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Cowardice	By : saucyminion Category: G through L > Lord of the Flies Views: 17461 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Flies, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
HERE'S THE STORY about me not updating: I moved to another city and had to get my computer shipped to me. Not kidding. A month later I got my computer. Weeks after that I found the privacy to write WITHOUT my roommate hovering around me constantly. Then I realized that I had 25 pages of sex which is just too damn much, so I tortured myself for endless hours trying to cut out sex (don't worry, not all of it!), which is really difficult to do because I worry I may have cut out some exciting stuff. But I'll let you be the judge.
This is an unusual chapter written and revised under unusual circumstances (such as during lectures). Please let me know what you think. Be honest.
Love, Saucy

~~~

Part 18 – Secret Spines II

It was one o’clock in the morning and Ralph sat on the floor of the shadowy kitchen as the storm continued outdoors. The weariness and emotional exhaustion he felt were too overwhelming to allow him to continue to feel uncomfortable. With the exception of quietly and quickly dressing himself again, Ralph said and did nothing.
Jack was in a very similar state. He had propped himself up against some kitchen cabinets and was seated on the floor the way Ralph was. He had dried his face of his tears and there was no expression there now – not even shame – but fatigue.
They were both silently reflecting on what had happened and wondered what to say. Jack was the first to speak.
“In my jacket pocket,” he said, stretching out his legs in front of him, “there’s an empty flask.”
Ralph wondered why he was being told this. A full flask would have been more useful.
“I hit that cat because of the rain… and because I was drunk. And by drunk I mean that I was really faced.”
“So you go to work and drink all night?” Ralph asked. He didn’t feel like being polite to the other man quite yet.
“A lot of the time, yeah,” Jack admitted. “I had a lot on my mind tonight.”
“So when did you decide that this would be a good idea?” Ralph asked, referring both to the drinking and to the…
Ralph was still uncertain of what to call it. Rape was too harsh of a word, but wasn’t it the truth? It couldn’t be.
Wanting Jack to make his point, Ralph cleared his throat and made his demand. “I would really like for you to explain when you decided to do this to me.” It was not the demand he had expected himself to make but it was enough. His voice was wavering so he made up for that in volume.
Jack didn’t respond instantly. “Well…”
“Did you honestly believe it would solve something?” Ralph’s leg was getting sore on the hard kitchen tile and he repositioned himself. “I know why you did it. You told me that. But I just don’t understand.” He told himself not to let his blood boil as he could hear his voice raising. He wanted to stay calm but his emotions were beginning to stir up quite heatedly again.
“I didn’t plan it the way it happened,” Jack told him quietly. “At work… I was thinking about you and I was feeling a lot of guilt. That’s usually when I drink: when I feel guilty about something. And I knew I just wanted you to have some retribution, but I didn’t know how or even if you’d take it.”
Ralph almost laughed. It sounded preposterous. “Retribution?” he repeated. He realized that his legs were shaking. So were his arms. He shifted again and his muscles relaxed briefly. He used to want retribution. For a long time he wanted Jack to suffer. Faced with the possibility of it at the tip of his fingers – at the tip of a knife – the reality of the concept seemed very different to him. “I’m not the one who deserves retribution, Jack.” Of course, he was referring to old friends.
Ralph could hear Jack’s breathing stop momentarily before he took a deep breath and looked to the side. He seemed to ignore Ralph’s comment after that. “I just wanted what was right. And when I came in here tonight I was so afraid of going to bed because I knew you were there. And I knew how easy it would have been to seduce you, and I wanted to.”
Ralph felt his cheeks redden. Why was he so easy to seduce? Was he gullible? Or did Jack just know what power he held over him? In any case, he was right. And despite all that had gone on, it still felt good to hear about Jack’s want for him.
Jack continued. “I didn’t know what to do. I made myself some tea and I thought about what I should do, and what I shouldn’t do. I tried to think of the consequences of sleeping with you, and I couldn’t come up with any, even though I felt there really had to be consequences.” He looked at Ralph who looked straight back at him from the centre of the kitchen floor. “When you came out here and I… I just wanted to touch you and hold onto you because that’s almost all I’ve been able to think about since you came here.”
A portion of Ralph’s anger melted. “Are you still drunk?” he asked. “I didn’t smell any alcohol on your—“
“That’s because I drank a cup of tea, you wouldn’t smell the scotch. And yes. I’m still a little faced. Do you think I’d be saying all of this if I wasn’t?”
“If you hadn’t been drinking, maybe you wouldn’t need to be saying all of this,” Ralph retorted automatically, instantly feeling a sting of distress.
Jack seemed to consider Ralph’s insight for a moment before nodding a little and continuing with his account. “Like I said… I really had no intention of… of…” he searched for the word.
“Violating,” Ralph offered dismally.
Jack blinked slowly. “I never meant to violate you. Or to hurt you in any way. But something happened. You… it was going too fast for you and you were right about that.”
Ralph shook his head with a sigh. “Jack, you don’t understand why—“
“You really were right. I was going too fast. But when you pushed me away I felt… I don’t know.” He looked off to the right again, as though he were talking to an invisible person sitting next to him and not to Ralph. “You pushed and I wanted you to push more. And for some reason I thought, ‘I need to be pushed and he needs to push me.’ I wanted your retribution. So I pushed back… and you fought me. It hurt because I don’t want you to hate me. And because I was breaking everything I thought we could build together—“
“Like what?” Ralph asked.
Jack ignored the question and continued. “But Ralph, even though it hurt me to do that to you it felt so right to feel you fighting me.”
“What you did was insane,” Ralph stated, almost casually. “For so many reasons. But I’ll give you two,” Ralph said. He crawled a few inches closer to Jack and waited for him to look him in the face. “Other than the obviously alcohol-induced lunacy of the whole thing, I wasn’t fighting you about our past. You think I should take retribution for what you did to me on that island? Tonight had nothing to do with the things we did as children.” I’m lying. But he doesn’t know that. Ralph took a breath and collected himself. “If you push me, I push back not because of the nightmares you’ve given me in all my child and adult life, but I push back just because you push me. That’s not retribution, that’s basic self defence.”
Jack slammed the palm of his hand against the cabinet next to him and Ralph jumped, startled, though he tried to hide it. “I know that!” Jack exclaimed. “I know it was stupid! I’m not trying to excuse it with alcohol or irrationality; I was just trying to tell you what was in my head.”
“I know that.” Ralph tried to keep an even tone. Jack was obviously feeling hostile and unstable and Ralph needed to show him he wasn’t upset, even if he was. He inched closer. They were barely two feet apart. “The other really stupid thing about what you did is that you put yourself in a position where you might have been killed. I could have killed you, Jack.” Ralph shook his head. “Don’t you understand that? Don’t you know how much you have to lose?”
“I know. I know. I know.” Jack was becoming very agitated. “I understand it was wrong. I understand it was dangerous… I can’t try to validate or explain…”
Jack’s words were beginning to sound lost and pathetic. There was no meaning any longer.
“I think you just wanted to do it,” Ralph said with bitter defiance. He startled himself as he said it but he couldn’t keep the words from streaming from his lips. “I think that you were in the heat of it and you didn’t know how to stop, so you invented a reason. Not a sane reason, but something so that you could come out of knowing that you weren’t trying to rape me because of your lust. But for retribution. Far more noble, isn’t it?” Ralph bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t behaving the way he wanted to and felt suddenly embarrassed with the truth he felt in his words. Sitting back, he pushed his face into his hands.
Disappear, he told himself. But it didn’t work.
Jack was blinking furiously and breathing hard. “I… I…”
“Don’t say anything,” Ralph told him, sitting back and closing his eyes. “It was wrong of me to say that. Don’t say anything more about it.” Ralph let out a long breath and lay back against the tile floor. He listened to the rain on the windows and a fan somewhere in another room. Everything but Jack’s breathing. If he couldn’t hear Jack’s deep breaths, he couldn’t imagine his bare chest rising and falling.
“May I ask you something?” Jack asked timidly, breaking the silence.
Ralph opened his eyes and slowly eased himself back up into sitting position. “Yes. Ask me.”
“You said… ‘not again’.” He shook his head. “You kept saying it. But I don’t understand.”
Ralph searched back. He had said it. And he remembered why, though he wasn’t sure he could explain. “I’m not sure what to say. It’s hard.”
“Will you try?” Jack looked at him attentively.
Ralph felt another fraction of his anger slide away somewhere as he looked at Jack’s face, and there was nothing he could do. “Intimacy has never been easy,” he said slowly, not wanting to use the wrong words. “The only time I’ve been deeply intimate… it was just… painful. I’ve only been so close—“
“It’s ok, you don’t have to say anymore,” Jack said suddenly, looking uncomfortable, clearly regretting the question. He was ashamed for bringing it up.
Ralph shook his head. “Oh. Oh, no, I know what you’re thinking, but please hear me. That’s not it.”
Jack looked confused. “Then just tell me. What did you mean when you said, ‘not again?’ like that?”
Ralph looked at him intently. “You’re the only person I’ve been intimate with. As a child. Please hear me. Not in a sexual way, obviously, but we exchanged so much and we were so close. It was more than being friends or enemies because we were so equal. The way we shared ideas and the way we played and fought and competed…” He paused. “But mostly fought. I just don’t want to fight you anymore. And you can disagree but don’t mistake this for blame and anger the way I have in the past. It is simply fact… I feel that you personally took away almost every shred of innocence in my childhood.”
Jack let out a sigh and closed his eyes. “Ralph, I…”
“Don’t say anything.” Ralph swallowed hard. “I don’t want to feel afraid of you. And I don’t anymore, I really don’t. I did up until a couple of days ago. And… it’s so hard for me. Because I want to be close to you. In every way.”
Jack nodded encouragingly, thought with slight discretion.
“How I feel just isn’t how I…” He looked for the word but he wasn’t sure there was anything to provide what he needed.
“Your instincts.” Jack drew his knees up to his chest. He was still shirtless and he looked cold. “No matter what you feel, you know instinctively that I’ve taken so much from you. And…” He paused and swallowed nervously. “You’re a virgin.” It was a question in the form of a statement.
Ralph didn’t expect the flush he felt crawl up from his chest to his face and ears. He wasn’t ashamed and he couldn’t explain the feeling that had no better name than embarrassment. “Yes, I suppose.”
“It’s only natural for you to defend that,” Jack said. “I’ve taken everything else from you. Haven’t I?” He slouched back against the cabinet door. It gave a hollow shudder. “I haven’t got the right to take that from you as well. You’re holding on, aren’t you?”
Ralph felt perplexed and exhilarated at once. He was incredibly glad that Jack had been the one to explain it. But he was immensely upset that it was the absolute truth. He didn’t answer Jack’s question because it was really a statement. “I’m tired,” he abruptly stated, rubbing his head.
“Tired of what?” Jack asked pressingly, twisting his words only slightly.
Ralph tried to answer as best he could. He was caught off guard but he had a reply. “Tired of blaming you for everything. It doesn’t make sense right now. And I’m incredibly sleepy.” He yawned genuinely and his eyes watered. They were sore. “Can we go to bed now?” He knew he must have sounded childish and avoidant but the conversation was beginning to delve too deeply into emotional and intellectual issues that his sleepy brain was having trouble comprehending.
Jack slowly nodded, apprehensive at first. “Fine. Yes.” He took a breath and stood. “I think that would be a very good idea.”
They were both secretly relieved that they were still going to sleep in the same bed.

At 3:00 in the morning a bolt of thunder crashed with such a wickedness that both of the men in Jack’s bed woke.
Ralph stayed where he was while he watched Jack rise from the bed and go to the window without a word. He had earlier stripped away his pants and collapsed onto the mattress without the hassle of bedclothes, so he stood in only his underwear. Ralph wondered if Jack thought he was asleep, and if he’d be walking about with so little clothes on if he knew he was wide awake.
The strong wind had set on the outdoor light sensors so Jack’s body was surrounded by a pale orange glow, while he was just a dark silhouette against the window. Ralph felt allowed to admire his figure without shame. He watched the dark body as it engaged in a silent, trivial struggle with the window before he shut the curtains. Then there was nothing but darkness.
Ralph waited for the feeling of the mattress shifting to Jack’s weight, unable to see him at all. After a few minutes had passed, it seemed that Jack was not even in the room any longer.
Ralph propped himself up on his elbows. “Jack?” he called, feeling childish for it.
He waited.
In a moment, he saw light glowing from the doorway as Jack came into the room with a lit candle in one hand and a glass of what appeared to be water in the other.
“The power’s gone,” Jack explained as he walked back to his side of the bed. He set the candle on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the mattress. Ralph watched him pour the water from the glass into his throat before he set the empty glass on the table beside the candle and lay back onto the bed.
“How long can his storm keep up?” Ralph asked, though he didn’t expect an answer. He rubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. He felt more awake after his short sleep.
Jack shrugged and propped himself up onto one elbow, lying on his side. “Not long, I’m sure. The window was open a crack… I suppose that’s why we woke up.”
Ralph nodded. His eyes gaze slid helplessly down the expanse of Jack’s body, but he tore his eyes away and looked down to the bed sheets. He picked at a loose thread that wasn’t there, holding a tense gaze on his fingers. “I don’t know if I can fall back asleep,” he said. A voice in his head immediately responded with, What do you mean by that?, though he surely meant nothing of it at all.
Ralph rolled onto his side, mirroring Jack, and suddenly realized that they now both lay in the centre of the bed. Before, they had each claimed the far opposite corners of the mattress but that presently seemed ridiculous. He now wanted nothing more to close the gap and to act on his desires. He wanted to know what it was that was not allowing him to do so.
This is the man who tried to rape you for his own peace of mind, Ralph’s brain told him, and now you are sharing his bed and want nothing more – well, far more, in fact – than to hold him. Ralph told himself that they were both disgusting, and yet, he truly felt no anger at all. Forgiveness felt too pleasant to replace with anything else.
At that moment, Ralph was watching his hand reach out timidly with outstretched fingers. Wasn’t looking at Jack’s face, but he could still see the expression in his mind.
Ralph, you are ill in the head, his brain asserted as his hand hovered a couple of inches above the naked waist. He could feel the body heat rising against his palm. Jack was, after spending an hour in the comfort of his bed, much warmer now than he had been when he’d first arrived from the rainstorm.
Ralph was surprised when he felt another set of fingers on his own. It took only a moment for Jack’s hand to pull his down to press it firmly against his very finely haired stomach. Ralph’s fingers spread out automatically, covering as much flesh as possible, as he let his eyes flicker up to Jack’s face.
“I can’t sleep, either,” Jack said softly. He looked completely at ease with the situation but there was an anticipation in his eyes that told Ralph that he was going to initiate nothing further. Not after what he had already done.
“Oh…” Ralph whispered. He didn’t notice that he’d dipped his index finger into Jack’s naval. He felt somewhat detached from his body in some ways, yet painfully connected to it in others. He was terrified to do something wrong and could not find the courage to show Jack the yearning he felt.
With a gradual sweep, Jack took Ralph’s still hand and brought it carefully to his lips. He took one of Ralph’s fingers into his silky, warm mouth and sucked gently. The heat cut straight through Ralph’s finger into his groin and then trickled down into his toes. He could no longer tolerate the restraint. He knew they both wanted to move on, and Jack had been the one to carefully assert the fact with his mouth.
Without taking the time to think about it or to listen to his criticizing brain, Ralph inched closer to Jack and his lips found their way to his slender neck. He placed a gentle kiss below the Adam’s apple, and then two more at his jaw. The wet finger in Jack’s mouth slipped away to trail down his chest, leaving Jack’s lips parted and eager for more attention.
“I want to tell you that we should wait,” Jack whispered, stroking the back of Ralph’s head with his fingertips. “And… do this when we’re a little more sane.” His eyes darted back and fourth between Ralph’s. “But how can I?” He lightly kissed Ralph on the lips with torturous agility. Before Ralph could deepen it, Jack pulled back again. “We’ve been going about this arse over tit for the past few days…”
“Lets do it right this time then,” Ralph insisted. He placed his hand at the slight curve at Jack’s waist, pulling him in close as he rocked his hips experimentally against the other’s. It felt different now that he was the one taking the lead. Ralph felt that everything was in his hands, both literally and figuratively.
In the kitchen! the ignorant voice in Ralph’s head said again menacingly. Don’t you remember? Have you lost your mind? You know what he’s capable of. Somewhere inside the fog of his lust, it was the notion of Jack as an aggressively sexual being that made Ralph feel terribly and illicitly aroused.
“We can’t keep on not doing this,” Ralph affirmed aloud, digging his fingertips into Jack’s waist. “There have been too many almosts and maybes…” He was pushing Jack down onto his back as he said this while Jack’s hands smoothed back Ralph’s hair from his face and his eyes. Before Ralph could continue to speak, Jack pulled his head down and kissed him deeply on the lips.
Ralph felt himself melting over the sensual heat of Jack’s near-naked body under his own flannel-clad frame. But once he became fairly well-balanced on top of Jack he began to shrug out of his pyjama shirt. Eager fingers helped him until he was naked from the waist up.
“Just don’t forget me,” Ralph whispered, pressing his forehead down against Jack’s. “Don’t ignore this for the sake of your image.” Thinking back to the incident in the restaurant, he felt that it was hardly an issue to be of concern.
Jack shook his head vigorously as he ran his hands across Ralph’s shoulders and down his arms. “I can’t. You’re too important.” He was already pushing his hips up against Ralph’s rhythmically. “Is it real this time then? Is this yes? Because you have to tell me now, yes or no, because I can’t handle anything in between anymore.” At that, he shoved his narrow hands down the back of Ralph’s sweatpants, curling his fingers against his flesh, and pulled Ralph down firmly to his body.
Ralph’s neck gave out momentarily and his head drooped over Jack’s shoulder. His hair fell back into his eyes. “Yes.”
Ralph had never been touched only for the sake of contact before and he felt amazed by how addictive it was. Jack’s hands moved up his naked back, then slid down to the inner backs of his thighs, and then travelled up between their bodies to touch Ralph’s chest. It made Ralph want to feel Jack’s skin all around his. He wanted to be swallowed up in the embrace and the touching. And he wanted to return the favours that Jack gave him but his hands were clinging helplessly to the bed sheets at either side of the other man’s shoulders. Ralph was frozen in icy hot pleasure and could do nothing but undergo the attention.
Suddenly Ralph felt his shaky arms being pushed aside as he collapsed gently onto the mattress, quickly finding himself beneath Jack’s body. Jack took Ralph’s hands and placed them onto his shoulders.
“Touch.” Jack breathed the command almost shyly, but the intent was clear. He was not to be left out.
Ralph shifted himself more comfortably under Jack’s body and let his fingers roam over Jack’s shoulders and behind his neck. At the same time, his legs wrapped instinctively around Jack’s thighs, holding their bodies together. They were so close that Ralph wondered if Jack could feel that every nerve and vein in his body was throbbing with need. Then he felt fingertips brush against a nipple and the pounding in his heart intensified.
“Again,” Ralph heard himself whisper. It seemed that they had both been reduced to single-word sentences. He supposed that a lot more could be communicated through their bodies rather than through their voices.
Jack obediently brought his fingers back to Ralph’s nipples, touching him with as much pleasure as Ralph was receiving. In reply, Ralph lifted his head and raked his teeth experimentally across the skin of Jack’s neck and throat. He was rewarded by sighs and moans that deepened when Ralph latched his lips to the warm flesh and began to suck. The fingers at his nipples replicated the gesture, pinching and tugging gently, until Ralph groaned and shuddered in response.
When Jack suddenly pulled away, Ralph whimpered and reached out for him. Don’t let it stop, he pleaded silently. His body was burning with need. Please, don’t let him stop.
At the feeling of hot-open mouthed kisses against his abdomen, Ralph let his head fall back with ease and satisfaction. He arched up against the hungry mouth before lifting his hips to appease the firm tugging he felt at his paint waist. He was naked in seconds.
A large part of Ralph wanted to hide his nudity against the protection and shelter of Jack’s body. The fingers at his thighs, however, made him forget modesty. While Jack stroked and massaged Ralph’s thighs with expert skill, he moved his lips back to the stomach beneath him.
Ralph pushed himself up onto his elbows and watched powerlessly as Jack manipulated his body into a state of utter pleasure. The lips trailing down his stomach were damp and light like wet butterfly wings sending tingling, hot sensations fluttering beneath his skin. He couldn’t look away. Jack looked beautiful with his eyes closed, trusting his sense of touch so intently.
Affectionately, Jack rubbed his cheek against Ralph’s fair skin before shifting slightly to remove his underwear while still remaining as close as possible to Ralph. When he crawled back on top of him their bodies made unrestrained contact, causing Ralph to arch up into the other man instinctively to close any space between them. Their lips came together again instantly, and as they kissed, their legs found their way to comfortably lock together.
Ralph savoured the mouth at his lips with every stroke of his tongue. He gently held Jack’s face in his hands and kissed him in the same rhythm as their hips began to slide together until their entire bodies moved in a unified pattern of caresses and sighs. It began slowly; softly, but very quickly their rhythm and fervour escalated.
Strong arms wrapped around Ralph’s back, pulling him upward into the hot mouth that moved to his throat. Ralph could only moan and droop limply in the arms until he realized that Jack was trying to make him sit up. He propped himself up against the headboard, which rattled against the wall, and watched Jack’s hands slide down to part Ralph’s knees. Jack never stopped kissing or licking or sucking at Ralph’s skin as he moved down his chest, leaving a damp trail behind his mouth. His hand, meanwhile, found its way to Ralph’s shuddering erection.
Ralph tilted his head back against the headboard and tried not to cry out. He shut his eyes and his jaw tight. The soft, hot lips of his lover-adversary persistently inched closer to where his teasing hand was, forcing the air in Ralph’s throat to catch again and again with every attention.
“Do you promise you won’t come yet?”
Ralph opened his eyes and looked down to see that Jack had posed the question with a voice raspy with what almost could have been mistaken as vehemence, but held nothing but care. He was lying between Ralph’s legs and was poised to use his mouth where Ralph was longing for the heat. The lips hovering above his abdomen were damp and red, swollen from hard kisses.
“I promise,” Ralph responded, uncertain of what other possible response he could have given.
Jack stretched his arm up and ran his fingers across Ralph’s chest. He closed his eyes, took Ralph’s rigid shaft in his unoccupied hand and lowered his head slightly. He parted his red lips and let his tongue slide out to lap gently at the head of Ralph’s penis.
An uncontrollable shudder passed through Ralph’s limbs, but his nerves were soothed and stroked by the silky mouth that closed around his first inch.
“That’s…” Ralph panted helplessly, trying to tell Jack not to stop. But his words became lost in his throat when he felt the hot mouth around the tip of him slide down several inches until he was almost completely encased by slippery, warm cheeks and tongue. He tried not to lift his hips or to force himself deeper. All he did was watch the hand at his base adjust in position and pressure as the mouth around him rose and fell gently. Every swirl of the tongue around him sent his brain spiralling into perplexed desire and disbelief. He couldn’t understand why it was so easy to be in such an intimate position, or why it had taken them so long to get there.
The mouth slipped away with a wet smack and Jack wiped the back of his hand across his face. “Do you like it?” he asked. His question was genuine.
Ralph opened his mouth to answer but the hand wrapped around his flesh began moving up and down, lubricated by Jack’s saliva. Ralph could communicate nothing but a strangled whimper as his head fell back again. “More…” he managed to whisper. “Anything. More…”
In immediate response, Jack ducked his head and took Ralph into his mouth again, sucking gently and running his tongue in circles. As his mouth worked on Ralph, Jack’s hips ground down rhythmically into the mattress. He clearly needed more contact.
Ralph swallowed hard and reluctantly reached down to Jack’s shoulders to push him away gently. He had to stick to his promise. When Jack had moved off him Ralph sat up onto his knees and took Jack into a deep embrace, kissing him, wrapping his arms around his neck and shoulders. He could taste himself in Jack’s mouth.
Welcoming hands slid across Ralph’s back in greedy caresses. Jack’s right hand slid down further than the left and, quite deliberately, he slid his middle finger down the cleft of Ralph’s ass.
Ralph’s nerves jumped and he pulled out of the kiss unintentionally.
Jack drew his hand away and looked restlessly into Ralph’s face.
Ralph hadn’t meant to flinch and he couldn’t allow Jack to stop. With near aggression he grabbed Jack’s hand (which had moved timidly to his waist) and shoved it back to where it had been before. He spread his knees apart, straddling Jack’s knees, and pressed a kiss to his face. He felt amazingly overwhelmed by the feeling of Jack’s eager cock pressed against his own, and the fingers slipping down his cleft from behind. His head dropped to Jack’s shoulder with a soft moan. Ralph felt absolutely prepared to experience everything that Jack was willing to show him, and he wanted nothing more than to ensure that Jack was feeling pleasure equal to his own.
“Fuck me,” Ralph heard himself whisper, surprised by his own words. He had been thinking it but he hadn’t intended to verbalize such an intimate craving. It felt so crude to him. But he didn’t care. He only hoped that he was heard.
Jack had certainly heard Ralph’s demand. He ran his fingers through Ralph’s hair and then brought them to his mouth. Ralph wrapped his lips around two of Jack’s fingers, wondering how his penis might feel in their place, and wet them thoroughly. He understood why he was doing this.
The fingers slid from his mouth and travelled down his back before having time to dry.
Ralph eagerly pressed his forehead to Jack’s shoulder. He didn’t know what to expect but he would receive it gladly, no matter what the sensation. He only needed to become as close to Jack as he could. He wanted their bodies completely entwined.
He felt a manicured fingertip circling his opening with the faintest pressure that built gradually. Ralph wasn’t even certain that he had been penetrated by nearly an inch of Jack’s finger until it withdrew gently. He rocked his hips in the air, asking for more. Jack complied and pushed his finger against Ralph’s opening again. This time he entered far more quickly and Ralph felt it. He didn’t flinch until he felt knuckles bumping against his skin.
“I can’t believe how tight you are,” Jack breathed. He lowered his head to suck Ralph’s earlobe into his mouth as he bent his finger inside of Ralph’s body, making Ralph buck foreword and cry softly into Jack’s neck. He could feel himself beginning to sweat and his face reddened.
Despite the plain sting, Ralph took Jack’s throbbing erection into his palm. “I want you to do it now. Don’t wait. I can’t wait.” He squeezed Jack encouragingly and was rewarded by low groan.
Jack couldn’t debate him. Even as he turned Ralph around to face the headboard he warned, “This is going to hurt you.” But it sounded absent, as if he hadn’t meant to say it, because his hands were strong unlike his cautious statement.
Ralph steadied himself on is knees and gripped the headboard with both hands. He acknowledged what Jack told him but said nothing. He watched, however, as Jack crawled briskly from the bed and moved to the dresser to find something. The candle there was still burning and Jack looked heavenly in its glow. Ralph continued to watch over his shoulder, trying not to touch himself, as Jack retrieved a bottle of hand lotion and brought it back to the bed. He wet his hands and his cock with the solution and let the bottle drop off the side of the bed.
Ralph swallowed hard and rested his face on his white-knuckled hands. It seemed right to be allowing Jack to dominate his body. The smooth hands running around his hips; the hot kisses and gentle nips at the back of his shoulders; the warm, throbbing cock ready to assault the most private part of his body… it felt warmly familiar and deeply satisfying. Something had changed.
Finally he knew that Jack was ready to really make love to him. Ralph became infolded in a strong, safe grip, though he briefly wondered if the arms around him held on so tightly simply to keep him from moving away. It didn’t matter. The wet pressure at his opening distracted him from everything but the hand squeezing his shaft.
But nothing was happening. Jack wasn’t moving.
“Please,” Ralph begged. “I don’t care if it hurts. I just want you…”
He felt fingertips tracing along his spine.
“What happened to you?” Jack asked breathlessly, clearly torn between several distractions. His fingers continued to hover gently above the scar tissue mapping Ralph’s spine.
Ralph’s core turned to ice. He reached back frantically and repositioned Jack against his opening, pushing his hips back eagerly, though he could not take Jack into his body. “Forget about that right now,” he said briskly. Melt me again, he thought. He needed to bring Jack’s attention back to where it belonged and continued to try to blindly press himself against Jack’s erection.
Jack began kissing Ralph’s neck again, finally coming back to the important task at hand. Ralph was relieved. He wasn’t going to let anything stop them again.
Ralph’s whole body was throbbing with eager frustration. He wanted to feel something deeper. He wanted to be filled.
The first smooth, swollen inch of Jack’s penis slid into Ralph slowly. Before Ralph had a chance to calculate what he was feeling, Jack was overtaken by the heat of his lover and thrust his entire length deep inside.
Ralph yelped in genuinely agonized pain but pressed his open mouth to the back of his hand to cease his cries. He could feel his legs trembling and his muscles clenching in spasms at the shock of being penetrated. His cock wilted almost instantly in Jack’s hand.
“Ralph?” Jack questioned softly. “You ok?” He was audibly desperate for a sign to continute.
Ralph bit his lip hard. Jack was frozen inside him and would not continue until he knew that Ralph was enjoying the encounter. So he lied. “Don’t stop,” he whimpered with strained words. He blinked furiously and felt his tears running over his hands.
Jack kissed Ralph’s neck and slowly began to move back and fourth, only very slightly. He was nearly as overcome by the sensations as Ralph was.
Ralph desperately, shakily, reached beneath him and took the hand that Jack was furiously trying to revive Ralph’s erection with. He gripped the hand tightly in his and held on to it like an anchor, taking the hand away from his body and pressing it into a deep pillow. Jack held on just as tightly as he began to rock harder and deeper into Ralph’s tight body.
For several minutes Ralph felt terrified of the pain. He thought that his desire to be intimate with Jack would overcome any trivial issues like physical hurt. But it frightened him. He didn’t know if he could stop it, or if he wanted to. But the longer he toyed nervously with the situation in his brain, the more the distant sounds of Jack’s moans and cries of pleasure reached his ears. The thrusting inside of him began to massage and relax his otherwise tight muscles and the fingers that had found their way to his nipples felt thrilling and familiar.
He languidly brought Jack’s hand back to his stiffening erection. The fingers obediently wrapped around him. The strokes were gentle and moved at the same pace as Jack’s even thrusts. The pace only quickened when Ralph found himself pressing back experimentally, taking his lover deeper into him with a slightly different angling of his body.
Something stuck a chord inside and Ralph shuddered, letting his head fall back. His exposed throat welcomed kisses that Jack offered to his neck and jawbone.
“Do you like this?” Jack coaxed softly into Ralph’s ear, pushing his full length inside him very slowly.
Ralph groaned and sighed, placing his hand over the hand that Jack was using to fondle him. He pushed his hips out further and felt the same striking sensation inside that made him want to beg for more. He said nothing to Jack’s question though. It was not a completely rhetorical question, but Jack knew what the answer was and Ralph was not about to humour his ego.
“I like it… I like it, please…” Ralph whimpered inadvertently, not bothering to be upset with himself for losing his tongue so easily. He rested his head back on Jack’s shoulder, but his neck jerked his head up again and he straightened his body when Jack thrust into him hard at a deliberate angle. This time, Ralph didn’t lose his erection. It throbbed eagerly in Jack’s tight fingers. He wanted more still.
Soon both men were rocking and panting with equal fervour. Ralph remained wrapped in Jack’s arms with one hand always clutching the headboard. He grabbed the headboard harder when their movements became faster; almost violent. He needed something to hold on to and there was nothing in his arms. So he leaned foreword, one hand on Jack’s hand and the other on the headboard, and he let Jack take complete control, driving into him thrust after thrust. They moaned and cried out in grateful desperation with only one goal in common. It felt too good to last.
“Ralph – I can’t – I – Ralph…” Jack stammered, sucking in sporadic breaths as his body lost all control. His fingers were in Ralph’s hair suddenly, tugging and stroking. One of his hands joined the headboard beside Ralph’s for the purpose of balance. He was pounding into Ralph with such abandon and fervour that Ralph was becoming numb to him, and overwhelmingly consumed at the same time.
The sounds of their bodies and the breath in their throats filled the room for another minute before Jack began to whimper frantically and clutch at Ralph’s body any way he could.
“Touch yourself,” Jack instructed. He wanted to use his hands elsewhere.
Ralph willingly complied and brought his hand between his thighs to stroke himself at his own pace. He closed his eyes and tried to savour the violent rhythm that he knew had nearly run its course.
There were teeth pressing savagely into Ralph’s bony shoulder suddenly and he called out more in shock than in pain. He felt nails digging into his hip at the same time. Finally, Jack shoved Ralph flat up against the headboard and groaned throatily into his shoulder.
“Yes – yes…” Ralph encouraged him; coaxed him. He wanted Jack to let go of the strain even though Ralph knew that he couldn’t do the same. Even so, with his face pressed sideways against the tall wooden headboard and his flesh being torn apart inside, he was in bliss.
Jack thrust in a few more times, quickly and unevenly. Ralph could feel him twitching inside and deliberately clenched his muscles around Jack’s strained erection, trying to send him over. Then, with a deeply felt cry of release, Jack wrapped his arms around Ralph as he came violently inside of him.
“Ralph…” Jack whimpered, flattening his palms against Ralph’s heaving chest. “I love you…” He pressed his face into Ralph’s hair. “So much…” Jack’s arms loosened. “So much…” His shaky breathing began to slow.
Ralph’s breath caught in his throat and he blinked furiously. It was one of the cruellest things Jack had ever said to him, and he knew it couldn’t have been true. It made him angry. It also made it sad, because he wondered if Jack really meant it. But that was hardly possible. Instead of feeling angry, Ralph decided to feel powerful in the fact that he’d satisfied Jack so thoroughly to melt is common sense.
He felt Jack slip out of him and before he had time to allow his adrenaline to subside, he turned and pressed Jack’s exhausted body onto the bed. He pinned him down onto his back, pillows at their feet. Already Jack’s arms and legs were wound loosely about Ralph’s body, pulling him closer. He wanted Ralph to take him, and Ralph couldn’t resist the naked, vulnerable body begging him weakly for attention.
Ralph crawled to the edge of the bed, reaching over to look for the hand cream that Jack had earlier dropped. He retrieved it quickly and squeezed a generous amount into his palm, which he smoothed over his fingers and his cock. He quickly shuffled closer to his lover, parting Jack’s thighs further with his own legs and with his slippery hands. On impulse he wanted to stroke and fondle Jack’s softened member, but he knew that there was no point; that Jack could only enjoy the experience on an emotional and mental level now.
“Hurry,” Jack said softly, pulling his knees closer into his body. One of his hands travelled down between them and took Ralph’s member in his hand, positioning him. He wasn’t concerned about any preparation.
Ralph leaned over Jack’s body, letting his hand take the place of Jack’s and rubbed himself against the smooth, warm entrance he was poised at. He felt lips on his cheek and he turned his mouth into a deep kiss that Jack offered. Closing his eyes, he slid his tongue into Jack’s mouth, pressing him down harder into the bed while he simultaneously pushed his hips foreword.
At first, Jack’s body wouldn’t give in to him. They both moaned against each other’s lips. Ralph was thinking about the pain that he was going to give Jack, but when Jack’s body suddenly yielded and Ralph pierced through the snug flesh, his mind became steamed over with hot, carnal pleasure.
Jack broke the kiss, throwing his head back against the bed. His mouth was open, his face expressing the strain of his body, but he made not even a slight utterance of pain or of pleasure. He only took in a shuddering gasp and curled his toes against the humid air.
Ralph squeezed his eyes shut. A cry was caught in his throat. He pulled out gently and slid back into Jack even further. Ralph couldn’t see any distinguishable signs of pain in Jack so he wasn’t afraid to quicken his tempo. One of Jack’s fingers found its way into Ralph’s mouth and he chewed gently on it, pinning Jack’s other hand down beneath his own. He could feel himself coming closer to his release but he wouldn’t allow it. He couldn’t. So he slowed down again, just enough to cool his nerves.
“More,” Jack demanded in a moan. “Harder… more… harder… more,” he began to sigh with each thrust.
Ralph was angry that Jack had so much power over him as he began to move faster and deeper. He wanted to look down between their bodies to see himself penetrating the other man again and again but he knew it would send him over. He shook his head fiercely. He was lost in the hot, tight body that was so willingly complying to his evasive lust. And it was Jack. Jack Merridew: the currently dishevelled man of business and industry; Ralph’s mortal enemy, rapist and lover.
“Jack!” he cried, loving how right it sounded. It made his heard clench, and then his arms became weak. He sank onto one elbow, and then the other, rocking against the other man with consistent vigour.
Jack’s hands were in his hair, stroking him tenderly, and tugging restlessly.
Ralph shook his head, moaning, burying his face in he comfort of Jack’s smooth neck. His mind was drifting further away as his body’s sensations sharpened. He could hear the storm outside still, under the heavy breathing and moaning inside the room. He thought about being on a ship, rocking violently through a storm. Jack’s long, deep sighs in his ear was the wind at the sails.
“Come back,” Ralph said to himself. He wasn’t concerned that Jack didn’t know what he meant. He forced himself to open his eyes and look into Jack’s face.
Jack was staring up at the ceiling in agony with glossy eyes and a quivering mouth. His hands remained tangled in Ralph’s hair. His legs were splayed apart, feet in the air. He was beautiful.
In the moments before climax swallowed him up, Ralph thought about how right it was that they were making love. It seemed like such a logical way to mend everything, and they were already so intimate. How right to counter acts of hate with acts of love.
Love.
“Jack—“ Ralph whimpered, his nails digging into Jack’s shoulder. He was slipping. “Jack!” The feeling of being wrapped in flesh was not completely satisfying. He wanted Jack’s arms around him. He felt a numb, tingling sensation building in his core and trickling between his legs. “PLEASEJACK—PLEASE—INEEDYOUPLEASE—JACK!” He urgently begged for Jack to hold him without knowing how. He couldn’t stop the flood of nonsensical words streaming out of him in a long, shuddering cry just as he couldn’t stop the shattering climax that had seized him tightly.
Jack’s arms wrapped around him just in time to support him: one hand flat against his back and the other cupped behind his head. Ralph’s whole body shuddered as he ground into Jack’s body once more; drove his face into the bed over Jack’s shoulder, and Jack cradled him through it. They continued to rock gently and wordlessly for some time before Ralph finally withdrew and crawled off of Jack onto the mattress, breathing heavily.
They both dizzily moved beneath the bedcovers shortly after that.
The two men lay together for some time, exhausted, sore and deeply satisfied. There was no pressure for words, but Ralph wanted to say anything. He needed a response from Jack, just to hear him.
“For someone who can sing a C sharp,” he mumbled, “I expected you to be more vocal.” Of all the things you could say... he scolded thoughtfully.
Jack was lying on his stomach with his face turned away from Ralph. “I lied about that,” he mumbled into the pillow. He turned his face and looked at Ralph. “I can’t believe you remember I told you that. It’s always the untruths that stick, isn’t it?”
Ralph grinned slightly. Of course he remembered. He remembered everything.
Jack shifted slowly onto his side and slipped an arm around Ralph’s waist. The contact still felt surprisingly good and special.
Jack yawned.
Ralph yawned.
There was a long, comfortable silence in the room. Everything felt muted and softer than it had been before. Ralph relished in the sounds of the rain trickling down the roof and the feeling of the slow strokes of the hand in his hair. He didn’t remember when it got there. Soon the gentle strokes stopped and the hand slid limply onto the mattress. Jack was asleep.
“I don’t love you,” Ralph said softly. “But I love you anyway.”
Jack didn’t stir.
Ralph draped his arm across Jack and tucked his head under the man’s chin. He closed his eyes and fell into sleep very quickly by the warmth of his partner’s body.
The storm outside subsided. It was dawn.
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