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Polar Night	By : belladonnacullen Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 8234 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
There are no adequate words to describe the feeling of a woman’s body whispering over you. The infinitely soft impression of a female form, the barest brush of soft hair, the thrill of tight nipples ghosting over your chest, the tickle of a hot finger running across your abdomen. The fragile desire and the delight that came with it was mesmerizing, and I was always caught like a creature of prey, stunned into stillness as Bella touched me.

Even though her body was so light and soft, her strength was infinite. Her scent hit me with the force of a landslide, her vision stilled the breath in my lungs, and the sound of her heart reverberated deep within my body in a way that I still couldn’t understand. And that was only her physical presence. The strength of her conviction was boundless.

Without her vehement faith in me - in us - we would never have been here, enjoying this languid tropical afternoon, lying in a hammock behind the beach house, naked. Bella was curled on top of me, her nose against my cheek, her soft hair blowing across my face, as her fingers traced the contours of my chest, ran along the lines of my stomach, lower, until I had to force myself into stillness in order not to hurt her.

It was our last day on the island, and we’d spent it watching the sun find its peak in the sky, wavering there, before making a lazy descent towards the western horizon. If not for the sun, I would have wagered that time stood still today, for us.

“We won’t get to see Kaure again,” Bella murmured between soft and slow kisses to my chest.

“No,” I whispered. My voice was lost in the sound of a gentle wave crashing on the shore.

“Hmm,” Bella sighed, and her breasts vibrated against me. I purred in response and Bella pressed closer.

“That’s too bad,” she murmured.

“What is?” All that I could think about was the way her warm nipples were quivering against my chest.

“That I’ll miss Kaure.”

“Really?” I tried to catch the look in Bella’s eyes. She’d said things were uncomfortable the last time Gustavo and Kaure were at the house, so it was strange that she had been looking forward to seeing them again. But Bella seemed to look away from my questioning eyes purposefully.

“Yeah, I… umm, had maybe a couple of things I wanted to ask?” Bella said almost like it was a question, finishing by biting her bottom lip. She began lightly stroking my hip and I was momentarily lost in the sensation. When her fingers ran over my skin, it was almost like the hint of a touch, rather than a touch itself.

Bella’s hand stopped moving and I regained the ability to form a coherent sentence. “I didn’t think Kaure spoke English.”

“No, uh… Gustavo translated last time.” Bella’s eyes looked wistful, but then she ducked her head and kissed a line from my shoulder to my hip, and I let thoughts of Kaure drift to a place far in the back of my mind. Her body shimmied downward. Her feet tangled with mine, her hip ran over my erection, and I shuddered and held myself still. It was torture, and it was perfect.

“Have they worked for your family the whole time you’ve owned the island?” Bella asked, pausing as her lips trailed from one hip to the other.

“Who?”

“Gustavo and Kaure?”

“Oh. Umm, yes. I believe so.”

Bella’s ability to talk about the caretakers was impressive. Yet I had the sudden need to see if I could wipe thoughts of anything, except my body and hers, from her mind. I unlaced my fingers from Bella’s tangled hair and trailed them slowly along her spine. My hand paused to rub slow, tiny circles against the small of her back, before lightly dipping between her cheeks, and then brushing against her lips from behind. Bella gasped and pressed herself against me. I could feel her face getting warmer where it lay against my abdomen.

I contemplated taking her to bed, or at least moving to the sand, because I’d likely break her or the hammock or both if we tried anything too strenuous while we lay in it.

“Do they live in Rio?” she gasped.

I chuckled as I lightly trailed my fingers back and forth across her moist folds. When Bella set her mind to something, she was unstoppable. But what was it about the caretakers?

“No, just outside the city, to the south.”

Bella knit her eyebrows together and stared out at the ocean, her hands moving absentmindedly along my thighs. I could feel her warm breath against me, and I trembled in response.

“You wouldn’t be able to see them from here, love. Not even I can,” I managed, in a rough whisper.

“Very funny, Edward.” Bella tried to pinch my backside, but my skin didn’t give under the human force of her slim fingers. I suppressed a chuckle as she sighed in frustration. I brought my hands back to her waist, and turned her body so that she had to face me. I ran my finger along her jaw, and then tipped her chin up so that her eyes met mine.

“What is it about Gustavo and Kaure?”

“Oh, umm… just some things Kaure said while you were gone. They didn’t make any sense. I don’t think she suspects you’re a vampire, but maybe something else. I don’t know. I thought maybe I’d get the chance to ask her when she came back.”

I sighed, disappointed. I hadn’t wanted to complicate matters for Carlisle and Esme by coming here. I hoped the damage wasn’t irrevocable.

“No, it’s well that we’ll be gone when they return, then. Kaure has worked for our family for a good portion of her life. I’d imagine she would suspect something, but it’s unfortunate. I’ll ask Alice about it when we get back to Forks.”

Bella raised her eyebrows at me, and I knew what she was thinking. She’d mentioned more than once that she wanted Alice to stay out of our relationship, in order for us to figure things out on our own. It might work, if we explained to Alice that it was what Bella wanted. Okay, Alice was more likely to leave Jasper for Aro, than to leave Bella and I alone. It was her nature to try to help, and honestly, I was grateful for it. I just hoped it wouldn’t upset Bella too much.

“Bella, this is not just about you and I, it involves the family. We need Alice, especially in situations such as these.”

“Okay,” she mumbled, lying her head on my chest. But her mood had changed, and instead of exploring my bare skin, she folded her hands under her head.

“Bella, what is it? Alice? Kaure?” I ran my hand through her hair, and then down her slender back and across her side. I loved holding the spot where her waist flared to meet her hip. My hand fit perfectly there, and she was thin enough that I could feel each contour of her pelvic bone, so graceful in its curves, and fragile under my fingertips.

“What do you want, Edward?”

“You,” I answered without thinking, my hand tracing upwards along her ribs, counting as I went.

She glanced up at me, her eyes wide, wet, questioning. “What else?”

“Hmm?”

“What else do you want? Besides me.”

I’d been planning on moving my hand to Bella’s breast, but I held her shoulder instead. I couldn’t follow her train of thought. My actions may not have been distracting Bella, but I was distracting myself. There was obviously something she needed besides my touch.

I smiled down at her and attempted to collect my thoughts. “Well, my family, of course.”

“Right.” I knew from the tone of her voice that she was unsatisfied with my answer.

“What is it, Bella?”

“I just want you to have everything you want.”

“I do.”

Bella sat up quickly and the hammock swung beneath us so that she had to push her hands against my chest and press my hips between her thighs in order to steady herself. I sucked in a quick breath of air and closed my eyes. If we were going to have a conversation, I shouldn’t focus on the way Bella’s golden and freckled skin looked as it crushed against mine, or her damp heat against my belly.

I opened my eyes to see Bella blushing furiously, and I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face. I watched the delicious red hue bleed from her checks, down her neck and over her chest. I fought the desire to pull her breast to my mouth to taste her, as half-formed dreams about my teeth breaking her skin floated through my mind.

“Do you see how much I want you?” I murmured moving my hips against her.

“Always,” Bella whispered. Her eyes glittered under heavy, half-closed lids and I felt her fingertips pressing into me harder, her heartbeat accelerating.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and gently pulled her down on top of me until her breasts brushed against my chest. I tried to suppress a groan, but didn’t quite manage it.

“You have nothing to worry about, Bella. You’ve given me everything I could ever wish for. More.”

“I wish I could believe that.”

“Do you remember our talk the night before the wedding?”

Bella’s teeth flashed in the sunlight as she giggled. “Among other things. You were quite seductive that evening, Mr. Cullen. If your brothers hadn’t come...”

Anger came on in a wave and I dropped my hands from Bella’s shoulders as a snarl erupted from my chest. Bella jumped and shifted her body backwards, grazing the length of me; and like she’d struck a match, I was burning with desire. But the sudden fear I saw in Bella’s eyes left a simultaneous bitter pang of remorse. I was awash with emotion and grabbed the netting of the hammock in my fingers, unintentionally breaking through knots in the rope.

“I’m sorry,” I stammered.

“What --?” Bella shook her head, and I knew she was searching her mind for what she had done wrong.

“You mentioned my brothers,” I tried to explain.

“That they interrupted us?”

I didn’t answer. I was always protective of Bella, but the possessiveness that had come over me since we’d first made love left me wanting to fight my brothers for what they’d done. As it was, it would be hard seeing Emmett when we returned home. I hoped to god he kept his thoughts to himself.

“Edward, it’s nothing. They’re not here now,” Bella said soothingly, interlacing her fingers with mine over the torn netting of the hammock.

“Thank god,” I murmured, trying to soften the edge in my voice. The idea that Emmett had seen Bella, heard her… I pried my fingers from hers, not trusting myself to control my grip on her fragile bones.

Bella traced the line of my cheek with her fingertip. It was something I’d seen Jasper do with Alice in the past, and it always calmed her down. Of course, I’d assumed Jasper had other tricks at play besides his touch. But, oddly, the movement of Bella’s warm skin across my face helped to cool my emotions, and I felt the fire dissipating from within.

I watched a slow smile spread across Bella’s face.

“How did you do that?” I asked.

“What?”

I wrapped my arms around her again, and pulled her body flush with mine, pressing my lips against hers, very carefully flicking my tongue into her mouth. “You know exactly what you did. Thank you.”

“And you changed the subject. What about the night before the wedding?”

“You looked beautiful that night. You were so warm and damp from the shower. Even the air smelled like you. We’d spent so many nights in that little bed, but that night… Leaving would have been impossible if it weren’t for --”

“Shh,” Bella pressed her warm finger to my lips. “Let’s not go there, again. What about that night, Edward? It’s important.”

“That night I told you what I wanted, Bella. And now, we have it. You and I are living together like man and wife. I didn’t think it would be possible. You made it happen.” I ran my hands from her waist to her back side and gently squeezed. “What could I ever do to thank you?” And while my tone was light, the words were as true as any I’d ever spoken. I began to pick Bella up, shift her over me, but she put her hands over mine and I allowed her to stop me.

“No, that’s not all, Edward.”

“Bella, I don’t need the bear rug, or a house, or a fireplace, or a bed. I only need you. Today I have you, naked, on top of me, in the sunshine. And tomorrow we’ll go see our family, who love us and support us.”

“But it’s not everything. You want more.”

My mind ranged wildly in an attempt to figure out what she was referring to. Did she suspect that I looked forward to having her after she was vampire? Or perhaps she meant that I wanted the Volturi to leave us alone. I certainly did. More than she knew. With those thoughts I was plunged into momentary uncertainty, and I had to use all of my willpower to hold myself back from admitting the tenuous situation we were in.

Bella was looking at me expectantly, biting her bottom lip again, and wrapping her arms around her waist. No, it didn’t make any sense. I hadn’t alluded to anything like that the night before the wedding. I’d told her what I loved about her and about what I wanted: to marry her and to give her everything she might have with a human: my body, a home… a child.

“A child?” I whispered to myself.

Bella’s eyes popped open, her mouth puckered, forming a little ‘o’.

A child. I’d told Bella that I wanted a child. That night I’d worried that she would become a vampire before she’d considered having offspring. It was a longing that I lived with vicariously through Rosalie and Esme for many years, one that had never crossed my mind. Until Bella. Until I’d begun acting more human than vampire in her presence. Until Renee had begun dreaming about grandchildren, and Phil had begun dreaming of having his own child with Renee.

The desire had come on suddenly; I wanted that for Bella and I. It was an idiotic and futile desire, and one that had nearly convinced me not to marry her. Her words and her body had managed to sway me, though.

“Bella, I was nervous.”

“No, that’s not it.”

“This is a useless conversation. I can’t change who I am.”

“But what if there was a way?”

“There’s no way, Bella! Isn’t it a little late for this? If you wanted a child, you had other choices.” I recalled one of Jacob Black’s daydreams: Bella glowing, her hands on his head as he bent to kiss her belly. I clenched my jaw and stared at the sky. I hated that boy, and I hated the knowledge that there were still things he could give her that I couldn’t.

“That’s a despicable thought, Edward. I only want you. You know that.” I jumped as Bella spoke. It was almost as if she’d heard my thoughts.

“Then don’t mention this again. The idea is dangerous for a vampire. You know what happened to Tanya’s mother. Anything besides an immortal child is impossible for me.”

“I know how it feels to want something that seems impossible.”

Bella had repeated her words from the night before the wedding. She began rubbing my arms, my chest. God, if she wanted a child, if I’d robbed her of that… But there were other ways while she was human; and my mind ranged through the various fertility treatments I was aware of. She could find a sperm donor. The idea of someone else’s sperm inside of Bella left me feeling slightly sick. But I could live with that, if it’s what she wanted.

Then, in my mind I saw a little girl with pink cheeks, chestnut hair and bottomless brown eyes. I smiled despite my misgivings when I thought of Bella’s child.

“We can talk to Carlisle, we could see a fertility doctor. Anything you want, Bella.” In the back of my mind I knew there was a problem with what I was saying. None of this could be done before the end of the year. I would cross that bridge when we came to it. I could never take this from Bella. A child, a baby. I would raise her child.

“What?” came Bella’s incredulous reply.

I’d been so caught up in my daydreams that I hadn’t been looking at Bella. Her eyebrows were furrowed together and her mouth was hanging open.

“You could have a child, Bella. There are donors. You’re young and healthy. It wouldn’t take much, I’m sure.”

“No!” Bella scrambled backwards, away from me. I reached out and grabbed her wrist to steady her, worried that she might fall off the hammock.

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want any baby, Edward. I want your baby. Otherwise, I don’t want one at all. It’s not a child I need. It’s you.”

“But, I can’t.”

“Just talk to me, like you did the night before the wedding. Remember?”

Of course I remembered what I’d said, but I couldn’t talk about it. Not again. As much as Bella claimed to love the vampire side of me, this was just additional evidence that I was different: dead, damned, less than human. And I was condemning Bella to this future. “We can talk for eternity, Bella. It won’t change anything. I wish you’d thought about this before…”

“Before what? Before you slept with me? But then I wouldn’t want this. It’s only now that we’re… bound, mated… whatever you call it, that, that I...” But Bella didn’t finish, and opted instead to jump down off of the hammock and walk toward the water, holding her arms around herself. The breeze picked up and I watched goose bumps tremble to life on her bare flesh.

I walked quickly to her side, and she jumped a bit when she suddenly saw me there. “You are everything, Bella. My only reason for existing.”

Bella huffed and pulled away from me, and leaned against the trunk of a palm tree, with her back partially to me. I saw a flash of lightning out over the water and felt the urge to protect her from the oncoming storm.

“Bella, believe me. I’ll do anything for you, and I’ll do everything I can to keep you with me, forever. You. Only you.”

“But if there was a child…” she murmured, her voice breaking, as she kicked at the white sand.

“There is no child, Bella. There can’t be. Not mine.”

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed.

Leave it to Bella to feel guilty about my own shortcomings as a monster. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s me; it’s always me that fails you,” I said, gently stroking her shoulder.

“Oh, Edward. No…” Bella swung around to face me, her cheeks wet with her tears.

“Yes. And I won’t do it anymore. Whatever you desire, Bella. If you want a child --”

“I want you.”

I took a cautious step towards Bella. Then another. I felt my body responding to her proximity, and the air around us was heavy with electricity. A fat raindrop splattered on Bella’s nose, and then another landed on her shoulder. Green-tinged lightning flashed in the sky. “Then you have me. Everything I can give.”

Bella’s back was pressed up against the palm. I slipped my hands behind her back, lifting her off the ground. “You have me, Bella.”

“Am I enough?” Bella stared into my eyes, her legs reflexively wrapping around my hips. Raindrops steadily pattered on our heads, onto her breasts, and the water dripped in warm rivulets onto my chest.

“You are everything.”

Bella shifted her hips, angling against me. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

“I love you. If I could, Bella...”

Her eyes lit up. “If you could?”

“I would, Bella. Of course I would.”

Bella crushed her lips against mine, pressing her center against me. And before she could blink, I’d thrown open the doors to the white bedroom, and she was lying underneath me, mosquito netting draped around our damp bodies. Warm rain pattered into the room, and thunder rumbled in the distance.

I pushed Bella’s hair from her face and cradled her cheeks in my palms. “Oh, Bella.”

A flash of lightning lit the world in yellow-green, catching the love and desperation in her brown eyes. “Edward, I love you more than anything.”

“I know.” I did.

And Bella and I made love slowly and deliberately that afternoon, to the sound of the rain and the ocean as the tide came in. If I were human, she would have my child. The knowledge stunned and humbled me before her. This knowledge changed everything and nothing at all, as I pressed my lips to hers, as I slid inside her warmth. I couldn’t give her a child, but I could want to. I could take her like it was possible, like two humans giving more than their bodies, making a promise for the future. I hoped it was enough.

I wanted it to be possible as I wound my arms around her back, and pressed my mouth against her breast, as she trembled and gasped and arched and murmured my name.

“If I could, Bella. I would.”

“Shh.”

“I love you.”

“Edward.”

Bella and I mumbled words of love and devotion as we moved against one another, bathed in the stormy gray light of the late August afternoon.

*****

Edward lay next to me on the white bed, his arm across my waist, his eyes closed, almost like he was sleeping. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, though. I could almost believe that if Edward and I had met when he was human, that is what it would have been like between us. This afternoon there were no growls, no blazing eyes, no need to claim me as his over and over. And now, afterwards, there were no shredded pillows, no broken headboards.

He loved me.

His eyes had been full of pain and love and devotion, I could see everything in them. Edward had held nothing back; his soul was bare before me. He loved me. And he wanted me to have his child. I knew it now with certainty.

I ran my fingers through his messy bronze hair, so worried that I’d hurt him. I couldn’t help bringing it up this afternoon. When I realized I wouldn’t see Kaure again, I’d felt desperate. If I was going to go try to get pregnant, I needed to know how Edward felt. But I hadn’t guessed how much it would hurt him. I regretted my questions as soon as I saw his eyes, so hard and angry and sad. The emotion that he’d let through the night before the wedding had shaken me to the core, but it was just a shadow of what he’d shown me today.

Now that he’d let me in, the intensity of his feelings was staggering.

But his touch was soft, and his eyes were warm, and he knew my body so well. Making love seemed effortless for him as his amber eyes looked deep into my own. As he’d whispered how much he cherished me.

I would give this man, this vampire, everything I could. If there was a way to bear his child, I would do it. I knew instinctively that I would have to figure it out on my own. Something deep within told me that no one would support my quest. Perhaps it was the horror stories about immortal children that the Cullens had told me. Or maybe it was just that I was asking too much. I was pushing this faerie tale into dangerous waters. But I wouldn’t chance letting anyone get in my way.

As I lay by Edward’s side in the darkening light, I made silent plans. I decided to speak to Carlisle in a way that wouldn’t raise any suspicions. I would simply ask about the technicalities of vampire mating. It would be an obvious topic of conversation, given, well, the honeymoon and all. It would certainly be awkward. I’m sure I would blush the entire time.

And I would write to Kaure. I’d get her address from Esme under the guise of sending a thank you letter. I wouldn’t write anything suspicious, but I’d make sure to leave a return address. If I knew anything about Kaure, I had a feeling that she wouldn’t let the matter go.

And, so far, that was the extent of my plan. Unless you count intercourse. That was obvious, I guess.

I ran through my plan over and over in my mind. I didn’t want to write anything down because I didn’t want Alice to know what I was doing. She might see my actions, but she couldn’t read my thoughts. I worried that she might see my pregnancy in the future; I just hoped she would come to me first.

My mind worked overtime, thinking through each step of my plan as Edward began to lightly stroke my shoulders and my back, peppering tiny kisses along my neck, humming something soft and sweet under his breath. It was a melody I almost recognized, something simple and slow, and before I knew it, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

*****

I awoke to the smell of bacon. For a minute, I had trouble remembering where I was. It was dark and the world was all gauzy and white. I was lying on top of a white comforter, pillows scattered around me, completely naked.

I blinked my eyes, and Edward was in front of me, holding a tray of pancakes, bacon, tropical fruit, and an enormous fuchsia flower that I’m sure he’d picked himself. Right. I was in the white bedroom. Edward smiled and his eyes twinkled as they roamed over my bare body. He, unfortunately, was completely clothed.

He quickly propped up pillows behind me, and indicated that I should scoot back and eat.

“But, I’m naked.” I felt the warmth from my face bleed into my ears.

“I don’t mind. Especially if you blush.”

I sat up and shifted backwards and didn’t miss the fact that Edward’s eyes never left me. I was a little relieved when he placed the tray over my lap. “Now you eat the food, and I’ll feast my eyes on you,” he murmured.

“Umm, thanks,” I smiled shyly.

All insecurity soon went by the wayside, though, as I dug into the meal. I hadn’t eaten much yesterday, with all the lying around, then the intense conversation, and then… everything else.

I felt a cool finger on my knee and jumped. Edward’s eyes caught my own, and there was a question there. Something uncertain.

“Do we need to talk?” he asked.

“Do we?”

“I don’t want you to think that I was angry with you.” There was so much pain in Edward’s voice that I almost wished he would hide it from me. I didn’t like to think that we’d end our honeymoon on such a sour note.

“I didn’t think you were angry… with me. Edward, what we have is perfect. Don’t you think so? Wasn’t it perfect last night?”

“It was.”

“I know,” I smiled timidly. “You are perfect. I don’t want anyone else. And if there’s anything you want… we’ll figure it out. I’m going to give you everything, Edward. As much as you’ve given me. Don’t be sad.”

Edward gave a weak smile. I reached across the tray to rub his cheek, and the tip of my breast brushed into a puddle of syrup on my plate. Of course, it didn’t escape Edward’s gaze.

“You even make human food look delicious,” he rasped as he leaned over and licked the tip of my breast clean. It was all so quick, I would be hard pressed to prove that it actually happened, except for the odd grimace on Edward’s face, and my one hard, glistening nipple.

I knew my eyes were wide with shock and sudden desire. Edward looked away and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “You may have changed my impulses… maple syrup of all things… but it doesn’t change what I am. You make it easy for me to forget that I’m still a monster inside. Can you imagine if I could have a child? What kind of child would that be?”

“It would be perfect, just like you are.”

Instead of smiling, though, Edward’s eyes dimmed and he looked at the floor.

“Okay, enough.” I popped the last piece of bacon in my mouth before pushing the tray aside and climbing onto Edward’s lap. “You’ve saved my life, you protected my virtue, you’ve catered to my every need since we’ve been married, and you make me feel… amazing. Over and over.” With each point I made, I kissed a different place on Edward’s hard face, ending with his lips.

“There’s a human in there, along with the vampire. One doesn’t cancel the other out, Edward. I’ve seen both sides of you now. Last night, it was so different, in a good way. I didn’t know it could be like that. I can’t believe my luck that I get it all. And it’s all you.”

As I spoke I became more and more aware that I was naked in Edward’s lap. I pressed my body against him as I murmured into his ear, and I could feel the effect my words and my body had on him. I just hoped that I was reaching his heart.

I ran my hand over his chest and tugged at his shirt. I knotted my other hand in Edward’s hair and tugged in a way that I knew he enjoyed.

“Bella, we don’t have time. You need to get dressed and we need to leave if we’re going to catch the plane before sunrise,” he said, even as his arms wound around me, holding my body against him.

“I’m sure there’s something I can do for you, quickly.” Edward’s jaw was still set, but his eyes glittered, and I knew I’d won.

“Bella.” I’d managed to get my hand under his shirt, and I ran it greedily over his cold chest. He trembled with my touch, and I responded by moving purposefully against him.

“Lie down, Mr. Cullen. Your honeymoon isn’t quite over yet.”

“Bella, please.” I’m not sure if he was begging me to stop or continue. I wondered if Edward knew. But he let me push him down onto the bed, and he didn’t stop me as I began to unbuckle his belt. Human or vampire, he was definitely a man, after all.

A/N: I've been trying to wrap up one of my other stories, The Necklace, so this and The Newborn have been on hold. Thanks to me readers for hanging in there. The name of the chapter is an ode to you. Also, thanks to my long-time beta, Jess Brown. She rocks my world. She's really sick right now, so this chapter has been posted without her eagle-eyed review. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate her? Get well soon, Jess!
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Polar Night