Adult-FanFiction.org : Books

Emptiness	By : Josephine1881 Category: M through R > The Phantom of the Opera > Slash Views: 8257 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Phantom of the Opera, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Disclaimer: See Chapter One!

Chapter Thirteen

The way around the lake was long and tedious. I could hardly see anything, for I hadn’t taken a lantern with me. The lake lay next to me like a vast grey meadow. On my other side there was a rough stone wall. I had to feel my way along it, or I would have had difficulties in staying on the path. It was an exhausting and slow method of walking. Besides, I was cold. I had left my jacket in Erik’s house, yet going back to fetch it would have been impossible.

Erik… Maybe I’d grow warmer if I concentrated on my anger. Couldn’t he have at least made an attempt to hold me back? It wouldn’t have taken much to do so, for I had been reluctant to leave anyway. A few friendly words, a little sign that he wanted to help me understand him better would have been enough. But no, he had done nothing.

The basic problem was that he just didn’t take me seriously. He was probably sitting in his home at the moment, making a cup of tea and waiting for me to come back. But I wouldn’t do that. If I gave in now, nothing would change. We’d get alone well for a few minutes, then one of my remarks would infuriate him again, and we’d have another pointless argument. ´But at least the two of you would be together,´ a little voice in my head whispered. I tried my best to ignore it, to shake it off by walking more quickly.

It had only been a few days. Surely I’d be able to erase them from my mind quickly. What had been so special about them, anyway? Everything. Erik had given me a completely new view of the world and also of myself. I felt like one of the great explorers, who suddenly realised there were world beyong his own, worlds he hadn’t even imagined. Yet I had no one to discover them with, not that Erik was no longer at my side.

Maybe I could find someone else. But where? Meeting women was simple. All I’d have to do was go to the theatre or a similar event. There were many girls who were eager to become the new lady friend of the young Vicomte de Chagny. I’d have known that even if my brother hadn’t reminded me of it twice a day. I heard much more gossip than other people assumed.

But all that was not the point. I didn’t want another woman… or another man, for that matter. I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted Erik. And that was the one person I couldn’t have. With hasty motions I wiped the tears off my face. Crying would get me nowhere. Besides, Erik wouldn’t have liked it if I cried… No, actually that was not true. Erik would have made a sarcastic remark, but he’d have let me cry on his shoulder all the same.

I felt lonely, lonely and miserable. Every person who had ever meant something to me had vanished from my life: My mother had died giving birth to me, I hardly saw my sisters anymore since they had got married, Christine was dead, and Erik was gone as well. Was this something like my fate? Ending up alone, with nothing but a few memories and a lot of thoughts about what could have been? What kind of a pathetic life would that be?

The weight of the thought was so much that I couldn’t go on walking. I sank down onto the ground, leaning against the stone wall. I was trembling from head to toe, wrapping my arms around my knees and pulling them towards my chest. Was it my imagination, or had the temperature dropped even more in the last minutes? Placing my head on my knees I closed my eyes. I just had to rest for a little while, then I’d be fine. I’d… be…

I must have fallen asleep, for I suddenly heard a voice.

“Raoul? Raoul?” it was calling. It sounded like Erik. No, it was Erik. No one else had such a divine voice. It sent little shivers down my spine.

I smiled to myself. I liked dreaming of Erik. Surely I’d seen him soon, too, and he’d say that he didn’t want me to go, that he’d tell me all I wanted to hear, just to make me stay. What a nice dream…

The next thing that happened was someone shaking my shoulder. That irritated me slightly. The Erik of my dreams wouldn’t do such a thing. He’d be nice and gentle and wouldn’t shake me like a sack of potatoes. He’d also –

“Open your eyes, Raoul. Now!”

This dream was getting annoying. One of these days I’d have to talk to my imagination about its interpretation of Erik. Was it asked too much to improve him a little, just enough to –

“Raoul!”

Slowly I opened my eyes. There were two legs in front of me, dressed in black trousers. As I lifted my head, I saw a white shirt covering a broad chest and a face under a fedora. I blinked several times, but the person did not vanish. It was not a dream. Erik was really here.

“What are you doing here?” I wanted to know. The words didn’t leave my mouth as quickly as usual. With every moment that passed I grew more aware of how cold I was. My teeth were chattering.

“Keeping you from freezing to death,” he replied shortly. “What were you thinking, just sitting down on the ground here and falling asleep? It’s much too cold for you. Besides, I’d have nearly walked past you without noticing you.”

“You were looking for me,” I muttered, as realisation dawned on me. “You were worried about me…”

“Of course I was worried, silly boy,” he said. It sounded strangely affectionate. “Storming away, without your coat…”

“You don’t have a coat either,” I remarked.

“I must have forgotten it,” he murmured. “But I’m used to the temperatures down here. You aren’t.”

“And it’s very likely that I’ll never have the chance to get used to them,” I pointed out. “I was just about to leave.” I bit my lip. Why couldn’t I simply enjoy the moment instead of ruining everything right away? Erik was here. Wasn’t that enough for me? Not anymore, I realised sadly.

“I know,” he stated softly. “But can’t we talk about it?”

He offered me a hand, but I didn’t take it.

“You could have talked to me,” I reminded him, a little more sharply than I had intended. In that moment I felt like tormenting him. He made me feel miserable, so he could suffer with me. “You didn’t say a word. You just let me leave.”

He sighed.

“I was too surprised to react,” he confessed. “I’d have never thought you meant what you said. And by the time I had thought about everything you had been gone. But before we continue this conversation, you should stand up, or you’ll freeze some parts of your body that are very hard to replace.”

As much as I wanted to disagree just for the sake of disagreeing, I knew he had a point. My backside was already feeling rather numb. So I came to my feet, using the wall for support. At least I had refused his hand. I bit back a groan of pain as cramps shot through my legs. It felt as if they were being attacked by hundreds of angry bees. But of course it would have been much too cold for bees in the cellars. I was still trembling.

“Your lips are all blue,” Erik remarked, lifting the lantern he had brought with him to the level of our faces. “You’ve got to come back with me. I’ll make you something warm to drink.”

The thought of a hot drink pouring down my throat was very tempting. Still I shook my head.

“That’s impossible, Erik,” I said. “I told you I’d only stay if you revealed at least a little about your life, and I won’t change my mind just because I’m cold.” I forced my face into a stubborn expression, which had always shown good results with my sisters.

Yet it didn’t seem to make much of an impression with Erik, probably because he was too stubborn himself.

“I’m much stronger than you,” he stated. “If it’s necessary, I’ll lift you off your feet and carry you back to my home.”

“And then you’ll lock me in and force me to drink hot tea?” I asked with a hoarse little laugh. “Do you really think that’ll make me more willing to stay with you? Such things didn’t work with Christine either. I thought you had learned your lesson…”

Silence followed my statement, while we stared at each other. I didn’t know what he was thinking of; I myself was mainly busy trying to keep my teeth from chattering too loudly. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, the cramps in my legs had almost vanished, which at least made me feel slightly better.

“My mother’s name was Madeleine,” he whispered.

“Pardon?” I asked. I had expected an explanation or possibly an apology, but not… that.

“You wanted to know something about my life, and here it is: My mother’s name was Madeleine, and she hated me,” he said calmly.

Despite the sad character of that piece of information, a smile lit up my cold face. He had done it. He had spoken about himself. I was still smiling as I seized his wonderfully warm hand and led him back to the house.

“Will you tell me more about her?” I asked.

He nodded.
- 12
- 13
- 14
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Emptiness