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Crescent Moon	By : lordoberon Category: Twilight Series > Het F > Bella/Jacob Views: 23572 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
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Chapter List
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Crescent Moon
A Jake/Bella Twilight fandom fic
by lordoberon

Chapter 2
Jacob's POV

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As he followed Bella out of his room, Jacob had to admit that he was hungry. His stomach rumbled in reminder, and so he willingly followed her out to the kitchen. She started to take things out of the fridge, but he couldn't bear to sit and watch, knowing what it would do to him.
"Let me do it," he said. It came out as a bit of a growl. She just smiled, a little, and let go of the fridge door.
She sat down at the table, and Jacob determinedly got up and started getting down the rest of the sandwich things. Mustard, lettuce, tomato. He sliced the tomato a little quickly, and nicked his thumb in the process. "Ouch."
He knew she was watching him, but Jacob tried not to think of that too much. It would make him hot and hard again. It would make him go crazy.
When he'd looked into her eyes, he'd totally lost it. So as he made their sandwiches, piece by piece, Jacob was determined not to look at Bella. Not looking. Nope. Don't even think about it.
He sliced her sandwich in half and handed the plate over.
"Thanks, Jake."
She was always thanking him. That was great and all, sure, but what about everything she had done for him? He should be thanking her. Bella was his best friend. She was here with him now, at a trying time, when he had no one. She had been with him when he used to think Sam was a gang leader. She had become close enough that he could reveal his fear to her. She had become close enough that he could hug her and comfort her and both of them were fine with it.
Now I can't even bloody touch her without going nuts. Pathetic. He sat down at the couch, letting her grab the remote and flick the television on. His eyes gazed at it without really seeing, and he tried to focus on the taste of his sandwich.
But all he could think of was the distance between them. She sat at the other end of the couch, as far away as possible from him. Jacob knew it was for his own good, and hers, but he couldn't help feeling a little wounded. He'd gone and made himself a monster that much, hadn't he?
The wildness he'd been trying to keep in had leapt out when he looked into her eyes. It had just taken one second - wham! - and Jacob hadn't even been thinking anymore. All he'd been able to think about was touching her. It wasn't even about having her be his, or pick him. All he'd wanted was to taste her. Touch her.
He didn't want what was inside her, her blood, like Cullen did. He wanted the outside, every bit of it, from her slow smile that he could always draw out, to her breasts, to the shape of her hips against his (like earlier) and the bruises on her ankles. He wanted all of that.
It had used to be more innocent, but this wild heat inside him...it made Jacob's thoughts lose all innocence.
He finished his sandwich and tried not to look at her. Some joke was being said on television, but Jacob couldn't hear it. He could hear his heart pounding. He could practically feel her moving, even though she was a couple feet away. He imagined it - the brush of her thighs together, what would it be like to put his hand there, to let it slip in...? He wanted to bury his face in her breasts again, to pull that moan from her again.
"Damn it," he whispered. Within the next second he had scooted over, and slung one arm around her shoulders. There. That was innocent enough. Right?
He didn't dare look at her face to see what she thought. She kept eating, wiped her mouth with one hand, and then, deliberately, slowly, placed her hands to one side of her lap. Oho, she was good. She didn't put them on her thighs, which would get him thinking about them. She didn't put them anywhere near him. She just nestled them, together, against her right hip, shoved up against the couch arm. Was she afraid?
Jacob decided to ask. He discovered his voice was low and husky from so much sleep still, as he said, "Am I scaring you?"
"No, Jake." She determinedly stared at the TV. It made him a little angry, but he told that feeling to shut the fuck up. He didn't need to phase right now!
"Why aren't you scared, Bella? Doesn't anything scare you? ...You were scared...when Cullen left. Doesn't the presence of something ever scare you, or is it only the absence?"
She coughed, shifted away from his arm a little, and then said, "You did scare me a little earlier, Jake. Your eyes looked blank, for a second, when you were lying there...but now you're back. Can you get your arm off of me? It's like having a burning log on my neck, kind of."
"Oh. Sorry."
So she had been scared of him. But, silly Bella, she’d been more scared for him than of him, or for herself.
Jacob had never felt as awkward with Bella as he did now. Usually he was easygoing with her. It was fun. Usually, he made her feel better about things, when Cullen had treated her badly. Now though, Jacob was screwing it all up. Should he just ask her to leave? He had scared her, after all.
"If...if it had felt more like...like me, in control, when I kissed you earlier, would you have liked it?"
Somehow, Jacob just had to take every opening window his wishful thinking gave him a glimpse of. He knew it was wishful thinking, but still...
His question was met with a long, long silence. Jacob thought, surely she wanted to leave now. Instead though, Bella kicked at her plate on the floor forlornly, and then whispered, "Jacob, I...I should lie to you, right now, for my own sake and yours, but...I can't lie to you, so I'm going to say it. I did like your kiss, earlier. You...you were great."
Jacob felt like his heart had leapt around, all of a sudden. It was making a hard beat against his chest, and he pressed his hand there, as if it would leap out of his body. She had liked his kiss! She...she had liked the force of it? The way he had licked her mouth? The way he had let all of his desire for her show? Oh, god...Jacob pushed his hands against the couch, biting his lip. It was starting again. But he had to control it. He wanted be himself for her, not some wild horny monster.
It took every ounce of his will to turn to her and look her in the eye, and then keep his hands off of her. "Thanks, Bella," he said, and he couldn't help a grin coming to his face.
Then he kissed her again.
She opened her mouth to him this time. She actually kissed him back. He tried to make the kiss gentle, but he couldn't. It lasted only a moment, before he was crazy again, kissing her like it was the last thing he'd ever do in his life. He didn't mind if it was. She tasted like cinnamon, and smelled like flowers. Her mouth was cold, like the ocean, salty, until his tongue entered and it became hot. He kissed her slowly, drawing it out, taking a breath before diving in again.
Bella moaned into the kiss, and that was when Jacob couldn't help but touch her. He slid one arm around her waist, and pulled her over to sit in his lap. Her left side was against his chest. Her butt was soft over his thighs, even through the jeans he wore, and he fought back the urge to push his aching cock against that softness.
He let go of her waist, and instead stroked her hair. That turned into stroking his hand down her whole body, over the swell of breasts, across the short hair on her legs, all the way down them, to clasp her feet. Then he stopped kissing her. He bit her bottom lip, and then his mouth drifted over her cheek and down to her ear. He licked over the shell of it with his tongue. She made a strange sound at that, half a gasp, half an upset groan.
Then she pushed herself away, off of him, and sat like a curled turtle at the corner of the couch. She drew her legs up in front of her like some sort of shield.
Jacob fell back against the couch, and scooted over to his side of it. “Bella…maybe you should go.”
It hurt him to say it. He felt all the joy he’d just experienced with holding her dissipate and crumble, like a fortress that had been defeated by an angry army. He closed his eyes, and sighed. The animal in him was impossible to hold back right now. It wouldn’t stop. He hated himself for his lack of control, but at the same time, he knew Bella wouldn’t want him to be hurting, to be self-hating. So he opened his eyes and took a deep breath, mustering his strength.
He thought he might have managed to look normal as he stood up. Smiling a little, he held out his hand. “I’ll accompany you to the door.”
A myriad of emotions crossed Bella’s face. He could see she was reluctant – but in what way? Was it that she didn’t want to touch him? Or was it that she didn’t want to leave? He hoped for the latter, but knew it was probably the former. He had mistreated her badly today, and hoped she could forgive him for it. Part of him was saying, So now kissing is mistreatment? How stupid! There’s nothing wrong with kissing the woman I love! Kiss her again!
But the coldness in his belly said, She doesn’t want it. You want to make her happy, don’t you? Back off. Even though it hurts.
Instead of accepting his hand, Bella stood up and crossed the room. “Jake…I’m absolutely freezing, but I know…I know you can’t hold me right now.”
‘I know you can’t hold me right now.’ Jacob clenched his hands into fists at his sides. How he wanted to hold her! He wanted to hold her and comfort her like he always had, but this time he was the monster, and he the source of any mixed feelings or disappointment in her. Her words were like crushing blocks of iron weighing him down.
“Let me just change really quick before I go.”
He nodded dismally, and as soon as she had grabbed her bag from the hallway and shut the bathroom door, he collapsed back onto the couch. Damn it!
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Crescent Moon