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Destiny Awaits	By : Lollydolly Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Jasper Views: 19535 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
An: Sorry this took sooooo long, here it is! Thanks to all my lovely reviewers and to my brand new Beta – ladyofkeegan
Chapter Fifteen
I got in from school, tossed my bags and skipped into the shower. I had three and a half hours until the girls came to pick me up, but I wanted to have time to do something with my hair and get something to eat before they arrived.
Blindly, I reached out for my shampoo, and almost gagged when I opened it. The smell of bleach was so strong I had to wipe the water out of my eyes to see if I’d somehow picked up the wrong bottle. No, this was definitely the right one. I sniffed it again, and recoiled my eye’s watering. When had Emmett snuck in to do this, and did he think humans had no sense of smell? This was pretty pathetic; I’d expected more from him.
At least it was better than what he’d been planning yesterday. Jasper had unwillingly explained the plan to me in art. My face burned as I remembered the conversation.
Emmett had wanted Jasper to use his talents to make me think I was falling for Carlisle! And while he was undeniably gorgeous, he was also the man who was becoming like a second father to me. I can’t even imagine how horrified I would have been if I’d started getting lusty feelings for him.
Jasper told me Emmett had asked him to ‘turn on the lust’ every time I was talking to Carlisle. I was just thankful Jasper had a better grasp of what constituted a prank, and what was just plain cruel. Emmett was going to get it now, and I had persuaded Jasper that it would be in his best interests to help me.
All I had to do was think of something good enough. I wondered what would happen if I could somehow trick him into beaching his hair. Would it work? Would he be stuck with it forever? The thought made me smile, but I knew I’d never do anything that permanent to him.
During Art, where we were far enough away from the rest of the class not to be overheard, I had asked Jasper why the name Aro had sounded so familiar, and he’d retold me some of Carlisle's story. Jasper had explained about the Volturi, and I had been fascinated until he’d mentioned that they were officially breaking vampire ‘law’ by allowing me to know about them, and worse, letting me live.
He’s assured me that there was no chance of the Volturi finding out anything about me, and that I was perfectly safe. I knew Edward wouldn’t like that he’d told me, he constantly edited, or even withheld the truth to spare my feelings, and I hated that.
Tomorrow night would be a sort of date night for us, and with the way I was feeling, it would probably be the last. Two huge things were pointing me towards breaking things off with Edward for good. The first was that I was almost certain I’d fallen out of love with him, which was painful to think about. I’d thought he was my forever.
The second was possibly more troubling. I was starting to think about Jasper in a distinctly more than a just friend way with alarming frequency. I’d always known he was attractive, all vampires were, but that day in the garden, with the sun streaming down on him, I’d realised he was truly beautiful. Even more so than Edward.
Things had gotten more worrying yesterday when I’d wanted to kiss him, the feeling had come out of nowhere. Today, as he’d spoken of Emmett's pranks, I’d privately thought that he didn’t need to use his powers to make me feel that way. His very presence did the job well enough. I was struggling to hide my feelings from him. Luckily, all I had to do was think of Emmett singing and I’d be distracted enough to get myself under control.
It would pass. It would have to; he was still deeply in love with Alice. And even if he wasn’t, what could he possibly ever see in me after he’d been with someone as beautiful and bright as her? I needed to stop thinking about it. I was still with Edward right now, and thinking about someone else, his brother no less, wasn’t fair to him.
I snapped myself away from my unproductive thoughts as I found an unopened bottle of shampoo and finished my shower.
Wrapped in my towel, a memory floated through my mind. This was getting ridiculous; my feelings for Jasper were messing with my memories, turning them around to suit me. I thought of the night Alice had left, after I’d stepped into Edward’s room and Jasper had wrapped his cool hard body around my soft warm one. At the time, I’d felt embarrassed to be so exposed, I’d been horrified to find myself in his arms in only a towel, and his kiss had made me feel worse. Now, thinking of the way his lips had brushed against my neck sent a shiver of pleasure down my spine. Unbidden, my mind carried on the scene past its natural conclusion. What would have happened if Esme hadn’t been there, if I’d turned around, if he’d kissed along my neck instead of just that one kiss? If I’d wanted him then as much as I did now?
“Stop it.” I said to myself. There was no point in thinking things like that. I took my time drying my hair, resolutely refusing to think about Jasper in any way. Although I was pretty much thinking about him constantly, if only by trying not to think about him. I was driving myself mad.
Downstairs I rushed through making dinner and setting up a plate for Charlie to reheat later. Thankfully, I was starting to get excited about going out, so I didn’t have much time to think about anything I shouldn’t be.
I still had an hour left until Esme would pick me up, so after checking myself over in the mirror one last time, I started on my homework. That turned out to be more difficult than I’d thought. Jasper was in my English class. He sat at the desk in front of Edward and I, and I’d spent most of today’s lesson staring at the back of his head and trying not to imagine what it would be like to run my fingers through his hair.
I don’t think I’d caught more than two words of what the teacher said, or what Edward had said to me for that matter. Cursing myself, I did the best I could, knowing it would look bad if I had to ask Edward or Jasper what had happened in class.
I heard Charlie coming in and debated going to talk to him, but decided against it. He was still looking at me suspiciously every so often, and I didn’t feel like getting into another conversation about safe sex. I even blushed at the memory of it.
I heard the purr of a car pulling up at the curb outside the house and looked out of the window expecting to see one of Charlie’s friends, or possibly Edward, and was surprised to see the Denali's, Rosalie and Esme stepping out of Carlisle's Mercedes. They were half an hour early, but I was glad of the distraction. There was no telling what Jasper related scenarios I might have come up with if I’d been left alone much longer.
I ran the brush through my hair, put on my new boots and made my way downstairs just in time to see Charlie opening the door. I stood back to see how he’d cope with the five beautiful women waiting on the other side.
Esme came in first, saying a quick hello and immediately started tidying up a pile of magazines. Even away from home she couldn’t help being a mother it seemed. Rosalie was next, giving him a quick smile before gliding away into the living room, I wondered what she would make of our house, and it wasn’t exactly anything like the luxury she was used to. Charlie was already looking pretty awed by this point, when Carmen walked in. She hugged him quickly, introduced herself and swept past him, leaving him dazzled. I couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped at the look on his face. Kate and Tanya each took one of his arms as they walked in, taking him with them into the living room where everyone else had already found seats. I followed them in, eager to see how Charlie was doing.
I went to stand by Esme and Carmen who were smiling across at Charlie like he was a little boy. He was grinning stupidly at nothing while the other Denali's tried to question him about his job. I’d never seen him like this; maybe all that vampire charm at once was just too much for him. I watched Charlie snap out of his daze and try to compose himself. I wondered if he’d even noticed that no one but Carmen had told him their names, or if he even cared. For their part, Tanya and Kate seemed as fascinated by him as he was them.
Rosalie was sitting alone looking out of the window and I decided to make an effort to talk to her. She’d been, not nice exactly, but at least less hostile yesterday. I walked towards her slowly, trying to gage her reaction to me, if she looked like she didn’t want to be bothered I could just change direction and talk to Esme and Carmen instead. She sat up a little straighter in her chair as I approached, but didn’t acknowledge me, I wasn’t sure if that meant she didn’t want to talk to me or not, so I sat in the window seat beside her. It took me a moment to think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound stupid.
“Why are you here early? Didn’t we agree to meet at seven?” I asked quietly, belatedly realising that it was the first time I’d ever spoken to her other than to say thanks yesterday. I felt like I should have introduced myself, despite the fact that she was well aware of whom I was.
Slowly, she turned to face me. “Tanya and Kate were particularly eager to meet Charlie.” She told me.
“Why?” I could do this whole conversation thing, it wasn’t that hard. For some reason, I was still desperate for Rosalie to like me.
“They love men.” She said bluntly. “And they have a certain fondness for humans.”
I looked at the way they were fawning over Charlie with a whole new perspective. “Oh gross. That’s my dad.” Could I have sounded more like a six year old? I doubted it, but still, it was Charlie for god’s sake. Icky.
I stood up quickly. “Maybe we should go.” I said. “It’s getting pretty late.” It wasn’t even seven yet, but it was worth a try.
“We don’t want to get stuck with bad seats.” Rosalie offered, standing beside me. I would forever be indebted to her for that statement.
Esme and Carmen said quick goodbyes to Charlie, Esme promising to drop me off before midnight, while Tanya and Kate took a little longer, each of them kissing his cheeks and promising to visit again next time they were in town.
I really hoped they wouldn’t be in town for a while. “Bye Dad!” I shouted, following the others out of the room. He stayed on the sofa looking mildly confused, and I made a mental note to bring up this night if he ever decided to ask me about my love life again.
“Sorry.” Kate said once I was squashed between her and Rosalie in the car. “The look on your face was priceless, we couldn’t help it. Anyway, it was Emmett that told us we should pay special attention to your dad.”
“I’ll get him.” I grumbled. “He put bleach in my shampoo today, but he used so much it was obvious, and if it hadn’t been, it probably would have dissolved my hair. He’s not getting away with putting you up to this too.”
“He put bleach in your shampoo?” Rosalie screeched. “That’s just….. I don’t even have a word for that. He knows never to mess with a woman’s hair. I’ve told him time and time again, there are some things you just don’t mess with. I was going to let him dress himself tomorrow, but he can forget it now.”
I giggled remembering the picture of him I had at home and wondering what humiliating creation Rosalie would put him in.
“You’re coming to the party then?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m ‘back from college for the weekend’ if anyone asks.” I was still having trouble believing Rosalie was actually talking to me, but I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
“What are you coming as?”
“Aphrodite.” She smiled. “What are you wearing?”
“I think I’m going to go as a cowgirl so I can wear Jasper’s hat. I’ve been looking for an excuse since the first time I saw it.” I told her.
Rosalie frowned. “I don’t think Jasper will let you borrow his hat. He’s had it since before he met Alice, and he’s quite proud of it.”
“He gave it to me three weeks ago.” I told her, confused. “Maybe you’re thinking of a different hat, this one’s a black Stetson with blue stitching on the inside.”
“That's the one. He gave it to you? I asked if I could borrow it once and he wouldn’t let me, even after I offered to fix up his bike.” She pouted. “He gave it to you, for nothing?”
“Actually, I kind of stole it at first but he took it back and made me trade something for it. I gave him that bracelet.” I explained. “If it really means that much to him I’ll give it back. He didn’t tell me it was special.”
“He must want you to have it; he wouldn’t have given it to you if he didn’t. He’s not that kind of person.” She said grudgingly. “And he does seem to like what you gave him; I haven’t seen him without it since he first put it on.”
I noticed that everyone in the car was looking at us. Esme was beaming at Rosalie, the other’s just looked curious. Carmen seemed especially interested in our conversation, I couldn’t see why; we were only talking about a hat after all.
On the way into Port Angeles, Tanya and Kate took great pleasure in telling me about their lives in Alaska, including their contribution to the Succubus myth. They seemed to enjoy the life they had created for themselves more than the Cullen's in some ways. Most of the Cullen's hated what they were, but Kate and Tanya gave me the impression that they loved their life and the freedom it gave them.
I didn’t bother to ask what we were going to see until we got into the cinema and I went to get the tickets with Esme. There was a double billing, a movie that had been released years ago called Save the Last Dance, followed by a new one, PS, I Love You, that I’d wanted to see for ages.
The cinema was quite full, so it was lucky we’d come early. We managed to get six seats near the back through a lot of smiling on Rosalie’s part. It’s amazing how quickly she can get guys to do whatever she wants. I’m sure it came in handy all the time.
I was between Kate and Carmen, and while Kate was busy leaning over the seat in front of her to chat to a guy who had no idea what hit him, Carmen started to talk to me. “You and Jasper are quite close?”
Me and Jasper, close? I wished. I swallowed down the real answer. “We’re good friends, yes. I suppose we’re quite close.” Not close enough though, my mind added.
She nodded thoughtfully. “Why do you think you’re shielding him?”
“I don’t know. I know I’ve felt quite protective of him since Alice left, it’s probably just that.” Though we were speaking in whispers, I was acutely aware that the others could hear us, and I didn’t want to slip up and reveal how deeply I felt for Jasper.
The first movie was starting, and Carmen didn’t speak to me again. I found myself watching Rosalie as often as the movie; she was very into it, occasionally muttering under her breath about it. It took a while for me to decipher her low admonishments, but eventually I realised she was complaining about the way the main character was dancing, and she seemed to know what she was talking about.
Did she actually like ballet, or was it just something she knew about? If she liked it, maybe she would come to see Swan Lake with me. I didn’t want to go with Edward, and spending that much time sitting next to Jasper in the dark seemed like a bad idea with how I was feeling. Rosalie would be perfect.
At the interval between the two films I excused myself to go the bathroom, and when I got back I found that Rosalie had bought me popcorn and a drink. It actually left me speechless.
We all cried during the second movie, well ok, only I actually cried, but I could tell the others felt the same. For a while I forgot there was anything different about us. We were just six girls enjoying a night away from our partners.
Kate decided she wouldn’t be travelling back with us, as she’d found herself a new ‘friend’.
“So.” Tanya said on the way home. “You and Edward? I never thought I’d see him settling down.”
Her question made me uncomfortable, because there wasn’t much of a 'me and Edward' anymore, but I couldn’t say that before I’d spoken to him about it. I was also feeling quite sorry for Tanya, she looked so sad when she spoke about him, making me think she might have stronger feelings for him than I’d guessed.
“Yeah.” I said eventually, not knowing what else to say.
“How long have you been together then?”
“Six months.” Was that really all it had been?
“When is he going to change you? I can’t wait to see what you’re like.” She shot another question at me.
The whole car became silent as they waited for my answer. “He’s not. He wants me to stay human.”
Tanya and Carmen both looked shocked. “What do you want though?” Carmen asked.
“I want to be a vampire.” The words sounded stupid even in my head, but it didn’t make them any less true.
“I could probably do it.” Tanya offered. “Then again, I might kill you by accident; it’s been a very long time since I tasted human.”
“Erm, maybe not then.” I laughed off the comment, hoping she would stop asking me about Edward.
“Tomorrow would you like to get ready for the party together, Bella?” Rosalie asked, once again saving me from an uncomfortable moment.
“Really?” I sounded far too hopeful for my liking, but I couldn’t believe she meant what she was saying.
She half smiled. “Yes really. Could you come over at about four?”
I nodded, too surprised to speak. Was she actually starting to like me? I supposed I’d find out tomorrow.
______________________________________
I can’t believe it; Rosalie Hale is sitting behind me, curling my hair. I think she’s had a personality transplant. I didn’t even get chance to say hello to Jasper before she whisked me off upstairs. She might actually be worse than Alice.
“All done. What do you think?” She smiled at me in the mirror. My hair had been pulled into two low bunches, and the ends were curly. It looked good, and it wouldn’t get in the way of my hat.
“I love it.” I grinned. “Thank you.”
“Get dressed; I want to see everything on together before I do your make up.” She said, starting on her own hair. By the time I’d finished getting ready she had a cascade of perfect golden curls tumbling down her back.
She ran a critical eye over my outfit. I was wearing a blue and white checked short-sleeved shirt and jeans along with my new boots and Jasper’s hat.
“Alice said you had no idea.” She muttered. “You have to make the most of what you’ve got, this is a costume party, and you’re supposed to go a bit wild. Give me that shirt.”
Rosalie wasn’t the sort of person you argued with, so I quickly complied with her request and watched in horror as she ripped off the bottom half of the shirt off.
“Right, put it back on, but tie the bottom together and leave the top few buttons open.” Again I did as she asked, but didn’t dare look in the mirror, knowing I’d hate the fact that my stomach was totally exposed.
I sat on the bed tugging on the bottom of the shirt in a pointless effort to make it longer as Rosalie dressed. I was pleased to find her outfit was more revealing than mine…..she really did look like she could be the Goddess of Love. The top half of her dress was an ornately embroidered corset in palest pink, and the skirt, which swirled around her ankles when she moved, was layers of pink and white tulle, open at the sides.
I wished I could pull off something like that. She admired herself in the mirror for a few seconds then disappeared back into her closet. When she came back out she handed me a thick black belt.
I was alarmed to realise that it was really an incredibly short leather skirt. “No way!” I said flatly.
“Oh, come on Bella, you’ve got good legs, you should show them off.” She pouted.
“Not a chance.” Was she actually trying to make me look stupid?
“Bella, the whole idea of costumes is that you get to be someone else for the night, and tonight, you’re going to be a sexy cowgirl.”
She’d already made me show off half my stomach, wasn’t that enough? “My legs are too pale.” I tried.
She glared. “You’ve got a healthy tan compared to me.” That made me feel a bit guilty. She followed it up with another comment that I was sure she knew would make me feel worse. “You always used to wear whatever Alice asked you to.”
“Fine. I’ll try it.” I grumbled, changing yet again.
“Perfect.” Rose grinned, clapping her hands together.
Warily, I walked over to the mirror. It wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. Provided I ignored the fact that if I bent over, anyone behind me would get an eyeful. “Edward won’t be able to keep his hands off you.” Rosalie said.
I doubted he’d have any trouble restraining himself. I was the one with wandering hands.
She started on my make-up, and I was extremely pleased to notice she used much less than Alice would have. “Rose?”
“Hmm?”
Since last night I’d been thinking about the ballet, and this seemed as good a time as any to ask. If she didn’t want to go, she’d just tell me, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. And if she agreed, we’d be further along the path to being friends.
“Would you like to come to the ballet with me next week?”
Her hands never stilled as she looked at me critically. “Why are you asking me? I thought you would have wanted to go with Edward.”
“Last night, you seemed like you were interested in dancing, and I thought... well I thought it would be a good way for us to get to know each other better.”
She smiled. “I’d love to go. We’ll take the Vanquish if you can persuade Edward to let us.”
I didn’t tell her that I wouldn’t be asking Edward for any favours any time soon.
Emmett strolled into the room, looked me up and down, grinned, and then gagged. I wrapped my arms around my middle and blushed. I knew I looked bad, but I hadn’t thought it was that awful. “Thanks Emmett.” I muttered as Rosalie slapped him over the head.
“Well done you big lug. She was self conscious enough already.” She growled.
“You don’t understand.” He whined screwing his face up. “I thought she looked hot. I just thought my little sister looked hot. I need to bleach my eyes.”
I flushed even more darkly as Rosalie slapped him again.
“What was that for?” He groaned holding his head.
“You said she looked hot!” She screeched. “You haven’t even complimented me yet!”
I felt sorry for Emmett, but I wasn’t going to stick around, and I slipped out of the door while they were distracted. As I pulled it closed behind me, I heard a sharp gasp further down the hall and tore round to see what was wrong.
__________________________________
Jasper
An hour and a half of hellish YouTube clips, and I was finally sure I’d got everything right. I’d got the clothes right, my hair was as close to his style as I could make it, and I even had an opening line ready. I’d mostly persuaded myself that I wasn’t dressed like this purely for Bella's benefit. Right.
With a bit of luck she would have forgotten even mentioning her crush on Spike to me; it had only been a passing comment after all. If she remembered, she’d probably think I was dressed as him to make her laugh. I’d examined my reasons carefully, and found that I was actively trying to make her like me. I’d obviously lost my mind, as there was no hope of that happening at all. Knowing it was hopeless didn’t stop me from hoping though. That was the problem. There wasn’t a single second of the day when I wasn’t thinking about her. I could hear her now, chatting with Rosalie as they got ready, I could feel her eagerness to get close to her new friend.
I sat down on the bed, and stared at the walls that she’d painted, the paint she’d chosen. Draped over the back of a chair was a shirt she’d worn that still held the faintest traces of her scent. The book she’d bought for me sat open on the desk, and the flower she’d given me that first weekend had dried and sat in the windowsill. All around me were reminders of her presence in my life. Little things that told me I wasn’t alone.
The thing I was holding onto most tightly, was that she was protecting me. At least, subconsciously, she cared about my well-being more than anyone else’s. I was the only one she was shielding. I had worried that it might be because she found me too pathetic to take care of myself, and she had good reason to think that after the way I’d fallen apart after Alice left. But she couldn’t really think that, as she’d turned to me for comfort when she was upset. She knew I would be able to help her.
There was one thing that I would hold on to for the rest of my life. Even before she’d asked Edward for a break, she’d risked their relationship to keep me safe. Edward had thought she’d found a human boy, and all she had to do to make things right between them, was to tell him the horrible truth that I had attacked her. But she hadn’t, despite the strain it put on them, she’d kept it from him to protect me.
Listening to Bella and Rosalie arguing about something in the other room, I grinned. Neither of them were actually angry, Rose was amused and Bella nervous. Jealousy flared when she asked Rose to the ballet. I wanted to go with her, though a part of me knew that sitting in the dark with her for hours would make it too easy to do something I shouldn’t.
I had no right to feel this way, but I didn’t care. Bella was... she was everything. And I wanted her. I scowled at my reflection in the mirror, annoyed at myself for dressing this way and irritated that I hadn’t been able to convince myself not to pursue her.
I wouldn’t tell her how I felt, in fact, I’d hide it from her as well as I could, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t be trying to make her feel the same way. This was bad. I needed help! I was actually contemplating stealing my brother’s girlfriend. What the hell was wrong with me?
I realized that I didn’t even care. If there was the slimmest chance that Bella could ever think of me as more than a friend, I’d try. And if nothing happened, she wouldn’t know anything about it, and I could keep her in my life. I’d just need to be careful not to scare her away.
The emotions in the room next door changed as Emmett entered. Bella become more nervous then there was a surge of lust followed quickly by disgust. Intrigued, I listened more carefully to their conversation, chuckling at Emmett’s reaction to Bella.
It made me want to see her even more, I had a vague picture in my mind of what she was wearing from listening to her and Rose, but after Emmett’s reaction I could hardly wait. I stepped out of the room and into the corridor.
I saw the boots first, then her long shapely legs rising up to meet that scrap of a skirt. The gentle curve of her waist, and the smooth soft skin on the small of her back beckoned me towards her, but I couldn’t move. My desire for her skyrocketed and I sucked in air in an effort to calm myself down.
She must have heard, as she turned to face me, giving me the full effect. She saw me staring and tugged down her shirt, inadvertently giving me a better view between the buttons Rose had convinced her to open.
“ ’Ello Luv.” I drawled.
_________________________________________
Bella
I couldn’t breathe….that husky voice……calling me Luv. He couldn’t have worn anything worse.
I tried to find something to say, to stop gaping like a fish, to control myself, but it was impossible. I had a huge crush on him, and he’d made it worse by dressing like that. It wasn’t even that he’d dressed as Spike; it was the way he looked altogether. That stupid, tight t-shirt, displaying his muscles, and the jeans, so low on his hips were so perfect.
I wanted him to take off the long leather duster so I could get a proper look at him. Actually, I wanted him to take off everything. Oh, god, now I was blushing. Please let him think I’m embarrassed. Please don’t let him feel what I’m feeling.
There had to be something wrong with me. People don’t react this strongly to things like this. Why couldn’t I stop staring? I was getting dizzy from lack of air and the burning heat inside me.
“If you two’ve finished ogling each other, maybe we could go down stairs?” Emmett laughed from somewhere behind me, snapping me out of my daze. “Edward’s waiting.”
How long had I stood gaping at him? I licked my suddenly dry lips and tried desperately to find a way of making light of the situation. He was coming towards me, and I was scared to death that I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from touching him.
“You did you’re research.” I said. It was supposed to sound funny, teasing, but my voice came out all breathy. I had to think of something else quickly. Edward seemed like a good choice. He was waiting for me downstairs while I all but salivated over his brother. The guilt hit me full force, but I was grateful as it covered up my more unexplainable feelings.
He stepped closer, only a foot away from me. “You look...” His voice was as husky as mine had been, and for a fleeting moment I thought that I’d affected him the way he had me. Then I realised that even if I had made him feel anything like that for me, he’d just be feeling as disgusted as Emmett had.
I closed my eyes, waiting for him to finish his sentence, but nothing came. I risked looking up at him, and got lost in his eyes.
“Seriously, guys?” Emmett prodded, sounding a bit worried. I turned towards him as quickly as I could without falling, sure that if I looked at Jasper again I’d actually throw myself at him.
I noticed Emmett's costume for the first time. Rose had made him dress as Ares, and if I hadn’t known him, he probably would have looked quite scary in all that leather, but I knew he was just a big softy underneath so the effect was more comical than anything.
The four of us made our way towards the stairs and Jasper put his hand on the small of my back to guide me down them. He was trying to kill me. There was no other explanation for it. Emmett singing. Emmett singing. Emmett singing. I chanted desperately, trying not to let my feelings get the best of me. Edward’s waiting. Edward’s waiting. Edward’s waiting. Jasper was likely to think I’d gone mad the way my emotions were fluctuating, but I didn’t care as long as the lust remained hidden.
At this rate I was going to have a heart attack by the end of the night.
Edward was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, frowning. It was his almost constant expression now. He’d dressed as the Phantom of the Opera and he looked good, it suited him well. That was it. No sudden surge of desire. I felt even guiltier.
As I took his offered arm, Jasper removed his hand and my heart plummeted. I needed help. I needed to focus on Edward tonight, this was our last chance. I wished I could force my feelings for him to return, but it was becoming more difficult to feel anything for him while I was so preoccupied with Jasper.
“You look beautiful.” Edward whispered, leading me into the living room.
“Thank you. You look good too.” I told him, and he smiled his best smile at me. Nothing, again.
Carlisle, Esme and the Denali's were waiting to see us off, they all complimented us on our outfits and Esme even snapped a few pictures but I wasn’t paying attention to anything, I was too busy thinking about how Jasper looked, and telling myself not to think about how he looked. It wasn’t good.
Mumbling my goodbyes, I headed outside to the garage, just in time to see Jasper climbing onto a Harley. I didn’t think it was possible for him to look any better than he had upstairs, but seeing him astride that enormous bike made my knees weak. I gripped Edward a little tighter hoping I wouldn’t fall down before we got to his car.
_______________________________________
We’d been at the party about an hour and everyone still seemed surprised that the Cullen's had come. Most of the boys in the room had been staring at Rosalie nonstop since the moment we’d walked in, but she enjoyed the attention. The few glances I’d got had made me want to hide under a rock.
I hadn’t left Edwards side yet, mostly because it was comfortable being with him, I didn’t have to try to hide anything. The other reason was because it was easier to avoid Jasper while I was talking to Edward, I didn’t dare spend any time alone with him now. Why couldn’t he have dressed as cow or something?
“Bella?” Edward said.
“Hmm?”
“What are you thinking? You’ve been drifting away all night. I asked you if you wanted me to get you a drink.” He smiled.
I resolved to try to pay more attention to him. “Yes please.” I said ignoring his first question.
I’d been alone about three seconds when Tyler ambled over. He was dressed as a cowboy so I supposed he was coming to compare costumes. That would keep my mind busy until Edward got back.
“Nice costume.” I grinned up at him.
“Great minds hey?” He smiled. “Say Bella? Wanna help me save a horse?”
“Save a horse?” I frowned, what was he talking about?
“No she doesn’t Crowley. Beat it.” Emmett growled joining us. Tyler mad a swift exit looking fearful.
“What did you do that for?” I laughed at Emmett, who was still glaring after the poor boy.
“What did I do that for? Save a horse...” He said incredulously.
“Emmett, I really don’t get it. What horse?” I grumbled.
He cracked up laughing. “Save a horse... Ride a cowboy. You must have heard it.”
“What’s that got to do with...? Oh.” I blushed finally getting it. “Thanks then.”
“Bella, I really don’t know what we did for fun before we met you.” He laughed.
“I’m sure you found something to do. Whose hair did you try to bleach before mine?”
“Yeah, thanks for telling Rosalie about that.” He muttered. “I was going to come as a ninja before she decided to make me wear this get-up as punishment. Still it could have been worse; she could have made me dress as cupid.”
I snorted picturing him as the little cherub. “Oh I wish she had.”
“After I just saved you from the danger of misunderstood sexual innuendos.” He frowned, shaking his head at me. “You’re on your own now kid. Don’t come running to me.”
As he walked away I couldn’t help but scan the room for Jasper, I hadn’t seen him at all since we’d got here, and I was starting to miss him, despite the fact that I knew I should stay away from him. I couldn’t see him anywhere, but Edward was on his way back.
He didn’t look particularly happy; as he got closer I could tell he was scowling. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
He glared at the cup of water in his hand. “I can’t find anything else for you to drink but this or the punch, and some idiots spiked it. So I had to get you water, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” I told him, though I would have liked some punch really, it might have made me relax a little. I sipped the water, which wasn’t even cold, and put it down behind me.
“Can I persuade you to dance?” He smiled down at me. I glanced around the room, noticing that most of the couples were in each other’s arms.
I could cope with one dance. “Just one song.” I warned and let him lead me out into the space that had been cleared for dancing. Angela and Ben were dancing together near us and Angela smiled over and thanked us for coming.
I remembered the last time Edward and I had danced together. At prom, when I’d been so in love with him and it had seemed so magical. This just felt so ordinary in comparison, and that was awful. Edward was still the same person he’d been then, so it must be me that had changed. Maybe I’d just grown up.
I rested my head on his shoulder as we danced. This was the closest we’d been in weeks without him pushing me away. My eyes caught Jaspers across the room, leaning against the wall. He looked so sad. Maybe seeing all these happy couples reminded him of Alice. And here I was avoiding him when I should be helping him. I smiled at him hoping to cheer him up, but the smile he sent me back didn’t reach his eyes.
I wanted nothing more than to be over there with him so I could hug him and make him feel better. The song couldn’t end quickly enough. Finally, finally, the music faded away into another, faster number, and I pulled away from Edward.
“I’m going to check on Jasper, he doesn’t look too good.” I told him, my feet already pulling me into the kitchen where I’d just seen Jasper go.
I could tell Edward wanted to say something, but he didn’t, only nodding and kissing my cheek.
I shuffled across the makeshift dance floor, arms carefully wrapped around my stomach. I still wasn’t comfortable with my clothes. As I reached the kitchen door, several people made their way out past me, probably intimidated by Jasper.
I found him standing in the open back-doorway. He gave me a small smile as I approached. His presence wasn’t affecting me like it had earlier, all I wanted to do was make him feel better. “Did you enjoy your dance?” He asked quietly.
I shrugged and linked my arm through his leaning against him. “You ok?”

“Parties are always difficult. All the lust, jealousy, excitement, inebriation. And that's before the amount of blood all crowded together. It’s a little overwhelming sometimes.” He said, resting his chin on the top of my head.
“Let me grab a drink and we’ll go outside for a while.” I offered going over to the table and eyeing the punch. “How strong is this? Can you tell by the smell?”
He took the cup from me and sniffed it. “It’s not very strong; one glass won’t do you any harm. You don’t have to come out with me. Aren’t you supposed to be here with Edward?”
Yes, this was supposed to be a sort of date, but Edward would be fine without me. I didn’t have to spend the whole night with him. “I’m not much for parties either, I’d be grateful for a bit of peace.” I tugged him outside and across the garden.
We found a bench with an arbour above us, completely ensconced in ivy. It was dark this far from the house, so I couldn’t see him clearly. “Better?” I asked. “Or should we move further away?”
“This is fine. Perfect.” He took my hand in his and I had to scold myself for thinking it was romantic out here with him.
“You can talk to me, you know? About... Alice or anything.” I’d only realised today that since she’d left he hadn’t really talked about it. People always said it helped to talk things over.
He squeezed my hand gently. “I know, thank you, but I don’t need to. I’m fine.”
There was something I’d wanted to talk to him about since Carlisle had spoken to me, and now felt like a good time to bring it up. “If you’re ok, why are you hiding away from everyone at home?”
I felt him tense next to me. “I’m not.” He must have felt my disbelief, as he sighed and gave in. “Who told you that?”
Implicate Carlisle? I probably shouldn’t. “It doesn’t matter. Why are you doing it? You’re fine at school and at my house. Does the house remind you of her?” I knew what Carlisle had said, but I still thought it was all to do with Alice.
“It’s not that.” He said, turning away from me slightly. “I... I miss you, alright?”
“Oh.” I wished I could think of something better to say, but finding out Carlisle was right had shocked me. I sipped cautiously at the punch, but it didn’t taste of anything but fruit so I downed it all.
“You don’t have to miss me. You could just call me, or come to my house. I have told you that quite a few times now, are you ever going to believe me?” I was irritated more with myself than him. I kept doing the same thing, sitting at home alone, wishing he was there and not daring to ask him to come.
“I believe you Bella, but I don’t want to bother you. You do have a life outside of me.” He smiled sadly.
I scoffed. “Not really Jasper. My life is pretty much Charlie and you guys, and that's the way I like it. I like spending time with you and by staying away you’re depriving me of fun. Think of it that way.” I didn’t add that was he depriving me of almost everything I wanted when he wasn’t there.
“What if I never left you alone? You can’t tell me that wouldn’t drive you mad.” He chuckled.
It would drive me mad, but not in the way he meant. “Nope. I’ll never get sick of you.” I smiled, hopefully covering up the fact that I couldn’t imagine anything I’d like better than being with him all the time.
“Sure.” He laughed; at least I’d cheered him up. The only problem was that now he was happy, he was starting to have an effect on me again. I looked away from him quickly. Why did he have to be so gorgeous?
“Do you think we could go back in now?” Inside, there were plenty of distractions; out here it was all too easy to get lost in him.
“I don’t know.” He said. “I’ll come in if I can have a dance.”
Oh god. If I danced with him, my reaction to him was bound to give me away, and if I stayed out here with him, sooner or later I’d run out of other things to think about and probably end up drooling all over him. On the other hand, I did really want to dance with him. This might be the only chance I ever got.
“Ok, one dance.” Was my smile as dreamy as it felt? I really hoped not.
He stood, pulling me up with him and holding my hand all the way back to the house. In the kitchen I grabbed another glass of punch.
“Trying to get drunk?” Jasper laughed.
“You said it wasn’t very strong.” I muttered “I’ll be fine.” Again, I drank it quickly before Jasper pulled me onto the dance floor, I scanned the room but didn’t find any of the other Cullen's in there.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and I closed the space between us and rested my head against his chest as the opening bars of the song sounded through the room, effectively obliterating every other sound. I hadn’t heard the song before, but apparently Jasper had. As the chorus started he sung it quietly, his lips brushing my hair as he swayed us slowly. He was singing it to me.
“Baby

You're my angel

Come and save me tonight

You're my angel

Come and make it all right”
I felt such love and longing surrounding me, and I wondered if he was trying to show me exactly what I was meant to save him from. I clung to him, how could anyone feel this much and survive it? How often did he feel like this? I couldn’t stop the tears that spilled down my cheeks as the emotion swirled within me.
And I knew right as the song ended, as his voice became no more than a whisper and faded away to nothing that I was falling in love with him. This wasn’t just a crush that I could ignore until it went away. I needed to do something about this before I really fell for him. But what?
“Jasper? Could I have a moment?” Edward said quietly from somewhere behind me. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks and turned to face him, but I didn’t get chance as Emmett whisked me away from them.
“My turn!” He yelled over the beat of the music, twirling me across the floor away from them. “You have to dance with your big brother.” He grinned down at me. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did Jasper upset you? Want me to punch him?”
“No.” I laughed. He was so uncomplicated it was a relief to be with him for a while. “He sang to me.”
“His singing was that bad?” He chuckled, spinning me away from him and back. It was lucky he had such a tight hold of me and such good reflexes or I’d already be sprawled on the floor.
“No, it was lovely, it was just... emotional.” Those few minutes were too private, too special, to share anymore of them, and I was glad when Emmett didn’t mention it again.
“Where’s Rose?” I asked breathlessly, dancing with Emmett was exhausting. “I haven’t seen her all night.”
“She’s just come downstairs, she’s with Edward and Jasper, over there, see?” He spun me away from him again and pointed out his wife and brothers who were all smiling at us.
Another song started up, but Emmett didn’t let up his overly energetic dancing. “I need... a drink...” I panted. “Can we... stop?”
As he let up, I noticed we’d pretty much cleared the floor. I wasn’t surprised, as anyone who hadn’t gotten out of the way quick enough might have been crushed. We made our way back to the others, and I was pleased to note Jasper was already holding a drink.
“It’s spiked Bella, remember?” Edward frowned as I accepted the cup.
“One won’t do me any harm.” I smiled, thirstily downing the punch. I carefully ignored Jasper’s smirk.
“Carlisle called, I’m needed at home.” Edward said, leading me away from the others. “I’m sorry to have to cut our date short. Jasper will take you home when you’re ready.”
“Is something wrong?” I asked, I could tell he wasn’t happy about something.
“Not at all. I’ll explain everything tomorrow.” His kiss surprised me, both because I hadn’t been expecting it, and because it was the first we’d shared in a week. Would it also be our last?
“I love you. Be safe.” He whispered, kissing me again and sweeping out of the room.
“What’s going on then?” I sighed when I reached Jasper. Be safe. Something was wrong.
“Laurent and Irina have arrived.” He said. “Laurent isn’t taking too well to his new diet, and Carlisle wanted Edward to find out how likely he is to slip. If his control is as bad as Carlisle thinks, he’ll ask him to leave.”
The last time I’d seen Laurent I’d had to run away, but things were different this time. There were no James and Victoria trying to get me. Laurent had never been particularly interested in me. I was fine.
Except I wasn’t fine at all, I knew there was no real reason to be afraid, that it was irrational to feel this way, but that didn’t stop me wishing I hadn’t asked why Edward had left.
Jasper put his hand on my back, sending a jolt through me for a spit second before I felt the calm he was sending. “Laurent is not the same as James. You are perfectly safe with us.” He said quietly.
Emmett handed me another drink, a huge smile on his face. “Look on the bright side Bells, if Laurent wants to eat you, I get to fight him!” Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs and scowled at him.
His comment made me feel worse, not better. I gulped down the new drink, knowing I shouldn’t, but wanting something to help calm me. I was starting to feel a little better, and I wondered if it was the drinks, or Jasper that was helping.
The party quickly lost its shine and I wanted to go home. “Could we leave please?” I asked, knowing Jasper wouldn’t mind as he wasn’t enjoying himself either.
“Will you be alright on the bike?” He grinned.
I pictured myself sitting on the back of the bike, arms wrapped tightly around him, and suddenly felt quite giddy. “Bye guys.” I hugged Emmett and Rose and took Jasper’s hand.
We reached the bike and Jasper looked at me and groaned. “What?” I giggled. Maybe I had had a few too many glasses of punch.
“Your skirt.” He groaned again. What was wrong with it? “You’ll have to wear this.” He took of the duster and handed it to me. My mouth went dry as I saw just how deliciously tight his clothes were. I could see every muscle perfectly.
I shook myself out of my thoughts and quickly slipped the coat on. Jasper sighed.
“I didn’t bring a helmet, but you won’t need one. You should take the hat off though or you’ll lose it.” I did as he asked, and he tucked the hat away somewhere. I was too busy staring at him to see what he was doing. His t-shirt stretched across his back as he mounted the bike and I licked my lips.
It was difficult to climb up behind him, my balance seemed worse than usual, and I couldn’t focus on anything but him. “Hold tight.” He said, sounding a bit strained.
I scooted as close to him as I could get and put my arms around his waist. My whole body shuddered at the contact. As the bike roared to life beneath us I pressed closer and heard him growl over the engine. I was never going to be able to get off the bike when we got home. He felt far too good to let go of.
The speed only distracted me a little, just enough to make me hold him more tightly. I was enjoying this far too much, and I knew it should bother me more, but the punch seemed to have dulled the part of me that worried about right and wrong.
He cut the engine before we got to the house, so we rolled up to the drive almost silently. I wondered what time it was, and if Charlie was in bed. He hated bikes with a passion, if he saw me riding one without a helmet I’d never be allowed to leave the house again.
When Jasper got off I actually whimpered. “Are you staying?” I asked somewhat desperately. All I wanted was to get curled up with him again.
“Yes. Edward asked me not to leave you alone tonight.” He said. Was that the only reason he was staying? I wanted him to stay because he wanted to be with me, not because he was being forced to. “Of course, I was hoping you’d invite me in anyway.” He grinned, and I grinned back, relieved.
He had the key in the door before I had chance to tell him where it was, and I couldn’t quite hold in my giggle as he pressed his finger over his lips and crept through the door. He was taking needlessly big steps, standing on his toes, and he looked like a burglar from an old movie.
The house was in darkness, so I assumed Charlie was in bed, but the sight of Jasper acting like that left me unable to control my laughter. He was behind me in a second, holding me to his chest with one hand clamped firmly over my mouth.
His other hand was splayed across my stomach, burning me. My giggles quickly turned to gasps, and we were upstairs in my room before I’d even noticed we’d moved. “Can you keep quiet?” He breathed into my ear making my heart somersault. I nodded beneath his hand, and when he let me go, quickly put some distance between us.
“I’m... uh... shower.” I gabbled fleeing the room. Why the hell did I have to drink so much? I wasn’t drunk, but I seemed to have completely lost control of my emotions. I showered quickly, trying to remember algorithms to keep my mind off the man in the next room. What had made me think it was a good idea for him to stay? If I didn’t jump on him it would be a miracle. It would be even more amazing if I managed to hide my feelings. He’d probably felt them already.
And now I was standing in the bathroom, staring at the door like an idiot, afraid to face him. Jasper is your friend. You feel nothing but friendship for him. You can go back into your room, and act like a normal human being. You will not throw yourself at him. I talked to myself until I was back in the room, and continued with my internal pep talk as I made up a bed on the floor.
“What are you doing?” Jasper chuckled quietly.
“Charlie said you have to sleep on the floor.” I whispered back, adding pillows and sheets to the makeshift bed.
“I don’t sleep Bella, you know that, and I won’t be uncomfortable on the floor.”
“I will.” I muttered. Charlie hadn’t said anything about where I had to sleep. Was this really a good idea? Getting curled up with him, after the way I’d been feeling might not be the best plan. On the other hand, curled up with him was where I wanted to be, so why shouldn’t I? I knew Jasper didn’t mind.
Jasper kicked off his boots and joined me on the floor. I frowned at him and reached up to fix his hair. “You look unJasper-y.” I complained, ruffling it to make it fall down into its usual style.
My breath caught in my throat as I realised what I’d done. I’d straddled his lap and I had my fingers in his hair, and my face was only inches from his.
My eyes were drawn to his perfect lips as his breath whispered across my neck. My fingers stilled in his hair, I was dizzy, and without making a conscious decision, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
It took me maybe half a second to realise what I’d done and pull away. I couldn’t even look at him, how could I have been so utterly stupid? I wanted to take it back, if I could, I’d have caught the kiss and put it back where it came from. I’d ruined everything.
I scrambled off him and lay down, turning away from him. I didn’t know what else to do. I was mortified, and I was never going to drink alcohol again, as long as I lived.
He hadn’t kissed me back.
___________________________________
Jasper
I can’t believe she just kissed me. I didn’t even kiss her back, it caught me off guard. I might have wasted my only chance.
Shame and guilt was all she was feeling. She’d obviously only done it because she’d had too much to drink. Oh god, now she was crying, I could hear her little sobs.
“Please don’t cry Bella. It’s ok, I understand. Please Bella?” I tugged her around to face me and tipped her chin up to look at me. “It doesn’t mean anything Angel, it’s just the alcohol. You’ll laugh about this tomorrow.”
“I’m sorry.” She whimpered, burying her face in my neck. Don’t be sorry, be anything but sorry. A huge part of me wished it hadn’t just been a mistake. I calmed her down, and she quickly fell asleep in my arms.
I had learnt a lot since Alice had left, but the most important lesson was the most painful, and it plagued me almost constantly. To love, involved a very great risk. I had never thought before that love could be dangerous, or painful, but I knew now that in giving your love to another, you also gave them control of your heart. I had foolishly given Alice my love, and suffered for it. I hardly dared even contemplate loving someone else for fear of being hurt again.
Something else I’ve learnt is that we can’t choose who we love we can’t even stem the flow of feelings once they’ve started to grow. And I know this, because I’ve fallen in love with Bella, though I’ve struggled against it from the beginning. I promised myself I wouldn’t open myself up to that pain again, and I certainly didn’t want to risk hurting her.
The most shocking lesson, has taught me that love is boundless. For sixty years I had thought that Alice was my mate, and that I loved her more than anything else, that I could never feel anything stronger than the love I felt for her.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. Loving Bella was like being set on fire from the inside, it burned within me, a constant source of warmth that only grew fiercer with every passing day.
I was an idiot, but there was no going back. Change is a pretty permanent thing for a vampire.
_______________________________________
An: I hope you liked it. The song Jasper sings is Angel by Aerosmith.
Aisling - sorry I don’t have a mailing list, but if you read this story on fanfiction.net, you can get email alerts when there’s a new chapter.
Let me know what you think X
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