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Embracing Darkness	By : pegasus2704 Category: M through R > Peter Pan > Het Views: 11148 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Peter Pan, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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When they returned to camp, Peter happily introduced her as the hero who had defeated the mighty Hook. The boys all cheered and began preparing for their victory feast. There was laughter all around as the boys took turns boasting of their own heroics. Wendy tried to paste a smile on her face and accepted their congratulatory pats and hugs as a gracious victor. However, as the night went on, she felt more and more like a traitor. Her misery got to the point where she excused herself from the evenings celebration, and went to sit upon a rock facing the sea. As the waves crashed over themselves, Wendy put her head in her hands and cried. The music and laughter from the camp only served to remind her that she was too old for these children. She had never felt more alone. It was then that James' words returned to her:
"Pan and all the boys will outlive you as they will outlive me, and will never be able to understand your sorrows and woes, for they have none of their own".
Their celebration tonight was evidence of that. The boy would not understand her feelings of guilt, for in their minds everything was good or evil, and Captain Hook of his band of pirates had to be evil. She did not and could not ever see her life that way. She realized that the only person here that could understand her in that way was the one that she had spent weeks trying to escape.
James. She needed him, knew that he was the only one that could understand her. No matter what stories the boys told, he was human and he was even sometimes kind. His bitterness and anger had only come about after Peter had dealt him a devastating injury. Though he had nursed that anger and allowed his wounded pride to harden his heart over the years, Wendy had seen his facade beginning to melt after only a few weeks. He had a compassionate side and had finally shown it to her. But then look how I repaid him. Wendy thought sadly. I nearly killed him. He never once actually hurt me, but the first chance I got, I tried to kill him. I am the monster after all. Wendy's head snapped up when she heard Peter call her name. Tired and confused, she got to her feet and walked slowly back to the camp.
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        Wendy made her home with the lost boys for nearly two months, mending their clothes, singing them songs, and telling them stories of brave heros and wicked villains. Peter kept them all busy with daily adventures and treasure hunts, but not once did they see any pirates. Although she seemed happy on the outside, Wendy's heart had been broken on the inside. She would smile, but it never reached passed her face. What troubled her the most is that not one person realized her internal misery. Even Peter would return her weak smile with a dazzling one of his own, and then leap off to some new activity. No one asked her if she was ok, or if she was happy. Nobody inquired if everything was all right. No, they all went about their day happily assuming everyone else felt just the same. No one realized that she was faking it all. Although the lazy meaningless pace of the day in Peter's camp once appealed to her, the adventures became boring, and she realized sadly that she had grown up past all this. She really did feel like a mother to these unruly boys, but did not have any meaningful relationships that accompanied the title. She truly missed the silences that she and Hook had shared, the angry banter and challenges, the insults, but also the passion and excitement. She missed him, but knew that she had lost him.
       Each day blurred into the next, until Wendy woke up one morning with a strange cramping in her stomach. She silently left the camp to the peaceful setting of the beach, hoping to sit for awhile until the pain subsided. However, instead of lessening, the pain only grew more severe. What had begun as irregular aches now were turning to sharp pains. She gasped as she saw a small blood spot forming on the front of her dress. She had not had her monthlies yet since she had been in Neverland, but she thought nothing of it. It was quickly becoming clear to her that this was no slight cramping. Not knowing what was going on, she stumbled across the beach towards the place where she knew the ship would be anchored. The pains grew stronger and stronger, and seemed to be coming faster and closer together as she went on. Her bleeding increased, and she began to feel light headed. Although the comfort of camp was still close behind her, her blind need for the ship, for him, coursed through her and drove her onward. Her pace began to slow as she fell to her knees unable to stand, and she, for the first time, began to question whether or not she would make it. Her blood now covered the front of her gown, and was still spreading. She knew that she was losing too much blood, and that unless she got some form of help soon, she would lose consciousness. When she came around the corner of the rock ledges and found the familiar harbor completely devoid of any ship, Wendy cried out in pain and frustration as she collapsed in place. She had no energy to call out for help, and was too dizzy to make the trip back to camp. She screamed aloud as a painful tremor wracked her small body, and clutched at her stomach. Her vision was beginning to fade as the darkness began closing in on her.
At once, she felt two strong arms lift her into the air, and suddenly she was floating. As she turned to view her rescuer's face, she moaned when she saw it was the angular jawbone of Captain Hook. Am I dreaming? The world began to swirl around her and she had only the vague sensation of being carried. She was placed somewhere soft a few minutes...or was it hours...later. As she lifted her head to speak, fighting to open her eyes, another spasm ripped through her body and she cried out weakly. A warm hand was placed up against her feverish cheek.  Soothing words, unintelligible to her clouded mind, were whispered into her ear until she finally passed out from pain and exhaustion.
Voices were mumbling something in the distance. Where are you? Who are you? Wendy thought, trying to open her eyes but finding that they did not want to cooperate. Her mouth was dry and she felt like she was floating in a dark fog. Slowly that fog began to receed and Wendy became aware of a persistent dull ache in her entire body, that seemed to originate in her stomach. Her eyes fluttered open at the sensation of pain. Almost immediately, Smee appeared at her side. "Miss Wendy, its good to see you awake. Please though, go back to sleep. Rest yourself."
"What happened to me?" She felt groggy, and tried desperately to clear the haze from her mind. In response, Smee only looked at the floor sadly, unable to answer her question. "Oh God, I was..." Wendy blanched at the thought that suddenly flew into her mind. Smee nodded slowly, and then spoke softly.
"I'm so sorry Miss Wendy, there was nothing that any of us could do." Wendy only nodded numbly. He continued, "I will go and make you some tea, perhaps that will help a little." With that, Smee left her alone to her grief.
A child! She had been pregnant with a child, his child. The thought was almost too much for her to bear.She began to cry weakly, and did so until she fell back into a fitful sleep.
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Embracing Darkness