I can’t leave you alone out here!”

“Hey, I can climb Mt Everest in the nude if I want! Let me down.”

Heaving an arm back, I caught him in the chest, and I thanked my ancestors who had all been big boned and proud of it. ‘Hands’ dropped me and I went down on to my knees. I felt a hand grab my hair, which I was now going to wash a hundred times, and dragged my head backwards. Only to have my head flung forward and get nearly brained on the trunk of my car.

Behind me, I heard someone expel their breath forcefully, and I scrambled to my feet. Cute vampire guy from before had Hands’ arm up behind his back and was forcing him up in the air. I felt like I should be clutching my bosom or something. Not one to miss an opportunity I stepped forward and rammed a sneaker into a place the sun don’t shine. Hands fainted and slumped down and fell from cute vamp’s arms.

“Bastard.”

The vamp smiled and flashed a fang again. “Ahh, you really shouldn’t be out at night like this.”

I slammed the trunk shut and smiled at my rescuer.

“Thanks. I work the late shift so I’m use to being out.”

Dragging a hand back through his hair the vamp smiled again.

“Well I fixed your car; I just needed to grab something from my car. Sorry, you really need to take it to a mechanic.”

“When I get the chance I’ll do that. Thanks for all your help.” He looked so cute standing there.

“So what are you up to now?” I asked him. Below me, Hands stated to groan. I stomped on him again and he shut up. The vamp’s smile widened and that fang was seen again.

“Nothing much, do you think you need a drink after, you know?”

Hey, he may be dead but, he’s cute and at least he knows how to fix a car!

“Sure.”

A/N tell me what you think. A one shot upless inspired.
Hugs and kisses to my pre-reader Licelli who usually only reads Harry Potter.
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