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Polar Night	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 8234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 11
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I was keenly aware of Bella as I prepared dinner: the easy way she touched me now, the way my body responded to her, no longer unchanging. As she stood behind me, her one hand over my chest, her other resting on my hip, her warm lips grazing my shoulder blades, my breathing changed, my vision changed, my thought pattern changed. She’d given me almost everything I could have asked for. Somehow, she’d punched through my hard, cold exterior, and now I could feel warmth, slowly moving deep within myself. I was more alive than I’d been in nearly ninety years.

Bella whispered in my ear, she pulled her body closer, and with that small gesture I knew there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Nothing she asked that I would not pursue. And damn it if I didn’t want to turn around and take her right here in the kitchen.

“Mm. Smells good. I’m so hungry,” Bella murmured, her hot breath tickling my ear.

In that case, I’d let her eat. Then I’d get her out of the house, and take her down to the shore. I knew the spot from Alice’s vision, just next to the outcropping of rock, near the submerged caves. But as I looked out the window, I noticed that the sun was quickly setting. The lighting was wrong. But Alice always said that the future could change.

“Then eat quickly, Mrs. Cullen. I have plans for this evening,” I smiled, wrapping an arm around Bella’s waist and picking her off the floor. In one swift move I’d deposited her in one of the stainless steel kitchen chairs, and a plate of grilled cheese and a bowl of soup sat on the table in front of her.

“Very smooth, Mr. Cullen,” Bella giggled, her eyes twinkling.

“Mrs. Cullen,” I replied, as I felt an uncontrollable smile taking over my face. My wife. And suddenly the enormity of the situation hit all over again. Bella was my wife, in every sense of the word. We’d tried, we’d made it work, and now she wanted to remain human. I’d find a way to make this right for us. Emmett said I shouldn’t say anything to Bella. The Volturi said I couldn’t say anything to Bella. I wouldn’t risk us; I wouldn’t risk her life. I’d make it work.

*****

I knew I’d been wrong about changing the future as soon as Bella and I took to the beach. We walked along the shoreline hand in hand. Silence hung in the humid air around us, weighty and significant. While I tried to keep myself focused on my more immediate plans, Bella was lying on the shore, the waves lapping at her feet, and my mind wandered elsewhere, surprisingly leaving my earlier train of thought behind.

There was so much we needed to discuss, and so much we couldn’t discuss; the mixture of urgency and secrecy had me unbalanced and left me reticent and ill at ease. My mouth seemed somehow hardwired to my brain, and I was afraid if I began talking I wouldn’t be able to hold anything back from Bella. I wondered if it were even possible. Could a vampire keep a secret from his mate?

Just then a breeze blew from off the water, carrying the scent of something large, shark perhaps. Venom dripped from my teeth, and I swallowed and looked away from Bella, slightly ashamed. It had been nearly two weeks since my last feed. I’d needed to leave for days now, but hadn’t been able to tear myself from Bella’s side. I hadn’t even spoken about it with her, unwilling to hear her tell me that I should go.

Perhaps one day we’d hunt together. One day four months from now.

I sighed, and shook my head, somewhat disgusted. Bella wanted to stay human. That was always my goal. I shouldn’t want to hunt with her, to watch her take down her first kill, to see the predatory glint in her eye, to watch her gracefully tear into some beast’s flesh. The venom was flowing again, filling my mouth. I took a step away from Bella, and looked out at the water as I swallowed.

But in one of those instinctual moves of hers that always endangered her life, Bella moved to close the gap I’d created between us, pulling her arms around me, her full breasts pressing just below my chest, distracting me yet again. Over the past week, I’d had the opportunity to watch her long lines soften, her curves fill, as I memorized her body while she lay naked in my arms. Her breasts had swelled, her nipples were more sensitive to the touch, her abdomen had a slight feminine curve just below her navel. Each subtle change was cause for silent wonder, as I relearned the texture and terrain of her body that waxed and waned with the changing moon.

And then it struck me: tomorrow night would be the new moon. It was time for Bella’s monthly cycle. In the past it was a time when I often hunted, when I’d had trouble simply touching her. We’d never spoken about it, but I assumed that my hunting trips spoke volumes on the subject.

My body stirred as I contemplated Bella at this time of the month; her blood where my body desired her the most: my mouth, my lips, my tongue, Bella’s blood. I shuddered and Bella pulled her arms tighter around me. Her instincts were so completely opposite to what they should be, I could have laughed. It was right to leave.

And tomorrow Gustavo and Kaure would be back. There was no need to endanger those humans, whose blood still smelled delicious and warm and extremely drinkable. If I left tonight to hunt, Bella wouldn’t have to be alone tomorrow.

“You’re so quiet, Edward,” Bella murmured.

I looked down at Bella and noticed how the delicate buds of her eyes had opened, blossoming over the past week. I saw how unprotected and vulnerable she was in my presence, and the trust that this implied. My heart warmed, my head drooped. I wasn’t running away, I reasoned. The timing was right. It had been nearly two weeks since I’d fed. Whether or not I thirsted for Bella’s blood, I knew that the hungrier I was, the more danger my presence put her in.

“What is it?”

“I have to hunt.”

And something light moved in Bella’s wide eyes, like petals fluttering in a breeze. “You’ve stayed here too long. I didn’t even think. You should go.”

Those were the words I’m been avoiding. Bella telling me I should go. It was ridiculous. There were bigger issues at hand. But it hurt, nevertheless.

“I’ll leave after you’re asleep.”

Bella nodded, smiling supportively at the idea of her husband running off into the rainforest to drink blood; so absurd and endearing all at once.

“I’ll be back after dark tomorrow.”

“Is that why you’re so quiet?”

“It’s part of it.”

“What else?”

We were at the spot from Alice’s vision. The tide was out, though, and there would be no water at Bella’s feet. The sun was at the horizon, coloring Bella’s cheeks orange, half-hiding her new freckles instead of bringing them out the way the full light of day would. It wasn’t just the lighting; it was the wrong time.

“It turns out that the future doesn’t change as easily as I thought it might.”

Suddenly, none of this felt right. I didn’t feel honest. I wasn’t in the right place to open myself up to Bella physically. I couldn’t say one thing with my body and another with my mind. I had to figure out a way to reconcile keeping Bella human while also keeping Emmett and Rose’s secret.

“Edward, you’re being cryptic. Can you just tell me what you wanted? What you’re thinking?”

“Alice showed me this spot in a vision. It was something she thought might calm my wedding night jitters, I suppose.”

The light in Bella’s eyes danced, flower petals blowing in the wind.

“When I thought about us having to leave, I wanted to make sure this one wish came true.”

Bella looked up at me through her long lashes, her eyes heavy lidded, but playful just the same. She melodramatically threw herself onto the damp white sand. “Well, then, take me now, husband,” she said in a mock-sultry voice.

I sat in the sand next to her. “Today’s not the day Alice told me about. And it’s all wrong. The lighting, my mood. Another time?”

“When?” Bella asked, raising herself on her elbows, looking at me quizzically. I hadn’t turned her down in seven days.

Two and a half weeks away. That’s what she’d said at the reception.

“Very, soon,” I assured Bella.

“What’s with all the fortune teller talk tonight? I could just call Alice after you leave, you know.”

“I don’t think you’d reach her.”

“Yeah, that’s right. I stopped trying a while ago. But, you know, in a way I liked that better.”

“What do you mean?”

“I kind of like that Alice isn’t around to help. It’s more normal. Sure, it was nice having her tell us where to go, showing up with a space heater at just the right moment. But when things didn’t work out here at first, we got through it without her. That was nice. It made me feel strong enough to do this a little while longer as a human. Maybe I relied on her a little too much, and didn’t think enough of myself.”

“You’ve never thought enough of yourself,” I agreed.

Bella shook her head, but didn’t bother to argue the point. “Do you think we could ask Alice to butt out a little?”

I thought about how badly I needed to speak to Alice, how I’d give almost anything, besides my mate, to hear her reassuring words about the future. How I wished I could swim to Ireland and back tomorrow, instead of to the rainforest. My need to speak with Alice seemed to grow with each minute that passed. “You could ask. I don’t know if she’d agree to it, of course. I’ve never known Alice not to meddle, it’s almost like she was made to pester others with her help.”

Bella sighed, crossing her legs in front of her and looking out towards the calm silver sea.

“But there’s nothing stopping you from asking, Bella.”

There was no way I was asking Alice to stay out of things. Suddenly I wished I’d taken my cell on the walk, just in case Alice called back.

“And if I asked her to let me shop for college myself?”

The words were no sooner out of Bella’s mouth than I laughed long and hard, enjoying the way in which the tension that had taken hold of my body dissolved into the warm evening air. “Not a chance. I’m sure she started shopping for you months ago, as soon as she knew college was a possibility.”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. I never would have considered staying human and going to school, until… after we’d...” The warm, soothing feeling of relief stayed with me and grew into something different: adoration, as I watched Bella’s cheeks grow pink while she concentrated a bit too intently on the sunset over the water. I loved the way that sometimes she was still too shy to look at me as she thought about sex.

I turned her face toward mine, her eyes were like warm embers reflecting the evening light, and I kissed her lips softly. Her scent hung in the thick air around us. I noticed the air condensing on my cool arms, and suppressed the impulse to taste it, in order to see if Bella’s essence had somehow coalesced there.

“If sex was the key then, I’m sure Alice hasn’t wasted any time on such short notice. I’m sure she’s spent the day scouring all of Ireland for an outfit for you to wear on your fist day of classes, and the perfect coat for your first real winter in Hanover.”

“In Juneau.”

Hanover and Juneau were spoken simultaneously.

What?” we asked, once again in unison.

“Dartmouth is in Hanover,” I remarked, confused.

“Dartmouth?” Bella sounded surprised.

“What am I missing, Bella?”

“Uh, well, I never really considered actually attending Dartmouth. It was a decent cover story, but I didn’t think I was going to school there.”

“But why not? It’s an excellent school, the variety of courses open to a freshman Literature major alone…”

“Whoa, there! Now I’m a lit. major? Hey, I’m going for a semester. I want to enjoy myself, not stress about failing out.”

“I’d tutor you.”

“That’s not how I planned to spend the next four months with you.” Bella wriggled closer to me, her leg brushed against mine, her finger traced a pattern on my thigh. “Me, you, alone in our little apartment together, all night, tutoring?”

She had a point. I wouldn’t push the tutoring angle. “We wouldn’t need an apartment in Hanover. We have a home right off campus.”

“We?”

“It’s been in the family for years. We settled there after World War II. That’s where Alice and Jasper found us.”

“So you and I would have to live in the garage?” Bella said sarcastically, referring to the story of how Jasper and Alice met the rest of the family.

“I think I may be able to get my room back, now that I have a wife.” It still felt so good to call Bella my wife. I smiled easily as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, the worries of the day subsiding a little more each time we touched.

“But Edward, I didn’t get into Dartmouth.”

“You have an acceptance letter in your bedroom at Charlie’s house that says something entirely different.”

“You got me into Dartmouth. I got into the University of Alaska, Southwest.”

“But Dartmouth…”

“Edward, if I’m going to be human, I want to do it my way; a normal human way. I got into the University of Alaska. I have forever to go to Dartmouth. We could go there next time we go to college, or the time after that.”

“I think humans pull strings more than vampires do when it comes to the undergraduate admissions process.”

“This human doesn’t.” I could see Bella’s mind was made up. She pulled away from me and gave me that look of hers that was supposed to be intimidating. Her eyes narrowed, her lips were pressed in a thin line; the look that always made me want to laugh. I worked to keep a straight face. She’d made her point; she was serious about attending the University of Alaska.

“Juneau, Alaska?” I asked.

“We could get an apartment, and I could drive a normal car. The Volvo’s fine. But maybe I could leave the tank in Forks?”

“How about a house? Real estate is a good investment. It could be something of our own… something of yours.” I chose to ignore her objections to her new automobile.

“And then I’d come home from a long day of classes, and we could cuddle in front of the T.V. and then, I’d get so sleepy you’d carry me to bed, and well, I wouldn’t fall asleep right away. Our bed, in our own little apartment somewhere so far north that you could be outside almost anytime because the sun doesn’t come out much there in the fall.”

“If you’re counting on polar night, we’d have to go farther north than Juneau.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “It rains there a lot in the fall. Maybe more than Forks.”

“You’ve done research?”

“I’m not the only one in this relationship with tricks up their sleeve,” Bella smiled slyly, looking at me out of the corner of her eyes. “And then I could take a few classes, maybe get a part-time job, or work study...”

I chuckled. “Bella, you don’t need to work. And I hardly think we’d qualify for work study.”

Bella’s shoulders fell a bit. “Oh. I guess I just always saw myself working in the campus library. Or a bookstore, or something.”

“A librarian?” I grinned.

“Is there something funny about that?” Bella asked, suddenly defensive.

“I could get used to the idea. But I may end up haunting the library. Has my company been so intolerable that you need to get away from me?”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Of course not. But isn’t it healthy to do things separately once in a while?”

In my mind I could see passages from psychology texts about co-dependency. Perhaps, for a human, spending every moment together was wrong. But for a vampire? A new couple? I might really haunt Bella’s place of work if she got a job.

“What is it?” Bella asked.

“I don’t know if I could keep myself away from you like that. It’s different for vampires. We’re made to exist together eternally with our mates. There’s no need to separate for periods of time. I have to remember that you’re human.”

“You’re telling me that vampires want their women to stay home?”

“No. But if you were vampire, I don’t believe outside employment would cross your mind, yet.”

“Really?”

“Really. Emmett and Rosalie scarcely spent three hours away from one another for the first ten years they were together. That was excessive, and revolting at times, but not entirely outside of the normal for two mated vampires.”

“So I shouldn’t get a job then?”

“You should do whatever you want. My primary goal now is to make you happy and to give you what you want. But on a certain level it makes this much more confusing. You want things that might take you away from me, things that go against my instincts.”

“Does staying human a while longer go against your instincts? Is that why you’ve been a little sad since we talked this morning?”

“Yes, and no. But I could never be sad to hear you say you were choosing humanity.”

“Maybe that’s the wrong word.”

“The real world is edging in, I suppose. I wish I could keep you and I here, forever. It’s been too good, better than I knew it could be.”

“That’s why I want things between you and I the same for now. This past week is the closest thing to perfect I’ve ever known.”

“And going to school in Juneau would make you happy?”

“More than anything.”

“Then it’s done.”

*****

We walked slowly home, talking about timelines and course offerings at the University of Alaska. We discussed the merits of renting versus purchasing a home. I didn’t see a single advantage to renting, but Bella felt it was a more normal thing for a college freshman to do. I reminded her about Gustavo and Kaure, and she reminded me that she didn’t need babysitters. All the same, I felt better knowing she would spend the entire time alone on the island.

Bella changed into her worn T-shirt, while I finally made the bed. I met her at the door, kissed her gently, and felt my body fall into hers. Still kissing, I took her in my arms, and we were quickly lying in the bed. And without saying anything, Bella knew that tonight I needed to simply lie with her and hold her close. Tonight was about two people trying against the odds to do what was right for one another, even when it didn’t feel right.

I cradled Bella in my arms; I looked deep into her bottomless eyes. I held her head in my hand, traced her lips with my fingertip.

Bella tucked her head into the crook of my neck, and my body pulsed with her pulse, moved with her breath, the motion of her living body animating my own, warming my body where she touched me, her sweat permeating my skin. I pressed myself against her gently, shuddering with the thought that something living was bleeding into my own rocky exterior. Bella was literally my life, she came so near to bringing me to that place, so that now I felt like I was hovering in between the worlds of the living and the undead, a different creature entirely.

Bella’s breathing slowed, her limbs relaxed, and she gave herself up to unconsciousness, to her own in between world, a place I wished I could go with her, a place I longed to find for myself. Maybe, given four more months by Bella’s side, maybe I could get there.

I stood carefully, after delicately disentangling myself from her, walking noiselessly around the room, dressing, writing a brief note. But I lingered, unwilling to leave my mate. I stepped to the bedside, kissed Bella’s cheek, and rubbed my nose along her neckline and through her hair, so soft and fragrant. Bella mumbled something in her sleep, turning over so that her hair brushed along my face as she moved. In a flash of inspiration, I took a small lock of her hair between my teeth and bit down, and then pressed the baby-soft strands into my palm. With this small piece of Bella, I found the will to leave. I’d be back shortly.

*****

In my mind, this honeymoon could be chronicled by how I felt when I woke up. I was so excited that first morning, and then so destitute. I don’t know if I’d ever felt so high and then so low in such rapid succession. The next three mornings I’d woken feeling anxious and uptight. And after that, finally, I opened my eyes feeling satisfied, exultant, half awake and half dreaming, cool and naked in Edward’s arms.

Today I woke feeling alone. I felt empty and incomplete. I didn’t like it at all. The small beach house seemed too big for me, the food I found in the refrigerator looked unappealing, none of the thousands of DVDs held any interest for me. Co-dependant. The word was like a bright red warning sign in my mind. This wasn’t healthy.

But part of the reason I felt the way I did this morning was because of who Edward was. This feeling would be normal for a vampire couple. It wouldn’t be cause for psychoanalysis or prescription medication. I figured that Edward must have been feeling worse. I was still human, after all. I could be strong and independent if I tried. It was one day apart. Just a day.

I forced myself to eat something and it didn’t sit well. I felt bloated and uncomfortable. I took a shower and changed, taking deep breaths, hoping to catch a trace of Edward’s scent lingering in the shower stall. I smiled as I gazed at the wall he’d pushed me against, at the bench where he’d pulled me onto his lap. The water started to go cold, and I realized I’d been staring at a bench for far too long.

I dressed, still not feeling like myself. My clothing felt all wrong. I paced through the little house, with no desire to go outside. Then I found Edward’s note, propped up on his pillow. Somehow I’d missed it.

Bella, No matter how far my body is from yours, please know that I could never actually leave you. - Edward

Our two souls therefore, which are one,  
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,  
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;  
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show  
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,  
Yet, when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,  
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,  
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;  
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

I read and re-read the poem until I noticed my own tears wetting the paper, blurring the ink. I was crying! I laughed despite myself, tears still flowing down my face. Maybe I really did need some psychiatric care.

I was still laughing as I tried to imagine what I’d tell a psychiatrist. “I can’t seem to get a grip after finally having sex with my vampire husband. You see, it means we’re bound for all eternity, but I’m still human, so it’s very confusing. Once I’m a vampire too, then it should sort itself out. But the sex is just too good to give up.” I think the doctor would want to give me a little more than Prozac.

At the bottom of the note, Edward left the web address for Alaska University Southeast, their course catalogue and registration information. I found the laptop in the den and looked through the catalogue, but quickly got bored.

Then, on a whim, I started playing around, Googling the various Cullens. I couldn’t find a thing. They were remarkably absent from the Internet. Of course. For the fun of it, I searched for Stregoni Benefici. He still held his legendary status on the one vampire website. I read through the different legends again, including the one about my own husband, the supposed Lobisomem, and chuckled a little under my breath. “Rumored to turn young women into nymphomaniacs.” I felt my face turn red. I could see how that legend may have gotten started.

That’s when I heard three quick knocks at the front door. I jumped, upsetting the laptop, and it tumbled to the floor. I cursed under my breath, hoping I hadn’t done any permanent damage and went to go open the door for the housecleaners.

I smiled awkwardly at the little couple. They were both so tan, and so round, and they each looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

“Senhor Cullen gone today?” Gustavo asked in halting English. “He telephone. Said you alone.”

I nodded my head. “Si.” I didn’t know any Portuguese to speak of, but I figured I’d try to make due with what little Spanish I remembered from school.

“Bem, bem... Uh, good,” Gustavo replied, nodding his head. I disagreed that it was ‘good’ that Edward was gone, but didn’t feel compelled to try to set him straight on the issue. Instead, I stepped back and motioned for the couple to enter. Kaure smiled shyly at me, ducking her eyes when she saw me looking.

Instead of proceeding into the house, though, they lingered in the entryway. Kaure nudged Gustavo in the ribcage.

"Não, mulher! Olha para ela. Ela está bem! Não é necessário falares com ela."

"Agora é a nossa oportunidade. Agora podemos levá-la daqui para fora!"

I had no idea what they were saying, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn’t like it at all if I could figure it out. The two of them continued to argue back and forth, and I could have sworn that they’d forgotten that I was even there.

“Excuse me?” I tried in a small voice, but they continued speaking like they hadn’t heard a thing. “Umm… con su permiso?” I tried. I wasn’t sure I was even making sense in Spanish, let alone Portuguese.

But this time, both of the caretakers stopped abruptly, and turned to regard me with obvious curiosity.

“I’ll be in the den while you clean,” I said, making a walking motion with my fingers, my hand moving toward the den.

Gustavo nodded and smiled. He looked completely embarrassed. “Si, si, Senhora. Excuse us. Sorry.”

“Uh, okay. Adios,” I replied, wondering if adios was as universal as I imagined it to be.

I wandered back to the den and the two caretakers fell into silence as they bustled into the kitchen. Eventually, I heard Kaure hum tunelessly under her breath as I tried to focus on the movie I’d popped into the DVD player. But my mind wandered back to Edward, and what he must be doing right now. Was he running after a puma? Maybe a lynx? I searched the Internet for a list of wildcats of Brazil as I listened to Kaure and Gustavo move to the bathroom.

Wait! Would they go into the bedroom next? I couldn’t let them see the headboard! I ran toward the bathroom, crashing into Gustavo as he was leaving.

“Oh, excuse me, Senhora,” he apologized.

I stepped backwards, colliding with the bedroom door, grateful that Edward had hung it back on its hinges.

“Uh… No limpie… uh… el dormitorio,” I stammered in broken Spanish, and nodded toward the bedroom, waving my hands in a gesture that I hoped showed that the room was off limits.

Behind Gustavo, Kaure was eyeing me intently, one hand held over her mouth.

“Please don’t go in there, okay?” I nearly begged.

Gustavo just smiled. “Si, Senhora. We not clean there. Mr. Cullen say so on the telephone.”

I sighed. I should have trusted Edward to be thorough.

“Gracias,” I murmured, relieved. But as I turned back towards the den, I heard Kaure frantically whispering behind me. I knew she was talking about me and I hoped I didn’t seem too crazy. I blushed a little again, wondering what they thought might be behind those doors. Sex toys? Shackles? More feathers? I hoped I could just camp out in the den and they would forget all about me: the crazy white girl with the sex fetish.

But I wasn’t so lucky. I heard footsteps padding behind down the hallway, quickly catching up to me.

“Senhora Cullen! Senhora?” It was Kaure. She sounded desperate.

I took a deep breath. I couldn’t imagine this was good.

“Yes?” I asked, turning around to face her. She was at least three inches shorter than me, and she looked up into my face anxiously as she wrung her hands. Gustavo was sheepishly walking towards us.

Kaure whispered to him and he shook his head, reluctantly meeting my eyes. “My wife, she want me to… warn you.”

I felt my heart begin to pound through my chest, and my breath got caught in my throat. Breathe, Bella! I commanded myself. Play it cool. Edward knew they had suspicions. Prove that you can be his wife and deal with this!

I managed to laugh a little, but the sound my voice made was far from amused. I watched Gustavo and Kaure both jump. Kaure quickly shook her head and they began arguing back and forth again in rapid-fire Portuguese. I couldn’t follow at all.

Kaure abruptly stopped and crossed her arms across her chest, scowling at her husband.

Gustavo turned back to me. “I very sorry. My wife, I cannot go home if I not speak to you.” Gustavo looked at me balefully, as if he was waiting for permission to continue. I wished I were sitting. I felt sweat soaking through the armpits of my T-shirt. How did the Cullens deal with this on a regular basis?

I leaned against the wall for support. I could be strong. I forced myself to stare the two caretakers in the eye. “It’s okay. Go ahead,” I nodded in encouragement.

Gustavo sighed. “Dr. Cullen very nice. He good.”

I smiled. That was easy. Carlisle was one of the best men I knew. I relaxed a little, going limp against the wall. “Yes,” I agreed. “Si.”

“But, my wife say…” Gustavo’s voice trailed off and he turned to his wife and began arguing with her. She stomped her foot, pointing to the door, her voice changing from a frantic whisper to an urgent command.

“Excuse me!” I broke in. I wanted this over with.

“No, excuse me, Senhora. My wife, she say that Senhor Cullen, the son of the doctor…” Gustavo took a deep breath, “He give you a baby and then he kill you. I very sorry,” he muttered, looking at the floor.

This time my laughter was for real, but it startled the two caretakers, nonetheless. I felt relieved that Kaure was a little crazier than she was well informed. I’d just been reading about the Lobisomem, and there was nothing about giving me a baby. Getting me into bed, sure. Getting me into bed a lot? Definitely. Did she mean she thought Edward was going to get me pregnant? Then he would kill me?

“A baby?” I asked, making the universal sign for a baby bump with my hands.

“Si, si!” Kaure readily agreed.

There was another legend I read about the Boto, but that was a river dolphin that turned into a human and impregnated women. Edward was obviously no dolphin. Everyone knew vampires were infertile. Well, everyone that knew about vampires, anyway. Kaure didn’t know, then, and it made me relieved.

“No, no, no,” I corrected. How would I explain? “No conseguimos hacer un bebé,” I attempted in Spanish.

“Si, si,” Kaure insisted.

“No,” I shook my head. “No puedo quedar empreñada.” I hoped I’d said what I thought I’d said. I couldn’t get pregnant. Wow. There it was. Suddenly Edward and I were like one of those infertile couple you heard parents whispering about.

“Si, si, bebê,” Kaure seemed to argue. She turned to Gustavo and began another tirade. They were both getting angry at one another.

I wanted them out of here. I wanted to scream and cry. My emotions seemed so out of whack all of the sudden. And why was I discussing whether or not I could have a baby with the Cullen’s caretakers? Hell, why did they have caretakers? When would they leave?

“We leave soon,” Gustavo said, answering my unspoken question.

Oh, thank god, I thought to myself.

“Kaure says you come too. To be safe,” he added.

What? I started walking slowly back towards the front of the house, keeping my eyes on Gustavo and Kaure. She was crazy. Were they going to try to kidnap me? I struggled to remember where I left my cell phone. It was still in the white bedroom. I hadn’t looked at it in days. I hoped it was still charged.

“Por favor!” Kaure begged. That much I understood.

“No, you please! Please leave! If not, I’ll tell Carlisle. I’ll call Dr. Cullen right now! I’ll get Edward back here!”

Gustavo pulled Kaure toward the front door by her elbow.

“Sorry, Senhora. So sorry,” he mumbled.

"Por favor, venha connosco. Nós a manteremos salva. Ele é um monstro. Por favor!" Kaure called out to me.

“Kaure, cala-te!” Gustavo admonished his wife. “Sorry. Please, sorry,” he repeated, stealing a glance in my direction.

After they were out the front door I rushed and slammed it shut and locked the deadbolt. Then I ran to the bedroom. Just as I feared, my cell was dead; I had to search through my luggage to find the charger. But, by then, I heard the boat leaving the dock. They were going. I looked at the phone in my hands. What would I do if I got Edward on the phone? It was a sunny, cloudless day. He couldn’t come back until the sun set. He’d be stuck in some rainforest somewhere, worried about me. And Alice, well Alice was M.I.A. It’s not like I could call my mom or Angela.

I plugged in the phone, checked to make sure all the doors were locked again, and threw myself down on the couch. I checked the time. Two p.m. Edward couldn’t even start back for another four hours. I checked my emails. There was one from my mom telling me what a wonderful time she had at the wedding. She wrote about how handsome Edward was, how much she could see that he loved me, and how happy she was for me.

And just like that, I was crying again. I turned off the computer and curled up on the couch. As I lay there, I let my mind replay the last time I’d shared this couch with Edward, what we did, how we’d ended up on in the bedroom. And before I knew it, I’d drifted off to sleep.

*****

I was in the rowboat again; sleet was pelting my skin and chilling me to the bone as I watched the sun skirt the horizon. Polar night, that's what Edward had called it; I must have been winter either really far north or south, near one of the poles. Suddenly, I felt colder and more comforted all at once. I turned around and Edward was staring into my eyes with such love and concern that I felt warm, despite the freezing rain. He pulled my body close to his.

"It's okay, I'm here now Bella. I always was, even when I didn't know it," he murmured in my ear. I relaxed against him, relieved. This was the dream I knew well, and I looked eagerly over the bow, waiting to see the path in the ice leading us to the shore. And just like always, the ice broke in front of my eyes, and making our way to land suddenly very simple.

But as I stood to my feet in the rocking boat, something was very different. I couldn't get my balance and Edward had to help me. I hobbled to the bow and struggled to swing my leg over the low wall of the boat. Edward caught my hand to steady me. "Careful, dear," he murmured in my ear.

I looked up into Edward's face, searching for answers. He smiled lovingly, his eyes lit with those stars that made me all tingly inside. It meant he was happy. "Your cartilage gets more relaxed at the end, and it makes it easier to sprain an ankle, or put your back out," he explained. It meant nothing to me.

Edward must have seen my confusion. "Carlisle can explain better than I can. We'll be at there soon."

I turned back toward land and saw a low, brick building where there had been only snow and ice a minute before. "What's that?"

"The hospital, of course."

And in that surreal way people can move in a dream, or if you're a vampire, I was suddenly in a hospital bed wearing a nubby cotton gown, hooked up to all manner of machines, needles taped to my arms, and a quick echoing beat sounded in the background. I was hurt. Carlisle leaned down so that I could look directly into his eyes. But he wasn’t worried; instead he was glowing, overjoyed like I'd never seen him before.

"It's almost time now Bella. When you feel the urge, you can push."

"Push?" I asked, bewildered.

"There's nothing to worry about. Just do what your body tells you to do."

And that's when I looked around the room and saw them all. My new family was there: Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme. Charlie sat in the corner, anxiously tapping his heel on the floor. Renee held his hand, and smiled and waved when she saw me look at her.

"Everything is going smoothly, then?" a velvety voice asked from just behind my head. I turned to see Edward worried, clinging to the bed rail.

"Everything is fine, son. It won't be long now."

And that's when the pain hit, the overwhelming, body-wracking, mind-altering pain. I screamed.

*****

When I woke up, the sun was slanting all orange and gold through the window, hitting me in the eyes, and the large flat screen on the wall was glowing bright blue. My stomach hurt a little and I was bathed in sweat. I knew I was upset, but it took me a second to remember why: Gustavo and Kaure. They said Edward would get me pregnant and kill me. And then, that dream. A dream that was so far from what could ever really happen.

An overwhelming wave of sadness hit. Even though Edward only brought up parenthood once, I knew a vampire’s feelings were a permanent kind of thing. If Edward thought he’d wanted a child two weeks ago, he certainly still wanted one now. It hurt that I couldn’t, that we couldn’t.

Kaure had seemed so certain; she had no doubt, really. I wished she could be right. But then I caught myself. What the heck was I thinking? I was eighteen, I just got married, and here I was hoping I could be a teen mom. I’d spent most of the spring worried that people would think Edward had gotten me pregnant, and now I wished he did? I must have been out of my mind. Maybe all the sex and the tropical weather had finally gotten to me.

But then I thought about Edward’s eyes, and how sad he looked when he talked to me about never having children the night before we got married. It would make him so happy if I were somehow pregnant. I remembered what Edward said to me yesterday: My primary goal now is to make you happy and to give you what you want. As Edward’s mate, I wanted what was going to make him happy, not just because it would make him happy, but because it would bring me joy too. I was slowly starting to understand what it meant to be a bound to a vampire. Our feelings were so interconnected, and our desires, as a matter of course, had to overlap.

And because of all that, I wanted Edward to get me pregnant. Huh. If only it were possible. Just for the hell of it, I counted off the days between my last period and the first time Edward and I had sex. It seemed entirely possible that we’d had sex right in the middle of my cycle. I was pretty sure that’s when you got pregnant. Suddenly, there was a little voice inside of me, whispering, maybe, maybe, maybe. I was getting excited despite myself. When would I know? There were no pregnancy tests here. Could I find one at the airport? Would I have to wait to get back to Forks? I shuddered at the thought of buying a pregnancy test at the pharmacy there. All of the women that worked at Rite-Aid knew Charlie well.

My abdomen gave another little twinge of pain. And that’s when I knew. Reality bore down on me like leaden weights, pulling my mind back down from the clouds. I went to the bedroom, went through my toiletries and rushed into the bathroom. I made it to the toilet just as the first drops of blood leaked through my panties to my shorts. Not pregnant.

I’d been bloated and emotional and slightly nauseous because I’d had PMS. I started crying for the third time that day as I looked for bleach to clean the blood from the bathroom, trying to make it easier for Edward when he came back. For a second there, I’d thought maybe Kaure was right.

But maybe, maybe there was an outside chance that she could still be right. Just because I wasn’t pregnant this first month, maybe it could still happen. Maybe I could find out what Kaure was talking about. I had four more months. I could take vitamins, track my cycle, and make sure to have lots of sex. Maybe I’d ask Alice.

No, on second thought I wouldn’t ask Alice anything. I didn’t want Edward to know any of this. There was no use getting his hopes up if it wouldn’t work. And I should face the facts: it probably wouldn’t work. Then after four months, if I wasn’t pregnant, well it just wasn’t meant to be. But I’d know that I tried. I’d tried to give Edward everything that he’d ever wanted. Just like he’d do for me.
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Polar Night