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Drowning	By : MandiMorbid Category: S through Z > Vampire Academy Views: 7707 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Academy, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Drowning
- 1
You leave me breathless, but it’s okay. You are my survival, now hear me say. I can’t imagine, life without your love. Even forever don’t seem like long enough.

I heard screaming, felt it vibrating through my head. It wrapped around my brain and squeezed tight, made me ache. I didn’t know where it was coming from, then I realized it was coming from me, from my lips. Only, they weren’t mine. They were Lissa’s. I was in her head, and she was screaming, blood covering her hands. I could feel it running over her skin, soaking her clothing, and I had no idea if it was coming from her or if it was coming from somewhere else.

Slowly the screaming stopped, and I felt her lips twitch up in a smile, and suddenly it was like she wasn’t Lissa anymore, but someone else, something else. She lifted her finger, and her tongue darted out and licked blood away, the metallic taste filling her mouth, and intoxicating my brain.

I sat up and gasped, my breathing heavy. I closed my eyes and in that instant tried to feel Lissa through our bond. I wasn’t getting any emotions from her, and when I tried to enter her brain, I was met with a wave of calm, of quiet. She was asleep. It had only been a dream.

I was trembling, and I wrapped my arms around myself. Outside my dorm room the cold December air was gently caressing my window. I gnawed my lower lip and tried to subdue my trembles, telling myself Lissa was alright. Dammit, she was alright.

But after last month, with Victor kidnapping her, with Natalie going Strigoi on us, I was worried sick about her every moment. I worried less that she would hurt herself, that she would be driven insane by her spirit bond, by the magic inside her. Her medication took care of that. But I was afraid of what others could do to her.

But then again, I knew I should worry. I wanted to be her guardian one day, and that meant she had to always be on my mind. It was, after all, the duty of the dhampirs to protect the Morois. They contributed to our genes, they ruled the vampire world. They kept order.

But fuck all of that, I worried because Lissa was my friend.

I’d been having nightmares since the incident in November, and they were finally getting to me. I had to talk about them. I just had to. And though I didn’t want to disturb anyone, I knew there was one person Ii could seek out.

I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood up. I had a black tank top and a pair of purple plaid boxers on. It didn’t matter that it was December, the dorms were ovens with the heat cranking all the time.

Still, I picked up a black hoodie and threw it on, zipping it up. It had pictures of blooming thorny roses along one side, in shades of red and purple. Lissa had given it to me. She loved to give me things with roses, thanks to my name. I hated it, but she knew that. She just liked to see my reaction.

However, the hoodie was sort of cute. I shrugged and slipped on a pair of black flip flops, then snuck into the hallway. The dorm monitors were around, I knew that, but I could get a free pass up to see my savoir if I needed to.

Dimitri had a room on the staff floor of the novices’ dorm, since he was Lissa’s current guardian. He was also my mentor, training me to be the best I could, and more for Lissa. He’d been with us through all the trauma of returning, and he’d saved me, more than once.

Did I mention he was probably the sexiest beast alive? Yeah, that too.

If I saw any staff, I’d simply tell them I needed to see Dimitri, that it was concerning Lissa, and they’d let me through. Thanks to our bond, any information I could give was beyond valuable.

I crept up a flight of stairs and into the staff dorm main hallway. I knew where Dimitri’s room was, and I hadn’t forgotten. Last month, I’d come up here before…well, because something inside me said to. It turned out Victor had put a compulsion spell on that damn necklace he gave me, and when I got to Dimitri we had done more than talking.

But not nearly everything I wanted to do. He’d rejected me as a lover, saying he was too old for me, being seven years my senior. And he pointed out he couldn’t be involved with me if we both wanted to protect Lissa to the best of our ability. Sadly, I could see where he was coming from. But that didn’t stop a girl from hoping, and that definitely didn’t diminish my schoolgirl crush.

I knocked on his door, then shoved my hands in my hoodie pockets. My long, dark hair fell around my face at sort of weird angles, and I wondered if I should have brushed it. I sighed, reminding myself I wasn’t here to flirt; I was here to get these damn nightmares off my chest. They were going to eat me alive if I didn’t.

The door opened and Dimitri stood there, long brown hair falling to his shoulders, dusting his exposed skin. Like the last time I’d seen him, during the compulsion spell, he wore only black pajama bottoms. God dammit if I didn’t forget I’d had a nightmare that very second.

“Rose?” He whispered, obviously being careful not to wake anyone. “What is it?” He looked into my eyes with those deep brown orbs, and a serious look shadowed his face. “Is it Lissa?”

“Um, no,” I said, digging my hands deeper into my pockets. “I…I was wondering, can I talk to you?” I looked down, afraid maybe he’d be a bit mad because I interrupted his sleep, but after a moment he stepped aside, and I walked into his room. He closed the door, then sat down on his bed.

I wasn’t sure if I should, and his eyes didn’t seem sure either. After a moment though, he motioned me over to sit next to him. I plopped down, and looked up at him again, at that gorgeous face, that silky hair, those deep eyes. He left me breathless every time I saw him.

Don’t pretend you’re sorry, I know you’re not. You know you’ve got the power, to make me weak inside.

“What did you want to talk about?” He asked. His voice slipped in through my ears and massaged my brain, softly soothing me without saying anything soothing.

“Well,” I whispered, my feet crossing nervously. I was only ever nervous around Dimitri; he made me into a little shy girl, something I’m not sure I’ve ever been. “Ever since last month I’ve…I’ve been having nightmares.” I looked away for a moment. “And they’re not the normal monster-under-your-bed nightmares; they’re all so…vivid, so real. I swear to God I’m really there, but then I wake up…and I have no idea if what just happened was real or not.”

I looked back, and his brown eyes were soft, concerned. He did always manage to soften when I needed it. He understood me so well, just like I did him. Dammit, we were so perfect for each other, but yet…

Stop thinking about it. It’s impossible.

“They’re always about Lissa,” I added, my hands finally appearing from my pockets. “Every time, I’m in her head, and I see things through her eyes, I feel her thoughts, her emotions. There’s always blood, so much, and her screaming. It’s like she panicking, and then suddenly, she just stops. She’s suddenly calm and cold, like something else just stepped into her. Then there’s always something about her drinking the blood, even if it’s just a drop, and smirking.”

I closed my eyes, and the images were there. Lissa smirking, blood covering her arms and face, lifting a blood finger to her lips. Even if in the dream I’d seen it through her eyes, I could see it through mine now.

“I can’t stop thinking about them,” I said. “At first I had one, and then went a week without them. Then I got them a few times a week, and now I have them every night, sometimes more than once. And every time I have to reach out to Lissa to make sure she’s okay. It’s to the point where my mind doesn’t want to sleep.”

I twirled my feet together, and then one of my flip flops fell off. I let the other one slid off my foot, and waited to see if Dimitri would say anything. If he didn’t, it’d be fine. Just telling him made me feel a bit better.

“Are you worried she’ll…turn Strigoi?” he asked, and I snapped my head up to look at him.

“No! Well…” I paused. “I know she won’t, that’s not like Lissa, but I just can’t shake the fear anyway. Ms. Karp was just like her, and she turned. I just worry that it might all come back, and be too much for her. Maybe I won’t be enough to keep her sane.”

He reached out and slipped an arm around my shoulders, squeezing me gently.

“You’ll be enough,” he whispered, and reached over, twirling a strand of my hair around one of his fingers. My breath caught in my throat. He’d been so careful to not come into unneeded contact with me, to not do anything even remotely close to intimate like we had done before, just on impulse, that the simple gesture got to me. It told me he was still thinking about me in the same way, that somewhere inside him, he still wanted me. He might be avoiding it, but the emotion was there.

I guess that was enough for me.

Every time I breathe I take you in, and my heart beats again. Baby I can’t help it, keep me drowning in your love. And every time I try to rise above, I’m swept away by love.

He pulled back, but I reached up and softly gripped his wrist, keeping his hand close. I leaned forward and touched my lips to his palm; felt his skin, softer then I thought, considering all the combat and training he went through.

Something in his eyes changed, but I wasn’t sure what. I didn’t know if it was a good or bad shift, but he whispered my name. “Rose.”

I released his hand, and he withdrew slowly. I felt my lips tingling.

“You should go back to your dorm,” he said, and I felt my heart sink. I didn’t want him to make me leave yet. I wanted to stay, even if for just a little longer. I wanted to spend a few more minutes lost in my infatuation for him, enough time to totally forget my nightmare.

“Can I just stay another minute?” I asked. “I know you need your sleep, I just…I’d really like another minute to forget the nightmare.”

He nodded, and I watched as he moved over to the other side of the bed and lay down, staring up at the ceiling. A lamp next to the bed was the only dull light, and the curtains kept the daylight out. Since we were on Moroi schedule, daylight was sleeping hours. I’d been doing it my whole life though, it was natural to me.

He looked at me, and I was shocked when he said, “It’s alright. You can lie down.”

My heart beat doubled. This wasn’t…normal. He was letting me lay with him? Maybe he trusted me enough not to do anything stupid, and he must have trusted himself to have his emotions under control.

I slowly sank down onto the mattress next to him, my head resting on the pillows. I closed my eyes for a moment, and I tried to clear my mind. I concentrated on the soft sounds of the room. The slight wrrr sound of the heater, and the comforting sounds of Dimitri breathing. Then I tried to concentrate on the feel of the room, the soft bed beneath me, the blanket dusting my exposed legs. But mainly the heat of the room pressing down on my body.

I opened my eyes and unzipped my hoodie. Dimitri looked over at me, and I shrugged sheepishly.

“What? It’s hot in here?”

Oh how badly I wanted him to reply with, “And it’s going to get so much hotter.” And then ravish me, right here, right now. But he didn’t, he just nodded.

I let my arm inch towards his, until it brushed against his skin lightly, and I wished my hoodie was gone so I could feel skin on skin contact. My fingers traced his arm a little, then reached down and ran over his hand. I heard him sigh, and our fingers laced together.

Well, it wasn’t crazy animal sex, but it would do. I felt a warm, fuzzy feeling ebbing in the pit of my stomach, and I wondered if he felt the same. Even if we couldn’t be together, if we could never love each other, if we could at least have moments like this, I could survive. But if he cut me off all together, I’d never be able to make it.

Even though I wanted to stay like this forever, I was afraid of overstaying my welcome, and Dimitri never wanting me to come back. I sat up slowly, our fingers still laced together, and he followed.

“I guess I should go back,” I said. I felt my hoodie sliding off of my shoulders, until it was wrapped round my elbows. I looked up into his dark eyes, and my breath caught again in my throat.

His eyes were so deep, so dark and hungry that they nearly chilled me. I thought I’d drown in them, be devoured by them.

And I felt all my feelings stirring more inside me. I’d been trying to keep them calm, but I felt them all swimming up to the surface, breaking into the cavern of my brain.

I reached out and touched his chest; let my fingers trail over smooth skin, towards his stomach. I leaned closer, and my lips met his collar bone. If only we were standing, and I was wearing my dead sexy dress, it’d be so much like before.

I ached thinking about that, and realized Dimitri would only scold me for this. I thought about pulling away, then felt his hands tangling in my hair as he lifted my face up to his.

I swear everything stopped the moment our lips touched. The heater died, the lights died, the sun outside went out, and the world stopped turning. It was that kind of kiss. I forced myself to breath, got lungs full of warm air, the sweet scent of his body creeping in, acting like ecstasy to my brain. Our lips melded together softly, the kiss getting hungrier and hungrier with each passing second, until I had to grip his shoulders to keep myself from falling over, or falling completely into him.

Every time our lips parted for a second, I just barely had time to get a breath, then we were together again. It was like breaking through the surface of the ocean, only to be swallowed again. Oh god, I’d love to drown in this ocean right now, and never surface again.

Go on and pull me under, cover here with dreams. Love me mouth to mouth now, you know I can’t resist. ‘Cause you’re the air that I breathe.

We fell onto our sides on the bed, and somehow my hoodie was wriggled off my body. One of Dimitri’s hands was cupping my cheek, the other tracing little designs over my hip. I was busy exploring his chest, fingers taking in his warmth, and the power that seemed to radiate off of him.

The never ending kiss fest finally stopped, and we lay there breathing heavy, our eyes locked. Dimitri’s eyes were very clear, the clouded, hungry look fading for a minute. I assumed he realized what we were doing, and he was going to put a stop to it. That made my heart cringe.

But what he said surprised me.

“We can’t be together, Rose,” he whispered. “Anything we do…it wouldn’t lead to a relationship.”

Well, he hadn’t kicked me out yet. This was a start.

“I know,” I whispered, looking away. My brain knew, but my heart didn’t. My heart held a blind faith that he and I would work something out, that somehow this would all work. “But that doesn’t mean we have to stop…”

I trailed off for him, making it clear in my eyes how badly I ached for him, how hungry I was for all of him. I had been last month, even without the damn compulsion spell. I’d been ready to give it all to him, body, mind, and soul. I’d been so ready experience this for a first time, and I’d been cut short.

I didn’t want to be cut short again.

His eyes grew clouded, hungry again, but I saw he was fighting it. He was seven years my senior, and I knew that was weighing in on his mind right now. Maybe he was afraid this would give me false hope, which I knew it would, but I’d take some heart ache to finally quench my thirst for him.

I leaned in close, lifted myself so my lips almost touched his ear, and whispered how badly I wanted him. I told him how he haunted my mind during the day, how when I wasn’t in a nightmare hell he was there. I told him how I needed him so bad I was sure I might explode soon, and that I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me too.

He gasped softly, and his hand went from my hip to my lower back, pulling my closer. I tipped my head back, and his lips were there, exploring my skin. He nipped at me softly, and I let a soft moan escape my lips. His hand pressed against me harder, and I drew up closer to him, pressed so close I could feel every curve of his body.

My heart raced as his lips found my collar bone, tracing its curve, then moving lower, along the cut of my tank, the top of my breasts. His hand had moved up and was slowly pushing the shirt up, exposing my stomach. I leaned back and let him pull it off me, dropping it to the floor somewhere. I pulled me to him again, and my breasts pressed to his chest, my nipples hard from the attention he was giving me. He gasped lightly, and then his lips were covering mine again.

I was rolled onto my back, and he was over my, propped up by his hands, looking down into my eyes. I hated the space between us, and I wanted him to lay down on me, to feel his weight against me, to make sure he was real.

I bit my lower lip as the seconds passed and he just looked at me. Part of me wanted some sassy remark to leave my lips, but I held my tongue. I was so afraid of ruining this.

Finally he lay on his side next to me, one hand draping over my stomach, playing with the waist of my boxers. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, and I rolled over to face him. The lip lock started again, just as hungry as earlier, and somehow my shorts left my body, leaving my completely naked as we kissed. Again, this was all too familiar, and part of me feared we’d stop, like last time.

His lips brushed my ear, and he started whispering too me. I didn’t understand the words, he was speaking in Russian, his native tongue, but I heard the need and desire in them. It made heat rise in me. My hands found his waist, played with the tip of his pants.

Before I could push them down, though, his lips made a trail from my ear, down my neck, to my collar bone, and to my left breast. His tongue darted around my nipple, hot and soft, and I gasped, closing my eyes for a moment to reel in the pleasures he unleashed on me, mouth closing in around the sensitive bud. One hand slowly spread my thighs and traced over my smooth sex, making my lower body ache.

His lips finally made a hot trail down my stomach, and then he was between my legs, tongue tracing up my cunt, deep brown eyes looking up at me. I shivered, moaned, felt like I was back in a dream state and that I was floating in a liquid, irrational fantasy.

His tongue was stroking my clit slowly, and I was gripping the bed, my moans getting louder, I pressed my lips closed, afraid of making too much noise and waking someone, anyone. But god, I felt like my entire body was about to blow, like the walls were about to be painted in Rose.

A knot had formed in my lower belly, and it was tightening with every stroke of his tongue. With a rush of warmth it finally released, and I gasped, then moaned, tipping my head back. His lips sealed around my sex, and he lapped up the evidence of my orgasm as I was left to float on cloud nine, a fuzzy feeling coursing through my veins.

He moved back up to me, licked his lips, and kissed my neck softly. I shivered, feeling need rising in me again. He peered at me through that gorgeous dark hair, and I knew we were far from done.

I reached down and this time got a hold of his pajama pants, and pushed them down. He wriggled them off and they fell away, leaving him just as naked as me.

Now, I had never seen Dimitri like this, pale skin glowing in the dim lamp light, body left exposed and vulnerable to my perverted desires. I was eating him up with my eyes, memorizing ever inch of pale flesh, every curve, my hand on his hip, tracing the slight curve.

I kissed him, my tongue wrapping around his, and he gave me the control. I pushed him onto his back, and my kisses traveled from his lips, to his chest, and down his stomach. I reached between us and grasped his cock, heard him moan softly. I stroked carefully, loving the feel of the soft skin, and watched as every breath seemed to come heavier and heavier from his chest. I let my tongue trace the head softly, and he propped himself up, looking down at me, eyes fairly wide.

I smirked, and then opened my mouth and took him in as far as I could, my hand covering the rest of his sex. He moaned, not so quietly, and I saw the shock still in his eyes. Did he think I wouldn’t? Was he not anticipating this at all?

I sucked carefully, moved slowly, felt him harden more within my mouth. Of course, I didn’t think he really could, considering how hard he had been when I got down here. My free hand was trailing over his thigh, my nails grazing his skin. He groaned out my name in Russian, “Roza,” and I shivered. I loved it when he called me that.

I felt his fingers reach down and play in my hair, and he whispered to me again. “Roza.” I stopped and raised my head, looking at him, and saw the desire in his eyes, felt it in the air around us. I stretched out on top of him, felt his sex rub against me, and kissed him long and deep. His hands braced me as we rolled over, and when the kiss broke he stroked my cheek, eyes questioning.

“Please,” I whispered, my hand searching for his. I found it and our fingers laced together, and he gave my hand a quick squeeze. Then he released me and knelt between my legs, spreading them carefully. I was still well beyond prepared from his earlier ministrations, but his fingers traced over me a few times anyway, making that need that had risen again in my lower belly grow hot.

He positioned himself, then looked at me, his eyes searching for something in mine. Was it confirmation? Need? Affection? I wasn’t sure, but he seemed to find what he wanted, and slowly, carefully, he eased into me.

He didn’t need to be as careful as he was. Even though this was my first time, I’d had enough experience on my own to know there was no maiden hood anymore. Still, I guess the initial stretch made me ache a bit, but it was quickly replaced by excitement, need, a pleasure leaking up into me as every inch of him was buried inside of me for the first time.

He leaned over me, hands bracing on either side of my shoulders, and moved slowly. Each stroke, each thrust made sparks of pleasure pulse up through my body. It was hard to lock eyes with him though, with the constant moving, and after I was well getting used to this he stopped and pulled back.

I frowned, but didn’t say anything. He sat down, back against the wall, and beckoned me to him. I crawled over him and straddled his waist, and he lowered me onto his cock again. I cried out loudly, unable to control it as his cock struck every sensitive spot inside of me. We both moved, his hands on my hips, helping me lift myself up, keeping me in rhythm.

My arms locked around his neck, and I stared right into those glorious eyes. My fingers played over the tattoos on the back of his neck, symbolizing how many Strigoi he’d killed. Six. He was a beast, and yet here he was being as sensitive with me as could be.

I heard him moaning along with me, and I moved a little faster. With all the physical training I went through, moving for sex felt like walking from one couch to the other. I didn’t really need his hands gripping my hips, but they felt so good there that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

I felt that knot inside my tightening again, and I saw in Dimitri’s eyes that he was ready, too. With a low moan form him and a fairly loud cry from me; we came, my arms tightening around him, my face buried in the crook of his neck. We froze like that, him still deep inside of me, our breaths coming in rushed gasps.

Only you can save me, oh can’t you see.

Finally I moved off of him and sat next to him, my hand finding his, our fingers lacing together. He looked at me, his brown eyes a mix of so many emotions. Happiness, shame, a bit of fear, and what I knew had to affection at least. He squeezed my hand, and spoke in a husky voice.

“Roza…” He didn’t say more, as if all he could think to say was my name. I smiled. My heart broke with the words that flowed from my mouth.

“I know, I know. We still can’t be together.” His eyes looked so sad, like he felt he’d just taken advantage of me, like he’d wronged me. Honestly, even if we couldn’t be together in his mind, I’d never take this back. I scooted closer and smiled. “But it’s not like I’d wish for that not to have happened.”

He smiled a little, and I grinned. I was sure I looked beyond stupid, with my messy hair and this sheepish grin plastered on my face, but I guess I just didn’t care.

“Besides, no matter what you do, Dimitri, what you say…my affection’s not going away.” I sighed. “I love you, and that’s not changing. If we can’t be together…then we can’t…” I swallowed hard, felt a lump in my throat. “But this love is not going away.”

He pulled me to him and embraced me, smoothing my hair, twirling it around his fingers. He was whispering in Russian again, and it soothed me right down to the bone.

He held me for a while longer, and then we parted and slipped back into our clothes. As much as I wanted to curl up against him for the remainder of the night…or day, I knew I couldn’t. I had to be back in my dorm for the morning.

I yawned, and Dimitri wrapped an arm around me. We both walked to the door, and he opened it partially, then, to my shock, lifted me into his arms. He slipped out of the room, and I stared up at him.

“Won’t someone…question you?”

He shrugged. “If they do, I’ll tell them you had a problem and needed to talk to me. After all, you did.”

I smiled, but my body was too tired to let my mind remember my nightmare. Right now all there was in my life was Dimitri, holding me tight, carrying me away. The only feeling was the warmth of his body, the feel of his skin, and the love leaking out between us. We’d be together. I knew it. Somehow, some way, this would all work out. I knew he’d deny it now, call me irrational, but it just had to work. Two people didn’t love each other this hard and not end up together. There had to be a natural law against that.

Besides, I couldn’t imagine going through life with only hidden love form Dimitri. I thought I could handle it, but the idea of only getting glances from him made me feel like dying. And even a forever of loving nights like this, and days with our fingers laced together didn’t seem like nearly enough to satisfy my heart.

Even forever don’t seem like long enough…
- 1
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Drowning