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Courtesan	By : Shelindrea Category: Twilight Series > Het > Jacob/Renesmee Views: 4787 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 15
- 16
- 17
Chapter 16

JPOV
Darkness, that was all that I saw. It permeated my very being with its emptiness. I searched. I knew something was missing. I could feel myself running, but I could not find that which I sought. A hollow ache filled my chest, and I felt panicked.
That which I was without was essential to my being. I craved it. I desired it. I needed it.
No, not it, HER! Where was Ness? Why was she not by my side, in my sight? She was vulnerable without me there to look after her.
Finally, I turned a corner and saw her. She was tied to a whipping post. Her back lined with red welts as a man flung back his lash and struck her.
"NO!" I cried
The man turned to me and laughed. Then he walked over to my beloved and tore her shift from her body, leaving her naked and exposed. He touched her, and I was helpless to intervene.
"Stop! No! Stop it!" I screamed out at the man. "Don't touch her!"
He laughed at me, then turned and said, "Some gold for your trouble, sir. She is well worth the few coins she cost me."
I ran to her side. She was battered and bruised. I cut her down from the post and tried to cradle her in my arms, but she was flayed raw, and I was afraid to touch her for fear of causing her more pain.
She turned to me, tears streaming down her face. Her visage was marred with a bruise, and there was pain evident in the depths of her eyes. I wanted to soothe her, but there was naught I could do. I had failed her. I had not been there to protect her. But more, my choice had forced her to remain a slave. Because of my selfishness, she had been held in a position where she was no more than property to be used by the free as they saw fit.
I had made her beauty a liability, rather than an asset. My choosing not to be without her was the cause of harm coming to her. I loved her... and in choosing my needs over hers, I had doomed her to hardship and sorrow which I could have prevented.
"Ness?" I begged.
"Yes, Master."
I noted that she called me Master and not Jacob, and it felt wrong.
"Ness..." I pleaded
"It's alright, Master. I am still yours. I belong to you. You own me. No matter who takes me, I am always yours..."
Her words pierced my heart, and I hated myself. It was my decision that made her vulnerable. I had meant to keep her with me. I told myself I was choosing to protect her and never lose her, but in doing so I had opened her to this. I had trapped her in my own need and forgotten that she might have needs of her own .
"I shall always be by your side, Master. Ever your girl. You own me..."
"NO! Nessie!"

NPOV
I awoke with a start to Jacob calling out from his slumber. He was on his knees reaching out blindly. He called my name and screamed, "No!"
I tried to reach him in his dream, speaking words of comfort. "I am right here. It's alright."
He continued to cry out and reach for something in his dream, until I wrapped myself about his frame and called his name. "Jacob! Jacob! I am here. You are well. It is only a dream."
It took some time, but I felt his arms twine about me and pull me closer. He kissed the top of my head and his breathing eased. "Oh Ness..."
"Shh… All is well. Nothing can harm you," I soothed.
Suddenly, he pushed me from him so he could look me in the eye. He caressed my cheek softly and shook his head. I was so confused as to what was happening. I longed to ease his distress, but had no idea how.
"Jacob, what is it? What can I do to help you?"
He sat before me and looked at me as if he were trying to see my very soul. "Ness, I need to ask you something. I need your honesty, and your thoughtful consideration. It is more important than anything I have ever asked before, and I need you to listen carefully."
"Anything..." I nodded willing to give him whatever he required.
"Do you dream?"
"You mean when I sleep? I suppose, I dream as anyone else does."
"No Ness. I mean do you have dreams…those that come to you in waking hours. Desires that speak to you and make you wish for... more?"
His question frightened me. Of course I dreamt. I dreamt of being with him always. I imagined being his wife, bearing his child. I could not confess such fancies to him though. He would not like it, or worse he would laugh at my incredible foolishness. Yet I could not, would not lie to him.
"I imagine things from time to time, I suppose."
"Of course you do," he said distractedly. "Imagine something for me. Imagine you were free to do as you chose. Imagine that you had no obligations except those you chose. Can you imagine that?"
I squinted at his handsome face. I was unsure of where this thought was leading, but I wanted to make him more at ease, and if this would do it I would play along. I nodded, hoping this would satisfy.
"Imagine that you loved someone…loved them more than you have ever loved anyone or anything. Can you do that?"
I needed no imagination for that. I loved Jacob that way. I had from the moment I had first seen him. He was my Sun and Moon. He was the reason for my existence. I again nodded.
"Good," he said running his hands through his flowing hair. "What would you do if you had a choice to give the person you loved something you knew they deserved, but doing so would deprive you of what you wanted most in life? Would you give it to them, or would you be selfish?"
"I do not understand?"
He sighed. Then he looked at me. There was a sorrow in his face that frightened me. This dream seemed to have completely unnerved him. "Do you find me a selfish man, Ness?"
"No. You are the most generous man I have ever met. You are all that is good and kind. How can I think you selfish?" I was so confused, but I wanted him to see himself as I saw him.
"You are so deluded," he said rising to his feet and pacing the floor. I was not sure he was speaking to me anymore. I was almost certain his words were meant for himself. "I am completely selfish. I do not want to give up anything, and in choosing that I am proving myself completely unworthy of keeping that which I love." He was distraught and rambling. I could not follow his thoughts; they seemed to jump about completely unconnected. "Do you believe you would choose love if you were free to do so?"
"Even a slave is free to love in their heart. I do not believe that one can choose love, I believe that it chooses you."
"Chooses you?"
"If one could choose whom to love, then no one would choose to love someone who did not love them in return. Unfortunately, that is not possible. Love is a gift. One that can bring both joy and pain, but I do not believe it is really a choice. How one chooses to love, that is the choice."
"Explain," he said returning to his place beside me on the bed.
"One can love fully, openly, or one can choose to love selfishly. Master Edward and Mistress Bella love openly. They never think of themselves before they think of the other. They make their choices based not only on what is best for them, but what is best for their beloved. I have seen it. Whereas... if you will forgive me, Master Sam and Mistress Emily love selfishly. They care for each other, it is clear. Yet their choices revolve around what is best for themselves, with little or no thought to how it will affect their mate."
He stared into my eyes and smiled sadly. "You not only see so much, you understand it."
"You are incapable of being selfish, Jacob. Your choices always seem to take those you love into consideration. When Mistress Bella pointed out that your returning me to her side insulted her, you accepted me back at your feet, even though you were hurting at the time. You considered her feelings before your own."
"You actually believe that don't you?"
"Of course I do. Your have put your need behind those under your care and protection. I have seen you choose to ease tensions with your sister even when you were insulted and angry. You did not need to do that - that was unselfish." She stared up at me with a guilelessness that was unmatched in its purity and beauty.
"I am not as you see me, I fear, Ness. You are blinded by your sweetness and goodness and cannot imagine those qualities to be lacking in others. You are generous with everyone, whether in stations above or below your own, and never distinguish between how you treat them. Even when holding the position you do makes you inferior in the eyes of those you encounter. You never judge them in return. You bear all, with dignity and grace," he said sadly. "Your behavior is admirable. Not mine. I have chosen the path of least resistance more often than not. You credit me far more than I deserve."
"I believe I could say the same of you."
"Nessie, where would you draw the line? What would you not do for someone you loved?" he asked.
My answer was simple. Were he to desire anything, no matter the cost to myself I would move heaven and earth to get it for him. "There is nothing I would not do for the man I loved."
"Even give him up?"
His words struck me hard. Could I give him up, were that what he wished? "Would giving him up provide him with something he wanted, or needed?" I asked trembling with fear.
"It might be the only way to give that person what they deserve most in the world. Giving them up offers them the options they deserve. They would be free to have a good life. One that might provide marriage and children. But in order to give them that, you would have to release them and let them fly from your world." His eyes were boring into mine. I knew he was trying to tell me something, I simply was not sure what.
"I would hope that I could put my own wants aside for someone I loved. I cannot say it would be easy..." I swallowed. Somehow, I was certain he was telling me that I must release him for him to have the life he desired. I knew he wanted a wife and children. Had he found someone? He would never keep a girl on his chain should he marry. I knew he wouldn't; I had simply prayed it would be later rather than sooner. "I would hope I would put them before myself, and that it would not kill me."
"Of course you would," he said tears wetting his eyes. "Come and lie with me, Ness. Let me feel you in my arms. Go back to sleep."
We sank back to the bed and he held me in his arms. Certainly, if he had found a woman to take to wife he would move me to a less central role in his life. I had assumed that this would happen; I had only hoped that it would be delayed. My mind swirled with possibilities; I was somewhat desperate to find a place in his life, no matter how small so that I could remain near to him. I was hopeful that I might be allowed to tend to his children and in that way be of use to him. Would his new bride allow me that luxury? Who was she? Would she resent my presence as Mistress Emily had? The questions swirled as in a vortex, and I became dizzy with the possibilities. I was frightened that if I moved too far from his everyday life Jacob would forget me utterly.
I could hear his heart beating beneath my ear, and I concentrated on its steady rhythm. The sound lulled me. I would hold onto this feeling, etch the memory to my soul, and I would pray that the end did not come too soon.

JPOV
I felt her relax into my chest and listened as her breathing evened out and deepened. It seemed like a long time before she drifted back to sleep, but when she did, I stroked her hair and kissed her head. Asking her what she would do was perhaps the most selfish thing I had done yet. What kind of man asked permission from his love to do the right thing?
I would go to Aro on the morrow and beg him to release her. She, of all people, deserved freedom. She was truly good. Far better than I. When offered the choice to put her wants and desires before that of someone she loved, she did not hesitate for a moment. I needed to live up to her example.
I thought over our conversation and wondered if she was correct. Was love beyond our choice? It seemed it was. A wise man would not have chosen to love a slave. Of course, I could imagine no circumstance where I would choose to love anyone else.
She was so understanding. She noticed the differences between how Edward and Bella expressed their love, and how Sam and Emily did. I remember when my sister and her husband were courting. They seemed as in love as Bella and Edward. They were constantly in each other's company, and they mooned after each other as people in love are wont to do. Now, they barely seemed to see each other through the fog of their own pain and disappointment. Is that how I would come to view Nessie? Would my unfulfilled desire to marry and have children cloud my affection for her? Would I begin to treat her poorly because of my longing for what could not be?
The worst part was I could only speak for my own feelings. Nessie had never truly spoken of her heart. She spoke of her devotion to me in terms of her station. I was terrified that if and when I was free to tell her of my love she would not return it.
Yet, she spoke of love as if it were something she experienced firsthand. "Love chooses you..." perhaps she did have some stirrings of love herself and was afraid to voice them. Would she be afraid of censure for honest feelings? Of course she would. As a slave, her feelings were irrelevant to most of our world. She was presumed to have no feelings of consequence. I knew better, and that only made my resolve to free her stronger.
Still, that could not be my focus. Nessie deserved better than the life I could provide her as a jewel dangling upon my chain. She deserved everything freedom could afford her, and I would see to it that it was all hers.
As morning broke into the room, I held my angel tightly in my arms. Last evening I had been frenzied and frantic. This morning I was calm and determined. I knew that I would be going to the king and breaking my own heart in a matter of hours. Right now though, I was going to pretend that only this existed. I was going to savor my last moments wrapped in the arms of the woman I loved.
I smoothed my hands over her satiny skin and marveled at the perfection of it. I had never felt anything so warm and soft. I drew lazy circles over the skin on her back and felt her snuggle deeper into my arms. She hummed against my chest as if she were fighting to retain her slumber.
I hummed back in affection. She was still nude from our torrid coupling last evening. I slid myself down her form to kiss her neck and ear, whispering, "The sun doth shine my sweet and I hunger."
"Shall I fetch you something to break your fast?" she said thickly, pulling herself to a seated position and displaying her perfectly formed breast to my view for perusal.
"I do not hunger for food. I hunger for you," I growled rolling her to her back and kissing down her perfect form. I paused to pay tribute to her creamy orbs. I suckled upon her pert nipples and was graced with her soft mewling sighs and the arch of her back bringing her ever nearer.
My lips skimmed her ribcage and her stomach licking and nibbling receiving soft chuckles and sweet giggling sighs for my trouble. Then I descended to heaven. I parted her legs and slid my fingers through her moistened lips. She fair glistened with desire, and I longed to drink her in.
"You are always so wet and ready for me, my angel. It is a powerful gift to know one is so welcomed," I spoke against her thigh.
"You are always welcome to take me, Jacob. I shall be ever ready to welcome your every attention."
"Are you feeling neglected? Do you crave my attention?"
"I always crave your attention, but I feel no neglect. You have always treated me with care and concern. I have no complaint," she said weaving her fingers through my hair.
I moved further between her creamy thighs and kissed her bud gently as my fingers stroked and explored. My tongue tasted and the sweetness overwhelmed me. I took my time. This could be the last taste I had of my angel, and I meant to commit every inch of her to memory. I could live off the reminiscences. They could feed my soul in the months I would be parted from her, and I hoped that the memories would keep me near her and in her mind, perhaps in that way I would have a way back into her life when it was permitted.
She was making the most incredible sounds as I laved her sweet core. It was music to my ears, even sweeter than her song last evening. I continued my ministrations until I felt her inner muscles clamp themselves in waves about my fingers as I drank in her nectar.
When her breathing settled, I kissed her hip bones and then her navel. I again suckled her breasts and slid my lips up to her collar bones. I saw the mark I had left upon her in my desperation the night before and I kissed it gently hoping it did not cause her any pain.
"You will bear this mark for a while I think," I told her.
"I wear it proudly," she sighed.
"I have sinned in marking so perfect a beauty with such a mark."
"Let the sin be mine, for I confess I love wearing it knowing that it signifies your possession of me,
I kissed her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids. She smiled serenely and wound her fingers through my hair. It felt heavenly to feel her little nails as they lightly scratched my scalp. I think I may have purred in my contentment.
"I like your happy sounds," she cooed.
"Do you now? Perhaps I should make some more," I said nuzzling her neck and sliding my shaft into the hot cocoon of her center, slowly and deliberately.
There was nothing that felt the way she did. Warm, wet, and close in the most comforting way, yet it was also inflaming and exciting. I wanted this to be softer, sweeter than last night's raw need. I meant for it to be an expression of love to her. I hoped my slow, penetrating movements would speak to her heart from the depths of my soul. I eased in and out, trying to eek out every morsel of pleasure from her. The slow drag of skin against skin cause a friction that made me burn and tightened the spring within my loins as I eased toward release. Nessie had eased her hands onto my back and was pulling her fingertips across my straining muscles making me feel as if she were pulling me deeper and welcoming me completely. She gasped and held me tighter.
"Jacob... your touch is flame this morning," she moaned.
"I want to feel you burn for me," I answered between kissed and caresses.
"I always burn for you."
"Show me. Show me how I make you feel," I begged.
She cried out as she shattered in my arms, and I felt as if her inner muscles were milking my release from me. I spilled out into her not only my seed, but my every emotion. When our breath returned to us, we were still wrapped in each other's arms and kissing gently.
"Have I told you how incredibly beautiful I find you?" I asked her as I traced the planes of her face with my fingertips.
She smiled at me lazily. "A time or two, I believe."
"Did you mark it?"
"Not this time, nor any other, for in truth I think you view me with through desire's prism and with that even the meanest of creatures appears beautiful," she teased. How I loved when she was in this mood.
"And what of me? Do you view me with such lenses?"
She raised a finger to her lips as if in thought and crinkled her nose. "I must, for in my eyes you are the handsomest man that God ever formed, and you grow more so each day of our acquaintance."
"Is that born of desire or of affection?"
"Adoration," she sighed as she leaned up and kissed me again.
"So you adore me do you?"
"What woman could not?"
"Nessie?"
"Yes, Jacob?"
"Come with me," I said leading her from the bed and into the bathing chamber. I turned the knob and plugged the hole so the golden tub would fill with the steaming water. I handed her into the water and took my place on my knees outside. I took a bathing cloth and dipped it below the surface then rubbed it over her skin. I poured scented soap upon it and began to bathe her. She stilled my hand with her own and I looked at her exquisite face. Her dark eyes were full of question and concern.
"What are you doing? This is not right. I am meant to serve you..."
"Shh. I want to do this. I want to show you..."
"Show me what?"
"Here, in this room, we are not master and servant. Here we are man and woman. I, as a man, wish to show you, a woman...my woman...that I am capable of caring for her as well as taking care from her hands. I wish to have you understand..." I was about to confess myself to her, but I heard the kings edict ringing in my ears.
"You wish to have me understand what?"
"That pleasure can be taken in giving as well as receiving," I said, blaspheming. For what I truly wanted her to comprehend was my deep abiding love for her and her alone. "Now relax and let me take my pleasure as I may."
I washed her smooth limbs. I poured water over her cascading curls and massaged her scalp as I cleaned them with fragrant ointments. When she was cleaned and relaxed, I dried her gently, polishing her skin to a fine sheen and wrapping her in a blanket to carry her back to the bed. I sat behind her and began to pull a brush through her long copper hair. It was an incredibly erotic thing. I would never have suspected it. She mewled and sighed and arched back with each stroke. I found her sounds speaking directly to my staff which became hardened steel.
She must have felt it when she leaned back against me, because she turned to face me and removed the brush from my hands. "I would you do me one last service, sir," she said seductively, shedding the blanket in which I had wrapped her.
"And what service is that?"
"Show me your passion and make me your own," she said, a flame burning brightly in the depths of her eyes.
"Is that an order, my dear one?"
"Yes!" she said as she pulled me to her opening for my invasion.
I hovered there, seated just above her entrance and looked her in the eye. "What do you want, love?"
She gasped. I was not sure if it was in anticipation or at the endearment I had uttered. "Love me," she sighed.
At that utterance, I plunged myself to the hilt and growled, "Without reservation."
She rose to meet every thrust, and I plunged again and again. I swore I felt our souls untie. I knew she did not understand the truth of my statement, but in that moment I did not care.

NPOV
Hovering above me he looked into my eyes and asked me, "What do you want, love?"
I gasped. I was certain it was all part of the play we were engaged in, yet it touched me somewhere deep. I had dreamt of him loving me for what seemed like forever, and his saying made me need him to be joined with me even more than I usually did. "Love me," I cried as I drew him into me.
We were one as we soared into the heavens. I rose to meet his every thrust, and he pulled almost completely from my body with each stroke. I felt myself fly apart into a thousand twinkling pieces in his arms, and he exploded himself pulsing deep within me. I felt enervated and languid. He was still kissing and caressing me as we came back to ourselves.
"I fear I need more rest, now," he said sinking into the pillows.
I smiled as I eased myself into his side. His breathing became deep and even almost at one. "Sleep well, my love," I whispered against his skin. I thought for a moment his breathing hitched, but as his arm held me tighter I realized I was mistaken.

JPOV

I was fatigued. We had coupled twice and the sun was barely up yet. I relaxed feeling her against my side. Then I heard her whisper, "Sleep well, my love."
I wanted to ask her if she meant it, but again I remembered my resolve to give her what she deserved and stopped myself. Aro would not consider my request on Nessie's behalf if I confessed my desire to her. I would keep it in my heart and hold onto this moment until we could be together once more.
A/N: please feel free to share your thoughts with me. Shelindreaire@aol.com
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Courtesan