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Cellulose & Steel	By : Not-Taylor Category: Misc Books > FemmeSlash Views: 1028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own HDG or its characters and I don't make money from this work.

Chapter List
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“Verda?”
“Tdaiyn?”
Something about the plant’s body language proves that she wasn’t looking at the screen in front of her when she’d been disturbed. That’s not Ember’s problem. Is this her problem, though? Aside from the fact her safety depends on knowing the answer, not so much. But she’s curious and she’ll ask regardless.
“How is your withdrawal?”
“I seem to have recovered. Thank you for asking, Ember.” She seems surprised to have been asked. Didn’t she think- Oh. It’s because Ember’s a “pet.” Of course.
“See? It’s doable. With time the injury can be overcome.” Verda seems focused on something other than what was being said, and she looks very unhappy about it.
“Of course, sprout.”
“That means I can be repaired.” Her expression turns into a scowl momentarily, then fades back to her usual vague smugness.
“Darling, do you want to be ‘repaired?’ That means that you will no longer have need of those vines,” Verda says, putting peculiar emphasis on certain words. Ember doesn’t know what she’s getting at.
“Why not? Terrans don’t have weird things extend from their necks.”
“Which things might those be, my pet?”
“These.” Ember waves around her extra organs. Strangely, the ones dedicated to sensory enhancement don’t make her dizzy as she moves them. Moving them almost makes her less dizzy… somehow.
“What are those called?”
“Telesse.”
Verda frowns, looking away for a moment. “Very good, but not what I was asking. Or do you not know another term for them?”
“It’s incorrect to call them v-vines,” the Terran replies, struggling to form the word. “Isn’t it? They don’t feel similar to what was growing on buildings on Terra.”
“I suppose not.” She pauses a moment and smiles. “Do you remember how feral you were when you arrived, Ember? You told me to keep my ‘xeno vines’ off of you. Now you know that I honored your request.”
“Keep your telesse affini off as well.” The pilot is not amused by the attempted joke.
“I will, certainly.”
“Teltesse as well.”
“Very sharp, darling. I was wondering if you’d pick up on the distinction.”
“It’s… obviously something we both have and which you wouldn’t mind not touching me with, so… And will you keep all of that away from me?” She looks away from Verda, hiding her embarrassment.
“Of course not, little one. There’s an extremely witty saying in there that I’ll have to teach you tomorrow, once we’ve covered ever so slightly more vocabulary. If you use it online, people might mistake you for being in your early teens.”
“...”
“Darling, if you understand what I’m talking about, it makes sense.”
“I prefer not to look young, you know.”
“Of course, as do I. There’s a reason you’ve never heard me say such a thing.”
Ember is thoroughly confused, which her captor seems to find hilarious. She smirks and chuckles, letting herself be distracted by her computer for real this time, diverting her attention from her “pet.” It’s all the same to Ember, who’d rather not think about such things as Affini… Why would Verda even suggest teaching such a thing? It makes no sense.
Scowling and flexing her teltesse, Ember-
Did she just…?
She did, didn’t she.
Thinking (let alone saying) that feels so fucking weird. She can’t. A lump catches in her throat and she… can’t. It’s wrong. She should be ashamed of herself, and yet… She still generally wishes her thrusters were there instead. That’s also very much not a good thing, but she’s not complaining so much any more. Being a ship is liberating. It means not taking orders. It means roaming. Being a weed… She couldn’t be one anyway. She wouldn’t want to. So where’s the problem? Everything is going to be fine, she decides. And she does decide that. She doesn’t conclude everything will be fine, Ember decides that it will be fine. It will.
Where was she? Thinking about how to restore the Terran Accord. No. Thinking about how to escape. No. Thinking about how to kill Verda and hijack the ship they’re on using the compiler port. No.
Wasn’t her objection to that the fact that she doesn’t want xeno biotechnology plugged into her brain? She still doesn’t, but… That’s kind of silly in retrospect. She’s… willingly assimilated xenodrugs, accepted Affini technology into her brain, given up the name that lasted her through the whole War, worn slave garments without complaint… She’s been a very good pet, hasn’t she? It feels disgusting. Maybe…
Taking the piece of Affini engineering she received earlier today to distract itself, Ember swaps extensions and plugs herself into her second tablet. Actually, she doesn’t strictly swap. This fits into the other one so that she can run both at once. The absurdly convenient piece of equipment will allow her to communicate naturally in a “digital” format, if she understands the note correctly. Ly will be a decent test subject for this. She hasn’t been heard from in a while.
Wait, they talked this morning. Stars, everything really is starting to blend together. Ember needs a hobby. No she doesn’t, she needs to get out of here! She needs to get off this ship! She needs to go home! Actually…
“Evlen, are you busy now or are you done for the day?”
A few minutes pass, during which Ember plays with her teltesse and loses the ability to take herself seriously. Using that word feels so weird, but it’s accurate! That’s what they are!
Just great. She can literally see herself starting to blush in real time. That’s humiliating. Is this why the Affini are insane? Because they get a direct view of everything they’re doing and feeling? Doesn’t that mean that if somebody were to stand directly in front of her she’d be able to see around both of them, watching their expressions in real time as they interacted? Hmmm… That… She probably shouldn’t think about that right now, especially not after messaging Evlen and-
“I cooked breakfast today. Why do you ask?”
Because she’s bored and wants somebody normal to talk to. “No real reason. Just wondering if you wanted to talk, and I’m a bit sick of Verda since she’s been paying a lot of attention to me today. I feel her ‘eyes’ on me now.”
“I still don’t understand how you don’t like getting attention from your mistress. She clearly cares about you more than you think she does. I saw how she looked at you when we finished our walk.”
“How did she look at me?”
“She looked like she loved you, Miss Ember. You must’ve grown on her quickly.”
There’s a lot to unpack there. “You don’t have to call me that if you don’t want to. I was being funny.”
“It feels natural. Do you want me to stop? You said you liked it.”
“No. I just hate the idea of pressuring you somehow.”
“Oh. OK.”
“Anyway, do you really think she does?”
“I think most affini love their florets. I hope they do. My mistress loves me and I love her.”
“You do? Really?”
“Why not?”
“Because you can’t leave her. You’re property. Doesn’t that make it awkward?”
“Why would it?”
“Because she could hurt you if you ever stopped, and you couldn’t do anything about it.”
“But she’d never hurt me. Even if she makes decisions I think are wrong, I know she’s still trying to make me happy. If I ever didn’t love her, the only person she would blame would be herself. I think.”
The idea makes Ember very uncomfortable. Remembering that affini often have multiple florets, it’s not really “love” as Terrans would understand it. Perhaps it isn’t the same thing. Perhaps… Hold on, affini don’t- What does it even mean, anyway?
“When you use that word, what do you mean? I suspect we might be doing triple translation in order to discuss this.”
“She loves me as a pet is loved.
“I love her in a slightly different way than that. I never thought about it before.”
“You didn’t?”
“I knew she saw me as her floret, but I lost sight of that over time. It didn’t feel very important so I focused on how she treated me. I need to ask my mistress something, Miss Ember. I’ll return.”
She truly hopes… Poor Evlen. He’s going to get an answer that will make him sad. Maybe he’ll be given xenodrugs to make the “confusion” go away. After all, isn’t questioning things a feralist tendency? If he were here, Ember would hold him close and- Focus.
“My mistress says it’s as simple as what any mistress should feel. I don’t know how that makes me feel. I’m sorry for burdening you with this discussion, but I thought I shouldn’t simply not message you again.”
“Evlen… -[<3” It’s a little symbol of a robot hand giving someone a heart. Ember is certain she’s not weird for using that. She thinks it’s cute.
“Thanks. Thank you for being here. I have nobody else who can understand what I mean. You understand?”
“If I didn’t misinterpret anything. I know that really hurts.”
“Yes. When she wants to hold me in bed tonight, I’ll know how she will see that.”
If she could just… No. Apparently Ember cannot use her enhancement to read metadata from Evlen’s tablet to find out just how upset he is. No she cannot use the special code that works on the other tablet as a means determining whether- Can’t she? No really, can’t she, or won’t she?
“Verda.” That came out in the messages even though Ember was trying to speak. It takes her a moment to find the little switch somewhere in the machinery.
“Verda.” Evlen didn’t see that one, good. “I…”
Stars, this is so awkward. Terra has no word for this emotion. It’s too bright to be shame, too quiet to be embarrassment, too simple to be disgust. A warm light melts something inside of Ember, making her question her decisions and see herself as reprehensible, while simultaneously reminding her that it’s not wrong to learn from others. Molten strawberry ice cream is what fills her mind.
“Ember?”
“Is there any way to access the biometrics taken by a datapad remotely?” Of course there is. She remembers that as soon as she asks.
“That feature allows me to ensure that nothing has happened to you, darling. Why do you ask?” That was what Ember remembered. Or conjectured. One of the two.
“Could you possibly access anyone else’s? Hypothetically. If you needed to, and not specifically you.”
“Why are you asking that question, Ember?” Verda twitches suspiciously. Well, that project was never going anywhere anyway.
“I was wondering in case you were worried about somebody. Or maybe if I’d stayed with Artemis and you’d found a way to contact me…” She gives Verda her most petlike expression to reinforce just how vulnerable to kidnapping she is.
“I’m certain such a way exists. I never thought much about how the system knows who is and isn’t one’s floret.”
Maybe i-
“It’s due to the registration. In order to register a tablet for a floret, the owner’s biorhythms are scanned since that can’t be replicated. Easily. Anyone going that far would obviously have enough resources to achieve nearly anything else and probably would have greater concerns than spying on another person’s floret, so I don’t believe additional security would be meaningful.”
That’s not helpful. There has to be a way! Evlen’s counting on her! “Does that signature ever need to be changed?”
“Outside of an emergency reblooming, I doubt that very much. No, Ember. You would need to be holding the device in order to reset that and Evlen would need to willingly unlock it and hand it to you, opened to precisely that directory. His mistress would inevitably find out that she had been locked out of that access and trace the infraction to you. Very quickly. Am I clear, Ember Edok?”
“I never said anything about that…”
“Do you think you’re so opaque, darling? That’s adorable, but I pay attention, too.” At least she isn't angry. That counts for something. Is she really that transparent?
“Why do you want to spy on your little friend? Do you remember our last conversation pertaining to him?”
That was where Ember had wanted to die because she’d manipulated him into doing things he probably wouldn’t have otherwise. “Of course.”
“So why are you following this path?”
“I’m worried about him.” That sounds better than Ember’s other explanations and makes her not sound like a “feralist.”
“What’s wrong?” A concerned look clouds Verda’s face as the movement of her teltesse and telesse slows.
“He…”
Ember doesn’t want to get into how “does your mistress actually love you” turned into “stars no she doesn’t now what.” Verda wouldn’t believe it, but she actually hadn’t meant the question as a way to separate him from her. How could Ember have known that he had romantic feelings for her that weren’t reciprocated? She just wanted to understand how things worked. She didn’t think she could just… do that to him. She’d never want to hurt Evlen!
“It’s complicated.”
“I’m rather clever and so are you, darling.”
“It’s because he…”
Verda looks at her patiently, her large multicolored eyes blinking slowly.
“I’m worried about him.”
“As you have stated, tdaiyn. What caused you enough concern to violate the privacy of his mistress?”
Ember shudders. “Do I have to tell you?”
Verda watches her quietly, not moving.
“It’s because I messaged him before we started this conversation and he hasn’t replied.”
That got the plant’s attention.
“You’re certain that he isn’t simply busy?”
“No. He was desperate for me to comfort him. He wouldn’t have left, especially not after what I said.”
“What did you say?” Verda tilts her head.
“Something nonsensical. His reaction would have been confusion. I thought I was writing elsewhere.”
“I see.” Verda nods. “And you hope to find out if something materially harmed him since his most recent communication?”
“Right.”
Verda thoughtfully flicks her appendages around, looking at nothing in particular. “Now you understand why we must be so careful around xenos, tdaiyn. This sort of problem is distressingly common. Or do you believe yourself the first to have had a purely… charitable reason for your attentions? Do you believe, darling, that this is only about Evlen’s welfare? More bluntly, do you want Evlen to be comforted or do you want to comfort him?”
The affini got her. She does her best to look innocent. It doesn’t work.
“Darling, I have become adept at interpreting your body language. That your feelings toward him are so clear is nothing to be ashamed of. You’re adorable together. I will not compromise the safety of Ruby Trunk and its passengers in order for Cia Endiwai to attract a second floret.”
“What?”
Verda blinks.
“Why would she be getting a floret? Evlen is-” She shouldn’t have said so much.
Ember’s captor suddenly looks extremely uncomfortable with the conversation. Whether that’s because she figured out what her prisoner was hiding is unclear.
“My point is that any workaround that did exist would be exploited, and you know why. Remember that independent individuals are supposed to exist in the Compact.”
“...”
The affini smiles tiredly. “Darling, I know what you’re feeling. You have to trust Cia Endiwai to care for her floret (her floret, Ember). That falls to her, not to you.”
“But…”
“Oh.” The plant now looks even more uncomfortable.
“I didn’t make any claims, Verda.”
“Of course, tdaiyn. How do you attract so many of these cases? These should be uncountably rare. Were they negligent in such a manner to you… But to others? Ember.”
Verda huffs, passing air through her body. It isn’t quite a sigh. For the past few exchanges, her form has been slowly deteriorating, looking less human with each passing second. Her face remains the same, but everything else has shifted toward what Ember saw in the mirror during their virtual reality trip. She mutters something about “floret” in Affini and makes a sound similar to a blown nose. Ember’s not certain how that should be interpreted, or if it even can be interpreted.
“Suppose, darling, you were to tell me one example of a way an affini could abuse her floret. Hypothetically, what grievances could said floret have? How might the floret in question express that state?” Verda speaks slowly and cautiously, making level eye contact with Ember.
Should the Terran respond? She doesn’t want to put Evlen at risk or make Verda interfere with him. She doesn’t want Verda to be mad at her for making something up or being concerned over nothing. She doesn’t want him to be miserable, either. She doesn’t want the burden of having made the wrong choice. Then again, isn’t suffering the consequences of one’s choices what differentiates a pet and a person? Ember has gone too far to give up. Verda will forgive her for being too cautious, she hopes. She clenches her fists and readies herself to speak.
“Such a floret might consider what it means for a rapchik to use the phrase ‘I love you.’ The floret might conclude that it doesn’t mean what was hoped. In that case, wouldn’t the floret ask directly? I think getting the wrong answer might be… harmful.” She scowls as she uses the word, but it’s certainly apt.
Verda rumbles quietly and then sits nearly still. “That would certainly result in emotional harm, yet I have no doubt that lying about such a thing would also be harmful. I’m certain that the affini in question would make a substantial effort to comfort her floret in order to ensure that the misunderstanding was resolved, and that her love was in no way weaker or inferior to what was assumed. An affini simply does not have the same emotional spectrum, in the astronomic sense, as a member of another species. While there are great similarities, or we would be unable to relate meaningfully to one another, it is not the same. While adoring a floret is as natural as basking in the afternoon sun… You understand.”
“Of course.” Ember sighs. “I assumed that much. That doesn’t make it any easier from the outside, does it?”
“No, pet. If you knew- Would you like my advice?”
“Fine.”
“You do or do not.” So that’s how she’s going to be.
“Then tell me.”
“Be extremely careful in the coming days. Your roots are extending onto an erosive overhang.” What on Terra is that supposed to mean? “Try not to do anything that could get either of us into trouble, ‘Miss Ember.’”
Verda smiles wryly and snorts/huffs and drifts back to her tablet. She looks perturbed for a moment, her vines (because she’s a weed, and weeds have vines, Ember recalls) shifting uneasily. A moment later, she looks back up at Ember.
“Darling, let’s have dinner. I’m sure you’re famished by now.”
Ember leaves a quick message asking Evlen to let her know that he’s all right and gets up to join the plant. It’s certainly dinnertime. Honestly, she doesn’t want to think about this at all. Verda’s right, Evlen should’ve known better, but- No. She won’t think about this. It’s too much and she’ll just make herself sad when she can’t do anything.
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Cellulose & Steel