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Delusions	By : brokenpromises Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Het > Het Views: 2168 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Delusions
- 2-Journal Entry: Destructive Illusions
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*****I am NOT SM I DON'T own Twilight and I make no money from doing this. I hope you enjoy this chapter!*****

Journal Entry: Destructive Illusions

I kept to myself mainly. Occasionally, I hung out with my two siblings, Alice and Emmett, as well as their significant others, Jasper and Rose. I mean it’s not like I didn’t have any friends, in fact I had an over abundance of people that had wanted to hang out with me, girls mostly. I had slept with most of them too. I mean, why not? I wasn’t looking for love. I knew that right now finding that would be impossible. Everyone was to shallow and just wanted to be with the hottest more popular guy. I definitely was one of those guys.

Then I saw her. I was up in my room and I heard Alice talking to someone. The girl wasn’t giggling or talking about make up so I was intrigued. I went down stairs and noticed them working on a school project. I walked up to Alice said and then introduced myself. The beautiful creature keeping Alice company was named Bella. That name fit her to a tee, especially after that blush. God, that blush was beautiful and I began to wonder if her whole body would blush like that. I knew she would be no different than the rest and I would be able to bed her by the weekend.

The following day she came over to work on that project again. I heard Alice say something in an irritated voice; I knew that voice was the one that she used with Jasper. ‘Perfect’ I thought to myself and I waltzed downstairs.

There she were, flipping through some book thing. I expected to some smut novel, but no, it was Wuthering Heights. I was impressed.

“Bella right?” I asked, trying to get her attention. She just nodded, keeping her eyes on the book. No girl had ever paid me so little attention. She was different and piqued my interest. So, I sat down next to her and began to talking to her instead of trying to seduce her.

The rest of the week I accompanied Bella at lunch or forced her to sit with my group. We would talk about random things. Bella was entertaining and more importantly interesting. I definitely enjoyed our Bella-Edward binding time over sharing her with the others.

It was a Friday, a little over a week after we had met, and we were sitting by ourselves outside. We were talking and enjoying ourselves and I felt a surge of hormones burst threw me as I saw Bella lick the last traces of apple juice from your lips. After I realized what had happened I grew sick with myself. I guess it was written on my face too.

“Edward, what’s wrong? You got so serious all of a sudden.” Bella looked over and questioned me with innocent eyes. God, those eyes were beautiful and I could just picture her looking up at me with them as she sucked on my cock. It would be such a turn on to see Bella look so innocent as she preformed such a naughty deed.

“Nothing, Bella, don’t worry about.” I replied, running my fingers through my hair as I often did whenever I was nervous. And I was nervous. I was pleading with God that Bella wouldn’t notice my raging boner. I didn’t want her to be just one of those girls so I didn’t want her to think I was attracted to her.

“I can tell you are lying to me. Please just tell me, I won’t tell anyone else.” She said in an almost pleading voice. It sounded so sexy hearing Bella beg for something, even as innocent as this. Fuck it just fuck it. I needed to feel her around me. So, I told myself she was just another girl.

“Really, I’m okay. Hey do you wanna skip the rest of today and go somewhere with me.” I smirked at her, knowing exactly what affect my smirk had on girls. At the same time I also placed my hand on hers so she would begin to think that I liked her.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Bella replied. At first I felt disappointment because she didn’t want to leave with me. I am sure it was apparent on my face, but if she had kept your mouth shut she would have seen me smile. It would have been reassurance that you were different. However, you failed me and asked “What if we get caught?” That’s what she was worried about. Getting caught, really?

So, I played along. “I promise we won’t. I really just want to spend some time alone with you. Please come with me.” I even moved my arm to her shoulder, so she would get a hint of what type of alone time we were going to get.

“Edward, we’re spending time alone right now.” You shrugged of my arm. Good, I wanted her to do that. Yet, she still confused me. One minute she was on me then the next it was strictly platonic. I was frustrated and said something back to her. I guess I said the right thing though because Bella finally agreed to come with me.

When we got to the meadow she was shocked at the beauty it held. I was shocked at how right she looked here, with me. I wanted to feel her lips against mine and I wanted to hold her close to me as I kissed her. I knew this would change our dynamic, but I couldn’t wait any longer.

We kissed and it was one of the most pleasurable and right things I have ever done. We were making out for quite some time when she said those seven little words that changed us forever “Can we go back to your house?” God, why did she have to say those words? Couldn’t she please take them back? I guess I could have stopped us, but I am a horny teenage boy. I wasn’t exactly thinking with the proper head.

We made it back to the house and continued our play. Soon we were both naked and lying on the bed. I discovered Bella was a virgin. I tried to give her a way out and Lord knows I wanted her to take it. She didn’t though. She had only known me for about 2 weeks and she was willing to lose her virginity to me. That was just wrong and whorish.

I know I should have stopped it. We fucked. It was alright. I have had better. It’s was Bella’s first time so of course she didn’t know what to do. It was quite for a few minutes after our little romp when Bella began to speak “Edward, what does this make us?”

She was ruined. I didn’t want another easy girl lusting after me like the others. I needed to make her hate me. So I did what I knew how to do best. I was an asshole to her.

“Nothing, Bella, you’re just like the rest of them. It was too easy.”

Her face blanched and she looked at me with shock filled eyes. I cared and wanted to comfort her and say we could be whatever she wanted us to be, but I knew that I would be tired of her in a couple of weeks and really just didn’t want to deal with the dramatics.

“I know I am hot and I don’t want someone who wants to bed me the second I offer them an opening. You’re worse than most. You gave me your virginity and you haven’t even known me for two weeks. Slut” She started crying and begging as I spoke to her.

“Please Edward, don’t do this.” She was already using her water works, she would be too much trouble.

“Bella, I was just playing along with your delusions about us. I knew from the second I saw that blush on your cheeks when I said hi to you that you would be an easy fuck. I let you believe what you wanted, I let you believe your delusions. Like you would ever be anything more than a fuck to me.” I told her cold heartedly as I stared at the wall. She needed to think that I didn’t want her or ever would.

She quickly go out of bed, put on her clothes and left. I stayed in my bed and held a little pity party for myself because I ruined something beautiful. Whatever though, I would be over it in a couple of days. Bella really wasn’t anything that special.

The next morning I woke up to Alice crying hysterically as Charlie, Bella’s dad, was yelling at my parents to talk to me. I walked downstairs to see what the commotion was about only to be greeted with a slap to the face. “You fucker, you killed her! You killed Bella!” Alice yelled at me.

“Edward, what did you do? My baby is dead because of what you did to her! Why did you do that?” Charlie spoke in a dead voice and looked over at me. He had tears rolling down his face.

“I didn’t do anything! She wanted to fuck so I gave her what she basically begged for! You’re daughter did this to herself!” I wasn’t fully awake and was greeted by a slap and talk of Bella being dead. I didn’t quite understand what was going on yet so I was fairly cranky.

My dad then told me to shut up and sit down. He never spoke to me like that so I knew I was in trouble and I sat down. He placed a letter addressed to Charlie in front of me and told me to read it. So, I did. The contents of it made me sick to my stomach. She killed herself because of what I did. Bella killed herself because I had called her a whore. I just looked at the letter in disbelief.

I got up from the table and ran to my car. I drove over to La Push Beach and walked to the cliff Bella had mentioned. I just sat there trying to think, to comprehend what had just happened. I didn’t want her to die, I just wanted her to leave me alone. After several hours I walked back to my car and drove home.

My life changed after that. People really didn’t want much to do with me and that was understandable.

It had been 2 weeks and her body still hadn’t shown up. They held a funeral for her and buried an empty coffin. I guess Charlie at least needed to pretend there would be closure. I wasn’t welcome to the funeral, so I went to the cliffs again and apologized to Bella for the billionth time. Although, I still think she is a slut and that she did this to herself I was sorry for not trying harder to stop us.

As I sat there I removed my left shoe and sock, retrieved my pocket knife and made a cut on the sole of my foot. It was the only way I could deal with this. This was not the first cut since Bella’s death and it probably wouldn’t be the last. I started doing them to remind me of the pain I had caused Bella. I drug the blade along my skin a few more time and put my sock back on. I walked back to my car and drove home.

This situation sucked horribly, but in the end I still lay some blame on Bella. She should have been smarter and I should have been smarter too. I guess those are the mistakes we make when were young. I have learned my lesson from this though, I won’t feed people’s delusions so I can get off. It’s not worth it.
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Delusions