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Cowardice	By : saucyminion Category: G through L > Lord of the Flies Views: 17461 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Flies, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Part 13 – Docking II

    When Ralph woke, he knew he wasn’t in his bed. He could hear water and the sound of branches and leaves rustling in the gentle wind. There was a breeze, and warm sunshine caressed his bare skin…
    Ralph sat bolt upright and tried to open his eyes before any images of an exotic island entered his mind. Rubbing his sore eyes, then his stiff neck, Ralph squinted as he gazed around him. He was on the pool patio: Jack’s pool patio. It was morning and the sun’s rays danced on the cool, blue ripples of water in the pool. It could have been beautiful, but Ralph’s head throbbed with a stabbing pain that forced him to shut his eyes against the warm, yellow light that reflected brightly off the water and white patio stones.
    Ralph swung his legs over the edge of the reclined lawn chair he’d been resting in and knocked his foot against something hard and smooth on the ground. Looking down, he saw that it was an empty wine bottle. He kicked it lightly with the side of his foot and watched it roll down the patio. On its crossing it passed two other empty bottles before finally bumping into a hand that dangled over the edge of another lawn chair.
    Ralph regarded Jack as he reflexively pushed back against the bottle that touched his hand, and send it rolling back over Ralph’s way. Jack was fast asleep on his stomach, sprawled out across the chair in his shorts. His finely toned body looked lifeless, but certainly not weak as he lay there, entirely unaware that he was being watched.
    When Ralph caught sight of a pile of clothes that lay discarded by the edge of the pool, he realized that they belonged not just to Jack, but to him as well. Ralph was lying there in his shorts just as Jack was. Feeling humiliated and undignified, Ralph scrambled to his feet and went to the pile of clothes to collect his slacks, but he couldn’t find his shirt. So he quickly dressed his legs and leaned over the pool to splash some of the water in his face. It felt good, but it did not refresh him as much as he’d hoped. Unable to stand, for fear that the dizziness induced by his headache would bring him back down onto the concrete, Ralph just closed his eyes and sat on the ground.
    It was time for him to do the math.
    Three empty bottles of wine, plus two very hung-over young men, plus a pile of clothes on the pool patio… equalled what?
    Before jumping to any conclusions, Ralph did a quick mental inventory of every one of his body parts from bottom to top. Perhaps it was rash of him to assume. He didn’t care. Fortunately, everything seemed in its usual state. Nothing was sore or different… his lower lip was a little tender, and tonguing it he found a small cut. He must have done it himself when he was sleeping, or any time at all. He always bit his lips when he was nervous about something. So, Ralph had found nothing to physically suggest that anything unseemly had occurred between him and Jack the night before. Of course, he reminded himself that it was absolutely, plainly, certainly ridiculous to ever suspect such a thing might have occurred…
    “You awake there?”
    Ralph turned, squinting, to see Jack sitting up on the chair, rubbing his head.
    “Yeah. I am.” Ralph stood. He picked up the pile of clothes and brought them over to set down at Jack’s feet before taking a seat back on the chair he’d awoken on. He sat facing Jack.
    Jack began to sort through the clothes silently.
    Ralph scratched his shoulder. He could feel sunburn coming. “I um…”
    Jack looked up at Ralph and waited for him to finish. “Yeah?”
    Ralph crossed his arms, unsure of what else to do with them. He needed to know, and he had to ask. “Can you tell me what happened?”
    Jack found his pants and started to pull them on. He was not looking at Ralph. “I guess we caught up on old times. Why, how do you look at it?”
    Ralph cocked his head to the side. “No, really, I didn’t mean that in any kind of rhetorical way… I just don’t remember what happened. At all. The wine.” He didn’t know how much more clearly he could put it.
  Jack finished doing up his slacks and sat still, looking sceptically at Ralph. “You don’t remember any of it?”
    Ralph shook his head, looking away. He felt awful.
    Jack took a long pause. “Well,” he said slowly. “Do think it might be best that you don’t remember? It might save you the embarrassment.”
    Ralph rolled his eyes, which intensified his headache. “Now I really have to know.”
    Jack didn’t respond right away.
    Ralph forced himself to look up and make eye contact with the other man. He wasn’t sure how to articulate what he needed to ask. “We didn’t…”     Jack blinked. “Didn’t…?”
    “We… we didn’t…” Ralph pushed both hands through his hair. His hangover was creating more anxiety than he knew how to deal with.
    “We didn’t do anything illegal, if that answers any questions?”
    The good-humoured tone in Jack’s voice allowed Ralph to smile a little with relief. “Yes.” He laughed. “That helps.”
    Jack smiled. “Well then. What’s the last thing you remember?”
    Ralph chewed his lip thoughtfully. “Bread and cheese. Up on the deck.”
    Jack threw his head back and laughed. “Thank you for making me explain this then,” he said sarcastically.
    Ralph grinned. “Well if it’s all that humiliating, don’t give me the details. The basics will do.”
    Jack nodded. “Fine. I don’t believe I remember the details anyways.” He scratched his head. “We talked about the things we’ve been doing in the past couple of years, and you asked me a lot of questions about the bookshop and the publishing company. You told me about your days as a fish boy—“
    Ralph laughed and felt his cheeks redden. “Oh, god,” he murmured into his hands. “I bored you with all that rubbish?”
    Jack laughed as well. “Oh, it was all very informative and reminiscent! We just talked about… well, everything, I think. I don’t think I’ve ever just… talked like that to anyone. Anyways, when we ran out of things to talk about, we listened to some music for a while… and it started to get very warm so you suggested we go for a swim. Of course, you were in no state to go into the water—“
    “You let me swim while I was drunk?” Ralph tried to sound disappointed but he was faintly amused.
    “I could hardly have stopped you! You were very determined. Of course, you nearly drowned and I had to leap in and save you. I was very heroic.” Jack lifted his chin and grinned.
    Ralph smiled and shook his head. “And would my side of the story sound the same?”
    Jack shrugged. He scratched his forehead. “More or less, I think.”
    Ralph felt incredibly relieved. Even though the other man’s recollection seemed hazy and did not spark any of Ralph’s own memories, he was grateful for the information. He rubbed his shoulder again.
    “Oh… you’re getting a burn,” said Jack, looking at the shoulder Ralph had just touched.
    “Yeah,” Ralph said. “I always burn.”
    “Come up to the house, we’ll put something on it.” Jack stood and took Ralph by the wrist, pulling him to his feet. “And some coffee and Aspirin for your head?”
    “Oh yes, please,” Ralph agreed gratefully.
    “You know,” Jack said as they made their way across the patio, “I warned you that wine was strong.”
    “Mhm.”
    “And I don’t think you ate a thing yesterday.”
    “Mhm.”
    “Do you want to take a nap or anything?” Jack could evidently hear the exhaustion in the other man’s voice.
    “I’ll be fine,” Ralph assured him.
    They made their way up the stairs of the deck where the table was sloppily covered in food from the night before. From there, Ralph followed Jack through the kitchen, then into the sitting room. It was an uncluttered space with a high ceiling and beautiful furniture. There was a fireplace that had clearly not been used in a long time, a large ornamental checkerboard table, and a turntable in the corner. There was a bookshelf that held novels on the top and records on the bottom.
    “Just wait here, I’ll go get some aloe and Aspirin.” Jack left him and headed into another room.
    Ralph sat on a firm couch and waited. The room didn’t let much light in and it was chillier than it had felt in the sun outside. He saw goose bumps rise on his naked arms. And then he saw his shirt draped over the arm of the chair across from him.
    It took him a few moments to understand the implications of this.
    Ralph went to the chair and retrieved the shirt, pulling it down over his head. He was smoothing out the wrinkles when he saw Jack walk in with a bottle of Aspirin in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He could tell by looking at Jack’s expression that he was trying to calculate something in his mind very quickly.
    Jack approached Ralph slowly, looking over the other’s shoulder, and handed him the glass and the plastic bottle. “Here.” He backed away and stood awkwardly.
    Ralph took two aspirins and drank the water, placing the items on the tabletop.
    “I’ll make some coffee,” Jack mumbled, moving to go to the kitchen.
    Ralph nearly leapt out to stop him. “What was my shirt doing in here?”
    Jack faced Ralph and his mouth moved, though no words came out.
    Something had happened in the room the night before and Ralph knew this now. He felt like he was constantly asking questions but now he had no choice. “Were we in here last night?”
    Jack shifted his weight from side to side. His hangover was clearly irritating him. “Yes. We were listening to music. I told you that.”
    “But why was my shirt in here?” Ralph pressed, “Why weren’t all my clothes by the pool?”
    Jack walked himself in a full circle, clasping his fingers behind his neck. “I knew this was coming, I just knew this…” He paused and peered up at Jack apologetically. “I should say something about last night that I didn’t mention before—“
    “Yes, you should, because I don’t remember anything!”
    “Even though I thought that maybe if you didn’t remember, it would just be best if I didn’t bring it up—“
    “You have to bring it up. It’s already been brought up now.” Ralph’s eagerness was apparent. “I won’t be upset. Whatever it is. I’m feeling a little upset now because you can understand how it must look to me, so if you could either just justify this or dispel any of the radical ideas I’ve got about what might have happened…”
    The telephone rang.
    Ralph knew that Jack was going to take the opportunity to duck out of the conversation, and he was right. Jack only waited for the briefest moment before running to answer the phone in the other room.
    Ralph let out a breath sank back onto the couch, letting his head fall back. He gazed up at the white ceiling. He could hear Jack speaking on the phone but he didn’t know what he was saying. Ralph didn’t know anything at that moment. He truly remembered nothing that occurred the night before and was relying on the word of someone who, while perhaps handsome and charitable, was clearly a coward and a liar. The thought of whatever had occurred that pointed to the reason why he found his shirt laying in the sitting room had not concerned him at first. There could have been a lot of innocent explanations. The fact that Jack was so hesitant about responding to his questions showed that whatever it was, it had been something that made Jack feel frightened or ashamed.
    Ralph scratched his shoulder. He felt he knew what had happened, even if he couldn’t remember. He was not upset with the possibilities of the situation. In fact, he was captivated. Ralph was upset only with Jack’s secrecy.
    Jack entered the room again.
    Ralph lifted his head and eagerly awaited any explanation.
    “That was my fiancée,” Jack said. “She’s back from her trip. I have to pick her up at the pier.”
    “She’s early,” Ralph said, remembering Jack’s earlier statement.
    Jack nodded. “She caught an earlier boat.”
    Ralph nodded. He was not about to let the conversation stray from the important issue at hand. Suddenly he had an idea, and he knew that it was manipulative, but he didn’t care. “You don’t have to tell me what happened here, Jack,” he announced calmly. “I remember now.” It was an absolute lie.
    Jack’s eyes widened. “You do? And you’re not upset?”
   Ralph shook his head. “No. People do things that they wouldn’t normally do when they’re drinking. Are you upset?”
    “With myself, a little,” Jack said. He moved across from Ralph to sit at a chair. “Not with you. You didn’t do anything…”
    Ralph leaned foreword suddenly. He couldn’t keep it up. He felt torn. “I lied! I don’t remember. I don’t. Just tell me!”
    Something that felt like red-hot thunder crackled between them for an instant.
    Jack stood, angered. “I took your shirt off and you didn’t stop it so I kissed you!” He walked behind the chair and grabbed the frame for support, and for protection it seemed.
    Ralph felt very aware of his own mouth suddenly and tried to prevent himself from reaching up to touch his lips. He knew he would find nothing there. There was only a small cut. Was it from Jack’s teeth? Ralph’s stomach twisted, but not in a sickening manner. He wanted to remember.
    “You and I were so drunk,” Jack explained, swaying slightly and shaking his head side to side. “We were so drunk that we just didn’t know. It was my fault, the whole thing. We were just sitting there—“ He pointed to the couch where Ralph was sitting rigidly. “…And we were listening to a record and you just… you were leaning on me and I don’t know why I let myself do it but I just did. I put my hands…” He stopped himself for a moment. His cheeks were crimson.
    Ralph’s face reddened also, in anticipation. What wasn’t said was sometimes more interesting than what was perfectly clear.
    “And you told me you were warm so I just took it off and you seemed like you wanted it, too, and I kissed you. And I’m sorry!” He leaned against the chair’s back. “I’m so sorry that I did it and that I’m telling you. I know it’s not what you want to hear. Do you see why I didn’t want to tell you? I don’t want you to feel humiliated. I don’t want you to hate me again.”
    Ralph stood. “But I don’t hate you. I don’t! These things happen. I… I can hardly believe that I don’t remember all that. I think I should.” He took a step toward the chair Jack was hiding behind. “Are you ashamed? Would it be different if I were a woman? Is it worse because of your fiancée? Do you feel guilty because of her?”
    Jack swallowed. “Yes, I feel guilty. But it has nothing to do with Shannon.”
    Ralph’s heart nipped at his ribs at the sound of her name.
    Jack squeezed the frame of the chair a little tighter. “I feel guilty because I had no idea how easy it would be. And that does not make me a good friend. Quite the opposite.” Before giving Ralph time to respond, he turned and walked briskly into the hall, away from Ralph. He took his car keys from a tabletop and began to put on his shoes. “I have to go to the pier to get my fiancée now.”
    Ralph could hear him storming from room to room once his shoes were on, probably looking for the rest of his clothes.
    “I can drive you home first if you want,” he called. “Or you can stay longer, let yourself out and make your own way back.” Jack returned to the hallway fully clothed. The sternness in his voice was covering up something else.
    Ralph was dazed and staggered by everything Jack said and still hadn’t thought of any appropriate response. He felt as though he’d just witnessed severe emotional whiplash.
    Jack slowly walked back into the sitting room. His expression looked desperate, but his face was returning to its normal colour. “Say something, Ralph.” He picked at the key ring in his hand.
    “Will you please drive me? I’ll only need a moment here.”
    Jack nodded. “Take your time.” The foot tapping edgily on the ground betrayed Jack’s superficial patience.
    Ralph scratched his shoulder again and looked at the floor. He approached Jack, but was not evasive. He was sure to keep a certain distance that the other man had established. “I can forget about this, if you want. I can’t really forget what I don’t remember, but I can just… pretend to forget all about what you say happened between us last night. We can pretend it didn’t go on if you want.” Ralph didn’t like the idea of hiding away such things, but he had to offer.
    Jack nodded. “That might be best. But I’ve never had very good judgement. I don’t want to forget about it. Maybe we should. But I… just don’t want to.”
    Ralph shook his head. “Neither do I. I don’t think this has to be… a bad, horrible thing. Whatever it is. Whatever it was,” he corrected.
    Jack nodded. He looked very lost. “You should make sure you have all your things. We’ll talk more in the car.”
    Five minutes later, they left the same way they had arrived 12 hours ago.
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Cowardice