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A Truly Marvelous Marriage	By : ShadowProc213 Category: G through L > Lemony Snicket Views: 9838 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not now, nor have I ever, owned the books of Lemony Snicket or any associated characters. I make no money from this story and no negotiable goods have been exchanged.

Chapter List
- 1-A Truly Marvelous Marriage
- 1
This story is set just after the Fourth Book, The Miserable Mill. It's the only place where it fits.
Also, this story contains a gratuitous scene of underage incest. If this bothers you, then don't read it.

Sitting in the dusty old office, Klaus could hardly bring himself to look at his miserable family lawyer. Mr. Poe was not a bad person, at least not by the sin of effort. In fact, his only sin was foolishness. His bizarre and often foolish interpretations of the law left Klaus and his two sisters very exposed. At present, Mr. Poe was reviewing a two-hundred year old book regarding marital laws. Looking up at Violet, the tall, slender girl sitting beside Klaus, the gaunt lawyer removed his spectacles. “I have some very good news regarding where next to place the three of you.” He assured them, this time choosing instead to motion at Sunny, spindly fingers outstretched. “We will not have to worry about finding any other adults willing to adopt you. There are three laws, which, while separated, mean almost nothing to the three of you. But, the laws were meant to all be upheld at once, not separately.” Mr. Poe elaborated, his frown leaving his lips only to be replaced by a slightly deeper frown. “Our first is the law that, upon matrimony, an adolescent child is to be considered an adult. The second is that the right to declare who a girl may marry falls to her guardian; the third is that if a guardian cannot be found, the responsibility to marry her falls to her closest male relative.” He finished his lecture, pointing to Klaus.

“Sir, are you sure that they don't mean the responsibility to marry her to someone else?” Klaus demanded calmly. This wasn't the most ridiculous thing that Mr. Poe had told them, but it definitely came close.

“No, I'm certain that it demands that you marry your sister Violet. After all, we can't find anyone to adopt you. Besides, this does mean that that horrid thief—” Mr. Poe was cut off by Violet.

“His name is Count Olaf, and I'm personally inclined to think that marrying my brother is a bad solution.” Violet brooded, somewhat quietly.

“So, legally, we would have full control of our family's fortune? We could live where we wanted, do what we wanted, and raise Sunny without worrying about psychopaths trying to kill both our guardians and ourselves?” Klaus asked, a smile forming on his face. If there was one important thing that he had learned from Olaf, it was how to craft an evil grin to go with an evil plan.

“Klaus, why are you talking about this like it's an actual possibility?” Violet yelled at her younger brother, indignant at the thought.

“Because, it's a perfect plan! We've saved our lives before with much worse plans! Sir, it's my decision who Violet will marry, right?” Klaus asked, turning to Mr. Poe as he was met with a nod. “Good.” Klaus began, kneeling in front of his sister. “Violet, will you marry me?”

“Klaus, I-- This seems like it will turn out horribly, but that could just be experience talking.” Violet answered. Then she saw that hurt look on his face. This wasn't a 'do you love me' thing... this was a 'do you trust me' thing. And she did trust Klaus. “Yes. I will.”

“Alright, then I'll set up a small ceremony for the two of you. It shouldn't be too hard to find a judge to perform it. After the Olaf incident, they owe us.” Poe explained.

-----

The ceremony was incredibly small at only five people, including the betrothed. And the judge. Of course, the orphans still had the wedding outfits from that ridiculous play that Olaf had staged so long ago. Speaking of which, there was the expected attack from Olaf. After the judge explained that the fortune now belonged entirely to Klaus and there was absolutely no way for the madman to claim it, the poor man fainted. He and his cronies were properly dragged off by the police. It was a nice change of pace for the Baudelaire orphans, and the overjoyed kiss that Violet placed on Klaus's lips served also as their wedding kiss, complete with tongue. The tongue surprised everyone. Afterwards, the pair hired a babysitter for Sunny.

Why a babysitter, you might ask? Because the pair wanted to ensure that they weren't violating some kind of obscure law that requires couples to consummate on their honeymoon. They had decided to present themselves as an utterly normal couple. Being blood relatives, they were already hardly normal, but it didn't hurt to try.

Sitting on the bed together, the door locked behind them, Klaus already stripped down to his underwear, and only one zipper sitting between his hands and her fair and carnal flesh. Luckily for both of them, while Violet knew only the mechanical aspects of intercourse, Klaus had been through dozens of romance novels. He therefore had quite a few ideas about how to pleasure his sister. When he stopped to think about that, it was quite odd. He was going to have sex with his sister, Violet. He pulled the zipper down, and she reflexively stood up.

The top of the dress slipped away easily because of Violet's mostly flat chest. Klaus remembered his mother's breasts and smirked at the thought of Violets growing to match her tall frame. When it came to her hips, however, those were already wide enough to give the dress some trouble. It still only took a little fiddling with the dress before Violet could get it off. This left both of them in only their underwear, free to explore each other's bodies. The corset that Violet had chosen to wear with her wedding dress was held together with strings, and the device doubled as her brassiere. Untying a single knot, Violet's chest and belly were freed. Now that Klaus could see Violet's apple-sized breasts, he could feel himself becoming very aroused; his sister, in turn, saw her brother's erection. This made her nipples harden, though that was most likely out of nerves. In an effort to make her feel less nervous, he handed her a ribbon from atop her nightstand. She used it to tie her hair back, out of her eyes. Maybe this way, she could think of more ways to pleasure her little brother.

“Could you please lie back?” He instructed. Violet did so, her legs spread, most likely in preparation for the missionary position. After all, that is the only position that she was marginally familiar with.

Klaus, however, didn't decide to 'dive right in'. He knew that there should be a moist spot on Violet's panties to show that her pussy had become wet, otherwise he would likely wind up hurting her while trying to have sex with her. Thinking about what he had read, he started rubbing at her pussy through her underwear. Without thinking, Violet let out a few low moans, assuring her brother that he was doing well when he slipped her panties down away from her crotch and started lapping at her moistened lips, kissing her budding clitoris as he went, moving swiftly up to her breasts and returning to his previous methods of rubbing her moist lips with his hand, licking at her belly as he worked his way up to her small breasts. He licked and nibbled as lightly as he could at her small, firm nipples.

Moving then, up to her beautiful round face to place a kiss on her lips; while he was trying to orchestrate all of this, she traced her fingers down the outline of his spine, stroking at the soft, firm right cheek of his butt with her left hand. She used her right hand to keep Klaus from pulling away. She wanted to kiss him for a little while longer, thrusting her tongue into his mouth and licking along the inside of his cheek. She delighted in the moans she received from her brother. They were actually enjoying themselves for the first time in a very long time, and it felt positively fantastic.

Taking note of exactly where they were both positioned then, Violet pulled Klaus closer, toward her wet and waiting vagina. He slipped right in, and both of them began working at sliding Klaus into and out of Violet's body. It took only a little more than a few minutes before Klaus let go inside of her, filling her womb with semen.

Both covered in sweat and smelling of sex, they decided to lay there for a while. “We had a lot more fun with that plan than we should have. Still, no harm done.” Klaus smiled at his sister.

“Well, as long as we're married now, we can devote more of our resources to this search. Which should be stressful. And I've never felt more relaxed. We'll need to do this more often, Klaus. A lot more often.” Violet giggled at the end, smiling warmly at her brother, her husband, her best friend... they really would have to do this more often.
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A Truly Marvelous Marriage