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Self Control	By : smcbelle Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Edward Views: 13270 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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- 2
Thanks for the comments. I've gone through and separated the paragraphs for clarity... this is my first Twilight fic, so please be kind! Pairing requests for the next fic are more than welcome. :-)

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I stood in the shower until it ran cold, bawling my eyes out. Then I stood in the cold water, cooling my red, swollen face. I knew he'd be in my room when I got out, and I knew he wouldn't give me what I wanted --- needed.

I finally turned off the water, worried that Charlie would think I'd passed out in the shower. It wasn't a far-fetched concern. I stepped out of the tub, and the cool air didn't sting my skin like it normally did. It actually felt warm compared to the icy water I'd let fall all over me. I took my time blow-drying my hair, and I glared at myself in the mirror.

So ordinary, I thought with disgust. So plain and ordinary. And he is so impossibly beautiful. No wonder he doesn't want to touch me.

I sighed and finally clicked off the light in the bathroom, dashing cautiously across the hallway into my room. I was right. There he was, sitting serenely on my bed.

“Hello,” I said, a bit too curtly.

Edward frowned, his perfect brows furrowing. He knew me too well. “What?” he asked, his voice hurt.

“Nothing,” I lied, but my actions reflected what was wrong. I strolled over to my aged dresser, wrapped in my towel. I removed my pajamas from the top drawer and deliberately let my towel drop. I turned to face him, naked and bare. “Oops,” I said quietly, sarcastically.

Instantly, his face hardened. His eyes glinted in the moonlight and he squared his jaw. His fists clenched at his sides.

“Bella,” he begged, his voice strained and guttural. “Please... put your pajamas on.”

“Why?!” I nearly shouted, then hushed my voice to avoid waking Charlie. My voice quivered when I spoke next. “Am I ugly?”

“No!” he shook his head vehemently. “That's just the problem. You're too... too beautiful...” he let his eyelids close and looked nauseous. He stopped breathing, and I knew it was so that he didn't smell me. I looked down at my torso. My skin was pure alabaster white in the moonlight that cascaded through my window. My breasts were not overly large, but I knew that they were round and perky, and my nipples were hard and firm in the cool night air. I had just shaved my body hair two days ago, and I had seen his eyes flick to my smooth vulva before he clamped shut his eyelids in agony.

I gazed at him then, seeing the sheer pain in his tightened face. He was struggling so hard, just to not kill me. I burst into tears and sobbed while I put on my flannel pajama pants and tank top. I curled up in the rocking chair, gently swaying back and forth through my tears.

He slowly opened his eyes, seeing that I was now fully clothed. His breathing resumed, and I saw him gulp. “Bella,” he croaked quietly. “Tell me what you're thinking. I can't stand not knowing what you're thinking.”

I sighed shakily and stared at him. I knew my eyes were filled with hurt, and I saw the guilt in his own perfect face.

“Edward,” I almost whispered, my voice trembling heavily. “I don't want our wedding night to be the first time we make love. I'm... worried. What if you can't control yourself then? What if you don't like it? I need you... the kisses are not enough. My body aches for yours every time I see you. My hands fight to not stroke your skin. My lips quiver to keep from crushing against yours. My... I get so... so turned on...” my voice trailed off, and I was embarrassed. “Please,” I found myself begging. “Please, Edward. We can take it slowly! We don't have to make love right now, but please, please, just let me touch you. Touch me. We can just go one step at a time. Please.”

Edward sighed silently. His shaking hand went up to his hair and raked through its honey-colored locks. “Okay,” he murmured, his voice barely audible. I couldn't believe what I'd heard. Did he just consent to closer physical contact? I was suddenly filled with cautious glee.

“What?” I asked quickly, wanting to hear him say it again.

He raised his eyes to me, his gaze unintentionally seductive and intoxicating. “We'll take it very slowly,” he agreed, his voice tentative. “But if I need to stop, you have to stop. One step at a time. And, Bella... you have to let me drive.” He gave me that crooked grin that always made me melt, and I nodded fervently. I dashed over to the bed and jumped onto the mattress beside him. He stopped breathing again, trying to control himself against his powerful urges.

“What's first, driver?” I asked, trying unsuccessfully to sound sexy. He chortled without breath, and I felt my face flush with my awkward, adolescent desire.

He bit his bottom lip gently and reached his hand out to my face, still not breathing... smelling. His fingertips trailed down my cheek to my neck, and I shuddered at his cold, hard touch. His hand moved steadily down onto my chest, where it stopped between my collarbone and my breasts. I gasped with anticipation and desire, and my eyes slammed shut. I tipped my head back and breathed heavily. My ears started ringing. I heard Edward's deep growl of desire and felt his hand leave my skin. “No,” I breathed, reaching out in blindness for his hand. I clasped its cold, marble hardness between my warm, soft palms. I forced my eyes open and looked at my love desperately.

“Edward,” my quiet voice was pleading.

He shook his head, looking like he was going to be sick. “Slowly,” he mouthed, his skin tensing. I nodded, trying to understand the pain he had to endure to control himself.

After a few moments, he put his hand back to my chest, placing his palm over my round, firm breast. Even through the fabric of my tank top, his flesh was cold, and my skin tightened and hardened at his touch. He groaned then, a deep, throaty groan of pleasure, and one side of his lips curled up. I tried to suppress a moan. I knew that too much feedback from me would kill any forward progress.

Edward raised his other hand to my chest, and I nearly laughed at the sight of him grasping both my breasts like a horny teenager. “Edward,” I asked, trying to distract him from the pure carnal nature of his touch, “When was the last time that you touched a woman like this?”

He grinned widely. “Never,” he admitted sheepishly, his eyelids fluttering. “I was only seventeen when Carlisle changed me, and back then, it was courtship. None of this dating stuff. Oh, Bella,” he gasped. He had started breathing again, and he drew my scent in deeply through his nostrils. “You smell... amazing.” He closed his eyes again and I felt his hands tighten around my chest. My breasts heaved beneath his touch. I knew he needed to go slowly, but I wanted more.

I peeled the bottom of my shirt up until I reached his hands, and he cautiously removed them. I took the tank top off over my head and tossed it away. His eyes widened into round gaping circles, flashing in the moonlight again. He lay down on his back, onto the pillow, and gazed up at me in wonder.

Very slowly, I slipped my pajama pants down. I hadn't put panties on with my flannel pants, and so when I removed them, I was completely naked again. He stopped breathing once more and gripped the quilt very tightly beneath his hands.

“It's all right, Edward,” I assured him, my voice sugary with desire. “Just look for a while. You don't have to touch right now. Just take it in. Take your time.”

His eyes closed slowly and then reopened, and he gulped. “I'm... I'm okay,” he said after a few minutes. “Come here.”

He folded me against his chest, and he stroked my nude back with his icy hands. After a moment of touching my back, his hand drifted down to my buttocks, where it stopped. I felt him breathe in again, taking in the scent of my hair, and he moaned deeply.

“Edward?” I asked from my resting place on his sculpted, chilly chest.

“Mmm hmm?” he asked through the pain of his longing.

“Can I please see you naked?”

Wordlessly, he gently lay me down on the bed beside him and rose, quickly but silently. He stood before the bed and began to slowly unbutton his cotton shirt. I gulped with attraction, but I'd seen him shirtless before. It was the bottom half I was truly anticipating. After removing his shirt, his bare skin glowed in the moonlight, the faintest hint of sparkle on his ice cold flesh. He stood there in his stylish jeans, and unfastened his belt painfully slowly. He unbuttoned and unzipped the jeans, silently letting them fall to his ankles. He stepped out of the pants and kicked them aside, and he stood before me in tight, navy-blue boxer briefs that revealed a shockingly large lump at his crotch. I assumed that he was already partially erect, but I wasn't sure what a “normal” size was.

“Do... do vampires have... normal-sized...” I couldn't bring myself to say the word “penis” in front of him. Vampires were all impossibly beautiful, and I found myself perversely wondering if genitalia was among the features that grew more attractive when they were changed.

He chuckled quietly. “I think I'm larger than most,” he admitted, and I knew that if he could, he'd be blushing fiercely. He slipped his fingertips under the elastic waistband of the boxer briefs. “Are you ready?” he asked, cocking one eyebrow. I took a deep, shaky breath, my head swimming with arousal. I nodded a bit too enthusiastically. He grinned again.

And then, before I knew it, he was completely bared. In his nude glory, he was more impressive than any idealized marble statue. His penis hung partially erect between his sculpted thighs, and it was indeed quite large, or at least, it seemed so in proportion to his body. He strode toward me and stood beside the bed. I scooted over and sat on the edge of the bed, my face just inches from his hardening length.

It grew longer and thicker as I stared at it, nearly hyperventilating in my extreme arousal. I felt my own wetness between my thighs and knew it would be all over my quilt. “Edward,” I mumbled, unable to keep my eyes open.

“Bella,” he breathed, his voice at once silky and husky. “You can touch it. I'm ready.” After an instant, he quickly added, “Just go slowly. Carefully, and if I tell you to stop, please stop.”

I nodded hesitantly. I didn't really know what to do. I didn't have any real sexual experience, having been a dating failure at my Phoenix high school. But I reached out a cautious hand and made contact with the veined, rigid shaft. I knew his skin was cold, and it was hard even when he wasn't turned on, but I still nearly recoiled when I felt the shocking iciness and solidness of his ever-growing member.

He gasped at my touch, and I quickly removed my hand. “No,” he growled. “I can take it.”

I reached my trembling fingertips back to the shaft, this time wrapping my soft, warm fingers around its unyielding hardness. It had such girth that my fingers didn't close all the way around it, but as soon as I started moving my hand, Edward nearly collapsed.

“Edward!” I cried, seeing his knees buckle. “Lie down!”

He obeyed, lying across the width of the bed with his feet on the ground. “It's... wonderful,” he gasped. “No one's ever... touched me...”

I grinned selfishly, relishing the fact that though he'd been alive for over one hundred years, no one had ever done for him what I was doing. At the same time, I felt terrible for him. He'd never felt real physical pleasure at the hands of a lover. I would fix that for him.

Without warning, I acted far too rashly. I saw him lying there, his eyes shut in his angelic state of bliss, and I surprised him.

I bent down and instinctively placed the tip of his cold, hard penis in my warm, wet mouth. He bolted upright, then flung himself back to the bed, gasping through his clenched teeth. “Bella! No!” he managed to cry. “Stop!” The urgency in his voice was enough. I recoiled in fear.

His chest stopped moving, but his face contorted with what looked like horrible pain. Guilt flooded through me. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally resumed breathing and looked up at me, his eyes wild.

“Don't surprise me!” his voice was firm. “Please, Bella... slowly. This is taking more control than you could possibly understand.”

I nodded apologetically. “Can I... put my mouth on it?” I asked. He seemed to think about it for a moment.

“What will you do?” he asked, trying to imagine it ahead of time.

I frowned. It was awkward for me to talk through fellatio. “Um... I'll just... suck gently, and hold it while I lick it, gently...” I watched him shudder, his grin wide and longing.

“Okay,” he finally said. “Go ahead.”

He opened his eyes and I lowered my head again. Slowly, I reached out the tip of my tongue, holding the shaft of his penis upright with my hand. I licked the tip of his length as if it was the top of an ice cream cone, swirling my warm tongue around its coldness. I shivered and felt more wetness between my thighs.

“Oh, Bella,” he moaned, his firm fingertips massaging my scalp and mussing my hair.

I needed more.

I pushed it deeper into my mouth, pulling it into my throat. I was surprised at the ease with which I managed to take inch after inch of its hard length into my throat. I made swallowing motions in an effort to not gag, and I saw him clutch a pillow to his face to muffle the loud moans that poured forth from his own mouth.

I could still hear his words through the fabric of the pillow. He was crying my name, over and over, and it only egged me on. I swallowed again and again, until I needed breath, and then I pulled it from my mouth. It was wet with my saliva, and I began to furiously stroke its length with my hand, swirling around the shaft while plunging the member in and out of my mouth.

It was too much for him. Without warning, semen gushed from the swollen, throbbing tip of his enormous penis. Spurt after spurt, the liquid was surprisingly cold and plentiful. I had heard that semen tasted bitter and made you gag, but I was somehow unsurprised that Edward's vampire semen was absolutely delicious. Its taste was indescribable, but it was like a mix of sweet and salt that filled my mouth. It was the most delicious thing I'd ever tasted, and I gulped it down with aroused gluttony. I moaned onto the shaft as I swallowed. Throughout his long orgasm, Edward convulsed wildly on my bed, his torso thrashing from side to side and his hands pounding the mattress.

I didn't even think of how he might wake Charlie, I was so lost in the pleasure of watching him lose himself in my mouth. After it was over, he shook violently, and I sat up quickly, quite worried.

“Edward! Are you all right? I'm sorry!” I gasped with horror as he rolled from side to side, his skin quivering and his voice moaning meekly. “Edward!”

After a few moments, it stopped, and he lay silently, with his eyes shut. I could have sworn he was asleep.

“Edward?” My voice was quiet now, as if I didn't want to wake him from his impossible slumber.

“Bella,” he whispered. He sounded exhausted. “You did it.”

“No,” I disagreed. “You did it. You didn't lose control.”

“There's still one more step.”

I frowned, confused. He looked up at me, bleary-eyed, and grinned crookedly. I was acutely reminded of my own wet arousal. Watching him have a blistering orgasm had only exacerbated my desire, and I knew that it wouldn't take much to push me over the edge.

“I'm okay,” I insisted. He had down so well; he had exhibited such control. I didn't want to push him tonight. There would be other times, I was sure of it.

“No,” he shook his head, seemingly drowsy. I'd never seen him drowsy before. “Lie down,” he instructed, his voice syrupy and commanding through its lingering arousal.

I couldn't help but follow his instructions. After a minute, he sat up slowly. He looked down at me serenely, fixing my hair from how he'd mussed it. “Thank you... so much,” he choked. He sounded like he was going to cry, though I knew he couldn't.

I smiled with pure love. “Thank you. It was truly delicious.” I was being truthful. He leaned down to kiss me on the cheek, and the cold spot from his kiss took a while to warm again.

“Can I touch you?” he asked quietly. I nodded my consent. I took another deep breath in preparation.

His hand gently knifed its way down in between my thighs, and I obligingly spread them open. His touch was cold, as always, but the coldness was oddly stimulating. I was so wet, and it was rather embarrassing to be so incredibly aroused in front of him.

Edward put his left hand onto one of my breasts as he continued to feel around my wetness. I knew that he didn't have any more experience than me, and that was somewhat comforting.

His fingertips began to stroke my wet entrance, and the way they contacted my clitoris made me gasp. “Yes,” I moaned quietly. “More.”

He closed his eyes and looked sick again. I knew he needed a moment. He was overstimulated. It was too much at once. But he couldn't stop. I was almost there. It would take so very little to bring me to my own orgasm.

“Please!” I begged, my voice childish.

He continued stroking, and after a time, he synchronized the stroking of his fingertips with a gentle but firm stroking of my breast. I arched my back toward him. “In!” I insisted. “In!”

“What?” he asked. I was speaking like a Neanderthal.

“Put...” I gasped and opened my eyes wide in my pleasure. “Put your fingers in!”

He grinned and thrust three large fingers into me, and he continued to stroke my clitoris with his thumb. In and out, his cold fingers penetrated me as his other fingers stroked my erect nipple and my swollen clitoris. I felt my pleasure mounting, getting greater and greater until I thought I was drowning again, lost in his roving fingers and his burning good looks.

“Edward!” I cried, and he glanced frantically at the door. I'd clearly been too loud. I clapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my moans. I was getting so close... past the point of no return.

And then, I was crashing through breaking glass, swimming in icy water, jumping from an impossible height. I was shaking and my whole body was contracting, and I felt my muscles clench around his fingers rhythmically. He moaned again, too, in a reaction to my intensely visible orgasm.

“Edward! Edward!” I was crying, but my hand managed to control the volume of my words.

And then, it was past, and I was lying there, shuddering with pleasure, and Edward had removed his now wet and sticky hand.

“Oh!” I gasped, and I tried hard to keep my eyes open. Edward strode over to where my towel still lay on the ground and wiped his fingers on it. He returned to the bed and tucked me, naked, under the covers. He put his clothes back on and I whimpered my displeasure. I still couldn't speak. I was far too weak.

He smiled and sauntered back to the bed, where he lay beside me, on top of the blankets so he didn't chill me. I was struggling to stay awake, my eyelids like heavy stone and my head buzzing with drowsy delight. “Edward,” I mumbled, “You're heaven.”

He kissed my forehead and put a pillow on his abdomen. I managed to move my head onto it, but after just a few seconds of him stroking my hair, I was fast asleep.

************************************

She was so beautiful lying in the crook between my lap and my stomach, and I tipped my head back with happiness. I couldn't help but smile. I had done it. I hadn't harmed her at all. I had been so terrified of what I would do to her, and it had been painfully difficult to keep my control, but I'd done it.

And, oh, the pleasure. I had no idea that her mouth could do such amazing things. I had no idea how warm and wet and welcoming her body was. It was soft and supple, and wonderful. And she wanted me. I had shown more self-control than I ever knew I possessed, but I was hungry from the effort, and I needed desperately to hunt. I'd exhausted my meager supply of self-restraint, and if I sat here all night gazing down at her exposed, soft neck, thinking back to what she'd done to me...

I gently set her sleeping head down on the bed, managing to ignore her sleepy mumbling of my name. I kissed her cheek before putting on my shoes, and in an instant, I was out the window.

What a splendid wife she would make.

~*~ Fin ~*~
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Self Control