Pups and Tykes | By : fusedtwilight Category: Twilight Series > Slash Views: 4681 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story. |
Pups and Tykes
Chapter 20
Fusedtwilight: Hi everybody! Remember me! Wow its been a while since I updated huh? Been keeping busy with my other stories Kin and kindred and skin deep. After recharging my batteries I am ready and rearing to go.
Before I go full blown into the story first I will have some chapters showing how some are dealing with the incident with max.
First up we have Sam Uley, former Alpha and now haunted by what happened with Max. How has it affected him and will he be able to pull through?
I'd like to thank purpleranger for betaing and to all those who reviewed my story.
Sam P.O.V
It was late and I should be in bed.
Emily was safely tucked in, her beautiful face peaceful and relaxed. I watched her sleep, unable to find any peace in the dream world. Even there the nightmares followed me; images of people screaming in fear, memories of bodies being torn apart, the sick sound of bones being torn filling the air the thoughts of my pack brothers as they enjoyed the taste of human blood.
The sound of Sarah's gentle breathing was like a soothing lullaby to me. Leah still let her over, which I was very grateful for.
After everything I put her through, after everything I did she still let me have our daughter. How Leah could let her be near me I can't understand.
I had almost killed Leah. Max ordered me to do it and I tried to fight it. I tried so hard. But his will overwhelmed me and had Jake and the spirits not shown up I would have killed her.
I still remember that night. When the moon was full and the monster in Max was blooming. I remember how that monster rolled through us, beating back our humanity and replacing it with pure animal instinct.
It was like every primal thought; every animal instinct in my head took over. I was still sentient, but all the intelligence, all the morality, all the ideas of good and evil were gone.
All I wanted was my brother, my daughter, and my former mate, my mate. That's how I thought of Embry, Sarah, Leah and Emily. Not by names but by words.
I knew what Max was planning; I knew he would make them miserable and unhappy. But the wolf did not care. Max was the alpha, his word was law.
It wasn't love that moved me to take the others and bring them into the pack. It was possession. The wolf doesn't know love, not like humans do. When I was the wolf and the wolf was me I wanted them because they were my kin and because they were mine.
Mine to have, mine to protect, mine to do with. As much as I didn't want to, as a wolf and as a human I would have killed Leah. I would have killed her and the human part would have despaired, but the wolf wouldn't shed a tear.
The wolf wanted to keep Leah, she was the mother of our pup, and the wolf felt some connection to Leah. But the alpha ordered her death and she was defying us. The wolf wouldn't cry for her death, it would feel some remorse but it would move on and forget about it.
That is what separates us from animals; remorse, guilt, shame, morality. Things people take for granted now days. Sure animals feel emotion, I even like to think some animals are closer to being human then we dare think.
But they still have a long way to go before they feel the shit we feel. I knew there was an animal in me for obvious reasons. When I became a wolf I could always feel it, the new instincts, and the added aggression.
But I always managed to keep my humanity no matter what form I took. Max changed that. It was like he reached deep into us and pulled out the wolf further then it was meant to be pulled.
Even now after his death we still feel his taint. I can't say it was his taint not exactly. It was like he infused his own desire for flesh and blood and mixed it with our own inner wolf instincts. When he died we lost the need to kill but the wolf instincts were stronger then ever.
We all hated being indoors. We needed to be outside. If we were inside a house or an enclosed space for more then an hour we would go stir crazy. Another thing was our tastes. Our hunger for meat was stronger, and you guessed right if you assumed we liked it raw.
Another thing was the night time runs. At night we would all go out for a run¡and hunt. It couldn't be helped, we had to find some animals to hunt and kill. It was a new need, a new desire.
Part of us enjoyed it, running together, working together to bring down our prey, then feasting on it together as a pack the unity and brotherhood stronger then ever. Just like when we worked together to bring down a leech, only we didn't eat them.
But another part of us reviled our new selves a constant reminder of what we had become and how we had gotten there.
It was harder on the pups those wolves that had phased during the Volturi incident. They were so young. But any innocence they had was crushed by Max.
He made them bring him victims. When he failed to turn the poor bastards he forced them to feed of the remains, he never let me eat, but he always made me watch a constant reminder of his control and authority.
They had so much guilt, so much horror. More then what even an adult should have to deal with. It had complicated their home lives as well. Some had to drop out of school, unable to deal with being around humans, unable to be in a school building.
Not to mention the fights. There had been some very bloody school fights at school. I was amazed none of them phased. Instead they just beat the holy hell out of the kids they fought.
Their home lives had suffered as well. Their new instincts and new attitudes made them enter a rebellious stage with a vengeance. I was constantly getting calls from angry parents, demanding to know what I had been teaching their kids.
Each call filled with the angry yells of a father, the tear filled voices of a mother was another blow to my heart. This was all my fault. Had I been stronger, had I been swifter this could have been avoided.
Some of the wolves don't blame me. Others did. When we had our group meetings many of them made their feelings clear on me. You ever have a child look you in the eyes and tell you it's your fault they're a monster? I have.
The meetings were a good idea. We all got together and we talked about what we went through, talked about how we would deal with the pain, what we could do to move on.
I didn't leave the house much. Mostly I would go outside, cut wood, work on my car, help Em in the garden, and play with Sarah. That was it. I only went out to hunt or to go to the meetings. That was it.
Sarah began to cry softly. I got up from my chair and went to her crib. I gently picked her up and cradled her in my arms. ¡°Shh, daddies here,¡± I whispered.
She immediately calmed down. She laid her tiny head against my chest and she began to fall asleep again. I stood there just holding her, keeping her close, doing my best to keep her safe from the things that go bump in the night.
Problem was I was now one of those things. Who would protect her from me?
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¡°Come on sweetie its good,¡± I said.
It was early in the morning. I was trying to feed Sarah her baby food. However she was having none of it. Literally every time I tried to move the spoon of baby food to her mouth but she refused to eat it.
¡°Look its good.¡± I got a scoop of baby food and ate it. Then I gagged. This is what we are feeding our children? No wonder kids grow up to hate their parents.
Emily came in looking as beautiful as ever. The scars on her lips were very faint. You could not see them unless you looked closely.
But for me they stuck out like a vampire in the sun. They were easier to see for me then most because of my enhanced wolf vision.
¡°She not eating?¡± she asked.
¡°No,¡± I sighed. ¡°I don't blame her, this stuff is awful,¡± I said.
So Emily began to clean the house. Now that I was spending more time at home I was able to help around the house more. Most guys don't like doing house work, but I enjoy it.
¡°I was talking to Kim yesterday. Jared is doing okay,¡± she said.
¡°That's good,¡± I said. I hadn't really talked to Jared. Paul either. He and Rachel had left to get out of La Push. I envy him. I hadn't really talked to Jared except for at the meetings. I didn't really talk much during the meetings. I was a shut in now.
¡°She asked how you were doing, I said you were okay.¡±
¡°How is she doing?¡± I asked.
¡°Still a little shaken up, her finger is still healing but other then that she is fine. She's worried about Jared. He's withdrawn and doesn't talk much any more.¡±
¡°Can you blame him?¡± I asked.
¡°No¡Sam, I think you should get out of the house more. Reintegrate yourself with people. Staying inside with people isn't doing you any good,¡± she said.
¡°I'm fine,¡± I said.
¡°Sam.¡±
¡°I said I'm fine okay!¡± I spat. I knew what she was doing. For the past few days she was trying to convince me to go out in town, to attend council meetings with the community again like I used to. But I couldn't.
¡°No you're not Sam!¡± Emily said firmly. She put her hands on her hips and stood firm against me. ¡°Sam all you do is stay inside all day. The only time you go out is when you do house work, go to meetings or go out hunting with the others. You don't talk to anyone, ever. Not your friends, no one.¡±
¡°I talk at the meetings.¡±
¡°Barely, you're isolating your self from everyone Sam, it's not healthy. Every day I go to the market and people ask. ¡®Where is Sam? What is Sam up to? When will we see Sam again?' I tell them you are feeling ill. I tell them you'll be back soon. But I don't think that's true.¡±
¡°I can't be around normal people Emily, I just can't.¡±
¡°You're around me.¡±
¡°You're my imprint.¡±
¡°What's wrong with other people?¡±
¡°Because!¡± I shouted. I stood up and my chair fell to the ground. ¡°I don't see them as people Em, I see them as food!¡±
She looked at me shocked, her mouth opened a little.
¡°I look at people and I watch them and I single out the strong from the weak, the quick from the fast. I wonder which person would be the tastiest. I watch them and I don't just see them as friends or neighbors any more I see them as either predators or prey!¡±
I ran my hand through my hair. ¡°Sam, you're not the only one who thinks like that. The others have the same problem.¡±
¡°I know, I know. But I can't risk it. I can't risk being around people right now. I can't go to council meetings or community meetings when all I see if walking meat bags of food. I can't!¡±
Sarah began to cry. Emily went and picked her up. ¡°Sam you can't keep living like this! We can't keep living like this!¡±
I froze. An old memory from my childhood resurfaced.
¡¡
Flashback
I was six. I sat in the stairs silently watching my parents. My father was home and drunk again. He and mom had gotten into another fight.
¡°Joshua you can't keep living like this! We can't keep living like this!¡±
¡°We're fine! Will you get off my back woman!¡±
¡°We're behind on our bills! I can't juggle the house, Sam a job and you! I need you to find a job and keep it!¡±
¡°I work my ass off too you know!¡±
¡°No, all you do is sit on your ass and get drunk all day on my money! You could at least wash a dish!¡±
¡°You know what I don't need this!¡± he turned around and went for the door.
¡°Yeah that's right run away just like always! Go run to one of your whores! Maybe one of them can give you a lift to the bar!¡±
He turned back around and walked right up to her. He pulled his hand back and slapped her across the face. I could hear the slap as if I had been right next to them. She screamed in pain and fell to the floor.
¡°Joshua!¡±
¡°Don't you ever talk to me like that again!¡± he shouted.
He raised his hand back to slap her again. ¡°No daddy don't!¡± I shouted.
Both their heads turned to look at me. Mom was holding her cheek which was bright red. Dad looked at me and there was shame in his eyes. ¡°Hey buddy, go to bed, mommy and daddy are having a talk okay.¡±
¡°Please daddy don't hit mommy again,¡± I pleaded.
He looked at me then at mom. ¡°I'm gone. Don't wait up,¡± he said.
He left, slamming the door on his way out.
End Flashback
¡°I'm sorry.¡± I backed up.
¡°Sam?¡± Emily asked confused.
¡°I can't do this, I'm sorry!¡± I bolted I ran out the door and ran for the woods.
I heard Emily call for me but I ran. I didn't phase. I was not in the mood to have anyone in my mind right now.
I swore to myself I would not be like my father. I swore I would not hit my wife or bring my family down. I did worse then hit Emily. I scared her for life.
And like my father all I was doing was sitting at home doing nothing while my fianc¨¦ slaved away. Now here I was running away from my home and family. I was just like my father.
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I was in the woods alone enjoying the smells of the tress and woodland creatures and the feel of the earth beneath my feet.
I smelled her long before I saw her. Leah came running into view. In her wolf form her fur shined in the faint sunlight. She took one look at me and growled and phased right in front of me.
I was surprised she phased right in front of me. She took her bundle of cloths and began to dress. ¡°I am not in the mood Leah,¡± I said.
¡°Tough!¡± she snapped. She walked right up to me. ¡°What the fuck is your problem! I come to visit you and instead I find Emily, crying, telling me how worried she is about you and how you're a zombie and she's worried you're pushing her away! Tells me you got into a fight and you ran. Since when do you run from a fight?¡±
¡°Since a psychotic werewolf mind fucked me!¡± I growled.
¡°Jesus Christ Sam!¡± she shouted. ¡°I know you are going through some serious mental shit but you need to snap the fuck out of it. Emily needs you, Sarah needs you, and your pack needs you.¡±
¡°Are you crazy?¡± I laughed but it was a hysterical laugh. ¡°It's because of me the pack is like this! If I hadn't given in, if I had been smarter none of this would have happened!¡±
¡°Sam none of us saw this coming. How were we to know werewolves could do that? How were we to know he would come to La Push? He planned this move for move remember? He saw the future and saw how his plan would work, no way we couldn't have stopped him. But we did, he's dead now.¡±
¡°But he's not gone Leah. I still dream of him, still dream of the horrifying things he made us do. Still dream of that night I almost-¡±
¡°Almost killed me?¡± I winced when she said that. ¡°Sam I am not mad at you. I know you had no control. That wasn't you.¡±
¡°Yes it was Leah.¡±
¡°No it-¡± Yes it was!¡± I shouted. ¡°That was a part of me and it still is! I can still feel it inside of me right below the surface. I wanted you, Embry, Emily, Sarah back in my pack. Not because I loved you but because the wolf thought you were his, I thought you were all mine. The wolf knew Max was going to use you and Sarah but it did not care, Max was the alpha, his word was law! The wolf would have regretted doing it but it would not cry it would not feel remorse!¡±
¡°But you would have Sam, I know you. You're not a monster,¡± she said.
¡°No but I have a monster in me Leah, don't you understand! I look at people and I see meat, I see prey! Even now I want to phase and find a deer or something and bring it back home to feed to Emily and Sarah.¡±
¡°Men like to hunt.¡±
¡°Raw Leah! Fucking bloody and freshly killed! Who feeds their family raw flesh! I don't feel human no more, I feel less human now then I did when I first phased! It is still in me, this monster!¡±
¡°Sam, this monster is a part of, it's a part of me, it's a part of Sarah, and it's a part of all of us all. It has always been there, in us. Max simply forced more of it out then what it should have been. But you are not the wolf. The wolf is simply a part of you, a part you can control it Sam.¡±
¡°You don't understand Leah. Every second of every day is a struggle! Every god damn day! Sometimes I wake up in the morning I look at Emily and instead of kissing her to wake her up I lick her. I don't stop until she wakes up and I realize what I am doing. Sometimes I will be out in the woods going for a walk and I see a rabbit and I chase after it, when I catch it I sink my teeth into it and realize what I have done! The other day I was with Emily and Sarah on the beach we were having fun when some humans passed us and I growled at them, they looked at me frightened and ran the other way!¡±
She looked at me and her face was soft, sad.
It doesn't matter what form I'm in, the wolf is always with me Leah. How can I hope to work around people if all I think about is ripping their throats out? How can I work with someone if they piss me off and I snap and hurt them? What good am I at all? I can't even protect my pack from one werewolf!¡±
¡°Sam it wasn't your fault!¡±
¡°Yes it was!¡± I cried tears were running down their faces. ¡°I went to their houses to help them pack. Max told them to come, to tell their parents it was a camping trip for kids. Not a single parent said no. You know why, because they trusted me. The trusted Sam fucking Uley, the golden boy of La Push! They packed their children's bags, gave them hugs and kisses and smiled at me as I promised to keep their children safe! Not knowing I was taking them to hell! Now I get angry calls from parents demanding to know why their son is so violent or why their son is fighting at school or why their son is so anti-social now!¡±
¡°He had Sarah, he had Emily, and you did what you had to do for your daughter and lover Sam. He would have killed them, you know he would have.¡± she stepped forward and took me face in her hands. ¡°You did what any leader could do.¡±
¡°I should have killed him; I should have had the others rush him!¡± I argued.
¡°And he would have killed Emily Sam. Being a leader means you make the hard decisions, sometimes those decisions come back to haunt us.¡±
¡°I had a choice. I knew we could have gotten him but he had Em and I couldn't let her die. I couldn't, I loved her to much I couldn't¡¡± tears were running down my face. ¡°I killed people Leah; I hunted them down like a vampire and brought them to be slaughtered. I'm so sorry.¡±
I cried and she let me. I leaned onto her shoulder and cried, letting the tears flow. ¡°Sam, you are not a monster. This thing in you, it isn't evil. Animals aren't evil. They can be scary, they can be fierce, but no animal is evil. You and the others will find a way to control this. If the Cullens can spend eternity controlling their blood lust you can learn to control your wolf.¡±
¡°I'm scared Leah, what if I hurt Emily again? What if I hurt Sarah?¡±
¡°I trust you, I know you. You won't. But Emily is right, you need to get out more, you need to start opening up. I need your help Sam. I need you as my beta.¡±
I looked at her with surprise. ¡°What?¡±
¡°Until Jake wakes up I am acting alpha. But its not easy, we have almost one hundred wolves, a little less then half of them are going through some fucked up emo shit right now. I need help, I can't do it all by myself,¡± she said.
¡°Leah, I can't, no I can't do it,¡± I said.
¡°Sam, you were the alpha before Jake. Before Max. You're the only one.¡±
¡°What about Chris?¡± I asked.
¡°Chris has been helping the Makah's adjust to their new life. Plus it hasn't been integrating the two groups.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡± I asked.
¡°It's like trying to mix water and oil. The Makahs are used to a strict military like pack life; we are a lot more relaxed and aloof then that as you know. But with everyone reeling from Max and tempers running high¡there's been some fights.¡±
¡°About what?¡± I asked.
¡°Territory. Like you said you and the others wolf parts are coming out more, plus the Makah's were already wolf like being pure and all that shit. In real life packs aren't supposed to be this big. I guess the same goes for us shape-shifters to.¡±
¡°What are they fighting about?¡± I asked confused.
¡°Wow you really have become a shut in. They fight over who hangs out at what spot, who has to obey who.¡±
¡°Obey?¡±
¡°The Makah's have a hierarchy Sam more then just alpha and beta it's part of the reason why Makah could have so many wolves and not worry about fights. I've been trying to figure out ideas but it's not easy. Our wolves don't want a hierarchy they feel it's to Makah like, they feel we are a pack not a cult, the Makahs don't want to give up their status, and they think it will help. I'm trying to figure out something that will make this merger but testosterone is running high and their fighting over food, land, and women.¡±
¡°Women?¡±
¡°Yeah, this Makah looked at a Quileutes girlfriend and smiled at her and the Quileute went ape shit on him. Plus I have to worry about Sarah, Jacob, taking care of the wolves, the Makahs, finding these brothers, the nexus¡its to much Sam, I can only do so much. Even Quil, Embry and Seth are at their max with all this.¡±
Please don't say max,¡± I said.
¡°Sorry. Sam, I can't just order the Quileutes around. They don't like me much already. But you they trust, you they reach to. They can relate to you better then they can to me,¡± she said. ¡°Please. Help me.¡±
I looked at her and I felt so lost. I was full of fear and doubt. ¡°Leah.¡±
She covered my lips with her hand. ¡°So what, you fuck up once and you're going to throw in the towel? Did you not lead us when Jake was moping after Bella? Did you not lead us when the Seattle newborns attacked? Were you not willing to lead us to fight the Cullens?¡±
I pushed her hands away and she backed away.
¡°Fine, you want to do it like that? Tonight there is a meeting. I want you there.¡±
¡°No, I don't want to be around anyone right now.¡±
¡°Well to bad, I order you as your stand in alpha to come to tonight's meeting,¡± she said firmly.
They were more then just words. There was a power in them. Not as strong as an alphas but the need to obey was still there. ¡°Leah?¡±
¡°Remember when I first joined the pack? How mean and nasty I was?¡±
¡°Was?¡±
¡°Funny. Remember how I wanted to be left along, to wallow in my sorrow but you wouldn't let me. You said I should not be alone, that there were people who loved me and wanted me safe and happy?¡±
¡°Is that what this is? Payback?¡± I sneered.
¡°No. This is the same thing you did. I won't let you beat yourself up over this. I need you, your family needs you, and your pack needs you. Now be the man I know you are and step up.¡±
She turned around and left. I didn't follow her or call out to her. I needed time alone, to think.
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I went to the meeting. Leah was there with a few more of the wolves. We were taking turns talking about our misery.
¡°I got into a fight with my mom,¡± Teddy was saying. ¡°She tried to ground me and I got mad at her. I picked up our T.V and threw it against the wall and trashed it and the wall. She started crying and I felt so bad. I started to cry and she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me and we cried together. I felt so bad. She still loved me even after what I did you know, I'm just afraid I am going to hurt someone, you know?¡±
¡°Thank you Teddy,¡± Leah said. ¡°We all go through the fear when we first become wolves. The fear we will get mad and snap and phase and hurt someone we love. I know it's worse now because what he did to you, but you all must try to control your tempers. The sooner you do that, the sooner you can take back your lives.¡±
¡°But I'm so angry!¡± Thomas said. ¡°I'm angry he made us do those horrible things! I'm angry we couldn't fight back! I'm angry he died so quick! I want him to suffer! I want him to feel the pain we felt!¡±
¡°Max is dead Thomas. When it comes to revenge death is the highest point you can go. If you don't temper your rage it will change you, make you into something ugly and horrible. Like Max,¡± Leah said.
¡°I know, but it's so hard.¡±
¡°Listen guys, I think we should try to do some yoga classes.¡± A bunch or moans and groans filled the room. ¡°I know, it's a little girly, but trust me I took them and they helped me a lot. Plus you get to see me wear a tight suite,¡± she smiled. They all laughed and a few even wolf whistled.
¡°Okay. Anyone else?¡±
I stood up. All eyes turned to me. I never talked during group, not unless someone asked me. ¡°Hi guys.¡± Wow really good opening line. ¡°I know I haven't been a good leader for you all. I know I haven't been there to help you through all this.¡±
I felt myself begin to tear up and I wiped them away. ¡°I know you all are going through your own issues with what happened but I have been too self-absorbed to give a damn. I just, I just felt guilt. Guilt for not protecting you, guilt for allowing this all to happen, guilt for making the promise to your parents to take care of you and failed miserably. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I failed you, I'm sorry I let that bastard take you and make you do those things. I have a daughter as you all know; every day I think how will I explain what I did to her? How will I explain sometimes bad things happen to good people and even when the bad people are gone they still linger in your life in some way?¡±
Some of them were crying. Some looked angry, but not at me. They were just angry.
¡°I haven't been much use to you guys, I am sorry for that. But we need to get over this, we need to over come. We still have one more fight coming; it may be bigger then what happened with Max. When that time comes we need to be ready. We need to strike as a whole. We need to show Max as he burns in hell that he will not rule our lives any more! We will show him and all the others who dare come into our homes and try to tell us what to do what we do to monsters like them!¡±
They began to clap and shout their approval.
¡°We need to stop running and face the truth. The truth is we did horrible things, we killed people, we ate people and we enjoyed it. In fact I know you all still fantasize about hunting humans, I know I have. Believe me, I dream of going wolf and hunting them down. But that is a part of us, it is the wolf. It is not evil, it is simply instinct. But we are not wolves, we are also human beings. We have free will and choice. You know what separates us from the vampires and werewolves and even the human monsters? Guilt, regret, compassion, mercy. Do we feel horrible for what we did? Yes. Because we are good people, we are human. The day you stop feeling bad for hurting a person is the day you cross a line that should never be crossed! That is the day you turn into Max!¡±
They began to clap again, harder this time.
¡°We will over come, we will go on. We have our friends, we have out family, and we have each other. So please, stop fighting the Makahs, they helped save us. I know there is bad blood between us and them; I know there ways are not our ways. But they are trying. Remember they left their homes and families to come save us, to live with us, to eat with us. They are us now, it won't be easy but we must work together,¡± I said.
They all sat up and we all had a giant group hug. The older ones just stood up and clapped for me. Jared gave me a thumbs up and Leah smiled at me. The pups cried and hugged me tight and I ruffled their hair and hugged them back.
It was true. We still had one more fight coming. When that time comes we must be ready. Or else we might as well have let Max win. I just hope when the time comes we will have healed enough to fight back.
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I took the beta spot for Leah. It is weird not being the alpha but you can't have your cake and eat it. I am attending the yoga class with Leah and the others. It helps a little to know the breathing exorcises.
I talked to Emily. I spilled my heart out to her my fears, my nightmares. She told me I was an idiot for thinking I was like my father. She held me and told me I was the greatest man to ever live, her man.
I began to attend council and tribe meetings again. It's tough being around people when you see them as nothing but meat, but these things take time.
Jake still has not woken up from his coma. We still have no leads on the brothers three yet. We are coming up with plans in case Jake doesn't wake up or we can't find the brothers.
We are talking about an invasion but we don't think the Makah's would be happy about invading there home so we are leaving that in the maybe column.
I won't let my people down again. This time I will be decisive and swift, this time I will destroy and threat to La Push without hesitation. Never again will I or my people be a victim to another. I swear it.
Fusedtwilight: Wait to you see what happens when I star dealing with the brothers three and the nexus. You think what happened with Max was bad you aint seen nothing yet.
Next chapter will deal with Paul and Rachel. It will be a shorter chapter but I want to write a chap of them together.
Chapters might nit be as quick as before, adding this story I now have a total of three chapters I'm doing.
Please review.
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