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The Poet and the Pendulum	By : TwilightScribe Category: Twilight Series > Slash Views: 4181 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Parts: Part II [ how i hate what i have become ]
Rating: pg13
Pairing: Jasper/Jacob
Words: 3 229 words
Disclaimer: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, who I am definitely not. This means that I don't own the characters or anything but the strange circumstances that I slap them into. I'll put them back once I'm done with them, promise.

. how i hate what i have become .

Oddly enough, I found myself getting anxious for the next day to come. I had no idea why, but that weird feeling in my gut kept telling me that something was going to change; though, another one of my instincts told me that it wasn't going to be a bad one. Something about that made me feel a little uneasy.
School dragged, and I was impatient as I tapped my pencil on the desk and stared aimlessly out the window. I wasn't even making an effort to even try to make it look like I was paying attention; but my English teacher didn't even notice. There are advantages to sitting in the back corner of the classroom and being a pretty good student; I was somehow managing to keep up with all of my classes and fulfill all my responsibilities as a member of the pack.
When the bell finally rang, I was quick to pack up and shove all of my stuff into my backpack and then I tore out of there. Something almost like anxiety had settled in my stomach, and I could quite shake it; no matter what I thought of. And that feeling persisted as I took off out of school like a bat out of hell and headed straight home to dump my stuff, do a little homework, and hopefully cram in a little sleep. If I was going to be staying up until four AM, then I wanted to be well rested.
Especially when in the company of seven leeches.
It's better to be safe then sorry, after all. And besides that, I was beyond exhaustion by that point. Well, tomorrow was a Saturday, maybe Sam would let us crash after this strategy meeting tonight? We'd all need to be as well-rested and strong as possible when we faced these newborns down; plus, we had to be on guard in case that one cat-like leech decided that she'd like to make another visit.
Something about her really set me off, and I wasn't too sure that it was entirely about Bella either.
I dumped my backpack on a conveniently empty kitchen chair, and then went and started raiding the fridge. There wasn't much in there, which meant that I'd probably have to go shopping tomorrow; something that I wasn't at all very happy about. It was hard enough for me to keep up with everything that I was juggling at the moment, and add on that I had my dad to take care of, and I was pretty much straining to keep up with doing what I could for him. Sue had basically taken over caring for my dad, especially after Harry's passing; I got the feeling that it was giving her something to take her mind off of the pain.
Nonetheless, I was still incredibly grateful to her for taking care of Billy for me, and looking after the house too. This gave me a little more time for taking care of all of the essentials that I was now being responsible for; like protecting our tribe from the threat of leeches, and keeping myself in school.
I managed to scrape together a decently sized snack, and in werewolf terms that means it was enough for a meal for a single person. Then proceeded to down the food just as quickly before I grabbed the cordless phone off the cradle and heading to my tiny room.
All I had in my room was a bed which took up the most space, a night stand, and a desk with its chair; my small closet was built into the wall. And that was really it for what was in my room, there was a few pictures there, of my family, but it was pretty bare. I didn't spend as much time here as I had when I was younger, so it lacked the personal touches. Though I didn't really care. I dropped the phone onto my night stand before I flopped into bed.
I was asleep moments after my head hit the pillow.

.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.

The alarm was too loud when it went off several hours later, and it took me a few tries to actually smack the right button in order to get it to shut up. Grumbling, I hauled myself out of bed and stretched; trying to get all the kinks out of my still half-asleep and stiff body. With a soft groan, I rolled my shoulders once before heading to the bathroom.
I splashed some ice cold water on my face to wake myself up further before going back to my room. Throwing my clothes onto the bed, I slid open my window and hauled myself onto the sill, the cool evening air doing things to my naked body that I would prefer not to mention; even though my body temperature was much too hot to be normal.
Launching myself off the sill, I phased midair and landed on the ground with what I liked to think of as a graceful 'thud', before taking off in the direction of our pack's rendezvous point. Sam wanted us to group up before we headed off to meet the leech coven, and I saw absolutely no problem with this.
As I raced towards the spot, I felt the minds of the rest of my pack family join me.
Leah was as bitter and pissed off as she'd been earlier, which wasn't too much of a surprise (the girl's always bitter; and she does blame the vampires for how her life's turned out). Paul was pretty much in agreement with Leah over our cooperation with the leeches, but we all knew that neither of them would ever go against Sam. Quil, Embry, and Jared were very neutral about the entire thing; they viewed it as necessary, though they weren't too fond of the idea themselves. I got that it had to do with the smell.
On the other hand, Seth was the exact opposite of everyone else. The kid was actually looking forward to getting to work with the leeches. But then again, Seth's always been that odd one out; even with all of the negativity that he got from his parents and the elders of the tribe about how the vampires are evil and our mortal enemies, he'd never thought that they could actually be that bad. The kid never ceases to surprise any of us.
Then there was Sam. He didn't like this idea anymore then the rest of us, but as the Alpha, he had to do what was best for the pack and for the rest of the humans who made this area their home. He recognized that we didn't quite know what we were dealing with, both in what they were exactly and numbers, and that we couldn't risk heading this off on our own. Nor could we let the vampires handle this all by themselves, because if they were overwhelmed, then it didn't bode well for us.
'Good, we're all here. Let's go, and remember, we're cooperating with them; I'm expecting that none of you will make an idiot out of yourselves or jeopardize this. There are a lot of lives that are counting on this little truce and pact of ours.'
There were various replies of agreement; the downright rude, 'Yeah fucking right', coming from Paul. Leah just shrugged the whole thing off with a 'Whatever'.
And then, we were racing through the trees after Sam; racing towards the agreed meeting point where we'd be meeting the full coven for the very first time. Seth's excitement was catching, and most of us lost our trepidation and instead started to feel just a little bit better about the entire thing. Though there was still that niggling in the backs of most of our minds that reminded us that we didn't like the idea of cooperating with leeches all that much.
I remembered Bella telling me that the vampires used the field we were heading to to play baseball, and how they could only play during a thunderstorm for various reasons. The pack had gotten a real laugh out of that; somethings I didn't like them digging up, but everything was laid up to bear within the pack, and some of us (Leah) took advantage of that at every turn.
We easily reached the outskirts of the clearing within minutes, and I could hear the leeches now. Bella's was saying something to the others.
"Looks like they were holding some information back."
'We're not phasing out of our wolf forms, Cullen, you'd better be willing to act as an interpreter,' Sam called; knowing that the one particular leech could perfectly well hear exactly what was running through our minds right at that moment.
Slowly, we emerged from the woods, arranged so that Sam was at the forefront, with the rest of us arranged in a loose triangular formation behind him. The bronze-haired leech rolled his eyes, and I noticed that an extremely tired looking Bella was at his side. She looked right at me and smiled.
'Don't get caught up by the leech lover, or you might wind up dead,' Leah cut when she noticed the slight swell of my heart. I growled at her.
'Fuck off Leah.'
The obvious leader of the coven stepped forward as Bella's leech gave a tiny incline of his head to Sam; he would act as our 'voice' until we trusted them just a tiny bit more.
"I'd like to thank you for coming," the tall, blond vampire greeted us; unlike what I'd grown used to or imagined when it came down to a leech coven leader, it wasn't this. He was tall, yes, but he didn't seem intimidating. His voice wasn't very loud, but it conveyed order and... dare I say compassion. "My name is Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family."
"We would like to thank you as well for telling us about this threat," the mind-reader recited just as Sam spoke it; and as he spoke, his voice sounded different, almost like it had inflections of Sam's own voice in there. It was a bit of a surreal sound. "How many are there?"
It was the tiny leech who I had seen the day before who spoke up this time, "There's twenty-one right now, but their numbers are decreasing."
"Decreasing?"
"Newborns fight amongst themselves, they're very strong and volatile; especially during their first year of their new 'life'," the tiny leech continued. It was obvious that she was explaining all of this for our benefit. "They're slaves to the thirst and cannot control themselves well, they'll be fighting and killing each other to compete for blood and because they cannot fully control the strength that they now possess."
I dimly noticed that the scent of vanilla that I'd noticed the day before was much, much stronger here. I missed the tiny curl of the tiny leech's lips.
"So there will be less when they arrive here?"
"Yes. I believe that there will be about nineteen, as that's where it stands now that I can see, but the number fluctuates from day to day, so I won't actually be one hundred percent sure until very close to when they come."
"And when will that be?"
"A week."
Just one week until we would be facing down the latest threat to our lives and those who made the area around Forks and La Push their home. There was no way that we could lose, there was just way too much at stake for us to even consider it.
"Where will be begin?"
The leader took the stage again, "My son Jasper has experience with newborns, he'll be teaching us how to properly fight and destroy them."
Right about now is when my life went straight to hell.
The others probably knew it before I did, but right at the moment when the blond leader stepped aside, I finally got a good look at the last member of their coven.
And the entire world just seemed to fall away.
I'd seen imprinting through the others' eyes, but experiencing it yourself is completely different from seeing it and feeling it through the memories of someone else. For one thing, it's one hell of a lot more potent when it's you who is imprinting. After all, it's impossible to feel the complex, deep, and often very passionate emotions that tie you to the one who you imprint on.
This was what I was feeling now; nothing else mattered, everything else had fallen away and all I could see was him.
Bella had always talked about her leech as being the personification of perfection, or a God in the flesh, but I had to disagree with her here. All of them were beautiful, yes, even we had to grudgingly admit that, but this one... this one took the cake. And the table it was sitting on. And well, why not take the entire course?
He was tall, not as tall as the brawny one or the leader, but he had a much more slender build then any of the other vampires there. That doesn't mean that he was a scrawny weak-looking thing, the muscle was there, most definitely (incredibly well-defined too). But it was much more subtle then the others. I couldn't help it but let my eyes rake over him, trying to take everything in and memorize every little facet of him.
The wind picked up then, shifting, and I got a nose full of that delicious vanilla scent that had been nagging at me ever since I had first caught it yesterday. Only now I could put a face to it, a name too a little voice inside my head was saying; but it largely went ignored.
His blond hair ruffled a little in the wind, and his dark gold eyes were roving over us, barely pausing on me before he returned his eyes to Sam. My heart gave a trill when those eyes settled onto me, and everything just seemed very right with the world right at that moment.
That is, until Leah decided to be her typical bitchy self and completely ruin my moment.
'Traitor.'
My reverie was completely shattered at that moment, and I felt not only several pairs of eyes from my pack members on me (each with some form of horrified revulsion at what had just happened), but also one pair of chocolate brown, and two pairs of gold. I couldn't raise my head to meet any of their eyes, and I instead stared very intently at the ground between my paws.
'Shut up Leah, you know you can't help who you imprint on.'
I was suddenly very, very glad that Seth at least didn't care for the blood feud between vampires and werewolves, because he was the only one who jumped up to defend me. But even that couldn't completely make me feel better about what was going on inside of me.
Parts of me were ecstatic, another was pissed off and telling me that I should be disgusted and horrified with myself, and the last part (and this one was the strongest) was this huge feeling of being very confused. The confusion won out in the end.
Very suddenly I was on my feet, and with a hurried, 'Fill me in later', I was racing away from the clearing, from the one I'd imprinted on, and my second family. Plunging myself into the woods I very dimly heard Seth replying that he would before I tuned them all out and just ran.
Desperately, I needed time to myself to think. And I needed to think without other people poking around in my head. Almost as soon as I saw my home, I was already phasing back. It was a relief to be back as myself, and I easily managed to slip inside the house, sneaking my way back to my bedroom; being extra careful so that I wouldn't wake Billy.
Carefully, I locked my bedroom door, hesitated for a moment, before I then pushed the desk up against it and under the knob. I wanted to be alone; and I wanted to be alone for a very long time.
My clothes that lay strewn around the room were thrown towards the laundry basket, though they didn't make it in, and I grabbed a pair of sweats before throwing myself onto the bed. Pulling my pillow to me in a very childish gesture, I hugged it to me; my mind tormenting me with images and smells that I didn't need right then.
I hated myself. I'd just imprinted on my mortal enemy.
And to make that worse, it was a guy.
Never before had I doubted my own sexuality, but this... this made me doubt every single thought that I had ever had in regards to anyone who I had anything remotely resembling feelings for. This had placed Bella out of my reach forever, not that she hadn't been in it before, but now I had absolutely no grounds for how I felt about her. True, I still loved her, but everything had been shifted now.
Now I couldn't love her anymore in the same way that I had been so sure that I had. Bella was the first person who I had fallen in love with, and now I was wondering if it had even been that type of love in the first place. I'd had no reference points to go from, and now... Now I was just being completely overwhelmed with everything.
I hadn't even realized that the tears had formed in my eyes and were spilling over.
With Bella, there hadn't been this... this passionate yearning, this heart-stopping feeling that had come over me when those amber eyes had been on me. When Bella had looked at me, there'd been a soft swell, nothing too big. Nothing like this. It actually felt like my entire being was on fire and there was no way that I could put it out on my own. This scared me, feeling like this; feeling so deeply and so quickly too, that I wondered if it could possibly be more then just a simple imprint.
Everyone experiences imprinting in a different manner, depending on the one you imprint on.
So why me? Why was I the one who was saddled with this complex and intense feeling? Was I being driven to an extreme because the one who was so destined to be intertwined with me born of the race which my kind despised? I didn't know the answer to any of those questions, and they continued to swirl around in my head; refusing to let me fall into oblivion.
My mind was being tormented, with tantalizing pictures, images, sensations of what he could do to me. And I embraced them, even though the part of me who was clinging so desperately to what I knew in this twisted world, was trying to reject them. My heart was thudding wildly in my chest; and I could feel my breathing raggedly tearing itself from my chest as I continued to suppress my sobs.
I didn't even know why I was crying.
But the part of me that had imprinted, that lonely and abandoned part of me that longed so desperately to be loved, was calling out; and I was finding it harder and hard to resist that siren call that had been spun. Eventually, I gave myself over to the thoughts, the fantasies, the feelings; and again, my being felt like it was on fire, but in one of the worst and most painful of ways.
Unconsciously, I was calling out to him.
No sleep came to me that night. It wasn't the last sleepless night.
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The Poet and the Pendulum