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Making Eternity	By : linables Category: A through F > A Separate Peace Views: 2040 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: The characters of A Separate Peace are property of John Knowles. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Making Eternity
- 1
Making Eternity
Linda / Sinful Cupid

I was getting to the point of seriously wondering what purpose my existence had when I sat there that morning, leafing through the paper and drinking a cup of strong coffee. Over the last fifteen years I had successfully managed to escape the source of my problems, even though I knew all the while that was not a good way of dealing with things. But it had worked. It had taken me away from the anguish, and I'd stayed here, running from my past. Then here I was on a Sunday morning, looking at the paper and drinking my usual coffee. It had become a routine - actually, lately my whole life had become much too routine for my liking. I did miss the exhilaration of not knowing what would happen next, the thrill of living spontaneously as I once had. But maybe I deserved this anyway.
The article that had stopped me, thrown off my routine, was one titled 'Always Prestigous'. I didn't even have to read it, I knew from looking at the included picture that it was another rave report about the success of my old all-boys prep school. It had prospered after the war, and new generations of fresh young male minds had been enrolled 'to become men'. For me it brought back the most emotional of any memories I had. There were the good parts - the crazy antics, the winter carnivals, the gorgeous snow-covered rolling fields....and him. Of course, him. But as wonderful as he was, as wonderful as it was to linger in memories of him like he was still with me, he was also ironically the cause of all my bad memories. I never really got my chance to prove myself to him - never got that opportunity to prove that I DID care so much about him, that I was so sorry, that I wanted to be his friend forever. And that tore me up inside more than anything.
Damn you.
....I love you.
I seriously did, though. Love him. It was the biggest reason I had never grown up like a normal man. I was sitting here in my early thirties, and I'd never married a woman, never had children, never lived a normal. But I felt happier this way. I couldn't fake love for anybody else, he was the only one who I'd ever really felt like that about. It naturally had been a hard-hitting conclusion to come to - he was, you know, a guy. And it was hard to let your love shine and prosper when the concept of it was though of as wrong by too many people. Well, I had let my love wallow inside of me for all these years, growing and turning and twisting me around. I noticed a tear fall onto the newspaper on my lap - it didn't surpise me, though, I had been crying unusually much recently. I suppose I was trying to make up for not ever crying at times like his funeral - and if so, I had most likely done the job, commonly escaping to the graveyard at night and sobbing over his gravestone as I laid flowers down.
RIIIIINNNNNGG!
My thoughts were interrupted and I sprang up in my chair as I heard the shrill ring of the phone. I picked it up. "H....hello?" I muttered. The voice that I heard on the other side was one I hadn't heard for very long. "Hey, Gene!" it said, sounding cheerful. "Oh....Brinker, hello....it's been a while." Two years to be exact - Brinker Hadley had married directly after the war, and he and his wife had gone to Europe after that. They returned here every now and then, but spent most of their time across the ocean. "Work," he had said. Well he spoke to me now as if we had just spoken yesterday, like a real friend would. It comforted me - but on the other hand, it made the old memories even more painful.
"Gene....hey, I just got back into town this week, and I picked up the paper today - you seen it?"
I looked down at my hands, and the crumpling paper in them.
"Yeah....yeah, I've seen it."
"You see that article about Devon? Still workin', eh? Good old school...."
I went a bit blank and hollow at this, and only answered halfheartedly.
"Yeah....yeah, good old Devon...."
There was a rather uncomfortable silence. Then, all at once, I made up my mind.
"Hey, Brink?" I said. "Yeah?" He answered. "I want you to come to my house tommorrow, and pick up anything you want. I won't be here. I'm leaving. Please don't ask me why - just help yourself to anything you come across in here. Remember me by it." Brinker seemed confused by this, but said that he would drop by the next day like I'd asked. As soon as I hung up the phone, I stood up, walking to my front door, putting on my shoes, and walking out. I went to the train station - only a few blocks from where I lived, so an easy walk. When I reached it I bought a ticket to the next train to Devon, and boarded it with a determination that almost shocked me.

There's another world inside of me
That you may never see
There's secrets in this life
That I can't hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Or maybe I'm just blind
Maybe I'm just blind*

I spent most of the train ride staring out the window, watching the scenery roll by the tracks. I suppose I was trying to engrave it in my memory somehow - to remember how this place was, the beauty of it, and always keep that with me. For when I get back to him. After a few hours I stepped off the train at the station, and walked the half a block or so to Devon from there. It still looked as it had always - I never had expected it to change. The fields were all empty today, it being a Sunday morning and all the students most likely still sleeping. I was thankful for the lack of audience. I wandered over to the lake, setting my sights on the tree. It was easier to find than last time I had returned, it rose from the ground as a grand, magnificent pillar befoare me almost as it had when I was a student here. The old ‘ladder’ was still there, and I wasted no time, climbing up to the branch we’d all jumped from.
I used to be scared of this branch - and then I hated it. I hated it so much, I hated it for everything that it had been in involved in. It was a terrible thing in my mind. But now, it almost gave me a sense of exhilaration, a calm sensation of numbness washing over me as stared down from that branch. I shed my shirt and let it fall to the ground, then shifted my feet to right about where he had been standing when he fell. Numbness melting away to excitement, I stiffened myself and swiftly jousled the branch, letting go when it was shaking under me. I fell, backwards, and craned my neck to see below me. The fall seemed much longer this way. I mused on that though as I felt the air whip by me in the few seconds I was falling. I was still craning my neck as I landed. All at once I felt a huge, solid crash vibrate through me, as if being struck by a huge fist on my back. The funny thing was that it didn’t hurt - it was just exciting.
I had enough time and sense to realize my craning of the neck had caused me to land awkwardly on top of a fallen branch, and I felt a small snap somewhere in the back of my head. I looked down - there were trickles of blood running down my legs and stomach from sharp branches that had scraped me, and there was a sharp stone pushing into my back. I slowly dragged my hand to my back to feel. I was bleeding there too. Then all I did was lay there - if that was it - if that was all I had to go through to see him again, I was definately not sorry about it. I don’t know how long I laid there, maybe five to ten minutes, during which time my breathing shallowed and a dizzy feeling seeped into my head. It was gradual as my eyes closed and the world darkened - then it finally all faded, to black.

So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
Hold me when I'm scared
And love me when I'm gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So love me when I'm gone*
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When I opened my eyes next, all I saw was darkness. I slowly looked around, still lieing on my back, and made out that I was in a small room - small in perimeter, but with a tall ceiling. Incredibly tall. If there even was one at all - for all I knew, the walls could have gone on forever. There was one small light shining down on me from what seemed like a hundred yards away, giving me enough to see myself quite clearly - I was back in my seventeen-year old body. Drawn to the light, I sat up slowly, allowing strength to flow back into my limbs. Where was I? Then I looked to my left - and there was a small bench on the other side of the room, dark like everything else, but I knew it was there because there was someone sitting on it. I blinked my eyes a few times to clear my vision - to confirm who was sitting on that bench. The tousled hair....the gorgeous eyes....the delicate angles of his muscles....this was. This was definately....
Phineas.
He sat there, looking at me with a wonderful half-smile on his face, eyes twinkling. He had no shirt on, he was dressed in only a pair of what looked to me like cutoff denim slacks. But there was a sort of glow around and on him - a mild shine that made him even more irresistible to the eye. I slowly, almost disbelievingly moved closer to him - and he kept smiling at me. When I’d finally dragged myself to a few inches before him, he whispered, in a voice I’d missed for way too long....
“Hello, Gene.”
I smiled myself - it was like a reflex action, I couldn’t help myself or fight back the wonder of the moment. I also couldn’t help the few small tears that appeared in the corners of my eyes, ones I reached a trembling hand up to wipe away. Right now, I needed to touch him - I needed to touch any part of him, just to confirm that he was really here, talking to me. So I reached out a hand - crept if forward a few inches - and hit warm flesh. It was wonderful - he was there, really, truly, he was, even if we weren’t alive together. We were here together. And even though I didn’t know quite where ‘here’ was, I was sure that I was never going to let him out of my grasp again. Another tear ran down my cheek as I smiled incredulously up at Finny, and he reached a hand out towards me. He wiped my tear with the pad of his thumb, then him hand driften back and his eyes locked with mine again.
His touch was so incredible - even one that simple - it was something I had wanted to feel for way too long and been denied. So, wanting to feel more of it, I slowly pulled myself onto the bench next to Finny. His arm fell into contact with mine as I sat, and it was wonderful, warm feeling. I looked over towards him, and in the process, realized that I too was glowing - glowing the same way Finny was. But he....he was still the most beautiful, I told myself as I looked up and caught his eyes. He smiled at me, a wide, sincere smile, and I melted a little bit inside. I didn’t deserve such a wondeful smile. Then again I heard his voice. “Gene....I’ve been waiting for you here. I didn’t expect you to come so soon, but now that you’re here....well, now we can move on.” The words delighted me even though I didn’t completely understand them. But I still wanted to know.
“Finny....Finny, where are we?” I asked.
He smiled.
“We’re in the intermediate phase between heaven and hell - a kind of judgement phase. We move either way from here on out.”
I stared at him.
“Finny, couldn’t you have gone straight to heaven?”
He smiled, a small, sincere and sweet smile I’d seen him use only a few times before, and answered.
“I could have. But I decided to stay here to wait for you. I would’ve waited as long as it took. Another fifty years, another seventy years....so I could meet you again and take you up with me.”
I truly and honestly had no clue what to say. My mouth opened as if to say something, but no sound came out, and my chest was suddenly with every emotion from love to admiration to unbelieving to gratefullness. My Finny....he would do this for me? Of course he would....he’s the Finny I loved, the Finny I loved so much, who I willingly gave my life for and who I was feeling the strongest burst of passion and amazement for at this moment. I was truly shocked. But so happy - happier than I ever remember being. Tears clouded my eyes again and I did the first thing that came to mind - threw myself forwards into Finny’s arms, which locked around my waist in a tight embrace. I nestled my head into the crook of his neck and clutched him to me tightly, as if never to let him escape my arms. And I didn’t want him to. When we pulled back, we still held onto each other, his hands warm and tingling on my back.
I was, to excuse the bad pun, close to heaven - I couldn’t ask for a better feeling. I shivered as Finny let go of my waist and raised a hand up to cup my cheek. It was warm - it made me warm, and it felt wonderful. I was just relishing the sensation when I realized he was leaning forward, towards me. I had a faint clue of what might be coming, but I couldn’t make myself believe it could happen. I couldn’t believe, until I felt his warm, soft lips graze across mine. My mind exploded at that moment - it was exactly what I’d dreamed about all these years - and it was happening. I couldn’t believe it was really happening! When Finny sensed no resistance, he leaned forward further, stroking my cheek with one hand and holding the back of my head with the other as he kissed me deeper.
His mouth slanted over mine and his tongue traced the outline of my lips, which I opened. I shivered as I felt his tongue slide into my mouth, meeting and stroking mine as his lips pressed against mine firmly. My arms slipped around Finny’s waist, settling themselves on his lower back, as he ravaged my mouth. It was unbelievable. We finally parted, and love shone in Phineas’ eyes, making me weak with emotion and wanting to feel more. I looked back at him, hoping that my own face showed my feelings. But just incase it didn’t, I needed to tell him now. I finally had the chance again, the chance I’d lost back there. And I had to take it this time. “Finny....” I said, softly. He looked at me with a serene smile. “Finny, you have to know....I....came here, hoping to see you again, wanting so badly to see you again....I came, because, Finny....I....I love you, so much....” I bowed my head at the end of my short speech.
I felt a finger under my chin the next second, and my head being titled up. Finny’s eyes shone with that same emotion. “Gene....please look at me, because you have to accept my answer....” I looked at him, tentively, waiting. “Gene, I waited for you here because I wanted to see you again....I wanted to see you again because....I loved you. I love you, Gene. Me too.”
If there was a way for a heart to sing, mine could have right then. I smiled, the most pure, wide smile I’d worn in ages, and leaned back in towards Phineas. I didn’t deny myself the urge to kiss him again, and he kissed me back, with wonderful feeling and breathtaking expertice. This was the Finny I wanted. I allowed my hands to re-find their way around his waist, as his wrapped around my neck. He pushed himself close to me, so close that our chests were flush against each other. I shivered, an enticing tingle running down my spine as his warm skin rubbed against mine. Slowly, maybe without thinking, we began to drift down. I fell flat against the bench we’d been sitting on, lieing on my back with Finny poised on top of me. We slowly parted, and looked at each other.
The reality of the moment hit me then, and I suddenly felt my cheeks grow warm as I looked up at Finny straddling my hips and hovering above me, breathing heavily.
“Finny....” I gasped. “What are we doing?” His answer was also breathless -“Taking what is ours.” I blushed, smiled, and ran a hand down Finny’s back, catching in the waistband of his pants. In return, I felt one of his hands in the cooresponding spot on me. His fingers were hot against my skin. Slowly, giving Finny time to back off if he decided to, I took a hold of his pants and undid them, slipping them down until he kicked them off. I repeated the process with his remaining boxers. I looked a thim. There was nothing that could change my mind - Phineas was beautiful.

They gave me a life that’s not so easy to live
And then they sent me on my way
I left my love and, forgot my dreams
I lost them along the way
Those little things you say
When words mean so much
You never back down
And they all shy away
You always listen to me**

I slowly sat up and brough him with me, sitting him down on the bench with his legs hanging off of the side. I felt a huge need to repay him - not for any one even in particular, but everything. I wanted to give him something that he could enjoy. And so I sat up and moved to kneel on the floor in front of Finny, placing my hands on his knees and nudging his legs apart. His breathing picked up a little speed as he complied. I looked down in front of me - Finny was already aroused, and he seemed to be waiting for me, so I dipped my head down and slowly enveloped the tip of his erection in my mouth. He gasped loudly, the gasp breaking into a moan as I licked the tip, before taking it further into my mouth. At about halfway I began to suck lightly, hands reaching up to grasp Finny’s thighs as I administered my treatment. His moans were long and clear now, growing louder and louder with each passing second. His hand grasped the back of my head, fingers weaving into my hair to hold me down.
I bobbed my head up and down, fueled by Finny’s breathless gasps and moans. His breathing was now ragged, his face beginning to show signs of reaching completion. I didn’t want anything less - I continued my minstrations, until I felt a twitch and heard a loud, guttural gasp from Finny, who went taut and released. Warm liquid flowed into my mouth, and the excess that I didn't manage to swallow flowed out of the corners and trickled back down Finny's arousal to his lower stomach. I lifted my head, and looked up at Finny, both of us trying to catch our breath. He smiled as he did. I smiled back at him.
The next moment Finny slid down from the bench, kneeling in front of me and leaning in to kiss me once again. Our lips meshed and our tongues tangled with a primitive need, me reaching up to place a hand on Finny's cheek and him placing one on my lower back. The kiss had me breathless again and I wasn't aware of anything besides Finny's mouth for a few moments, until I felt my back hit a hard marble floor. We broke the kiss and I looked up; I was lieing on my back with Finny straddling my thighs, smiling at me and undoing and removing my pants and boxers. A small shiver of thrill and anticipation ran down my back as I was exposed completely - and that shiver turned into a warmth shooting through my entire body as Finny wrapped a hand around my shaft, slowly pumping it up and down with a steady rhythm.
My breathing was haphazard and felt my cheeks flush, my whole body was heating up as Finny touched me. I closed my eyes in attempts to sink further into the feeling, but as soon as it had come, Finny's hand retreated and made my eyes snap open. "....Finny?" I asked, hesitantly. He smiled. Or grinned was more like it. "Just wait....this will be even better." I relaxed and watched as Finny prodded my legs apart and situated himself between them, every now and then brushing my arousal with his fingertips and making me flinch in anticipation. I felt my legs being lifted up, and Finny, kneeling before me, hooked them over his shoulders.
"You okay, Gene?" He whispered, about as breathless as I was. I nodded. "You ready?" I nodded again. I was. Finny pushed himself as close as he could get to me without entering, reached a hand out and snaked it down under me from between my legs. His fingers brushing my skin were making me crazy, the way he was teasing me. I was about to speak up when one finger slid fluidly into my enterance. All my thoughts were immediately hushed and I gasped quietly. Finny pushed the finger further in, then back out, eventually pushing in a second finger. He thrust them in and out a few more times, stretching me a bit before inserting a third finger to finish.
One I was adjusted to the feeling of his fingers, I moved slightly against his hand, and he slipped his fingers out. I moaned slightly at the loss but was quieted again as I felt something larger touch me. Finny was already slick for my earlier activities, I had enough time to register before he looked down at me and pushed the tip of his arousal into me. I half-gasped, half-moaned, clawing at the marble below me and tossing my head to the side. Finny then thrust into me all at once, and I took him all the way. I let out a deep moan, and Finny took that as good sign, beginning to withdraw and then thrust back in, creating a rhythm and making me gasp every time his hips slammed against me.
I couldn't help the seemingly constant moans that I produced, the feeling was so new, unfamiliar but wonderful all the same once I matched Finny's tempo and got used to him inside me. Overall, he felt so big....felt unbelievably big when he was inside me - but I quickly grew to love the feeling, wanting him in harder, deeper, desiring more....I gasped out my barely audible request, but Finny understood. He increased his speed and intensity, matching my breathless deep moans. I was somehow aware of his hand wrapping around my own shaft, pumping it up and down as he had before. I was falling into a comfortable void where all I could sense was Finny, all that mattered was him and right now and my pleasure and his. I rocked against him absentmindedly, seeking to reach my peak and bring him over with me. Finally the combination of heated sounds, feelings, blurred images and thoughts brought me over the edge, and the air fell heavy with the sound of both me and Finny crying out in release.
We finally relaxed then; Finny pulling out and collapsing on top of me, chest heaving against mine. I brought my arms up and wrapped them around Finny's midsection, resting my hands on his lower back. I stroked there gently, lazy horizontal sweeps of my fingers over his heated skin. As our breathing quieted, Finny lifted his head to look at me. The corners of his mouth were turned up slightly, and slowly a wide, happy smile crossed his features. I smiled back. Finny also had the most gorgeous smile. He scooted himself up and kissed me lightly on the lips; I kissed back with the smile still hinting across my face.
I don't know how long we laid there, but after some time Finny slowly rose up, wrapping an arm around me and bringing me up with him. He leaned forward and buried his face in the crook of my neck, nuzzling the skin there as he spoke. "It's time to go, Gene. Let's go, and we can finally be together like this forever." I nodded, the smile never having completely faded from my face, and rose up to my feet with him. Finny's arms wrapped around me and he looked upwards, so I followed suit, and slowly I felt a tingling in the middle of my back. I felt something soft under my fingers as I ran my hands over Finny's back, so I examined closer and found themto be feathers. I looked back over my own shoulder, seeing the same thing happening to me, and witness the gradual process of wings sprouting out from both of our backs.
His were pure white. Mine were a deep blue.
Somehow, I found that to fit together very well.
There was something nagging at the back of my mind though. I looked at Finny, and whispered;
"Finny, I killed myself. I've unwittingly killed you too. And also, I....love you. I love you so much. That could be considered wrong, Finny - shouldn't I....shouldn't I go to hell instead?"
The corners of Finny's mouth curved up as he answered;
"Gene, we were always meant to be together for eternity - and no matter what you've done, no matter what you are, I love you. I'll make sure you'll always be around for me to want - because that's how it was meant to be. You are a good person, Gene....I know that whatever you do, you'll be a good person. Because you love me back. Because you always need to be there to complete me....just the same as you always have."
I immediately filled with exhilaration, and love, and smiled up at Finny, holding tightly to him and enveloping both of us in that glowing light.

And what do I get to get me through these sleepless nights
And what do I have to hold when no one’s there to hold me tight
And what do I see the only thing that gets me through this is what I feel
And I feel you**

The last thing I saw as I felt my feet part with the ground was a glowing light above me - that, and as there always would be, Finny's smile.
Finny's gorgeous smile.

* When I'm Gone – 3 Doors Down
** I Feel You – 3 Doors Down
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Making Eternity