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Polar Night	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 8237 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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After I hung up the phone, I felt like a very weak man. I recalled Bella’s words from the morning after we’d first made love:

“Experiment! Is that what this was to you? Something you could report back to Carlisle about?”

That very night I’d called Carlisle to ask for advice. And here I was again, running to meet my father. Of course I didn’t think of Bella and I as an experiment. I know what I should have said in response to Bella’s question that morning, because it was the same way that I felt right now: I felt blind and weak, like I didn’t know what I was doing. I was scared and the future was uncertain, and all I wanted was some assurance that Bella would be safe, and that we had eternity together. I needed someone to tell me that I was doing the right thing, or at least to tell me what the right thing was. Over the years I’d pined for my lost humanity, and now I had it in spades. Suddenly, the future was unknown, and one way or the other, I risked losing those closest to me.

Of course, there was so much I couldn’t tell Carlisle, but I needed guidance nonetheless. I’d spent the better part of a century asking the man for advice, heeding his words, trying with little success to be like him. There was no one else I would have gone to.

I’d counted myself as lucky that I caught Carlisle just as he and Esme had returned to Rio, a day before their flight left for Seattle. As always, he was selfless and offered to take time from his vacation to meet me, and Esme was gracious enough to give Carlisle and I the time together.

*****

Carlisle didn’t try to contain his smile when he saw me, but he knew me well enough not to say anything out loud. However, I couldn’t escape his wordless observations, and saw myself through his eyes. He noted the subtle differences in my appearance and mannerisms: I was lighter on my feet, although my eyes were near black, they burned brighter than he’d ever seen, and my smile came so much easier than before. The fact that my hand was clasped around something that I held tightly in my palm also wasn’t lost on Carlisle, but again, he kept his questions at bay.

“Father.”

“Son,” Carlisle replied with pride, smiling wider. “I’m happy to see you.”

“Thanks for meeting me.” Carlisle waited for me to continue, he knew me well enough to know that today I needed to be the one to initiate the conversation. “Can we hunt first?” I asked. Now that we were on the mainland, I was acutely aware of my thirst, and how the forest nearly quivered with life and warm blood. With just a nod from Carlisle we were off.

We may have been on an entirely different continent than our home back near Forks, but the rainforest in Brazil was remarkably similar. The world around me was saturated by the color green, and towering trees blocked most of the light from filtering down to the understory. Ferns sprung from the ground and from the trunks of trees, as did colorful orchids and thick, broad-leafed plants. The earth was rich, dark and pungent, and a thin veil of mist drifted through the canopy over our heads.

But the life that sprung from the forest was altogether overwhelming and alien. My senses were overtaken with the sheer diversity of what hid in the foliage around me. There were several thousand more animals to choose from than there were in Forks, and thankfully, there wasn’t a whiff of white-tailed deer, the bane of my North American existence. My nose sorted through the scents, looking for the one I desired more than any other. But then I stopped in my tracks. There was a reason I subsisted more on deer than any other animal; they overpopulated most of the continent. What I thirsted for was endangered.

I spun around to face Carlisle. “Neither Esme or I have taken one down since we’ve been here. We knew you’d have to feed, and it is your honeymoon.”

A quick nod was all the thanks Carlisle would get right now. The onus of moving at human speed for two weeks fell like shackles from my body as I accelerated through the trees, vaulting into the braches, then diving out over streams, tumbling through the air, all the while my nose kept searching for one particular scent. I wanted a jaguar, desperately.

The giant cats tended to stalk through the jungle alone, and almost always lingered near the water. So I kept within range of the Amazon, enjoying the feel of moving through the air, so heavy that it seemed alive. There were living creatures all around me, from howler monkeys to three toed sloths, but I was willing to wait for the perfect meal.

And then the scent hit me full in the face, so rare and so welcome, like sunshine in Seattle. I paused for half a second, my body and my throat on fire, my lips suddenly wet with venom, before I took to the trees. The cat couldn’t make it as high as I could in the forest canopy, so I’d be at an advantage in the air. Carlisle hung behind; this animal was mine, a gift from my parents. I felt my mind changing, my thoughts turning predatory, as I surveyed the dense forest around me. Jaguar never backed down in the face of a vampire. They fought tooth and nail each time. My body tensed in delighted anticipation as I listened to the soft padding of large paws in the underbrush. The cat was moving closer, circling in on me.

I could almost feel it’s hot breath on my neck, and I swallowed and tried not to swoon as the enormous animal came into view. It was the largest cat I’d ever seen, it’s amber coat mirroring the color of my own eyes, its black spots and stripes serving as camouflage in the dark shadows of the forest. But this cat couldn’t hide from me. I saw her immediately, and I felt a rumble deep in my chest. Its brown eyes surveyed the forest, and then she peered up into the trees and let out an earth-shattering snarl as she reared on her haunches. It was an invitation to fight.

That was all I needed. I leapt from the branch where I’d been crouching, flying through the air, straight for the cat. She stood on her hind legs, and her paw swatted my face, my hard skin breaking her claws like toothpicks. The weight of my body sent the cat flying backwards, and her paws tore at the air, as she worked to right herself and fight me off at the same time.

We were well matched; she was at least a foot taller than I was and weighed possibly twice as much. But I admit that I let our struggle go on longer than I had to. After weeks of holding myself back, throwing my muscle into a fight was a heady release. The jaguar and I tumbled through the underbrush, knocking into trunks, sending branches crashing to the ground from hundreds of feet over our heads, and forcing exotic creatures to take flight to safety. I made sure not to torture her, but I angered her enough to make the fight exciting.

Finally, I felt her muscles tiring, and my thirst had grown overwhelming. Without further hesitation I thrust the cat’s jaw heavenward and sank my teeth into the buttery flesh at the hollow of her throat. She fought for another minute, and I was forced to lay my full weight on top of her, and hold her limbs to her body with my arms and legs until she went limp and fell lifeless against the forest floor.

Once I drained the large cat, I carefully lifted myself off of her, feeling calmer and more at peace than I had since Bella had asked for more time as a human. And quite suddenly, thoughts of Bella grew to overtake my mind. I found myself wishing that she could have been with me. I wanted her to see how beautiful the hunt could be, I needed her to see this part of me. But I knew that thought was dangerous, and I shook my head and forced those ideas from my mind. I attempted to straighten my clothes, but quickly realized that the prolonged fight had uncharacteristically left them in tatters.

Carlisle walked out into the clearing. “That was… something,” he chuckled.

“I needed that,” I agreed.

“I could tell. You look better already. But perhaps you should hunt down something else before you go. I think you need it.”

“I thought I might find a caiman or an anaconda on my way back to Rio.”

“Maybe one of each,” Carlisle laughed.

I just shook my head, allowing his amusement at my expense. The two of us settled into outward silence, and Carlisle looked off into the distance, his mind a dull and unsteady hum. He knew instinctively why I needed the fight. The scientist within him had many questions, as did the minister’s son. But, just as plainly as Carlisle’s thoughts, I heard echoes of Bella’s voice in my mind. “Experiment! Is that what this was to you?”

“She’s fine,” I offered, answering only the most basic of Carlisle’s unspoken questions.

“Fine?” he chided. I remembered our conversation after Bella and I had first made love, and immediately hung my head, embarrassed.

“You were right, Carlisle. About everything.”

“I see… I’m glad for you.” Carlisle’s voice was warm and sincere, but his thoughts were garbled and choppy, like I had a bad cell phone connection. He was trying desperately not to mentally pry, but I knew that a physical relationship with a human was unprecedented.

Carlisle stared intently into the shadows. “I want you to know that I honor your relationship with your mate. Even though there are a thousand questions in my mind, you know that I’d never ask even one.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, if you needed to talk about anything, I’d listen.” I heard the faint hint of hope in his voice and smiled a little.

“Bella wants to attend college as a human, for a semester.”

Carlisle spun around to face me. That clearly wasn’t what he expected me to say. “That doesn’t sound like Bella. That sounds like you.”

I laughed a little and shook my head.

“Perhaps, now that you’re mated… she wants what you want?”

“In some ways, yes. I would have never believed this bond was possible while she was still human. In fact, I don’t really know if I believed in it at all. I didn’t know, I didn’t imagine it was like this. But Bella is still human. And while I can only think of holding her for eternity, she wants college and a job.”

“I don’t understand. She could eventually have both as a vampire.”

I hesitated, completely unaccustomed to talking to Carlisle about sex. “Bella wants more time because she doesn’t want to… upset what we have right now. She doesn’t want her desire for blood to get in the way of… anything else.”

“Oh… Oh!” Carlisle smiled gently, knowingly. “I see.” Pictures filed rapidly through his brain, images I sought to filter out of my thoughts, but he was able to bring his mind back to singular focus within a second. “Perhaps you’d like Esme to speak with Bella?”

I hadn’t thought of that. Esme had been very young when she married Carlisle. But I wasn’t here searching for ways to try to dissuade Bella. No.

“No,” I repeated out loud. “I don’t want to change Bella’s mind. This is what I’d always hoped she would ask for.”

“Then, what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know, Carlisle. I don’t know what I want anymore. I’d finally accepted that Bella wanted to be with us, with me, forever. In fact, I looked forward to it. Finally, I’d be able to share everything with her. When I look at Bella, I can see her afterwards, and it’s almost like I can’t breath. The vision is truly breathtaking.”

“So, you were disappointed when you found out she wanted to remain human?”

“A small part of me,” I admitted. To myself, I acknowledged that it was actually a much larger piece of myself that longed for Bella’s transformation.

“Son, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Carlisle, you’re the best man I know. When you found Esme in the morgue, when she was human…”

And then, before I could finish my question, the story how Carlisle found Esme played itself out for me again in Carlisle’s mind. It was a story I’d seen and heard so many times before. But this time, when I saw Esme through Carlisle’s eyes, I noticed the way she appeared to him, her near-dead body shining like a star in the dark hospital morgue. I noticed how his hands subtly trembled as he reached out to touch Esme’s cheek. I heard how his breathing immediately ceased when he touched her faintly warm skin, and I saw the delicate way he grazed his thumb along her jugular to an attempt to detect a pulse. Through his mind’s eye, I could almost hear his heart sing, and now I understood. My question was moot.

“What did you want to ask, son?” Carlisle inquired, after laying his heart bare before me.

“You didn’t hesitate to turn her, then?”

“No, I didn’t. Not even for a second.”

“But isn’t it selfish for me to want this existence for Bella?”

“That’s one of the great mysteries about love, Edward. It’s simultaneously very selfish and the most selfless emotion in the world. But Esme had no choice about whether to choose a human’s or a vampire’s life. Her human life was over. The only choice I had was death or undeath. You and Bella have been given the gift of choice. No matter that it is a gift, it is still a difficult one to accept. I can’t say what I would have done in your shoes, or in hers.”

“Until now, I didn’t know what it meant when I said I couldn’t leave her. But the way I feel now, the idea of her death…” I couldn’t finish, filled with sudden fear and grief. I stood still, studying the ground, humbled by my own emotions. Everything I felt up until my honeymoon seemed a gray shadow of what had taken hold of my heart.

“In her own way, she’s choosing you, Edward. A semester, it’s not so much to ask.”

Carlisle had guessed my underlying emotional state better than I had. It wasn’t just disappointment and fear that I’d been feeling. I recognized the sting of rejection immediately.

Silence fell around us again as I tried to sort through my emotions. I was relieved to know that they were partially irrational. Bella certainly wasn’t rejecting me by asking for more time as a human; she appreciated me more than I could have hoped. While I stood in contemplation, Carlisle managed better control of his thoughts. I watched the highlights of his vacation with Esme, the safe for work version. I was about to make small talk and ask after their friends Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri, when I reminded myself that there were more pressing issues that I’d come to speak about.

“What is it, Edward?” Carlisle may not have been able to read my thoughts, but he knew me better than anyone on earth. I looked up and he pressed his lips together in a tight smile. He would do anything to help me.

“Have you ever purposefully kept something from Esme?”

I saw a memory flash through Carlisle’s mind. He was working in a hospital. From the way the people were clothed and the machinery that surrounded him, I guessed that it was sometime between 1920 and 1930. But then the vision went black.

His eyes were bright as he peered across the clearing at me. “Only once.”

“It’s possible, then?”

“It was only because I thought the information might have hurt Esme. She was in so much pain as it was. I needed to be strong for her.” And in Carlisle’s mind I saw Esme, gray and weak, lying in her bed with deep purple rings around her eyes.

I looked into Carlisle’s eyes, and I saw the pain there, brought to the surface as if it had all happened only yesterday. My breath caught in my throat and I grasped a tree trunk for support. I realized that whatever it was, it happened after I’d left them in 1927.

“Oh,” I whispered.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Did you eventually tell her, whatever it was?”

“Only when I was sure it wouldn’t hurt her.”

“After I returned?”

“Much later. After you met Bella.”

I saw a teenager lying on a stretcher in a hospital hallway, his skin was pale blue and clammy, his deep brown hair was plastered to his sweaty skin. He was in shock. Carlisle grasped his hand and the boy opened his eyes. They were bright green, glassy and bloodshot. Faster than the boy’s eyes could track, Carlisle left him and ran out into the cold night.

“That’s when I knew I could never replace you. I spent nights when I should have been at work walking the streets, mourning. But I never told Esme. I spent each day with her, being strong, giving her a reason to go on from one day to the next. If I ever let her know how weak I actually felt… Now with years of hindsight, I see that we might have found strength in one another. But then I thought she might have given up, or done something foolish while I was away. So I never told her how I spent my nights, how I felt. I’ve never kept anything else from her.”

“You did it to keep her safe.”

“Yes.”

“So it’s possible to keep something from your mate?”

“It is, but I never felt completely right about it. I certainly won’t ask whatever it is that you’re keeping from Bella. For if it’s something you’d keep from your mate, it’s something I certainly shouldn’t know. But son, consider your actions carefully. Even if you think it’s for Bella’s good, a secret will only put space between you. It’s a difficult platform to build a life together on.”

I nodded, “Thanks.” The word was woefully inadequate. He’d just opened his soul up to me to reveal some of the most intimate moments of his recent history. I tried to convey what it meant to me with my eyes. Carlisle quickly closed the space between us and pulled me in for a hug, something rare enough that it caught me by complete surprise.

“There’s no blueprint for your relationship, Edward. But you and Bella were meant for one another; otherwise you would never feel the way you do right now. You worry too much. Enjoy one another, take this time together and treasure it. Know that you’ve found your other half, and that everything is perfect because you’re with her. Have faith that you will be together forever.”

“Forever; one way or another, either as vampires on this earth, or you’ll follow her into the afterlife. Because I’ll be damned if don’t believe that she’s reawakened your soul.”

I staggered back from Carlisle’s embrace, more at a loss for words than I was before, if possible.

Carlisle smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I should get back to Esme. Our flight leaves this evening.”

“Right. Bella and I will be getting in sooner than I thought. Classes begin next week.” I ran my hand through my hair and mentally ticked off everything we’d have to do in the next ten days.

“Send your flight information and someone will pick you up. Possibly everyone. They’re all going to want to see you two.”

I had no doubt about that. “Then maybe we’ll just surprise you all and show up on the doorstep.”

“Are you forgetting about Alice?”

Actually, it had been so long since I’d heard from her, I had forgotten that my sister would be there. “At least try to keep some of them at home, for Bella.”

“I make no promises, but I’ll try. Enjoy the caiman, or the anaconda.”

“Send my regards to Esme. And Carlisle, I really appreciate this. Thank you.”

*****

On my way back to the island, I allowed my mind to fall into its natural, multi-layered thought pattern. Half a dozen trains of thought simultaneously took off in different directions. Most dominant in my mind were thoughts of Bella, indeed her presence on Isle Esme was like a magnet, pulling me back. I considered what it might be like to actually go to college with her, to live with her as man and wife. If she were changed right after the honeymoon as we’d originally planned, there would be no way we could live far from my family. They would need to be nearby to keep her safe from hurting others. But as a human, it could just be her and I, and this idea was enough to make me feel slightly light-headed. Yet disappointment and fear still consumed a good deal of my brain and body. Carlisle said that I should enjoy this time with Bella, but the danger that this put Emmett and Rose in made that nearly impossible.

Half way back to the island I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a text, from Alice. Alice!

Emmett called Jasper. Don’t worry. All is good with A & V. Bella is safe. Plan intact.

I immediately called Alice, and again, her cell went straight to voicemail.

“Alice, call me, please,” I growled.

After the frustration wore off that, yet again, I couldn’t reach my sister, I sighed in relief. Bella was safe. Perhaps this plan of Bella’s would work after all. Plan intact. That must be what Alice was referring to. That could mean that I didn’t need to tell Bella about the Volturi. I could tell her after she was turned, like I’d always planned. Bella was safe. Thank god.

Finally, I began to feel real happiness about Bella’s decision. We had four months: four months to enjoy one another, four months to make this impossible relationship work. I had four months to spend with my human wife. My wife. I was practically giddy as the house came into view, I could almost smell Bella’s scent on the breeze.

She’d left the porch light on, and it shown like a beacon burning yellow in the black night. I quickly moored the boat and I walked around to the back of the house, stripping off my torn and bloody clothes and showering under the spigot next to the porch. I noticed that the air was warm as I slipped quietly into the house. Bella, expecting me home, had turned up the heat. I grinned at the easy way we’d been able to make this work… a little over a month ago I’d been consumed with simple things like the difference in our body temperature. But we’d only had to turn up the heat. I surprised myself by chuckling out loud.

I followed Bella’s scent to the blue bedroom. The door was ajar, and the light on the nightstand cast a dim orange glow about the room. Bella lay curled up on the bed, a copy of Tess of D’Urbervilles lay open at her fingertips. It must have fallen from her hand as she’d fallen asleep. I chuckled a little at Bella’s choice of light summer reading.

She wore only her tattered T-shirt, but even half naked, she was sweating in the still heat of the house. She was beautiful, mouthwateringly so, her intoxicating scent waking my body, reminding me that I’d been dead the past twenty-four hours. Only her presence brought me to life.

I was quickly at her side on the bed, carefully winding my body around hers, cautious lest I wake her. My love for her human body consumed me and I felt like it tore something deep within. I gasped and kept purposefully still as love and contentment forced their way through the breach, and my breathing came hard and heavy. She was so warm, dripping with life and potential. I held her carefully, mindful of my mouth, my teeth, waiting in case the venom started to flow. And after an hour or two, I felt safe knowing that that other desire was long gone, no matter the time of the month. I’d simply been hungry two days ago. Bella wasn’t my meal, she was my mate, and I would never hurt her.

Bella snuggled unconsciously closer to me, and her foot worked its way between my calves, but she didn’t open her eyes until much later, when the sun was high enough in the sky to bring the full light of day into the bedroom. I breathlessly watched her eyelids flutter, and then her body went rigid before she rolled over to face me.

“Edward!” she gasped.

“Love.”

Our lips met and it was almost like our first kiss all over again. The electric charge that came with her touch lit my body so I though it should glow orange or blue. But this time, instead of tearing myself away, I pulled her body against mine and Bella gasped and shuddered as our kiss built in intensity. My face was suddenly warm and wet, and I could smell the salt of Bella’s tears. I wiped them away with my thumb.

“Bella?” I murmured, my lips brushing hers.

“I missed you. It’s so stupid. It was just a day, but…”

“But what?”

“I got my period,” she cried quietly.

“Of course.” I was confused and stroked her hair from her face, trying to piece together the cause for her grief.

“But, but…”

“Shh,” I whispered, peppering her face with kisses. “I’m back, I won’t leave again until the next time I hunt.”

“I wish I could have gone. Things were really weird here,” she whispered in an uneven voice, attempting to pull herself together.

“So do I,” I admitted.

“What?”

“I wanted you there with me. I can hardly wait. But until then, I’m blessed with you. Warm, alive, and so… tempting.” My breathing was off; my lungs were drumming out a slow syncopated jazz rhythm, perhaps something by Monk. My mouth was at Bella’s neck, moving along with the beat of her heart, which was driving my desire, relentlessly pulsing, shaking my lips. My fingertips found the edge of Bella’s T-shirt, and they trembled as they skimmed the impossibly soft skin of her abdomen, and the warm swells of her breasts.

Bella sighed and shuddered in my arms, her excitement piercing the air, mingling with the freesia and the… “Bella, I want you… so much it hurts.” And I pulled myself on top of her, my body electrified as I watched her eyes rake over me. I let her arms pull my body against hers and I felt her hips, so fragile but so sure pressing up to meet me.

But then Bella’s body seemed to seize and her eyes faltered. “But I can’t. My…” Regret pulled down the corners of her mouth, her eyes dim and disappointed, but when they met mine, her eyes went wide with shock. I immediately felt torn in half, and with the two sides of my being hanging apart, I was immobilized. I realized I was holding my breath. My mind immediately registered the loss of her scent and I took a deep gulp of air, tasting Bella, needing more.

I leaned carefully into her, my mouth on hers, tender, but urgent, my fingers running through her long hair, winding it around my hand, pushing her head against mine.

“I want you more than ever, now,” I rasped between kisses as I pushed Bella’s T-shirt up over her breasts, teasing her nipples gently, remembering they might be more sensitive at this time of the month.

“You want this… you want …oh…” Bella was panting, pressing her body against mine, and it took all of my willpower not to tear her underwear out of the way. Something dimly fought at the back of my vampire mind, pushing aside the haze of lust and need.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath again.

“Bella?”

“Uh huh?”

“Do you feel okay? Do you want to? Would you?” They were the only words I could muster. Uttering them had forced me to take another breath and, with her scent in my mouth again, it was like a curtain closed over the rational part of my mind. My mouth was on Bella’s neck, her collarbone, the hollow between her breasts, and I pulled her T-shirt over her head. Bella gasped, arching her back, pressing her breasts against my mouth, my hand. My hand moved to her panties. Something told me I was supposed to stop, to wait for something.

“Okay, okay, yes, please. But… wait, wait a minute.”

My head snapped up and I held completely still. Bella said to wait.

She shook her head. “Is it safe?” I struggled to string words together, but my mouth wouldn’t move. I knew that I must have looked like a stone carving to Bella, frozen and unspeaking. Say something, Edward!

“I would never hurt you,” I managed.

She sighed and I watched her body instantly relax as her eyes bored into my own. “I know,” she whispered breathlessly, leaning in to brush her lips over mine.

“And the bed?”

The bed? Who cared about the bed? But before I could figure out how the bed was suddenly on par with Bella’s safety, the sun came out from behind a patch of clouds, lighting Bella’s face. Her eyes sparkled in the light and I turned to peer at the sun hanging in the sky. “We won’t be in the bed.”

“Oh,” Bella breathed. I struggled to find the meaning in her voice. She pulled her head away from me, biting her bottom lip, her eyes wide. And then my mood came crashing down as Bella hastily tried to disentangle her limbs from mine before jumping to her feet.

“Give me a human minute. No, just a human thirty seconds, I think,” she said, walking quickly out the door, sneaking glances at me over her shoulder.

It took less than one second for me to don a pair of swim trunks, and Bella left me exactly forty six seconds to doubt myself. I’d fed enough to keep the venom at bay, but what was I thinking? I hadn’t been thinking at all. Yet, as I looked outside at the sun climbing in the sky, there was no doubt that this was the day and time from Alice’s vision.

Bella walked into the bedroom in a tiny midnight blue bikini and all thought was rendered impossible. I was immediately across the room and took her in my arms, folding her warm body against my chest, burying my nose in her hair. I noticed that my breathing changed to mirror hers, and my feet seemed to move to the thumping of her heart, and within seconds we were at the spot Alice had shown me on the beach.

I waded into the water, until I felt it’s gentle waves splashing around my waist. Bella glanced around her and I saw uncertainty creeping into her eyes until they locked with my own. I grasped her hips and pulled her body against mine. Bella wrapped her body around me, pressing herself against me until her heat and the sun made me feel like I was drowning in warm light: the light of her eyes, the light of her smile as she pressed her lips against mine. Everything was warm, wet, salt and copper, as my lips sought Bella out, drinking her scent like it was life itself.

My hands rested on the ties of her bikini bottoms, and I carefully tugged and let them fall away into the water. I pressed my eyes against the crook of Bella’s neck, breathing in the scent from her flesh, letting her human warmth bleed into my eyes, warming them in their sockets.

Salt and copper warmth lapped at my waist, Bella’s legs pressed themselves tighter around me, her breasts rubbed against my chest through the fabric of her swimsuit. I took half a second and focused on Bella’s eyes. The sun blazed behind her head, and glittering golden rays burst around her. The water sparkled as the light glinted off of my skin. My heart was airborne, my stomach in my throat, and in another second Bella’s back was on the wet sand where the water met the shore.

Bella smiled at me, her eyes flashing, and my fantasy and Alice’s vision and the present all coalesced into something even more amazing than I ever dreamed. I felt the growl in my chest before I heard it, and my body hesitated for just one second, checking myself to make sure I wanted only one thing: my wife. And one by one the pieces of the world around us fell away until all that existed was my body and hers.

I didn’t think it could ever get more intense, amazing, and all consuming than the second time I made love to Bella in the blue room. But now, I saw lights. Bella’s body shimmered in the golden sun, and the rays that scattered from my body landed on her, casting rainbows on her skin that shook with every movement. I felt my body dimly, but it was borne away, lost in sensation. Everything I loved and needed was combined in the most intimate, joy-filled coupling; bound by our bodies and Bella’s blood. The salt of the seawater and the salt of Bella’s sweat mingled with the heady aroma of her cycle and her desire, and it was as if my purpose on this earth was finally realized. Every movement of mine was filled with certainty and gratitude and overwhelming passion. I couldn’t say where my hands where, or how Bella was wrapped around me, only that I was there, and so was she, and it was the most profound and awesome experience of my long existence.

Afterwards I fell onto the sand by Bella’s side, gasping. Bella lay on her back, her limbs moved languidly, intertwining her legs with mine, grazing her fingertip along my jaw. Her eyes were heavy-lidded, sleepy and I couldn’t guess her mind.

“I missed you,” I murmured.

She smiled. “You don’t know how much I missed you too.”

“Was this too --?”

But Bella placed her finger over my lips, silencing me. “Shh. Don’t say anything. That was life changing.”

I didn’t know what to say. Indeed, speech was still difficult. Instead I just gazed at Bella, admiring the way the sun had changed her skin: it was almost the color of an almond, with tiny freckles that I absentmindedly began to count. Her chestnut hair had golden highlights now; little individual strands were bleached gold and shined in the light.

“Did you like, go read a book yesterday?” she asked, a playful smirk on her lips.

“What?”

“That was incredible.”

I couldn’t contain my smile, and kissed the tip of her nose. “I was afraid I was taking advantage of you. That you wouldn’t…”

“Because I have my period?” Bella asked in a near whisper. I was embarrassed suddenly, and didn’t want to answer. “Edward, if it’s going to be like that, then, believe me, I don’t mind.”

“No pressure, then?”

Bella giggled, but her mood turned suddenly serious. “But… what about you? Every other month we’ve been together you’ve conveniently had to hunt.”

“Isabella, I only want you one way,” I carefully pulled her body flush with mine for emphasis. “I’ve come to realize that you knew that better than I did.”

“You’ll keep me safe,” she murmured, repeating the words I’d uttered so many times over the past two weeks.

“But, even so, I wouldn’t do anything reckless.”

“Reckless? Like --”

“I want to be careful about… where I put my mouth.”

Bella’s eyes went wide and she immediately blushed deep crimson. “You’d want to?”

“I know enough not to try.” Bella raised her eyebrows. I hadn’t answered her question, but I didn’t think I could. Just the thought of her blood on my lips was awful and wonderful and dizzying.

“Sorry, that was a stupid question. And to think I was so upset that I got my period.”

“Why?”

Bella simply shook her head and pressed her eyelids closed.

“Are you okay?” I asked, pushing her hair behind her ear.

“Mm hmm, I think.” I felt like there was something she wasn’t telling me, but I didn’t want to press the matter. She’d tell me in time. Bella nodded toward the water. “I should wash off, I think. Umm, where’s the rest of my bathing suit?”

“The ocean,” I replied apologetically.

“Oh. There’s no one around, right?” she asked raising herself on her elbows.

“I could get you something from the house.”

“No!” Bella nearly shouted. She blushed again, this time just a pale shade of pink. She seemed as shocked by her sudden outburst as I was, and looked toward the ground, embarrassed. “I don’t want you to leave again, yet. Even if it is just to go to the house.”

I felt the grin growing on my face.

“Don’t laugh at me, Edward.”

I sat up and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. “I’m not laughing, Bella. On the contrary, I’m blissfully happy. When Carlisle and Esme were first together, they held hands for three weeks straight. You’ve heard about Emmett and Rosalie. As far as mated vampires go, you’re quite restrained.”

Bella raised her eyebrows. “Would you like me to hold your hand for the next three weeks?”

I pulled my arm tighter around her shoulders and rubbed my nose along her neck, ending with a soft kiss just behind her ear. “Hardly,” I whispered.

“Thank god,” Bella giggled, turning towards me and pressing her lips against mine.

“I’ll leave my trunks on the shore in solidarity,” I offered.

Bella’s eyes glittered in the late morning sun. “Well, if we’re going to do this, let’s not do it half way.” She untied her bikini top and threw it towards the water. Within a second I had her on her feet, in another second we were waist deep in water. We eventually made it back to the house.

*****

Bella and I sat in the den huddled around the laptop, picking through the University of Alaska’s course catalogue, looking over a list of homes for rent that the realtor sent over, reading the Wikipedia entry about Juneau. And as easily as that, we pulled our dreams from out of thin air, and our perfect lives materialized before our eyes. Bella registered mostly for literature classes, along with one or two freshman requirements that couldn’t be waived. I would have gladly taken all of the same courses, but Bella rolled her eyes at the suggestion. Instead I enrolled in Tligit and Haida language courses, two of the native tongues that I’d always meant to master, as well as Animal Behavior and Shakespeare.

Finding a home proved slightly more challenging, and we scrolled through countless houses in Juneau and the surrounding countryside.

“We need a fireplace,” Bella mumbled, moving back to the top of the list.

“Do we?” I chuckled.

Bella turned to smile at me, her eyes sparkling. “I want to lay in front of it with you.”

“You’re right, we need one. And maybe a bearskin rug.”

“We could have Emmett get us one,” Bella laughed, before giving me a quick kiss.

Emmett… a twinge of guilt shot through my body, and other thoughts tried to fight their way into my mind. It was astonishingly easy to push them away, though.

“What?” Bella asked, pulling away enough to look me in the eye. She’d sensed that something was wrong even though I was sure I’d kept the guilt and fear from my face.

I tried to smile reassuringly. “I think it might take longer than four months to go from bear to rug. Here, let’s sort out the ones without fireplaces,” I said, adjusting the search criteria.

“And neighbors,” Bella added.

“Neighbors?”

“All that growling at night, they’d think there were wolves around.”

I dove at Bella faster than her eyes could follow, and playfully pinned her beneath me. “Compare me to a wolf again and I’ll --” I growled.

“You’ll what?” she challenged. I took several minutes showing her exactly what I might do. Of course, I don’t know if it would actually deter her. Afterwards, Bella lay on top of me, wrapped in a lightweight blanket, her head resting on my chest. The computer had fallen to the floor

“What else do you want in a home?” I asked as I traced her lips with my fingertip.

“You,” she cooed, and I kissed the top of her head.

“What else?”

“A bed.”

I chuckled. “You’d like a fireplace, a bearskin rug, a bed and me?”

Bella giggled and nodded her head, wrapping her arms around my chest.

“I can do that, Bella. Let me find the house. I’m sure Alice will have you out shopping from dawn to dusk when we return. Let me get our home.”

“A rental.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Something reasonable,” she added, arching her neck so her eyes could meet mine. “Maybe two bedrooms, something collegey.”

“Collegey? You’d like beer soaked carpets and unidentifiable stains on the ceiling?”

“Something clean, and collegey, close to campus.”

“With a bed and a bearskin rug and a fireplace?”

Bella’s teeth sparkled as she smiled. In my mind I saw a flash of Bella as an immortal, but I quickly pushed the vision aside.

“Would you like just one bed? Or perhaps one in each room?”

“I don’t need a bed in each room.”

“You certainly don’t. I notice you’re open to improvisation,” I joked, carefully rolling us both onto the floor.

“Can we really do this, Edward?”

I laughed, enjoying the way the movement shook Bella’s body against mine.

“I believe we’ve proved it’s possible thirty-three times.”

“That’s not what I meant. Can we have a life together before I’m changed? There’s something about it that feels too good to be true.”

And I knew that this was the moment when I should tell Bella everything. It was too good to be true. This was borrowed time, time that would be stolen from Emmett and Rosalie if this perfect life didn’t end by the December 31st. But I wanted to make anything possible for Bella. And Alice’s text had assured me that Bella was safe. The only thing that mattered was that she was safe. There was no need to say anything, I reasoned. I’d give Bella the fairytale.

“Of course it’s possible. Whatever you want, Bella. One house, two bedrooms, a bed, a rug and me.

“Can I have something else?”

“Anything.”

“I want to prove that we can make this work thirty-four times.”

I growled as I pulled the blanket out of the way, thankful that there were no neighbors that might confuse me for a wolf.

*****
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Polar Night