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By Twilight	By : McGonagall Category: Twilight Series > Het > Bella/Edward Views: 3618 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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"You're too easy to be myself with," Edward stated, being aware that I could feel just that pressing against my thigh as he still lay half upon me. He had most likely seen the change in my expression as it did, too. Maybe he couldn't read my mind like he could with others, but that clearly didn't mean that he didn't recognize every little change in my behavior. Human behavior.
"I am still a man," he explained, noticing the awareness dawning upon me with questionable pace. I didn't dare ask him about it, though he immediately noticed something bothering, troubling me, questions out of acknowledgement floating around within the dark pools my eyes had become. Because of him. I knew this to be a perfectly human reaction, happening every time Edward came near. On the other hand, I noticed his eyes turn into a light shade of bright gold. Perfect contrast.
"Do you think that I could get pregnant if we did this without protection?" I asked thoughtfully. And what I expected, happened too. Edward's jaw clenched together and all affection seemed to flow out of his eyes again; his grip on me seemed to tighten for a moment as he rolled over, though he actually let go of me. I easily slid off his lap and flopped on the mattress again as he came to sit on the bedside, head falling in his hands. He sighed and remained sitting like that for a couple of minutes.
"We're not going to do this," Edward said, looking up from his hands and eyeing me intently with his golden colored eyes. "I don't want to risk losing control and doing something I'll regret for the rest of my... existence. I don't have the slightest idea as to what to expect from this. I've never had anyone before you, Bella. No one in more than a century. Not even at the time I was still… human.
"It hurts not being able to give you what you want and should get; what someone else instead of me could," Edward sighed. "I don't think that anyone else could ever make me feel this hurt inside again; I don't think anyone else could make me feel this way ever again in the rest of my being forever seventeen."
"I want this," I spoke up, voice sounding more unsteady than I had planned. I felt nothing less than touched by that moment of truth.
He sighed.
"What if I want to take the risk of you losing control right now?" I pondered. "Edward–" "No, Bella."
I sighed. This was going to be difficult. And then I'm said to be stubborn.
I gently padded over to him on hands and knees to sit there staring at him, and waiting for him to do something. Edward still looked at me and I knew it had to be tempting for him to just keep on sitting there without doing anything.
Without thinking, my fingers closed around his wrists. As if I even still hoped to be able to have some impact on him doing that while he was so much stronger than me. Edward let me grab them and allowed me to crawl up on his lap again. I leaned in to kiss his ice cold lips ever so gently. Carefully. Not quite rough enough to push him away from me again. He didn't. I did. I had to, because I feared I would end up choking if I didn't break away from him to gasp for air. I needed it. He didn't. Not vampires. I had never kissed anyone else but him, but it felt pretty weird that I needed that air so badly, while he didn't. He just patiently waited for me. I came to look deep into his light golden colored eyes and challenged him. "Say it. Say you don't want me, and I'll stop pushing."
"You're not making it easier on me, Bella."
"That's what I intend," I whispered and wiggled my eyebrows at him suggestively. Too eager. I started slightly shivering there, but it had simply nothing to do with Edward this time, nor with the cold sweeping through the bedroom window inside. "I'm ready," I said, though at that particular moment I wasn't entirely sure about that anymore.
"Stop me," was the only thing Edward said, before leaning in to nuzzle in the crook of my neck, as he rolled me on my back in bed and his ice cold tip gently pressed against the heat of my entrance. It surprised me; overwhelmed me. No protest.
He gently planted a trail of feather light kisses down my neck to my throat, staying there just a dangerously little longer, as suddenly that pure coldness pushed inside of me and I let out an inevitable gasp at the new sensation. I had never felt anything like this before.
It felt quite awkward at first and I lay perfectly still on the mattress as Edward leaned up high on his forearms to look at me, concern shining through the light golden color of his eyes. "Are you hurt?" he asked. I didn't reply, just kept on laying there perfectly still, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have–" Edward started, shifting with the intention to retract out of me. "I'm fine," I tried, stopping him, then closing my eyes afraid that he would read the lie written within the dark brown. I tried to take easy breaths without him noticing. He didn't say anything.
"Please..." I asked.
"Bella?"
I simply nodded, eyes still closed for him. Without warning, I felt myself stretching up for him more, indicating he was pushing forward again. And as he did so, I just couldn't help but plead for it to end. Soon. I couldn't help but hope he would be fully inside of me soon. There however didn't seem to come an end to his fidgeting. And yet that gave me some form of reassurance as well. Oddly enough. I experienced it as a sign of him being as inexperienced into this as I was. I had never had something with anyone before him; had never longed for anyone else to do this than him, right now. He tried so much to be careful and take it only very slowly, but I think it would have hurt less if he had just... done it. Short pain.
As he tried to still make his way into me, clearly as carefully as possible, I clenched my jaw together and tried to ignore the pain originating inside of me and spreading through my corps. I remained perfectly still there, not breathing. And then suddenly he let out a moan and I knew that he couldn't get any further into me anymore. I let out an inaudible sigh of relief. Finally. "I hurt you, didn't I?" Edward spoke against my closed eyelids. "You're hurt."
"No," I answered, slowly starting to inhale and exhale again. I cautiously opened my brown eyes for him and tried to smile vaguely. The layer of tears laying on my retinas couldn't fool him, though. Too smart.
"I'm a monster," Edward whispered, and to my utter surprise, I think I saw tears welling up in his light golden eyes as well. "What kind of monster am I to hurt the one I love like- like this?" he said, sounding overtaken. Too emotional. For a vampire.
I gently lay a finger on his lips. "I rather have you not speaking if you're only going to talk this way." He kept quiet when I removed the finger and combed through his bronze hair, looking at him, being aware that it must cost him so much effort not to speak right now. I could see it etched within his eyes. Which was odd. I think I had mostly learned to read things that didn't exist… which I just guessed were readable there… which I knew, were readable somewhere within the pools of light gold. I had come to be aware of anything playing off by analyzing him in and out… though he could still surprise me with sudden reactions sometimes.
He carefully and slowly started moving back and forth within me, giving me the feeling as if cold steel was stroking against my inner walls, freezing them. And I do think that I froze, because suddenly it all felt numb. I did, and I couldn't feel anything anymore; anything except for Edward's gentle movements. No pain. No cold. Nothing.
And when I should have felt fulfilled, maybe literally, I felt empty. It wasn't like I had imagined this to be. As his strong arms supported his weight, and my fingers caught locks of his bronze colored hair, Edward went on just a little faster. And then I suddenly felt something that I hadn't experienced before. Ever.
I couldn't help but arch my spine more towards him, both erected baby pink nipples brushing against his torso… my own pelvic bone bucking against his at the same time. It felt like something slightly tingling, yet not tingling all the same. I only remember it felt massively good. No other way to describe it. His movements went on faster again, as Edward leaned his forehead against my throat.
He again picked up the pace, hands roaming down to my lower back to put the right amount of pressure there, making soothing circles on my skin. Right now, he couldn't seem to stop anymore. Both legs hooked around his waist in the process, dragging him deeper without being aware of the impact of this movement, not caring about either the pain or the thin line of blood running down and dripping on the white sheets… only about grasping that one feeling that was so intangible. It made me squirm underneath his too fast thrusts. Only about at least keeping it as it suddenly stopped and I, in contrary to the coldness around me: his arms, his torso... felt something warm being spilled inside of me, spreading, making its way north to spread all over me and make me gasp at this particular sensation.
Edward allowed himself to lower onto me, yet still careful not to crush me, as I kept my brown eyes wide open and tried to catch my breath. "I'm sorry," he whispered to the soft skin under my ear.
"Don't be," I answered, smiling vaguely. Trying to.
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