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My Shiny Freak	By : Prettyflour Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 3183 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of its owner- Stephanie Meyer. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. I make no profit from this- this is for fun!

Chapter List
- 13
- 14
- 15
Chapter 14: Douchefaggimus Maximus
Beta: Vintagejgc
"Would you say mildly obsessed or full on stalker?" He looked quite pleased with himself.
I huffed. "You were the stalker."
He laughed quietly. "Perhaps."
"Perhaps my ass. You followed me shopping with Jessica. You were following me the day I crashed the truck. You were there at every stalkertunity."
We walked toward the house slowly. I didn't want to go back there. I dreaded the return of the succubitch. Edward was quiet, laughing to himself every once in a while.
I stopped. "What?"
He turned and put his hand on my waist. "I was inside your head." Damn, that crooked grin is being corrupted by his growing ego. I pulled back a bit and shook my head at him.
"You got lucky." I gave him a serious look.
He took a deep breath. He stared at me, slowly leaning into me. He stopped just short of touching.
"You...
I could feel his breath on my neck.
Let me..."
He pushed his hips into mine.
"Inside of your mind."
He pushed our heads together. He looked at me with such intensity. He is definitely concentrating. This isn't his usual drooling over Bella stare. This was much sharper and focused. The wily vamp is trying to get inside my head again.
"Stop that. Stop trying to read me."
"Do it again." He is using that tone that makes me want to lick him.
"I think I've given you enough for one day."
"So, you will do it again?" His silly question coupled with his ego trip leaves me wanting to fuck with him.
"Maybe, maybe not." I looked up at him innocently, trying my best to give him the super sexy face, he so often uses on me. Then I stared at him.
I know what you're thinking. Yes, I fully admit the hypocrisy of standing here doing nothing but stare at Edward. There is just no excuse. My old human eyes could see his utter hotness, but my new and improved vamp-vision can see exactly how deliciously perfect he is.
He cocks an eyebrow. "You're staring at me."
"Mm hmm." How do you like it Cullen? It's making him feel awkward. I can tell, but he doesn't look away.
"Let's do this. I'm not letting you win. It's going to take more than you touching my knee to distract me this time."
"You are so on. Here it is, the real official rematch. You are going down golden boy!" A fucking staring contest....
"Do you want to up the stakes a bit?" His smile is fucking devilish. I should have known he was up to something.
"What did you have in mind?"
"Let's make a bet on who will win our little contest. I win; I get an entire day inside your head. You win... You could manipulate me in some way? It would be a good opportunity for you to make a fool of me."
"Pssst. I can manipulate you in some way? I could do that anyways. Those are some pretty craptastic stakes. Fuck it. I will just have to kick your ass at this and then I'll think of something worthy for you."
We stood like statues looking at each other. Neither one of us moved an inch. This went on for fifty two minutes before boredom got the bet of me. I moved my hand down and grabbed his leg, right above the knee. We laughed.
"I told you silly girl. That will not work this time."
I kept my hand there. I squeezed him gently before sliding my hand up the inside of this thigh.
He grabbed my wrist before my fingers wandered to his now rather large bulge.
"Wow, a touch to the leg is all it takes to get you all hot and bothered." This deserves a giggle.
He pursed his lips. His free hand ran down my chest, stopping and swirling his finger around my nipple. I inhaled sharply and reached out my other free hand to stroke him over his pants.
Edward brought his hands to my waist. "Take five steps back."
I smiled, and then slowly took five steps back to find my back up against a tree. Never once breaking the stare or the placement of my hand. I take this opportunity to use both hands. Edward is writhing under my hands. I'm breaking him. He grabs both of my wrists and brings my hands up above my head.
"That is not fair." He said through gritted teeth.
"I didn't play fair the first time." I pulled on my hands a bit. He really has a tight grip on me. I move my hips up to his and I push and I push a little more His grip loosens just enough for me to slip my hands away. He moves his hands to my shoulders, pushes me up against the tree and gets right in my face.
"Tease"
He is toast. I grabbed the button to his jeans and ripped it off. His eyes are black and absolutely smoldering. He smiles and waits as I push down his jeans down. Before I could touch him, Edward's hands moved down my body and in between my legs. He was rubbing me, hard. My jaw dropped. I squinted for a second. Fuck, I need to concentrate. I can't let him win. He laughs as he removes my pants. His large vampire fingers can move at an alarming speed. I am at the point of climax so fast that I think I might be going into shock. I am tingling all over and I am struggling to keep my eyes open at all. His eyes are darker than I have ever seen on him. I can see his fucking smirk and I grabbed him with both hands and worked him up and down. I am not going down with out a fight. Damn his endurance. Fuck! Oh fuck! I am putting Edward's fingers on my Christmas card list. They are like the energizer bunny. They just keep going and going... I don't know how I am still even standing. Fuck! I just closed my eyes. "Fuck!"
Edward laughed and jumped way from me. That fucker. He is way too happy about this. I grab his shirt and pull him back to me. The forever smirking lips meet mine. His kisses are sloppy.
"Come on Bella, we should get back to the house."
"What? I didn't finish. I..." I put my hand on his chest and moved it slowly down.
"I'm sorry, but everyone was pretty freaked out when Alice saw you coming in contact with a human. We should at least show up and let them know that you're OK. We can finish later." He pulled away and started walking. "Come on."
Oh no he didn't. I am pissed and I want to fucking finish. I am manipulating him anyways. I don't care. "Edward wait."
He turned and looked me. I pushed myself back into the tree. "Come here. Now."
***********************************
When we walked into the house, Carlisle, Esme, Alice and Jasper were sitting in the living room. Alice jumped up and ran toward me. She hugged me, while excitedly squealing and jumping up and down. Esme was sitting in an oversized chair and Carlisle was standing beside her, his arm around her shoulders. She was smiling at me. The ice queen appears to be in a good mood. I gave Alice a curious look.
"Nice job Bella. We are all super happy to see you still have gold eyes."
"I told you." Carlisle whispered to Esme and she smacked him on the arm.
Jasper seemed to be in a foul mood. He wouldn't look at me at all. Alice curled up in his lap. "Come on Jazzy. Don't be this way. This is a good thing."
He grunted and then continued to stare down at his feet.
Edward looked angry. "Wow Jasper, you are a real fucking douche-fag. How could you even think that?"
I poked Edward. "You stole douche-fag from me."
"Yes, you have a wonderful influence on the vocabulary in this house," Esme said snidely. So much for the melting of the ice queen…
Edward was seething. The Emo and the mind reader were having there own little stare down.
Edward huffed. "You selfish emo ass."
"Edward!" Esme scolded him.
Jasper stood and they growled at each other.
"Enough!" Carlisle was now between them. "I have had enough douchfaggery from the both of you."
Carlisle bust out laughing, as did I.
"Jesus Carlisle!" Esme had her face in her hands.
"Nice!" I snorted.
Edward broke a smile first and Jasper walked out of the room with Alice following him out.
"Do I even want to know what he was thinking about?" I couldn't help but ask. Whatever it was, it made Edward growl.
"No." Edward said firmly.
Carlisle came to my side and looked at my eyes very carefully.
"Carlisle, she did not will them gold again." Edward sighed.
"You think I ate the human?" Damn sparkly paranoid vampires!
Carlisle held his hands up. "You must understand Bella. This is really abnormal. It is unheard for a new…"
I gave him the death look. I even growled a little bit. He smiled and rephrased. "A newly turned vampire, to have such control. Please don't blame Jasper for doubting you. None of us could have guessed that you would run away."
"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm strictly vegetarian." It worked for me when I was alive and it is going to work for me now.
Carlisle smiled and stood beside me. "I'm glad to here that. You've really stunned me. You have no idea what you just did. I must ask, what happened?"
He was a man who loves all the gory details. "I just ran away."
"And... Were you hunting him? Why did you stop?" So freaking curious.
"I started to, but I got distracted."
"What distracted you?"
I looked at Edward. Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "Really?"
He and Edward exchanged glances and then they smiled at each other. Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder.
"Anyways… Make sure you take her hunting soon. I want to make sure that she is as satisfied as possible."
"That will not be a problem." Edward answered. "I will make sure that she is satisfied, thoroughly."
Carlisle high-fived him and they giggled like little bitches. I think Esme and I rolled our eyes in unison.
"Get used to this Bella. The men in this house like to brag."
Carlisle whipped his head in her direction.
"Just a little. I mean come on… I think the fact that we have never ending stamina as well as having the speed and dexterity in our fingers to make you women beg for more gives us bragging rights." Carlisle looked at Esme, held up his hand and wiggled his fingers.
She stood and smiled. "Carlisle you are the douchefaggismus maximus."
She winked at me and walked out. I had to laugh. I almost fell on the floor I was laughing so hard. It is such a relief to see something that resembles of sense of humor coming out of her.
****************************
The hunt was quick and I must say, much needed. I had worked up quite an appetite after the close encounter with the human. I'm standing in the shower, letting the hot water clean the irritating pieces of fur and blood off of me. Hunting was getting easier, but I still despised it.
The thirst was uncomfortable, but not unmanageable. I know that human contact should be avoided from now on. I just can't fucking deal with that shit. As a matter of fact, I am going to stop thinking about this right now.
There were clothes laid out on the bed. A long brown hippie skirt and a long sleeved white blouse, which was really low cut, but kind of nice.
"What do you think?" Alice was suddenly standing in the doorway, all chipper and sweet.
"I like it, but a skirt?" We are in Alaska for Christ's sake.
"It is going to look killer on you and I am sure that Edward would love to see you in a skirt."
I smile. "That walking hard-on would like that wouldn't he?"
"I think most men like chicks in skirts. It an easy access thing." She shrugged and smiled back at me.
"Well, at least this one is not short. I like it. Thanks."
She pulled a laptop off the desk and hopped onto the bed. "Come and sit with me."
I got dressed, being very proud of myself for not ripping anything. Pulling on a skirt is much easier than pants right now. I think I may where skirts more often.
I sat next to Alice who was shopping online. Picking out skirt after skirt for me. "I only bought pants for you before. I wasn't sure if you would actually wear any skirts, but that one looks so good on you, we must order more. I am going to pick out a few shorts ones too."
"I like long. Stick with long."
Alice ignored me and ordered whatever she wanted. "Bella, have you looked at your legs? They are fucking hot. Go short, it will drive Edward crazy."
"I don't need a skirt to drive him crazy. I do that just fine on my own." I winked at her. What? I can't believe I just did that. This winking thing must be contagious.
"We get it from Carlisle. He winks all of the time and I guess it rubs off on us."
"How the hell did you know what I was thinking?" Alice is secretly a mind reader. She must be.
"Are you kidding me? You are like an open book. Your expressions say it all and your body language leaves nothing to the imagination. Not too mention, you usually just say what's on you mind anyways. You don't hide much. Now, what do you think about this one?"
It was a black mini skirt. It was a tiny piece of black material that would barely cover my ass. I wrinkled my nose.
"See? You hate it. I can tell." She laughed. Am I that easy to read?
"It's just so short. I mean, I might as well walk around naked from the waist down. What would be the point in spending the money on it?"
"I know, I just asked to prove a point. You are an easy read. Have you checked out the closet yet?" 
"No, I haven't checked out anything yet." I jumped off the bed and made my way to the closet. I opened the door to see a gigantic walk in closet, filled with clothing. Alice slid past me.
"Sweaters are all hanging here." She pointed at a rack that spanned the length of the closet. "Blouses are hanging there." Holy shit. This bitch has a serious shopping problem. There was every kind of clothing and shoes imaginable in this not so little closet. I don't think I will ever wear half of this garb.
"I know, I know, it seems like a lot, but the way you and Edward have been going through clothes, you are going to need them."
I tried to hide my face.
"Don't be embarrassed. You two are two newly mated vampires. We have all been through it. Let me guess, you feel uncontrollably drawn to him physically. You feel the need to touch him constantly. You are obviously having crazy good sex on a regular basis. You just can't get enough right?"
"And this is normal? I thought maybe Edward turned me into some kind of raging sex machine."
I could hear him laughing from downstairs.
She threw her head back and laughed. "Perfectly normal. It's a vamp thing. Nothing to be ashamed of. Bella, there are no secrets in this house. Don't forget that you are living with a mind reader, a psychic and an empath. Nothing gets past us. You are lucky though… Edward can't read you, which everyone is so jealous of by the way. But I can see your future and Jazz can definitely feel what you are feeling."
"This is your norm? I don't see you humping Jasper constantly."
"Bella, you haven't noticed because you have been too busy rocking Edward's world. If you could get your head off his dick, you would see that everyone in this house in near nympho status."
"Shut is Alice. I like Bella's head on my dick!" Edward yelled from downstairs. Emmett and Carlisle just burst into laughter.
Wow. Surprise, surprise… I live in a house of horny vampires. How in the hell do I find myself in these situations?
"You'll see." She said as she purchased yet another slutty looking short skirt.
"Uh, I don't want to see that shit and will you stop with the short skirts already?"
"I didn't mean that you will actually see it. I meant you will notice us constantly disappearing and you will surely hear it every one in a while."
"Ew Alice."
"Unless you expect everyone to run twenty miles away every time we want to screw than you will hear it. Super hearing remember? Don't complain, you and Edward are going to be the worst. Like I said before, newly mated vampires are insatiable. You'll be doing it all the time and your emotions will be much stronger. It works out well for me because of Jasper."
"Huh?"
"Jasper can feel what you feel Bella. When you are feeling frisky, he can feel it. He has been like a cave man lately; dragging me off to our room because of the crazy lusty vibes coming from you and Edward. Not that I complaining." She smiled and was now ordering some lingerie.
"No shit huh? I didn't think of that… That has to be majority weird."
"You'll get used to it. Besides, we are all pretty honest with each other and the men, well they like to try and top each other."
"Yeah, Esme mentioned that they like to brag."
"That is an understatement. When they get together, they feed off each other. It was bad enough when it was just Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle. Now that Edward is getting some, he is just like the rest of them. Be ready Bella. I can see some crazy shit brewing." She shook her head and laughed.
"Not that one Alice! The black one. Yes! Order two." Edward must be reading her thoughts and letting her know what to order. I looked over at the screen to see a very Goth black corset with a matching thong and those stockings thingies with the garters.
"We will have to order shoes to match. I'm thinking thigh high boots and maybe a choker." Alice shopped on.
"Edward! That is totally whorish." I knew it! He is a perv.
He laughed. "Oh my god. Definitely go with thigh high Alice."
"Oh fuck, please order a pair in Esme's size." Carlisle was now at the door.
"What do you think Jazz?" She turned around and he was next to Carlisle.
"Ummm… Just order them darling and let's put a rush on the shipping." Both of them stare in wonder at what their girls will soon be wearing. I almost expect them to start drooling venom at any moment.
"Are you actually ordering those? Holy wallet fucker! Those boots are six hundred dollars a pair."
She typed in a credit card number and ordered a pair for every women in the house without the slightest hesitation.
"You're not used to having money are you?"
"Definitely not. I used to shop at Walmart."
Alice scrunched up her face. "Yuck! Generic clothing makes me gag. You are never shopping there again."
"You like shopping. Why don't you just shop for me?"
Her eyes lit up. Her smile was radiating. "Oh, I will."
I needed a break from shopping. I decided to check out this place. I wandered around marveling over the sheer size. There is a kitchen that is every chef's wet dream, a fancy formal dining room and a great room, where everyone seemed to hang out the most. Each couple had there own bedroom and Carlisle has a bat cave of course. There is a four card garage, plus an out building that houses snowmobiles, ATVs and a big ass truck with a plow. The yard is good sized, but most of the surroundings are heavily wooded. I walked to the side to find a greenhouse. Esme is inside, planting something.
She didn't acknowledge me as I walked through the door.
"Hey Ez."
"Hi Bella."
It is really warm in here, much more so than the rest of the house. The smells in hear are incredibly pleasing. There is a long row of herbs. Lavender, chamomile, basil, lemongrass and juniper.
"You have an herb garden?"
"I like the way they smell. I find it therapeutic. Here make yourself useful." She tossed over a few packages of seeds and pointed to the planter box on my left.
"Sunflowers? I love sunflowers." I smiled and planted the seeds
"I am going to take a wild guess and say that there is not a whole lot of sun here. It is shit going to grow?"
She scowled. She hates when I used bad language.
"Look up." There were a series of lamps hanging the length of the greenhouse. "They will grow."
I took that as my cue to leave and I walked back into the yard when I noticed a fire pit, along with a rather large pile of wood. I'm thinking fire.
A window opened on the second floor. Alice poked her head out.
"Good idea Bella. We will be down in ten minutes." Damn psychic pixie.
I picked up the biggest piece of wood and chucked it over to the fire pit. It was bigger than me. Then I grabbed one with each hand and threw them over like they were pine cones. It is effortless. I love how strong I am.
I used the biggest pieces as benches and I had a fire going in no time. Emmett and Rose emerged from the woods and came walking over.
"Yes! Fire!" Emmett grabbed Rose's hand and dragged her over.
Edward, Alice and Jasper came out a few minutes later.
"What is the point of this?" Rose asked.
Emmett nudged her. "There is no point. You just sit, enjoy the fire and relax."
Jasper stood up. "I'll be right back." He ran into the house in a flash.
"This is supposed to be fun? We have a fire place. We could do this inside." I guess Rose isn't the outdoorsy type.
"Chill Rose. Hanging out by a fire is always fun. I used to do this all the time when I was alive. Of course, we usually had beer or..."
Emmett is an open book too. Jasper came walking back holding a guitar. Emmett was staring at him with a gigantic tell-all grin.
"What?" Jasper asked as he sat down next to Alice.
"Bro, we are in need of your assistance."
It took a little convincing, but Emmett and I talked Jasper into getting all of us high.
Emmett had been staring at the fire for the last twenty minutes. He had found a big stick, which he used to poke the fire with. He decided that the stick was perfect and that he was keeping it forever. He even named it; fire pokey stick. He professed his love for fire pokey stick and refused to put it down.
Edward was sitting in front of me, his head in my lap. Rose and Alice were rolling in the snow giggling like mad woman. Jasper was quiet.
"What's up J?"
"I wish I could feel it too." He used his whiney emo voice.
It is time for me to work some magic. "Jemo, shut up and be high with us."
He looked at me and I stared into his topaz eyes and focused on him. I could see the tension fading from his body. He was feeling it. His eye lids drooped slightly and he let out a small laugh.
"Now pick up that guitar and play for us."
He smiled and played quietly, making good back ground music.
I put my hands in Edward's hair. Lazily twirling it between my fingers.
"So, we are really going to live forever?"
"Yes." He closed his eyes and rolled his head around while I massaged it.
"Time has a different meaning to you now. I... I can't articulate right. My mouth has lost communication to my brain I think..."
Edward was high. Oh my...
Come to find out, this was Edward's first time experiencing the effects of drugs. He was quiet, staring up at the sky and looking at me and smiling.
Emmett and Rose went for 'a walk' in the woods, accompanied by fire pokey stick. Alice slumped onto to Jasper, who wouldn't let go of his guitar.
"Time, time, time
See what's become of me
When I look around
For my possibilities..."
Alice was singing and I recognized it. Hazy Shade of Winter, good song. The tempo picked up and I watched Jasper play. I could hear the notes swirl in the air. I could feel the vibrations every time he strummed or plucked a string. I could smell the guitar smells; the woody acoustic smell. Alice's voice was soft and pretty and she sang in perfect tune.
I rubbed Edward's shoulders until the song ended. I noticed that Alice was touching Jasper's leg. I give them ten seconds before they escape to their room. I was wrong, it was four seconds.
"That made me want to play." I said quietly as I eyeballed Jasper's guitar.
"Me too. You play guitar?"
"A little. A friend taught me a few chords. I was never any good, but I had fun."
"You should try again. He left his guitar. Go get it."
"I could, but that would involve moving and I'm lazy. Plus, I don't trust myself with it. I don't want to break it. Do you play guitar too?"
"A little... I prefer to play the piano."
"Play for me. I saw the piano in the great room."
He rolled his head again. "OK, but that will also involve moving." He smiled up at me. His crooked grin, even more crooked than usual. I laughed and shoved him off of me.
He sprung up and offered me his hand. "I hope I can play like this. I feel silly."
I dragged him inside and he sat at the piano. He took a deep breathe and looked at the keys. He placed his hands down slowly and then looked at me. "What should I play?"
"Play what you feel. Play something silly."
He immediately started play the theme song to the Muppet show. He was only a few bars in before he couldn't stop laughing.
"I can't. I'm too fucked up. My fingers are defying me." He shook his head with laughter.
I sat next to him on the bench and looked at him in his super high gorgeousness. I put my finger on his chin and met his eyes.
"Play for me." I'm making him. I want to hear this. He put his hands down and began really playing for me. The song started out very simple and melodic. He is moving his hands over the keys so fluently, almost ghostly. He didn't look down, he had his eyes closed. This man is a fucking musical genius. The piece he is playing is complex, it is moody and he is playing it from memory. He is radiating an intensity that is freaking sexy as hell. I wanted to jump him that very moment, but I let him continue his song. I opted to slide my legs in his lap and put my head on his shoulder. When the song ended and he sighed and slid his hand up and down my legs.
"Edward, you play beautifully. I loved it. What was that?"
He looked somewhat embarrassed. "Thanks, I wrote it."
My mouth just dropped open. "Wow. You rock. Seriously, I'm impressed. You are very talented. Did you name it?"
"Yes"
Silence.
More silence.
"Well? What did you name it?"
"Bella"
"What?"
He laughed. "Nothing. No.. I mean, the name of the song is Bella. I wrote it the night you agreed to ditch the dance and let me drive you to Seattle."
I could have sworn I just felt my heart beat. He wrote that for me... I am being swallowed by Edward's eyes. I know I am staring at him again, but the more I get to know him, the more I freaking love this sparklepire. He just keeps getting better and better, aside from him being a little too sexy sometimes and breaking my concentration. No more gambling with Edward, without cheating...
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My Shiny Freak