Danse Macabre in a Nutshell

Chapter 48:



Anita: Ahhhgggetawaygetaway!

Mother o’ Dark: You squeal like a girl.

Anita: Woah. Into the woods…!

Mother o’ Dark: *chanting musically * With Greens, greens and nothing but greens: Parsley, peppers, cabbages and celery,Asparagus and watercress and Fiddleferns and lettuce-!

Anita: Ahgh! We said no Soundheim!

Mother o’ Dark: You started it.

Anita: You sing badly.

Mother o’ Dark: How about I eat you first! Look a cave lion!

Anita: Oooh where?

Mother o’ Dark: Now I have you..!

Anita: Look! A Siberian husky!

Mother o’ Dark: Oooh where?

Anita: * Razzzz *

Mother o’ Dark: OOOOW! What’s that light? It BURNS! It BURNS!

Anita: Ha-ha! Wait, you’re right. It DOES burn! Owwie!! I’m awake! I’m awake already!

Micah: ‘Bout time! We missed you. By the way, open your hand.

Anita: My necklace! You can’t have it!

Micah: That’s because it’s soldered itself to you palm.

Richard: You can’t have that crucifix! It’s my present to her!

Lillian: Bugger off Richard, you’ll blow your secret identity.

Anita: This really freaking hurts.

Lillian: Moo-haha! You are in my power then! Declare me your Lord and Master and I’ll give you morphine.

Anita: Done!

Richard: Sorry seems to be the hardest word…..!

Anita: Even your jewelry causes pain in my life. That might rate a ‘sorry’.





Chapter 49:



Lillian: Here girl! Here girl! Come get the pretty morphine!

Anita: Mmmmmmmm! Drugs. Gooooood.

Lillian: Hehehe.

Micah: You’re enjoying this aren’t you.

Lillian: Someone has to. Hold her down while I carve that necklace out of her flesh.

Everyone: We wanna do it!

Anita: Ow.

Lillian: Done.

Anita: You have any more of those drugs?

Lillian: I’ve already given you too much. In fact, you are going to be useless for the rest of the book.

Everyone: Hooray!! Lord and Master Lillian can save us!

Lillian: Hold up! I change my mind. I’m not that much of a diva. Anita, you must heal yourself with the Munin.

Anita: Spiritual Werewolf Sex then? Do I get to complain?

Lillian: Save it for the long version. Snap to it Nookie Girl.

Anita: Grumble grumble.

Lillian: And boink Requiem while you’re at it. When Ming Die cut him up for dating you, she used silver blades. He won’t heal well on his own.

Anita: Supersnatch to the rescue again.

Requiem: To the Batmobile Supersnatch!

Jason and Nathaniel: Sex in a limo! We’ll help too!

Anita: Woah, you’re all naked!

Nathaniel: But we have accessories! Look at my jewel encrusted collar (and leash)!

Anita: Pretty!

Jason: Yeah, and check out my running wolf bracelet bling!

Anita: Oh! Gorgeous! I must have one too! Where, oh where, can I find such a thing?

Jason: Anita, I’m glad you asked. As an Anita Blake Fanclub member, this beautiful hand-crafted bracelet can be yours now for the low, low price of $35.00.

Anita: Oh Jason! It’s a steal! I see EVERYONE rushing out to buy this!

Jason: Truly a great purchase. Just have your credit card handy and visit www .laurelk….

Requiem: *interrupting * Enough with the product placement, I’m ready to get laid here!

Nathaniel: ….Right! Here, Anita, let’s help you with that corset.

Anita: *SPLOING! * Gasp. Inhale. *whimper * I feel dizzy. I can’t do this…

Requiem: How can I help?

Anita: Use your powers on me!

Requiem: Sweeeeeet.