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Plum Hairy.	By : JackSoloBlack Category: S through Z > Stephanie Plum Series Views: 2081 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Stephanie Plum, Diesel or anything/one related to it. I make no money from this...

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Plum Hairy.
Chapter One: Not-So-Super Diesel.
N/A: First fic I’ve ever written for this series so I hope I’ve done okay with it. Lol. It’s also one of the very few het pieces I’ve ever written, being as I’m predominantly a slash writer, but I kinda just got this into my head after reading all the between-the-numbers books with Diesel in them and it just wouldn’t go away and leave me alone until I did something about it! Lol.
***000***
My name is Stephanie Plum and this morning, (or lunch time, as the case may have it since I’d slept in rather late this morning) while I was making coffee and trying to decide what to do with my day, there was a knock at me door. I wasn’t expecting anyone so I put down my mug and walked to the door, looking through the security peephole. There was a man standing in the hallway, looking back at me and I was pretty sure I recognised him. I opened the door. “Diesel?”
“Yeah. Hi.”
Diesel pops into my life every now and again, unexpectedly. He’s over six foot tall, solid muscle, with a lot of wavy blonde hair and blue eyes and he’s freakin’ gorgeous and smells like oranges, cookies and Christmas. And he never knocks.
“Can I come in? I’ve been sitting on a plane all the way from Moscow and my feet are hurting ‘cos I had to walk from where the cab dropped me off ‘cos I ran out of money half way here and I smell coffee.”
I let Diesel in and took a good look at him as he was pouring coffee. He looked even more untidy than usual; his hair was his hair was down past his shoulders, dirty and mated and his torn jeans and t-shirt were filthier than usual and seemed to have more holes. He hadn’t shaved.
“So, what’s the deal? You never knock. Usually you just pop in here.”
Diesel kicked his boots off and slumped dejectedly on my couch. “I had to knock because I seem to have lost the ability to pop.” He sighed heavily. “Actually... I seem to have lost all my powers, opening locks included. I was wondering if maybe I could stay here until I get this whole mess sorted out.”
I looked down at him. Diesel looked pathetic sitting on my couch, staring at his coffee, depressedly. He was a mess and he was starting to smell funny. He was still looking at me expectantly and I sighed quietly. I couldn’t turn him away when he was looking at me like a poor, sad, lost puppy and in truth, I actually kinda liked Diesel. He was annoying, at times but he was also cute. Right now he just looked sad.
“You can stay here...” His eyes seemed to brighten a bit. “But not forever.” I warned, as he jumped off the couch and enveloped me in a big bear hug, kissing me on the lips, firmly. It was a good kiss but I had the feeling that Diesel wasn’t exactly feeling himself today. “So, why did you come here?” I asked, as he rooted around in the fridge and came out with a beer and a slice of cheese.
“I had nowhere else to go. No one else would take me... and then I thought of you!”
“Charming. Sorry, I’ve got no food. I have to pick up a cheque tomorrow morning. I was gonna have peanut butter sandwiches but I’m thinking I might take you round to mooch dinner off my parents. You look hungry.”
Diesel smiled a little. “Yeah I’m starving.”
I looked him over once more. “But first, I think I need to get you in the shower to clean up a bit, otherwise my mother’ll have a freak out.”
Diesel managed a genuine smile this time and asked; “Do you want to come with me?” He pulled puppy dog eyes on me. “It’ll make me feel better...”
I almost melted and gave in, but I restrained myself. “Stop it! Don’t you dare pull the sad face on me! Get in the shower!”
He smiled again. “What? Afraid you might fall for it?”
“A little.” I admitted.
Diesel grinned and ruffled my hair, his mood seemingly improved. “Let me know if you change your mind.” And he dropped his pants and kicked them off, throwing his shirt with them.
“Diesel!” I tried hard not to look but my curiosity got the best of me, as usual. I sucked in a quick breath and tried not to stare openly. Diesel was all solid muscle, lightly tanned and well proportioned. He was also rather large. I secretly suspected he was large everywhere!
“I could strip down further?” Diesel said, grinning.
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass.” For now. He grinned again and walked towards the bathroom and I have to say, I rather enjoyed the view.
My phone rang just as Diesel was closing the bathroom door. The display told me it was Morelli. “Hi.” I said, answering it. “What’s up?”
“Not much. Are you busy tonight? My brother got kicked out again and I’ve got the night off. I was thinking I might come over.”
I sighed loudly. “Sorry... I’d say yes but Diesel’s kind of living here...”
“Living, as in permanently or living as in, just visiting?”
“Living as in, I’m not sure how long he’s staying. He kind of turned up on my doorstep this morning and asked if he could stay here.”
“Why?”
“He had nowhere else to go. I think he’s kind of homeless... He looked so sad and pathetic standing in my doorway and I didn’t have the heart to turn him away.”
“You’re such a marshmallow.”
I sighed again. “I know. I’m taking him to mooch dinner of my parents tonight.”
Morelli laughed. “I bet that goes well...”
“Yeah, last time he was there my father tried to kill him with a carving knife...”
“He’s so understanding... Crap! I’ve got to go... Anthony just fed Bob a meatball and I think he’s choking on it...”
“Bye...”
“Se ya.” And he hung up.
I sneaked over to the bathroom door and listened. The water was running at the sink and it sounded like Diesel was shaving. Or trying to...
“Fuck! Ouch!” I heard him cussing and something went thud. I opened the door cautiously and peeked in. Diesel was lying spread-eagled on his back, looking dazed and confused, my razor in his hand, looking up at me. He was still naked. I tried not to stare at his, you know, too much. “Uhm... What happened?”
“I’m not sure... I think I cut myself and then I jumped backwards and slid over... I’m not used to getting hurt. It sucks.”
I tried hard not to grin as I helped him up and inspected the cut. It wasn’t very deep. “It’s not that bad, you just nicked yourself... Geeze! And I thought you were supposed to be tough?”
“It just surprised me...” He grinned sheepishly. “I don’t usually feel pain this easily and I think my balance might be a little off...”
I smiled inwardly. “Does it still hurt?”
“Yeah, a little.”
“You’re such a wimp.”
“You wouldn’t be saying that if I was still super-Diesel.”
“Are you still super-Diesel?”
“I hope so. I’m gonna try and believe this is just a temporary thing. Having no powers sucks!” He sat down on the edge of the bathtub looking forlorn and I went all marshmallowy again. Call me soft, but I hated seeing Diesel so depressed and sad.
“Hey, I bet there’s still some things you can do real good without them, right?”
Diesel grinned. “Yeah, probably. Do you want to find out?”
“Maybe later. I think my mother might notice if I turn up with be-hair.”
Diesel grinned even wider. “Really?”
“Maybe. If you behave yourself at my parents place tonight... No blowing stuff up or burning stuff down.”
“That wasn’t my fault.”
“I know. I’m just saying.”
Just then the phone rang again. I sprinted out of the bathroom to answer it. It was Ranger.
“Yo.”
“Yo yourself. What’s up?”
“Hal said he saw Diesel walking to your apartment building about a half-hour ago. You sound out of breath.”
“Yeah, I was in the bathroom with Diesel. He cut himself shaving and fell over. I don’t think that happens to him very often. He seemed surprised.”
“Babe. Is he living with you again?”
“Yeah.”
“Do I have to worry?”
“No.”
“Does Joe know about this?”
“Yeah, although I think he was kind of distracted when I told him. His brother got kicked out again and Bob was choking on a meatball.”
“Babe.” He hung up.
I went back to the bedroom and found Diesel sitting on the bed, still naked and staring at the floor. “What?”
“I have no clothes.”
“Oh... Uhm, that could be a problem...” I dialled Ranger back.
“Yo. Now what?”
“Diesel has no clothes. He’s in my bedroom, naked, staring at the floor...”
I could hear Ranger trying not to laugh. “Babe. I’ll be over in ten minutes. I don’t wanna miss this...” He hung up again.
I went back to Diesel. “Ranger’ll be here in a few minutes with some clothes. I think he was trying not to laugh.
“Man, that sucks. I feel really incapable right now.”
“I’m sure you’re still ‘capable.’ You’re just having a mid-life-crisis.”
: You think?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Maybe we should test that theory...” He jumped off the bed and grabbed me, wrapping his arms around me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Yikes! My toes suddenly went tingly and my heart-rate sped up beyond humanly possible. He was a really good kisser... Just when I thought I might start to melt form the heat that was surging through my body and heading south, Diesel pulled away at the sound of the door opening.
“Shit!” I whispered, trying to slow my heart down before I had to face Ranger. Diesel was grinning like a lunatic. I punched him in the arm and went into the living room where Ranger was smiling amusedly, a bag of clothes in his hand.
“Ouch! That hurt!” I heard Diesel yell from the bedroom and Ranger raised his eyebrows.
“I hit him ‘cos he was annoying me.”
“Ranger suppressed a grin. “Is he still naked?”
“Yeah.”
“Babe.” Ranger went to the bedroom door, openly grinning now and threw Diesel the bag of clothes. “”Last time I had to rescue someone naked Steph was handcuffed to the shower rail...”
Diesel grinned and gave a short bark of laughter. “Really? Who chained her there?”
“Morelli.”
Diesel laughed again.
“I was trying to track him down... He was my first FTA... Unfortunately he was better than me and he caught me in the shower...” This time Ranger laughed as well. I pointed stiff armed to the door. “Out! Both of you, now!”
Diesel pulled a sad face again. “I thought I was staying?”
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “You’re pathetic.”
“Yeah, I know.
Ranger gave me a kiss on the top of my head and left.
Diesel was still standing there naked. “So... Am I still super-Diesel?”
“What?”
“Trust me, if I’d frenched you any longer you’d have melted into a gooey puddle on the floor.”
“I would not!”
“Would too... I’m still good at that, even without my freaky super-powers.”
“Shut up and put some clothes on! We have to go to dinner.”
“You sure? I could leave them off for a while. We’ll still make dinner...”
Truthfully, I was tempted to say yes to Diesels offer – very tempted. “Get dressed! Now.”
Diesel grinned and pulled a pair of black Rangeman pants and a black t-shirt out of the bag. “You’ll come ‘round...” I was actually thinking I might - eventually - if Diesel stayed with me for too long...
I drove us to my parent’s house and Grandma Mazur greeted us at the door. She eyed Diesel openly and said; “Well, isn’t this just a pip! Hey everyone, look who’s here! It’s been ages since we last had Diesel over here for dinner! It’s always good when Stephanie brings company.”
My father looked up from the television. “Oh, shit! Not you again!” My mother ran into the kitchen and I heard her belting back a tumbler of Four-Roses.
Diesel was grinning. “At least your Grandmother likes me.”
“She thinks you’re hot.”
“I know. Most women do.” I hit him. “Ouch! You’re gonna have to stop ding that if I’m gonna start feeling sore every time... It’s not fair.” I punched him again.
We all sat down at the table and my sister, Valerie, chirped up; “So, are you two still getting married?”
What!? My mother’s fork clattered to the table and everyone stared open mouthed. “Uhm... What?”
“Well, remember on Valentine’s day how you said you and Diesel were getting married and then you got me and Albert married instead? Well, I was wondering when you and Diesel were actually getting married?”
I smacked my forehead with the heel of my hand and groaned. Oh, no! I’d completely forgotten about pretending to marry Diesel on Valentines. I’d kind of hoped everyone else had too. Trust Val to bring it up. Grandma Mazur piped up next to her. “Oh, boy! Steph, you didn’t say you were getting married! Though I do remember on Valentine’s Day... Have you set a date? We need to set a date so we can get the hall booked and get a cake and flowers and stuff!”
I sent Diesel a look that said ‘Help!’ He put his arm around my shoulders and said; “We haven’t set a date yet...”
Shit! Not what I’d been hoping he’d say. “Dieeeesel!” I groaned again and threw back a glass of wine. My mother had already drained hers and my father was staring at his plate, jaw clenched.
“Oh my god!” My mother made the sign of the cross. “What about Joe!? Oh my god! You’re pregnant!”
“No! Mom, I’m not pregnant!” Geeze, way to go Diesel! I glanced at my watch. “Oh, gee! Look at the time! I gotta go...” I pulled Diesel to his feet and my mother jumped up, saying; “But you haven’t had desert! I made Pineapple Upside-Down cake!”
“I’ll take some in a bag...” She ran into the kitchen and returned with a bag full of leftovers and another of cake. I hurried Diesel out the door.
“Don’t forget to let us know when you’ve set a date! Grandma Mazur yelled from the kitchen. “There’s lotsa planning to do!”
I slammed the door shut and jumped in my car, Diesel sliding in next to me. I cranked the engine over. “Why in god’s name did you say that!?”
He shrugged. “Couldn’t think of anything else.”
“You do realise that by tomorrow morning they’ll have hired a hall and caterers and a cake and flowers and music and everything, right!?”
“Hmmm... Cake wouldn’t be too bad.”
“Diesel! This is not funny! This is bad! They think we’re getting married and it’s all your fault!” I yelled at him.
“What? You don’t want to marry me?”
“No! Maybe! I don’t know! I need donuts!” I stopped at Dunkin’ Donuts on the way home and ate half a dozen in the car on the way. I parked in my lot, jumped out and stomped off to the elevator, Diesel in tow.
“Hey, it’s not that bad... Lots of women would love to marry me...”
“Aaaaagggghhhh!” I shoved the key in the lock and let myself into my apartment. “If I lock you out now that you have now powers will you be able to get back in?”
“No.”
Good!” And I slammed the door on him. I stomped round the kitchen for a few minutes and then felt bad. I looked through the peephole and saw Diesel standing in the hall looking depressed. Crap! I couldn’t leave him there all homeless and pathetic and sad. I opened the door. “Fine! You can stay!” But you’re sleeping on the couch!”
“I don’t fit on the couch.”
“Fine! Sleep wherever you want!” I glared at the ceiling, trying to stay mad at him but I couldn’t.
“Are you still mad at me?”
I sighed, defeatedly. “No. I can’t stay mad at you. You’re too cute when you’re sad...”
He grinned. “I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “How?”
“How do you want me to?”
“Ugh! Never kind! Don’t worry about it!” In truth, I really wanted to sleep with Diesel, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it willingly. I already had two men in my life! I didn’t need a third one on my conscience. “I’m going to bed. Alone. And I expect to wake up alone.”
“Sure.”
I sighed, already knowing I wouldn’t.
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Plum Hairy.