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Cowardice	By : saucyminion Category: G through L > Lord of the Flies Views: 17461 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Flies, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Part 2—Breaking of Bread

    When Ralph stepped out onto the deck, he hadn’t expected such a somber and awkward picture. All of the boys sat around a large picnic on the deck under the sun, and they looked incredibly odd all in their oversized clothes and long hair, surrounded by the massive cruiser. None of the boys other than two of the littluns even seemed to notice him there, though he knew that they were entirely aware of his presence. They sat slouched on the deck around the food with their heads bowed, and it almost would have looked as though they were in prayer if it wasn’t for a few of the youngest boys picking and nibbling cheerlessly at their food.
    Ralph did not at first notice any one other than he and the other boys on the deck, which made him even more anxious, however he soon noticed two officers further away to the edge of the boat, working at some task as they kept a watchful eye on Ralph and the others. At first Ralph thought that perhaps they were frightened of the boys, until he realized that they were just giving them some space and some privacy. They’re nothing to be afraid of… think about it, Ralph.
    As Ralph approached the picnic he saw no signs of aggression, though his legs were shaking and his heart was shuddering in his chest in utter dread of anything. Regardless, his mouth watered at the sight of the bread, canned peas, apples, orange juice, and more exotic Naval rations of the sort, and he sat on the edge of the blanket with a sigh. The silence was eerie, and the growl of his own stomach startled and embarrassed him.
    Samneric’s heads also shot up at the sound with round, shocked eyes. There was also shame in those eyes, and it gave Ralph some comfort knowing that he could see now, in their shame, that Samneric knew that they had done wrong.
     Ralph turned his eyes back down to the blanket and stared longingly at an open can of juicy, glistening peaches. Why isn’t anyone eating? He dared himself to take the food, but when his eyes accidentally met the figure in front of him, however, all other thoughts faded instantly and he felt the hairs on his arms and the back of his neck prickle.
    There sat Jack, but the sight of him didn’t make him scared—at least not for himself. His cheeks were red, his eyes pink and full of tears, and he was staring directly at Ralph’s white face. Never had he seen such a perfect image of pain and regret, and he could barely fathom that expression on Jack’s face. No, he wasn’t a hunter or a leader. He was just a scared, buck-toothed boy with oversized ears and a freckled nose who had no excuse or understanding of his own actions.
    After a brief moment of pity, the colour came back to Ralph’s face and he felt nothing towards Jack. No sympathy, no curiosity, not even anger. He was angry that Piggy and Simon were dead, and he was remorseful, but even though it seemed logical to direct his hatred towards Jack, he couldn’t do that. He simply did not care enough.
    That was the moment he decided that he would not let the memory of Jack torment him, no matter the horrible things he had done. He wasn’t going to feel sad or regretful because of Jack—he just wasn’t worth the effort. Why bother letting a bratty, interfering and completely ignorant boy even enter into his thoughts or memories? Jack had been out to make Ralph miserable—and he had, of course. And every time Ralph felt upset at all because of the red-haired bully, Jack would win again and again and again. Ralph was simply not going to allow that.
    Without really thinking anymore about it, Ralph pushed a heavy loaf of bread across the cloth on the deck towards Jack’s empty hands. He wasn’t sure just why he did it. At first, he had meant to do it to repress his anger by countering it with kindness.
    Jack’s eyes dropped to the bread as he sat motionless for a long while, but then he reached out with unusually clean fingers, though bloodied at the fingernail bases, he took the bread… and he tore the small loaf into two pieces. For the first time since the island, Jack raised his tormented eyes to Ralph and extended an arm across the blanket, offering Ralph the other half of the loaf.
    Ralph realized now, uneasily, that Jack was trying to make peace—or perhaps Jack had thought that that was Ralph’s intention, which it had not been. He didn’t feel the same desire for peace as he had on the island—just safety. Now, though, Ralph was beginning to decide that perhaps peace was not a bad idea… at least for the remainder of the travel onboard the ship. Even if the peace wasn’t in their hearts, at least it might put some of the boys at ease. So he took the bread.
    There was dead silence as they ate—even the ocean seemed to stand silently still as the cruiser sliced through it—and Ralph felt brave enough to look around at the other boys as he chewed the bread as his tongue and stomach rejoiced. Everyone was watching them nervously. But not minding them so much now, he finished the bread and looked across at what else the picnic had to offer him. His mouth watered and again when he saw the sun dancing off of the moisture of those peaches, and there was a loud gurgling that came from his stomach.
    What he hadn’t expected to hear was laughter.
    Ralph looked up and searched around for the dispenser of the giggle and saw that it was one of the littluns that had noticed him approach in the first place. He was grinning with his lower lip sucked in and he was one of the few who were actually eating the meal in front of him.
    Ralph could only stare for a moment, along with all of the others, but after some time he offered the boy a smile. That littlun wasn’t too embarrassed or shameful to eat and laugh—he was delighted to be with grownups and to have clean clothes, just like the rest of them should have been. He was free. He was cared for. His laughter sounded beautiful against the soothing whoosh of the ocean splashing all around them again. Ralph realized suddenly that ignorance truly was bliss, and he wanted to have it so badly he became jealous. At the same time though, he couldn’t wipe the smile off of his face.
    Suddenly all of Ralph’s fear just… went away. He didn’t want to be scared; he wanted to be like the littluns. And for the first time since he had seen the navel officers on the beach, he felt the overwhelming liberation from fear and pain and his smile was of genuine peace and happiness. Now ready to fully appreciate the food in front of him, he reached out and dipped his fingers into this oversized can of sliced peaches and pulled out a large, slippery slice of fruit, fully aware that everyone was watching him still As he was ready to pop it into his mouth, his hands, shaking from malnourishment and fatigue, pinched the fruit too tightly and it slipped from his fingers, shooting up in the air and then plopping down on the picnic blanket; all the while he sat with his mouth wide open.
    There was more laughter this time, and not just from the littluns. Ralph took the peach back and stuck it in his mouth with success this time. His taste buds jumped and the ripe fruit felt so soothing in his throat and stomach. As he chewed, Ralph looked around the picnic with a reassuring grin in his face; it’s ok to laugh, it’s ok to be happy. We can still be friends.
     When he saw Roger sitting there with a bitterly smug look on his face, Ralph bravely held the canned peaches towards him. He forced a smile, but he knew that his eyes still blazed with utter revulsion. That could not be helped.
    “They… they’re quite delicious,” Ralph said, his voice cracked and meek, though shaking with restrained anger. Ralph felt that if he could act civilized towards Roger after Roger had murdered Piggy, than Roger could certainly pretend to be kind to him.
    It was obviously too difficult for him. “Don’t you speak to me!” he shouted, standing and looking down across the picnic at Jack. “Jack, don’t you see? Don’t you see that he’s trying to make us come back to his tribe!?” He shook his arms towards Ralph who sat speechless.
    Jack hardly seemed moved. “Roger, there are no tribes. Sit down and get a hold on yourself.” He spoke it half-heartedly, but it impressed Ralph nonetheless. So much for blocking him out, Ralph told himself.
    Roger dropped his arms to his side and strode across the picnic. “Jack—Jack, you promised that we’d never go on his side!”
    His raised voice made one of the littluns whimper.
    “Roger, this isn’t a game!” He stood to Roger’s level and stared him in the face, their noses nearly touching. “There are no sides or tribes… there are no chiefs.”
    Roger didn’t respond.
  Ralph licked his lips anxiously, not having expected himself to be ready to go to Jack’s aid, should he have needed to.
    Just then, a bulky officer appeared from the edge of the ship and walked up to the two standing boys. “What’s going on here?” he asked in a deep, rumbling voice. “You two had better break it up.” With his bulky hands he pushed them apart gently and waited.
    Finally, Jack turned and walked off the deck to his cabin without another word, the soft click of the door behind him, while Roger sat back at the picnic sulkily. He did not make eye contact with any of the others, though he did take an apple and began to munch away at it angrily.
    Ralph knew that Roger was no real threat, no matter how much he could whine and argue. They were really, truly protected—Ralph saw that for certain now, and he watched the officer gratefully as he left them to be again.
    After some time, a chatter started and it rose, and rose, until everyone at the picnic was freely conversing with one another, and eating as much as they pleased. Ralph was thankful, though he felt removed from the whole thing—like he was watching a motion picture. Some minutes after Jack had returned to his cabin, Ralph decided to do the same.
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Cowardice