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Cellulose & Steel	By : Not-Taylor Category: Misc Books > FemmeSlash Views: 1028 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own HDG or its characters and I don't make money from this work.

Chapter List
- 100
- 101
Plucking her tablet off of the floor near her bed, Ember checks for new messages. Evlen is alive! She’s so happy to see that. Rolling up into a sitting position with the leverage of her left teltesse, she unlocks the tablet and plugs herself into it.
“What do you mean? I’m sorry for not replying, but my mistress needed to talk to me.”
“I only typed what I did because Verda interrupted and I got confused. When you didn’t reply I was worried.”
“But I’m in good care, Ember. Thank you for worrying.” Something about the reply feels sterile. Blank.
“Did she hurt you? Is anything at all wrong?”
“No. I’m not hurt. My mistress would never do that.”
“Given your conversation with her and how long it took you to reach me again, I’m not sure that’s true.”
A chill fire wells up below Ember’s sternum. Her instincts tell her that it isn’t a good thing, but the feeling feels too right to neglect. An overwhelming need begins to overshadow her, pulling her in an unfamiliar direction. A million tiny icicles on the edges of her spine leak their frost into her mind as she tries not to become emotional.
“She wanted to prove how much she appreciates what a good floret I am.” He’s clearly typing another line, but Ember interrupts that process. Stars, she missed being able to message people this easily.
“Isn’t that a bit manipulative? Instead of giving you time to process how upset you clearly were, she gave you xenodrugs and ran her vines along you.”
“How did you know?”
Because Ember had thoughts- “Because I have experiences with Verda’s manipulation. It stops working if you know what she’s trying to do. You don’t have to let her use chemicals to invalidate and overwrite your feelings, Evlen.”
“I enjoyed it. I would rather you didn’t speak that way about my mistress.”
“Just because you enjoy something doesn’t mean it isn’t coercive and manipulative. That’s literally the most common counterargument given in support of rape back on Terra. ‘She enjoyed it, you can tell’ is supposed to make it suddenly stop being rape. It’s not all right and you don’t have to lie to yourself about it. Tricking somebody into believing something was enjoyable is horrible, almost as bad as using drugs or similar aids to make somebody do something and then pretend it wasn’t coercive. It’s evil, Evlen. Anyone who does those sorts of things is a bad person. Trust my knowledge of this, I know what I’m talking about from experience. The idea of somebody doing that to you makes me sick.”
“I’m sorry that I misunderstood. I thought you were being what my mistress would call cranky. I didn’t know that you
“Now I understand why you feel so uncomfortable with affini. They’re so physically affectionate.”
“It’s my fault, Evlen. If I hadn’t said anything, you wouldn’t have had that interaction.”
“Ember, it isn’t your fault. Nothing bad happened to me.”
“Are you sure that’s your opinion and not hers?”
“I am.”
“Has your opinion on what we discussed before changed since we talked yesterday?”
“My mistress didn’t lie.”
“And?”
“I believe that she does love me as a pet.”
“Neither of those statements are opinions.”
“Having to relive every memory with her and examine it to see if I was wrong about what she said and meant hasn’t been easy, but I needed it. Thanks for caring, Ember. I have to start to cook lunch.”
“Have fun. If I’m not here when you need me, I’ll be here as soon as I get back to my screen.”
The poor little thing. He deserves better than Cia Endiwai, and probably better than Ember, as much as that pains her to imagine. The fact that she’d done the same thing to him as the weed without even flinching shows just how much better he deserves. He deserves a woman of his species, a real woman, a woman who won’t instinctively try to dominate his mind just because he’s cute (which he obviously is).
The ship sighs, looking between the curtains at the morning dimness. There are traces of dew on the grass between Verda’s residence and the next. Terra supposedly was that way, long ago. Ember forces herself not to cry when she thinks about the fact she’ll never see that for herself, that the Affini took away Terra’s chance to heal in a Terran way. Instead, they’ll turn it into a multicultural abomination populated by xenos (such as themselves), and xenotrees, and xenograss, and xenofauna, and xenofungus. Xenofungus especially. Grass is supposed to be green, so they’ll probably use something else, just to rub in their supremacy. Probably not blue because blue grass used to be a condiment before its extinction. Red and purple xenofungus…
She nods to herself, slowly turning toward her oppressor. Verda is lying down, doing something on her tablet, which she’s suspended above her using her teltesse. She meets her “pet’s” glance quickly, smiling. “Good morning, Ember. How are you today?”
“Bad.” She probably shouldn’t admit that.
“Oh?”
“Cia- And a hypothetical- Why would I even think about asking you about that? That’s stupid. I know better. I know you’d-” She stands up and walks to the side of the room that has a door. “You would never! I- It’s… I-” She has no idea how to express the knot of frustrations and worries that’s inside of her. The only reason she even thinks about saying something is that Verda seemed sympathetic last night (even though it was probably xeno trickery).
Evlen’s future is at stake. He could be turned! He could leave his guard and become a warrior of liberation! How can she even hope to make Verda contemplate whether what’s being done to him is wrong? She’d easily do the same to her, wouldn’t she? That’s what affini exist to do. They corrupt and manipulate, all to ensnare their slaves and trick them into willing obedience. They’re like union bosses! Or managers!
“Darling, what’s wrong? Something has clearly upset you. I know you better than to think this is something minor.”
In trying to formulate a reply, Ember realizes that Cia Endiwai did nothing wrong. She can’t believe that she thinks that, actually. Is she insane?
“Am I insane?”
“Not to my knowledge, pet. Are you prepared to renounce feralism and Free Terranism and accept your position as my floret willingly?”
“What if you pretended I gave you the answer you wanted?”
“Then no, Ember. I am sure that you are not insane.”
“Cia Endiwai told Evlen something and instead of letting him figure out how he felt about it, she decided to…” She can’t think of the word, but Verda waits patiently for the rest of the sentence. “She decided to use xenodrugs, essentially. At first I was mad at her, but then I… realized that- That’s normal. She just wanted Evlen to be happy.” No, Cia was in the wrong, actually. Ember’s head hurts. Why is it so difficult to think clearly about this?
Until the last sentence, Verda seemed unaffected, thoughtfully taking in what was being said. Only the last part seems to upset her.
“Tdaiyn, gossip is not indicative of equanimity.” That wasn’t a comment on what Ember had said.
“You asked how I was doing. I care about Evlen, and his situation is making me upset.”
“I should dose you with xenodrugs so you stop worrying about that floret.” She sighs. “Darling, your concerns are more than understandable, they are relatable, but Evlen’s mistress is the one among us to whom the authority for such decisions falls”
“So you can just… use xenodrugs to ‘fix’ being in a fight with a floret, and there’s nothing wrong with that? Nobody minds? Nobody takes issue with how exploitative and… disrespectful that is? They would have gotten along anyway! I…” Ember’s voice fades as she’s struck by how excessive Elven’s treatment was.
“Why would anyone be upset about an affini preventing her floret from being miserable, even if it’s only temporary?”
“I understand your point.”
Of course Verda is right. The Affini keep their slaves in smiling euphoria to ensure that they’re willing to comply with everything needed of them, which isn’t much, but it’s something. She knew that. That’s why she thought it was fine for a moment. It comes from a good place, as they used to say. Ember still isn’t entirely sure what purpose “florets” serve, but it can’t be good. If the necessary happiness is interrupted by something, then that something will be destroyed without emotional inertia. That’s simply how the Compact works.
“I know you want to help, Ember, but your help is not needed or wanted.” Verda says that with a sympathetic expression and a gentle tone. It’s not a criticism, it’s a statement of fact. She’s trying to show that she’s a relatable figure who isn’t manipulative and malicious. Ember is taken aback by the directness of her conclusion.
“Right. I don’t feel happy about that.”
“Evlen has been happy with his mistress for years, has he not? Would you believe that she has changed her personality suddenly?”
“No.”
“Then there is your answer. If he were to be unhappy, he would have become unhappy before now.”
“Unless he learned something new?”
“What could he possibly learn?”
“I don’t know. Maybe that he’d been lied to.”
“Then I suppose the memory-” Verda freezes entirely and the color of her face weakens. She sits immobile for almost a minute.
“I suppose the memory of that conflict will only strengthen their bond, once it has passed.”
“Were you about to say something else?”
“I decided that it was not a helpful statement to make. Had I felt inclined to continue, I would have.” Ember is fairly sure that means that Verda won’t say what she was about to say no matter what.
“So there’s no way I can help.”
“You could be a friend.” Ember doesn’t want that.
“I could,” she mutters.
“Darling,” the plant says, warningly. “How can you care for the human in your charge if you allow emotions and untempered impulses to control you?”
She’s right and Ember hates that. Trying to interfere would be stupid, since, as she didn’t need help to figure out, Cia Endiwai did nothing wrong by Affini standards. By Ember’s standards? Those don’t matter.
She sighs and leans back against the wall. Verda gestures to the neatly folded clothing lying on a small (by affini standards) table nearby. Ember puts them on without a word. She’s grateful for Verda’s decision to allow her to do that herself, without any of the demeaning language that usually accompanies their morning routine. They’re starting to have a routine now. Ember snorts. Another day, another round of boundary testing and psychological pressure.
Ember is a Free Terran. Ember distrusts the Affini. Ember wants to hurt the Affini. All of them are participants in the occupation of her home. Every weed is guilty. Perhaps reminding herself will help her last longer. She believes everything she just said. She’s a proper Terran who is loyal to her people. Ember is strong. Ember knows to be wary of xenos.
The pilot feels her junction, situated under an increasing amount of equipment. To surrender is to lose that, to lose the abilities she’s been training in almost her entire adult life, to lose who she’s become, who she was so happy to have been. To let Verda win is to give up the only thing that made her feel normal. They say being a woman is pain. Olivia willingly took on that pain. Every pilot knows that interfacing is pain. Song willingly took on that pain. Ember… To surrender any of what she’s spent almost her entire conscious existence fighting for is unacceptable. She can’t. She just… cannot imagine who or what she would be, if she gave any of it away to some plant.
The incident at the hospital proves that the Affini can and will use conversion therapy if they can argue to one another that it’s in a slave’s interest. Today’s conversation proves that any “floret” is fully at an “owner’s” mercy in that regard. Thus, Verda could decide that Ember would be happier as a man and make it so, just as she decided that Ember’s sexuality was not worth preserving since it was atypical. Sort of. The ambiguity flees Ember’s heart as it comes to terms with the reality before it. Coexistence was never an option.
Now wearing a yellow dress with pockets on the… breast indents (which Ember never thought she’d want a name for), the pilot exits the room, moving to the couch. It’s gotten light enough outside that it doesn’t need artificial lighting.
[membership_plan_11]> official: How are you doing, Ly? Did your work go well?
A moment later, a reply comes through.
[Dephinni_C]> ls_684co: You remembered my schedule?
[membership_plan_11]> official: Of course I did. I can just check our messages, you know.
[Dephinni_C]> ls_684co: right
[Dephinni_C]> ls_684co: Today was long. How are you?
[membership_plan_11]> official: It’s already been a long day. I’m worried about somebody. I don’t want to talk about it.
[Dephinni_C]> ls_684co: I see. do you want to voice?
[membership_plan_11]> official: Let’s. I need to figure out how to make this work and I can probably call you.
Ember presses the code that’s supposed to- Woops. The bottom of the screen is now a pulse monitor. That wasn’t supposed to happen. She tries again. A happy jingle plays and the screen changes to black with three buttons. One is a vine a distance from a line segment. One is a line segment next to another line segment. One is yellow and depicts a line segment with two circles through it. That one’s probably the button to hang up. Earphones on.
“Hello?” Ly’s voice is gruff. That’ll take a lot of work to fix, but Ember believes in her.
“Hello. It’s nice to hear from you. I was honestly going to suggest we talk this way if you hadn’t.”
“Really? That’s funny. But more importantly, how are you talking to me? You’re with them, right? So how are you able to talk to me without being detected?”
“I’m really good at electronics. I told you. And I’m really sneaky. I managed to last longer than just about anyone.”
“How do you know that?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you know that you lasted longer than ‘just about anyone?’”
“Because I saw the domestication notices of everyone I knew coming in all the time. I stopped running into anyone. I heard every port I jumped near starting to broadcast ‘surrender is always the right choice’ until nowhere was safe. I wish there was more resistance out there, but… there isn’t.”
“So it’s just us?”
“Just you, Ly, as far as I know.”
“Shit.”
“Isn’t it?”
“Well…” Oh. Ember wasn’t supposed to take away her hope. She was supposed to tell Ly to fight harder because there’s still a chance. At least… of dying in a way worthy of Terra? “Now what, Ember?” Ly’s heart has sped up a bit. She can’t be taking the news well, even though her tone is very masculine and stoic. She’ll feel so silly about that in a little…
“What do you mean?”
“None of us are in the Cosmic Navy’s chain of command, technically speaking. That makes you the admiral, doesn’t it?”
“No. I’m not in the chain of command either. That’s to prevent-” Oh, right. It’s to prevent the pilot from doing a solo mutiny and taking over a ship. That was certainly ineffective. She wants to believe that the people in charge were doing their best and making smart decisions, but…
“So who is in charge?”
“I have no idea.”
“Seriously, Ember?”
“Seriously. They have some kind of a relay system, I think. I didn’t actually question it too deeply since I’m not supposed to be talking to people so far out.”
“They have an interstellar relay system with high enough bandwidth for voice calls for random slaves to use unsupervised, where nobody’s going to even notice, and you didn’t question it?”
It’s actually high enough bandwidth for unrestricted video calls (probably in hyper gigahigh definition) but there’s no way she’d admit that. Besides, she might need to see Ly’s face without her knowledge. Dirt and stars, she’s sound- She did it again. Ember spends a moment feeling bad for herself.
“Why would you expect me to believe that? I had enough trouble believing you’d have real time communication over text from out there. Just how much do you want me to think you’re spending on telecoms? Even a trillionaire wouldn’t have that much money, and that’s just for us two. The idea to voice chat was a test, which you failed.”
“So what do you think now?”
“Think?”
“What do you think? What’s the truth, Ly? I promise to tell you if you’re correct.” She quickly tabs out to remind herself of the more important button codes, and returns.
“I think you’re in orbit. I think you’re preparing to invade and slaughter us like pigs.”
“Neither of those things are correct. As far as I know, you’re all th- You’re probably no closer than a thousand light years, actually. I think that’s true. And I don’t want you to die. That would be sad.”
“You could be lying.”
“I don’t know anything. I’m just somebody’s ‘pet.’ They never tell me anything important.”
“If you’re in their ears, why don’t you pick their brain?” Clearly, Ly isn’t just the communications “guy.”
“I haven’t gotten around to it. I’ve been busy.”
“Doing what precisely?”
“I talked to the xeno again. I watched some guide on how to be a good floret. I sat around and tried not to get drugged. What did you do? You’re sitting in a bunker with nowhere to go. How is there enough work for all of you, especially when you have limited supplies?”
“The governor is a maniac and… I don’t want to talk about it. If he caught me saying…”
“If he caught you talking to a weed, it’d be far worse, wouldn’t it. Now, if I were one, I could simply contact this governor and inform him of your wavering loyalty to Terra and offer to deliver a commendation to you personally. He would be thrilled, would he not? If I were in orbit, would you be dealt with before I arrived, or would I be able to take you into custody myself?” Where did that come from? Ember hasn’t spoken that way since she interfaced after a couple of drinks.
“Um….”
“Now this subject will end and not resume. Do you see why it’s not productive to be paranoid, Ly? I’m never going to be able to prove I’m not one of them. Freedom and capitalism are good. Weeds and communism are bad. I dare you to find a xeno who’d willingly admit either of those things.”
“You’re right. I just… It’s hard to believe, you know? You’re using a system way more advanced than anything we had- than we have, and you didn’t register how big of a deal that is. It’s scary. I can’t help feeling we don’t stand a chance.”
“Never give up, Ly. We can make it. We’ve made it this far.”
“I hope so, too. Honestly…” Ember holds in a sigh of relief. That was far too close.
“Tell me.” Ember notices that she’s been starting to drum on the couch. She stops. She starts again. She stops herself and tries to keep the things coming out of her back from wandering around. They don’t want to stay still. That’s annoying.
“Maybe you could cheer me up.” That wasn’t what Ly was going to say, but Ember doesn’t comment on that.
“What’s your day been like?” Ly asks.
“I just got up, really.”
“So no labour?”
“Not yet.”
“What did you eat?”
“Nothing yet. Probably hot gruel.”
“Gruel? Real food? Not broth or cubes?”
“No.”
“Do you have that a lot?”
She’d had real food fairly often as a pilot, especially if you counted nutrient paste (as many did). “Every meal since I’ve arrived. I’m worried that it’s poisoned or drugged, though. I’ve been feeling strange ever since I got here, and I have no idea which thing is causing that.”
Silence.
“Do they make you wear those stupid outfits?”
“I… am. I’m wearing a dress right now. It looks ridiculous.” This is her chance! “It’s comfortable enough, I suppose.”
“Wow.”
“A bit tight, actually. It pulls against me, and it’s thin, so if my weed wants to touch me I’ll feel every bit of it.” If Ly is one of those, she’ll have trouble containing her reaction.
“Wow…” Victory.
“Messed up, isn’t it? But the material is really soft, so at least it’s not unpleasant when I’m by myself.”
“Wow…” The pulse rises as Ly realizes she hasn’t made a meaningful reply… “That must be terrible. Or not so terrible.”
“Not so terrible. The deck is packed with trans women who started after they got here, so by comparison, I look fantastic. Not that there are any women here I’d want to date either way.”
“And you don’t feel threatened by them?”
“Why would I? Even if they weren’t pets, I mean. They’re just people, Ly.”
“I… guess. Just people?”
“Just people being what they want. Within the Compact’s restrictions, obviously.”
“How do they stop perverts from-”
“No idea. I haven’t seen any gender segregation since I got here. It’s nice.”
“Nice? Really?”
“Isn’t it? You don’t hate having to do stuff with a bunch of-” Way too on the nose. Ember stops herself from talking.
“But I’m supposed to be with men. I’m a, you know.”
“Why are you supposed to, Ly?”
“What do you think?” She sounds hurt. There might not be a better time to press her on this issue.
“Tell me.”
“Fuck yourself. You’re doubting my manhood. Do you want a dickograph or something?”
No. Ember certainly does not want that whatsoever. “I don’t know. It’s just that-”
“Just that what? That because I’m not into jock bullshit that I’m not a real man? That you want- You want to put me in a dress, don’t you? You want to turn me into a femboy! I’ll have you know- You know what? No. You sick, stupid weed, get out of my-”
Click.
Ember is a bad person.
- 100
- 101
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Cellulose & Steel