Lost Boys and Lost Men | By : matyasadina Category: M through R > Peter Pan > Slash Views: 4140 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Peter Pan, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
6.
Peter realized The Plan hadn’t worked as expected. Hook hadn’t jumped at the opportinity to direct the Lost Boys - if anything, he had tried to avoid them at all costs. Peter was most disappointed.
He tried to reason with himself that it was all for the better. He had his new crew now, there wasn’t any point in keeping one grumpy old pirate around. None at all. Additionally, how could Hook be so ungrateful? After All, Peter had done this for Hook’s benefit! He had gone to the Real World to achieve something he thought would be most appreicated.
Peter was also a bit perturbed aobut the aging thing – his body had changed and was doing strange things. And there was this problem with the dreams. Since he came back he woke more than once with his nightshirt sticking to his thighs and the fleeting memory of forget-me-not blue eyes in his mind.
This was one of those mornings. Peter went to wash his nightshirt once again. He then took the opportunity and looked at himself in the mirroring surface of the water of the small lake. He wonderd if this visible maturation was one of the reasons why Hook was spending so little time with him nowadays.
By all means, he found he had becme quite ugly. He hadn’t considered himself pretty before, he hadn’t really paid any mind to how he was looking then. But now, he was too thin, his limbs were too long and they even sometimes seemed to live a life independent of his wishes. In addition, he was becoming hairy. On his chest, his arms and legs, in his armpits and between his legs. He frowned at his reflection.
Hook shouldn’t have any right to be bothered by the hairy part though- compared to him, Peter was still smooth. He knew, he had observed him a lot lately..
Actually, Peter thought, Hook wasn’t exactly pretty himself. Nor was he nice by any means. So what right did he had to avoid Peter? He didn’t want to have adventures with him, he didn’t want to fight with him- neither for practice nor for real - he didn’t even want to look at him!
Peter had managed to work himself up so much that he pulled on his still wet nightshirt and all but ran back to their home to have a talk with the pirate. And he would talk, because if not, Peter decided he would slice off more parts of Hook and feed them to…to any dangerous creature still remaining in Neverland.
7.
Hook hated children. Especially those with whom he had to live under the same roof. He especially disliked the smallest, quiet one. He despised the two middle ones and he absolutely loathed the biggest one with the biggest mouth.
The only one who he didn’t detest was Pan. And that made him hate himself.
He just had to think about Pan and here he was. Running back from God knows where in this hour of the morning, with a wet nightshirt sticking to him. Hook groaned. Life was just not fair at the moment.
Pan stood in front of him, panting and angry. "All right Hook, what’s your problem?" he demanded.
Not knowing what this was about and not really caring, Hook returned to what he had been doing, namely studying his old maps.
Peter continued to rant ,"You are the most ungrateful, old bastard who ever lived in Neverland, and you should know…"
Now that got Hook’s attention. "For one thing I’m not old. And what do you mean ungrateful? Why should I be grateful? Because you destroyed my ship, my crew, my bloody carrier?"
If Hook had thought the brat would give up at this point, he was sorely mistaken. Pan made a move as if to pull out his dagger, then faking a move as if to jump at Hook’s throat with only his two bare hands. The captain was instantly ready for the attack, but the boy collected himself and forced the words out through his clenched teeth,"I brought the Boys here for you. I thought… I thought you will be more occupied with them here. To be able to do something. But no, nothing is good enough for you. You are mean to them and you are not even mean to me, you don’t spend any time with me and I thought …I thought we were friends…"
"I make no friends as a matter of principle," interrupted Hook in his nastiest voice "But if you want me to be mean, THAT can be arranged…"
"That’s NOT the point" Pan was almost histerical "We seemed to get along well…"
"So why did you bring those insufferable brats back here? Bored with nasty old Hook? Needed children to keep you occupied? Peter Pan, the Lord of these lands" Hook made a wild gesture with his hands "needed some new admirers?"
Hook knew he should calm down as well, he was saying things he never meant to said out loud. Hook was a proud and vain man, he wasn’t used to outwardly showing his thoughts or his feelings.
But Pan, of course, wasn’t impressed with him. He stepped even closer and was now all but shouting. "You understand nothing! I, I don’t need them! I need… I thought you needed them, that you were bored here with no one else but me!"
They were standing extremely close. Hook suddenly forgot his part of the argument. He couldn’t think about anything as he took in Pan’s angry, reddened face and his sparkling eyes. Just how would it feel to take this boy, to make him his and his alone?
And why shouldn’t he? Didn’t he have the right after everything Pan had done against him since his arrival at Neverland? Stealing his treasures, his ship, cutting off his hand, destroying his crew, feeding him to a crocodile? So what if lately he found out they were similiar in more ways than one? What if he even found the brat’s company not-so-annoying? What if he came to…like him? That last reason alone should be reason enough to do something, to break this strange spell Pan had on him, because what other reason could there be why he would become this concilatory, this compliant?
Why not force him-he would probably easily be able to do so - why not break him? Wouldn’t it feel good to look down at him, see him bleed and cry, for Hook to be in control again?
Hook suddenly turned away; he just couldn’t do it. He didn’t know why, didn’t understand it, didn’t understand himself at all, but he realized he couldn’t hurt the boy. He wanted to see joy and happiness in those eyes, but he had no clue how to cause those feelings.
Stealing and murdering, beating and raping, taking his pleasure by any cost, that was his previous life. He knew anger, he knew greed and selfish joy, but other than those few, the majority of human emotions were beyond him.
He should just go. As far away from here as possible. Or just go to the cliff and jump off. One solution was as good as the other. He turned to do any one of them, but a hand on his arm stopped him.
8.
It was official. Hook lost all of his remaining sanity.
At first Peter thought they were making progress. They spoke. Well, they actually argued, but still, that was something. Then suddenly Hook became awfully quiet again and then got this stange look on his face.
Initially, Peter thought he was going to attack him, but when he looked closer, Hook appeared to be close to tears. Then-as was his usual solution - the pirate turned to run and hide. But this time Peter wouldn’t let him.
He grabbed the Captain’s arm, and made him turn around. The older man raised his hook, but Peter now wasn’t much smaller than him. He took hold of that arm, too, and physically forced the pirate to stand still.
Hook’s intense blue eyes were now blazing and two angry red spots appeared on his stubbled cheeks. If asked later, Peter wouldn’t have been able to explain what had possessed him. He leaned in close and kissed Hook.
Kissing Hook was nothing like being kissed by Wendy. It was much rougher for one. Hook was taller then him and he was now holding Peter’s head in place. Weren’t boys only supposed to kiss girls? Peter opened his mouth to ask that, but Hook misunderstood it and pushed his tongue into his mouth. By any other circumstances Peter would have found that disgusting, but the Captain jerked him closer and groaned into his mouth, and feeling disgusted was suddenly the farthest thing from his mind. He was hard, like sometimes when he woke from a pleasant dream, and suddenly that made more sense and the blue eyes in those dreams made sense, and Hook…
And Hook was pushing him away a wild, scared look in his eyes. And of coure he turned away and fled, as he always preferred to do when faced with a difficult situation.
This time Peter didn’t stop him. He will came back, he was sure, and they would sort it out. Peter felt happy - he wonderd if he was in love.
9.
Hook’s mind churned rapidly as he thought ’That was stupid. More then stupid.’ His heart had been beating too loud and his cock had been hard as rock Hook wondered what he should do now. But still, the boy had seemed interested enough…maybe it was time to fulfill his dreams.
But whes a s a teenaged boy-and Pan was that since he came back from his latest mission- not interested in sex?
The problem was that Hook wasn’t ready to deal with his own feelings and even less so to deal with a half-child’s. He had never been a courageous man, and usually had someone else to fight his battles. But now there was no one else. And he was scared as hell to fight this practicular battle with nothing else besides his confused feelings.
He had to get away from here, to sort out his feelings or better yet, to forgot them. Looking at the sea, he knew what he would do. He would build a boat or a small ship which he could navigate on his own. He would find new waters, different lands where he could be himself again – a terrifying pirate captain, whose name alone would bring fear to people’s hearts. That was what he knew how to do - he should have done it long ago.
10.
It was now more than a day since that kiss. Where the hell was Hook? Peter was becoming restless. The Lost Boys invited him to play and then to hunt, but he hadn’t gone with them. He had more important matters on his mind now, he had a pirate captain to find.
It didn’t take him long, Hook was where he was most comfortable: on the coast of the sea. He had an axe in his hand, felled trees all around him and he was building…a boat?
"What are you doing?"Peter asked approaching from behind him.
Hook almost dropped the axe, but collected himself quickly."A ship, obviously" came the muttered reply.
Peter didn’t voice his thought that ships were typically much bigger and better built as he had more important things to discuss. The most important of all being "Why?"
"To sail away."
"What? Why? To where?"
"Away"said Hook again "Far away from here"
The ’and away from you’ was left unsaid but Peter heard it in the tone of Hook’s voice.
"Was it so bad then?" asked the boy miserably.
Hook turned, obviously confused "What?"
"The kiss-was it so bad? Was I so bad?"
"No. Of course not." Hook looked away uncomfortably. "It just…I should just go away. I can’t be here any longer."
"When will you came back?"
"I don’t plan to came back at all"
Peter felt so heartbroken that Hook’s muttered "but I probably will" was almost lost on him.
"Oh?"he asked intelligently. "What can I do to make sure you will?"
"You want me to came back?" Peter didn’t understand Hook’s question. Was Hook this stupid?
"I don’t want you to go in the first place. Especially not now. But if you must, then I want you to came back quickly. And I want to make sure you do."
Hook seemed to consider this, then said "Grew up a little more. And…and help me build this damned boat. It’s harder then I thought it would be" Peter suspected the last one wasn’t what Hook really planned to say, but he let it rest for the time being.
They worked in silence till the boat was ready. Peter only got paniced when he saw Hook stowing away his belongings on the completed vessel. He hoped he would have more time before Hook departed.
"You are leaving right now? I thought…"
"What’s the point in stalling?" Hook hesitated than pulled out something from his pocket "Here, that’s for you"
"What’s that?"
"A letter. I planned to leave it here for you."
"You wanted to leave without a word?" Peter was indignant.
Hook looked embarrassed but didn’t deny it. He presented the letter to him and they stood closely, looking at each other. Peter hoped Hook would kiss him, but after a while the pirate turned away.
He pushed the boat to the water and sat in. Only then he looked back at Peter and said a simple "Bye" quietly.
Peter just stood there, still not beliving this was happening. He only came back to himself to shout a "Don’t forget to came back" when Hook was already at a considerable distance away from shore. Peter wondered if he should fly after him, but he didn’t.
This was Hook’s choice, there wasn’t much he could do. The boat became smaller and smaller on the horizon and finally it disapeared. Peter stood there for a while after that, hoping he would see it again, this time becoming larger as it returned.. When it became obvious that wouldn’t happen, he sighed and turned to go; he missed Hook already.
11.
Hook put down the paddles and looked back. He couldn’t see the coast now. He was free. ’No’ he thought to himself ’I would only be free, if I hadn’t left my heart with a certain annoying brat’ Who would have thought he even had a caring heart in the first place? Not him.
He thought about changing his mind and going back, but probably it wasn’t a good idea. Not right now, anyhow. Or maybe he just didn’t have the courage.
Hook started to row again and hoped he would find what he was searching for. He steadily ignored the suspicion that something was what he had just left behind.
The End
(for now)
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