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When It Rains	By : Illiandyandra Category: S through Z > Stephanie Plum Series Views: 9524 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own anything pertaining to this fandom. Stephanie Plum and her world along with any characters there in, belong to Janet Evanovich her publishers and distributors. I make no money from this as stated by the fact that I own none of the rights

Chapter List
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When It Rains
Illiandyanndra
Illiandyanndra@yahoo.com
Stephanie Plum
Pairings:Stephanie/Ranger & Merry Men(Core Team)
Rating:Eventually NC-17
Spoilers:Anything & everything up through Sizzling Sixteen is fair game…I can never remember what book what stuff happens in.
Disclaimer:Not mine Stephanie and her world belong to Janet Evanovich, which if you are reading the fanfiction…you probably already knew.
^^Thoughts^^
^Spoken Aloud Thoughts^
“Speech”
AN:Thanks so much to all the Reviewers, esp. Margaret Fowler. I’m very sorry for the interruption in the Postings of my other Fics…this one WOULD NOT leave me alone.
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CHAPTER 2
I was kind of surprised when I walked back in to find the living room empty. Until I heard the guys’ voices coming from the Kitchen. I smiled as I heard the happy, celebratory voices of my guys. I could hear Bobby and Lester laughing. Tank’s booming laughter was blending with Hal’s. Cal was discussing something about Grandma. He’d been kind enough to take her to a viewing last week while I was chasing a skip…I’m still not sure how she found his number. He managed to keep her contained by promising to tell her the story behind his flaming skull tattoo. Then I heard a voice that made me run into the kitchen.
“You actually took Edna Mazur to a viewing and kept her out of trouble?” Ranger asked, I could hear the amused shock in his voice.
I pushed myself through the guys. Forcing myself to play it cool, I just gave Ranger a relieved smile. “You’re back.”
“And you are exhibiting real truth in advertising, Babe.” Ranger said before he pulled me into a deep panty ruining kiss.
^Holy Ruined Panties, Batman. Oh damn…I forgot I’m not wearing any panties.^ I muttered. Or thought I muttered.
“Bombshell!” Cal and Hal groaned.
“Bomber!” Bobby moaned.
“Beautiful!” Lester whined.
“Shit, Little Girl!” Tank said…his voice sounded thick, husky.
“Giving information to the enemy again, Babe?” Ranger growled.
Apparently Lester or someone translated for Hector. “Bombadera, Puedo arreglar ese problema para usted si lo desea. (I can fix that problem for you if you like.)
Ranger gave Hector a look I didn’t quite understand. “Hey what did he say?” I asked turning to look at the Spanish only speaker. As I turned I accidentally may have brushed against Ranger right at groin level with my ass. If I did it was an accident I swear. And I was not smirking when I heard him bite back a groan.
“He said he could fix the problem for you.” Ranger said with a smirk of his own.
“Whosawhatisit?” I said so very coherently. “Hector, I thought you were gay?” I swung around to look at Ranger. “I thought you said Hector was gay?”
“Si, soy gay… pero también soy codicioso.” (Yes, I am gay… but I am also greedy.) Hector said laughing so hard a real tear joined the tattooed one on his cheek.
He did not laugh alone. In fact every one of the Merry Men was laughing, and laughing just as hard as Hector was. “Encuanto aella como esto haría cualquier hombre codicioso... algunas mujeres también.” (Looking at her like this would make any man greedy… some women too.) Lester teased.
“Yeah she would.” Ranger said suddenly. One of these days I really need to learn Spanish. “But who said I’m willing to share?”
“Share what?” I asked nosily. “Or is it a who?” ^cause if it’s me…do I get to pick who I get shared with?^
“Babe?” Ranger said with his one eyebrow up thingy that he does when Babe is a question.
I blushed…in fact I’m pretty sure that every conceivable inch of my skin was currently at the very least pink. Must deflect… ”What?” I whined. “Look it’s so not my fault. The last time I had a social orgasm was before you went in the wind. And the only time I get sugar is when I scam dinner from my parents. For the last 73 days I’ve been living like a monk, worse cause I’m pretty sure they can have sweets. At this point I think I have more hormones than actual blood in my veins, and I’m SURROUNDED by seven of the hottest men in the ENTIRE free world. And apparently I kinda like all of them in that oh damn you’re so sexy way. And then Lula said I told Morelli that I love them all but that I would live and die for my boys. All of you…so yeah maybe I should just shut up now.” I said trying to hide. I’d have stormed out of the room but I have a feeling that not one of those guys would have moved if I’d tried. But unfortunately my hormones weren’t quite finished with my mouth yet. “And hey you say you don’t share…but that’s all you do. You share everything from this building to your cars with these guys. You seemed quite content to share me with Morelli, who you could barely tolerate. Not to mention the very pertinent fact that you only seem to want me when someone else does…cause hay, all this,” I said making a Price is Right Showgirl gesture, “could have been yours but then you decided to send my back to Morelli.” Maybe that part was yelled a bit…rather loudly.
“Speaking of Morelli…I thought you guys got back together over a month ago?” Lester said his tone incredulous. Like he couldn’t believe that Morelli and I could be together and we not be together.
“Yeah well apparently Joey boy had a nursey on the side…so he no longer cared if his ‘girlfriend’ was getting any or not.” I could feel a rhino moment coming on, so I closed my eyes so I could rant internally. ^Oh my God. Maybe I’m the problem. I mean I know I tend to have a slight spare tire sometimes…but I didn’t think I was like gross or anything. Maybe I’m bad at sex. Maybe that’s why guys keep cheating on me. Or maybe it’s cause I’m not kinky. I mean yeah I’m joking about a Merry Man orgy…but I don’t even do butt stuff. I mean, there really isn’t any way to have a Merry Man Orgy without doing butt stuff. Man, to be honest I think for a social orgasm right now, I’d do all the butt stuff in the world. I swear if I could just have casual sex like a normal person…but No. I have to be half in love with someone to even fantasize about having sex with them. Stupid catholic guilt. I mean is it really so wrong to want some balls to the walls mind-blowing sex? I was good. I’m over thirty and have only been with three men in my life…haven’t I been good? I didn’t kill Dickie for fucking Joyce before my wedding dress was back from the cleaners. I didn’t shave Joyce’s head. I haven’t killed Joe, yet. Don’t I deserve to at least get some hot action now? Stupid sexy Rangemen, how do you not fall in love with guys who look like that and treat you like you’re more precious than air? But of course, they all think of me as their sister from another mister. How the hell did I become Hermione freakin’ Granger, stuck in the sister zone with the hero and stuck with the second string? Well nope. I got off that dumbass train today. No more being with the guy who has spent the last five and a half books putting me down. Shit I’ve been quiet too long.^ I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. To see a sea of shock and awe and something really resembling desire.
“Beautiful…I hate to break it to you…but you weren’t quiet.” Lester said his voice tight and strained with I can only assume was laughter. “Did you breathe at all during that rant?”
“I want to know how the hell you’ve made it this long looking like that and you’ve only been with three guys.” Cal said confusedly.”I get more chicks than that in a week and I have a flaming skull tattooed on my head.”
“Babe, you may be bad at many things; looking before you leap self-control, minding your own business…but you are definitely not bad at sex.” Ranger said stridently.
Tank looked over at Ranger and said calm as anything. “You know you have no choice now?”
^^OK, What?^^
“I always have a choice.” Ranger said back to his 21C. I have got to stop watching SG1 Marathons with Mooner.
“You had your choice and you sent her back to Morelli. That was stupid. Now your only choice is whether you can handle being one of seven. We all left her alone; ‘cause we thought she was yours, just to find out you played with her like a doll and put her back on the shelf.” Tank replied fiercely.
“Hold up guys. I will NOT come anywhere near between you guys. You have been friends and compatriots for a lot longer than you have known me. I will just go back to my apartment and we can all forget tonight ever happened.” I said trying to calm everyone down.
Seven pairs of eyes gave me the shut up look. So I decided to shut up, and stand here quietly. Just this once though.
“Man, Ranger, don’t you even realize what you did. That had to hurt worse than getting shot. We can all see how Steph feels about you. For you to make love with her and then send her back to that SoB cop…that wasn’t right sir.” Hal said the disappointment clear in his tone. “If anyone else had hurt her like that, I’m pretty sure I’d have killed him.”
^See this is why I love you guys.^ I thought to myself. They all exchanged looks, doing that silent conversation thing.
“Do you Bomber? Are you sure?” Bobby asked. “Cause I’m fairly certain that I can speak for everyone of us present when I say that we love you too. And not one of us sees you as Hermione Granger…though there might be some resemblance around the hair. You look at us and you see heroes, warriors not killers. You remind us that we are soldiers and that the things we did in service to our country, may have been distasteful and horrific, but they were done to protect the freedoms that we love. Too many of us were in danger of getting swallowed by the darkness we see every day. Then you came along this ray of sunshine that seems to never get taint by anything…you wash us clean.”
“Bobby’s right, Little Girl. So if you want us we’re yours.” Tank said quietly.
“Yo también, niña Bombardera poco.” Hector said with a smile.
I looked to Ranger. I’m not sure what I expected to see, probably I was expecting his blank face to be there. But instead it was something…new, something hot. “Ranger?”
“Babe, you’re right I do share everything with these guys, heck that one pair of boxers in my underwear drawer, I stole from Lester. And yes, if I wanted you all for myself I should have stepped up to the plate long time ago. I’ve known I loved you for a long time. And yeah Bobby’s right, you look at us like no one else. I’ll even go one step further and say that you don’t look at me as a paycheck, and I know that if we do this it has the possibility of being amazing. But you have to know, Stephanie, if we do this, it won’t be for one night.” Ranger apprised me.
Apparently he and the guys had been doing that ESP thing again, cause they were all back to being thick as thieves…with Ranger as their leader. “So what, are we talking about a month? Two? Six? How long? Cause if it’s going to be a temporary thing…I need to psyche myself up for that.”
“Oh no Bombshell, if you choose to do this, it’s for the LONG Haul.” Cal said with a very wicked grin. “We’re not idiots like Morelli or that first asshole you married, what self respecting grown assed man would ever refer to himself as Dickie? If we get you…we’re keeping you.”
“I think we’d keep you forever, Steph, I know I wouldn’t ever leave you voluntarily.” Hal said quietly, his smile serene. As though he was closer to heaven than he’d ever been and was just waiting to go in the gates.
“Forever Beautiful…And Dammnit Rickey you have more money than God. Do you know how hard it is to find black silk boxers that fit my waist and my thighs?” Lester said giving Ranger a cross look.
“Eres la primera mujer que he querido. Quiero que tanto me parece que no puedo dejar que te deslizas a través de mis dedos.” Hector said sincerely.
“He said, ‘you are the only female I have ever wanted. I want you so much I find I cannot let you slip through my fingers.” Ranger translated.
“But Hector…I can’t ask you to give up who you are for me.” I said. I think there’s something in my eye. Thankfully Ranger translated for me.
“Lesteres muy codicioso, que me llene en algún momento cuando tengo la necesidad.”  (Lester is VERY greedy; he will fill me sometime when I have the need.) Hector said with a smirk at Lester.
“What?” Lester said blushing. “I was horney and he was willing. We were on lockdown.” He said with an unconcerned shrug. “Ya’ll are just jealous…Hector gives great head.”
^Oh holy hell that’s Hot…can I watch?^
“Only if you say yes Babe.”  Ranger said with a sensual whisper.
“Hell, Little Girl, if you say yes. Agree to belong to us and us to you for the next fifty…sixty years, I’ll tongue kiss the boss man.” Tank said teasingly.
“Oh God Yes.” I moaned. The very thought of those two super hot men doing anything at all like that made me go weak in the knees.
“Man do I not want to say this but, are you sure Bomber…cause you could face a lot of flak from the bitter birds in the ‘burg.” Bobby said reasonably.
I felt my spine go rigid. I felt the Rhino inside start to paw the ground. “Fuck them. I’ve been forced to listen to all of them talk about me behind my back and laugh at me. If they don’t like it they can kiss my rosy ass. Those who love me won’t care and as for the rest…FUCK THEM!”
“Not with Vinnie’s dick.” Les joked.
“Actually I think I should be glad I have these six with us. If you’ve been 73 days without a real orgasm and only nominal sugar…it’s gonna take all of us to get you back down to your normal level of borderline nymphomania.” Ranger teased.
“Hey. I’m not a borderline nymphomaniac…I’m Hungarian and Italian. I’m Edna Mazur’s granddaughter.” I began.
“Holy shit, Bomber…are you trying to tell us you are still gonna be chasing us expecting us to fuck your brains out when we’re eighty something?” Cal asked.
“More than likely…Probably. Yeah” I answered. I was shocked when they started high fiving.
“Hell yeah, that’s what I’ talking about!” Tank crowed.
“Oh we’re never letting you get away from us Beautiful.” Lester joked.
“Ok when we’re eighty… we have to still have our own place. Nursing homes are evil.” Hal joked.
“Usted será tan bello para nosotros, entonces como hoy en día.” (You will be as beautiful to us then as you are today.) Hector promised solemnly.
“Ok…wait you guys literally run from my grandmother…why are you so happy that I’m gonna be like her?” I asked completely confused.
“Beautiful, we, in our late twenties and early thirties run from her, an eighty six year old. When we are all in our eighties, we’ll be chasing you around just like she chases the old men at the senior center.” Lester said somehow making that statement sound like a very sexy promise.
“Ugh, I don’t want to get old and have all that saggy yucky skin.” I whined.
“We’ll keep you toned, so that will never happen, ok Bomber?” Bobby teased. “So are we gonna be in this until we’re old and gray?”
“Yes. Yeah I think we are.” I answered. Looking around at the smiles on the Ranger and the guys’ faces…their smiles were bright enough to run a city. And my stomach took that very moment to remind us that all that lovely McDonalds had grown gross and cold.
“Guess we have to feed that beast first, Beautiful.” Lester joked.
“Bomber, why don’t you go get dolled up and let your men take you out for a night on the town.” Cal suggested.
“Yeah. Its only Thursday, I’ll bet we can get a table at Rossini’s easy.” Hal said excitedly. Suddenly all the guys were happy and animated.
Somehow I found myself agreeing and an hour later we were being shown to a table in the center of Rossini’s. Surrounded by some of the sexiest, well dressed men ever. Ranger looked great in his chocolate brown Armani, with a sapphire blue tie. Tank was sexy as hell in his black FUBU suit with a light lavender shirt. He was tieless and had left the collar of his shirt open, displaying his strong neck. Lester had gone for navy blue and white, with a tie that looked like a stormy night sky. Cal was in a gorgeous gun metal gray FUBU suit and he had chosen to wear a light gray shirt with it. His tie was a wash of grays, almost white at the Windsor knot and deepening to a shade away from black at the bottom. Hal’s suit was Chocolate brown, and it was perfectly tailored, with a cream shirt and golden tie, he looked good enough to eat. Bobby’s suit was a dark gray pinstripe suit, with a light blue shirt and a silvery blue tie. Hector’s suit was amazing. It was a black Gucci suit with a black shirt and crisp, ice blue tie. Walking in with them I could feel the eyes of every female in the place GLARING holes through me. ^^Be jealous Bitter Bitches.^^
I was wearing a gorgeous little dress I found on clearance at Macy’s before criminals stopped skipping the last month. It was a Suzi Chin one-shoulder ruched dress in medium gray. It hugged my curves great and best of all I’d found a pair of coral pink peep toe four inch semi-platform FMPs. I’m telling you my hormones packed for me earlier, because I have no memory of packing this dress, or the shoes. But according to the kisses the guys had pressed to my mouth before we left Haywood. I looked damn good, if I do say so myself. We had barely been seated when who should enter the damn restaurant but one Officer Joe Morelli. On his arm was a tiny bottle blonde with a rack that HAD to be fake as hell. I mean it was defying gravity. She was in white strapless number that looked kind of cute in a retro, Suzy Homemaker kind of way. As he was approaching, Ranger leaned over and whispered in my ear.
“Babe, I don’t know which is more fake; her hair or her tits.”
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When It Rains