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Courtesan	By : Shelindrea Category: Twilight Series > Het > Jacob/Renesmee Views: 4787 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chater 20

NPOV
            I stretched my limbs, feeling the delicious fatigue within them. My body was sleepy and relaxed, and I still felt the residual effects of our captivating coupling from the night before. I reached out for my Jacob and found an empty bed, empty and cold.
            I opened my eyes and they flew around the room. I noticed several things. First, his traveling trunk was missing. Second, the fire was burning at full force as if he had built it up before he had gone, and lastly that Mistress Bella was seated in a chair by the window, knitting quietly.
            The movement of my sitting up must have caught her attention, for she turned her face toward me. She had a soft and kind look about her, and seeing it was my undoing. I felt myself slump and my vision blurred with hot tears. Mistress flew to my side and wrapped me in her warm embrace.
            “Oh Ness, it will be alright,” she said soothingly.
            “He is gone, isn't he?” I hiccupped out.
            “He is,” she stated plainly.
            “What is to become of me?”
            “That is a discussion we shall have, most definitely, but first...” she pulled back and handed me a roll of parchment. “He asked that I give you this, first thing.”
            I looked at the missive in her hand and trembled. Jacob had never written to me before. It was unheard of for a master to write his slave. I hadn't the strength to even reach for it.
            “Ness... I am privy to what is in this letter. You need to read it carefully. Then you need to get dressed and come out to the dining hall. There you will break your fast, and we will all discuss the next steps.”
            “Next steps? Am I not simply to be returned to your feet, Mistress?” I asked becoming more and more concerned.
            “No, dearest. That is not to be. Read the letter. Then, I promise we shall answer any other questions that remain.” She placed the parchment in my palm and closed my fingers around it. Then she made her way to the door. Just before she exited she turned over her shoulder. “Ness, read very carefully. Listen to what Jacob asks of you, and remember what he has done, he has done for you both.”
            I listened to the 'snick' of the door latch and continued to stare down at the scroll in my hand. I broke the wax seal with a snap and began to unroll the parchment only to find Jacob's elegant script. I took a deep breath and began to read.
            My dearest Renesmee,
            Never in my life have I had a task to perform as difficult as this one has proven to be. In the end, I fear I have been the worst of cowards and have been forced to put pen to paper while you slumber mere feet from me. Forgive me this cowardice, if at all possible. I simply could not bring myself to say the words outright.
            I know you guessed that last evening was to be our last, for some time. I have left with the rising of the sun, and I will be far away by the time you read this. I believe that will be easier on both of us, but that may be wishful thinking on my part.
            You asked me last evening how my business with the king had gone. I avoided answering because it would have hastened our parting. Ness, you were my business.
            I? His business? No... please do not tell me he had sold me to the king. I liked the man, but he was not my Jacob.
            Our reason for coming to Volterra City was that I needed to petition the king on your behalf. He was kind enough to hear my plea, and after having spoken to myself, Edward, Bella, and you, he agreed that you are so much more than your station has allowed you to be. Because of that, he has agreed to elevate you to full citizenship of the realm.
            What? I grasped the bedstead to steady myself. The world seemed to turn on its axis, but I took a few slow deep breaths to gain some control and tried to continue to read.
            As of this moment, you are free. Arrangements for your care and comfort have been made. The king requires that you have a sponsor family, and has arranged the very best.
            I fear that means that you may not return with us to Cullen Estates. His Majesty demands that you receive a proper education before you are thrust into the world as a free woman.
            Before you allow your mind to run away with you, I want you to know that I have done this so that you never again must take an order from anyone. You will have respect and rights. You are free. No one will ever disrespect you again, unless you allow it.
            Do not allow it, Ness. I am doing this not because I find you lacking in any way, rather I have done this because I find you infinitely worthy of everything freedom can afford you.
            Be thee well, my sweet girl. Make the life that you deserve, and live it well.
            As I said last night, I do this so that we both may one day have the life we deserve. Please remember this, and know that all I want for you is to be happy. Show the world how wonderful you are, and know that somewhere in the world, I am wishing you nothing but the very best.

            Jacob
            The words swam before my eyes. My hands shook uncontrollably, and I do not know how long I wept before the tears ran dry.
            Free. I was free. He had so many choices of what to do with me, return me to Mistress...I mean Bella's feet, keep me as a house slave, have me serve his wife-to-be as a maid... but he had chosen instead to free me.
            He had chosen to send me out into the world, but he had ensured that I had a safe entry into it. It both honored me and terrified me. Honored, because he must have a great deal faith in me to even consider such an action, and scared, because I was not certain that faith was justified.
            Still...his action meant that I was to be without him. Our lives were no longer connected.
            As I said last night, I do this so that we both may one day have the life we deserve.
            I knew the life he deserved. He wished to wed. He desired children. He deserved that and so much more. But Jacob was an honorable man, much like Edward. He could not have those things and keep me on his chain. He could have simply passed me along to another master, either by gift or by purchase, but instead he gave me a way out. It was a kindness he had not needed to do, it was so my Jacob.
            Still, he was sending me out into a world without him. There was no place anywhere that frightened me more. He had implied that he thought I too was deserving of a life, but I could not imagine any life that would mean anything if he were not part of it.
            I felt numb, disconnected, and cold. I was shivering, and then I realized I was still naked from last evening. Bella had requested that I dress and join her in the dining hall. I looked at the end of the bed and found a simple day dress that I had seen Bella wear. It was long sleeved and cinched at the waist, and fell softly from the hip in a soft flowing way down to the floor. The color was a dusty rose, and I had always thought it a flattering garment on Bella.
            I bit my lip. Could I wear such a fine raiment? I turned toward where my small traveling valise had been last evening, but it was nowhere to be found. I sighed. Apparently, I had no choice but to wear the dress. I slid it over my head and pulled the binding chord to tighten the waist. I walked to the gazing glass and saw a pale face with eyes that were sunken in and watery. I pulled a brush through my hair and bound it back with a leather thong that Jacob must have left behind. Wearing it made me feel closer to him somehow, so I would hold fast to the trinket.
            Speaking of trinkets... my eye caught a glint of light from my collar which was balanced around the corner of the gazing glass. The ruby shone in the morning sun and sent prisms about the room. Looking at it brought to mind when he had given it to me.
            “See the stone?” he asked making it sparkle in the firelight.
            “Yes, Master,” I said.
            “It is you,” he said simply. “It is you my girl, a rare red ruby. I bought it to remind me of the joy you are to me. I can look at it and see you,” he said. “It is for you to wear so the world knows you belong to me.”
            I gasped back a sob. It was meant to be a symbol of what we were to each other, what we no longer meant to each other. I lifted it from the glass and wrapped it in a drying cloth from the bath. It needed to be returned to him. I could not bear to have it in my presence knowing what could not be.
           I exited the suite walking to the dining hall as I always did. Head bowed, back straight, hands in front of me, carrying the wrapped collar. I do not know what I had expected when I reached the hall, but it was certainly not what I found. There was quite a company assembled.
            Mistress... Bella and Edward were there, seated, and holding hands. Carlisle and Esme were also present. She was pouring tea for those present and stopped when she saw me. I saw it through my lashes and froze in the entryway.
            Also there were Miss Alice and her husband. This confused me. Why were they present for my sorrow?
            Esme put the teapot down and approached me slowly. “How are you feeling, my dear?” she asked.
            I had no idea how to address her. I had been told I was free, but I felt no different than I had when last I had met her. So I kept my eyes upon the floor and stood completely still.
          “Ness?” Bella said from the table.
            Again I held my ground and my tongue. My hands trembled and I realized that I still held the collar in my grasp. I walked up to Edward and by habit sank to my knees, holding the wrapped collar out to him.
            “What is this, Ness?”
            Again I held my tongue, but since he did not take it from me I placed it upon the table. Then I felt small soft arms at my shoulders. “Rise, Renesmee. It is inappropriate for you to be on your knees.”
            Alice helped me rise, and I turned my confused eyes to her blithe face. “It will be alright. You are among friends,” she whispered to me. “Could you leave us please?” she said to those about the room.
            “Is that necessary?” Bella asked.
            “I believe that Alice is suggesting that this many people may be a bit overwhelming to Renesmee right now. Trust that she understands how the young lady is feeling better than anyone else present,” Jasper said gently.

           I saw Edward assist Bella to rise and lead her away. She looked as if she was more than reluctant to depart, but she gave me a sad smile and tuned to go. At the last moment, she rushed to my side and held me close within her arms. I held fast for a few moments wishing to convey my appreciation of her kindness and her sympathy. After a few moments, Edward extricated Bell from my embrace, and she allowed Edward to take her out.
            Esme and Carlisle both took one of my hands and squeezed gently. “Please break you fast, dear. If there is anything you require, Alice, please do not hesitate to ask.”
            “Thank you, Esme.”
            In a moment, we were alone. Alice led me to a seat at the table and cut me a slice of bread. She poured me a glass of milk, and also brought over a fruit bowl. Then she took a seat next to me and waited silently.
            I was not hungry, though I knew I should be. I looked at the bowl of fruit and saw there were lichees in it. I remembered when Jacob had fed me in the tree bower.
            “Nessie, come taste this for me,” he said and held it to my lips.
“Never before have I tasted such sweetness.” The juice dripped down my chin. Master dipped his lips to it to drink the sweet nectar that clung there and smiled.
“Sweeter yet from your skin than it has ever been.”
            Again, I felt tears pool in my eyes. I pushed the bowl away and covered my face, hiding my shame from Alice.
            I felt her arms wrap around me. “I know this is frightening for you. You are not alone. I understand exactly what you are feeling.”
            I turned to look at her, eyes blazing. “How could you? Have you ever been thrown into a world you did not understand? Have you ever lost everything you knew?”
            “As a matter of fact, I did. I too was a slave. I too was freed, believe me, I know exactly how frightening it is.”
            I stared at her cherubic face. This fine lady was a slave? Impossible. “Is this true?”
            “It is. King Aro has asked that I help you to adjust to your new circumstances. You will not have to do this alone,” she assured me.
            “I know I must seem ungrateful. My master has given me an amazing gift... but I would have happily remained a slave were I free to be near him,” I said through my sobs.
            “Renesmee...may I ask what the bundle is?” she asked looking at the wrapped collar on the table.
            I swallowed hard. “It is my collar. I wish to return it to my... to Jacob. It has a jewel, it is rare, and I am certain... expensive.”
            Alice reached out for the bundle. “May I?” she asked.
            I nodded. Her tiny, delicate hands unwrapped the collar and held it to the light. The ruby caught the light, and I noticed for perhaps the first time that when it hung from the collar it resembled the symbol of a heart. Alice noticed as well.
            “This is lovely. Wherever did he find it?”
            “The jewel was purchased on the way to Port Angeles. He had a jeweler affix it to my travel collar,” again, I felt my throat tighten and my tears well. “He said it reminded him of me. That wearing it would let the world know... that I belonged to him. As I no longer... it should be returned...”
            My tears flowed again, and I swiped at them fiercely. I turned away from Alice only to be faced with the food again and it made my stomach clench. I pushed it away and turned from the table.
            “You really should try to eat something,” Alice said soothingly.
            “No thank you. I am afraid I could not keep it in.”
            “Alright,” she said leading me out of the hall. “Have you any questions? I am at your disposal.”
            “My mind races about so, at the moment. I cannot think straight.”
            “Why don't you rest for a while? I will keep the others at bay for a bit, and then I will return and check on you.”
            “Thank you, Mistr... Alice.”

APOV
            I closed the door to Nessie's chamber and returned to the sitting room where I knew I would find her anxious friends. Bella immediately rose and approached me as I entered.
            “How does she fair? Is she alright?”
            “She is as well as can be expected. She is overwhelmed and confused. Who wouldn't be? I also think she feels the abandonment you feared.” I took a deep breath and held out the collar she had given to me to return. “She bids us to return this to Jacob. I believe we should. Just seeing it seemed to cause her pain.”
            Bella gasped. “He would not want it taken from her. It was the only way he could give her a gift of this nature. He was so terribly proud of his cleverness.”
            “I thought you said he treated her well,” Jasper said through clenched teeth. “Yet even seeing the symbol of her servitude pains her? That does not bode well.”
            “He adores her; he never mistreated her,” Bella snapped in defense of her friend.
            “Jasper, I believe it is not the symbol of her submission that pains her. It seemed that it was the memory of the gift itself that wounds her. She said he told her it was a way for the world to know she was his. No longer being able to identify herself as belonging to him is what hurts her, I believe,” I explained.
            “So you think she shares his feelings?” my love asked, softening.
            “I do. Unfortunately, her feelings are tied in with her station. We cannot know her true feelings until she understands that she is free and exactly what that means.”
            “So what can we do for her?” Edward asked.
            “I sent her to lie down for a bit. She is likely to have many questions. We must have answers.”
            “And how do you suggest we answer the inevitable questions about Jacob?” Carlisle queried.
            I bit my lip. “We need to encourage her to speak of him, but we need to keep our answers vauge. There is quite a bit she will need to adjust to, but discouraging discourse of any kind will not serve her well.”
            “And lying to her...how does that serve her?” Edward asked.
            “Aro dictates it, but if I believe it is detrimental, I will intervene. I promise.” I meant it too. I was not at all certain that her feelings for Jacob were not exactly what should be between two people who were to marry. I understood that loving one's master was far different than loving one's husband, but Nessie seemed genuinely enamored of “her” Jacob. If when she came to understand her own freedom she still felt this way, I would see to it that she and he were able to see one another, no matter what the king thought. True love trumped royal dictates.
            “Forgive me. I am concerned for them both. Jacob was wrecked when he parted, and that girl you just saw... That was not our Ness,” he said sadly.
            “What do you mean?” Jasper asked.
            “She was so pale... so sad,” Bella said wiping a tear of her own. “She has always been of a sunny disposition. There was a time when she and he were parted... it cost them both dearly.”
            “Our greatest fear in this is that Ness will suffer. She is the most innocent soul, and all any of us wanted was to better her life. Jacob loves her, yes. He would make her his wife, it is true, but he always meant to woo and win her. He wanted her to choose him, and now she is being denied that option. It seems so wrong,” Edward sighed.
            “Right now, we must focus on teaching her those things which will allow her to swim the shark infested waters she has been set adrift in. Once she learns to make her way on her own, and in her own time, then we can address the issue of her feelings for your friend,” Jasper soothed. “Alice and I know that there are far more treacherous obstacles in her path right now. I understand your discomfort with this situation, but believe us, it is temporary. Alice and I were not completely separated when she was going through this, but she was under Alistair's care, and we only had chaperoned contact. I insisted on courting her as any woman would be. She had been badly abused, and no matter what I felt for her I knew her well being was of far greater concern than my own. Aro wanted things taken slowly, as in this case, but I was never Alice's Master.”
            “You make it sound horrid,” Bella sighed.
            “Freedom is not easy,” I explained. “As a slave, one becomes immune to what is said about you. As long as you are treated somewhat decently, you tend to ignore much of the world at large. Decisions are all made on your behalf. Having them suddenly placed in your own hands can be very overwhelming. Renesmee genuinely cares for you all; if she sees your anxiety, it will become her own. She is used to living her life to please others. If she continues to try and please you she will never gain a sense of herself.”
            “You make us sound so selfish,” Bella objected.
            “Not at all,” I said sitting near her and patting her hand. “I know how selfless your actions have been. I also know how frightened you are for her and your friend. All I am asking is that you remember how frightening this must be to her. We must not over tax her emotions at present. We need to try to remain supportive and not burdensome.”
            “Burdensome?” Edward said the word as if I had offended.
            “Do you still plan to return home soon?” I asked.
            “In three days time.”
            “It will break her if you cannot go with an honest sense that you will see her again soon. You must make her feel that the parting is not an end, but a beginning.”
            “Will we see her again soon?” Bella asked.
            I smiled at her. “I believe we can promise to bring her to see you for the birth of your child, if not sooner. If you extend an invitation...” My thinking was that Ness would wish to see the child and that by the time it appeared she would be well established in her freedom. If I could arrange nothing sooner, I was certain Aro could not object to such an expedition, especially if Jasper and I chaperoned.
            “Yes, please.”
            “When is the babe due?” Jasper asked.
            “Five moons.”
            “Then be assured we shall be there for its naming day.”
            “Thank you,” Bella said squeezing my hand.
            “Carlisle,” I said turning to the man, “Renesmee will require an examination. There are matters to be discussed. I assume Aro spoke to you?”
            He nodded. “When would you like me to see her?”
            “Let me speak with her again, and then I shall have you sent for.”
            “As you wish.”

CPOV
            I retired to my study to await the call from Alice to examine Renesmee. Aro had explained that he required it after the Alice situation. I had no idea what that meant, so he gave me a file that Alistair had kept during the first few months of Alice's liberation.
            The healer who had seen her documented myriad injuries. Broken ribs, various bruises, a split lip, and lash scars across her back. It was dreadful what that poor child had been through. Yet reading Alistair's notes on her social slights and insults was far more painful. I prayed that we would be able to spare this young one some of that.
            “Carlisle, love?” Esme's sweet voice came. “Are you alright?”
            “Of course, Dearest. I was just trying to get my mind in order.” I paused and closed the file on Alice to shield Esme's eyes from the horrors within. “Would you mind assisting me in my examination of the girl?”
            “Of course not. May I ask why you require assistance?”
            “I am afraid that she might need a woman to... I must examine her fully. Aro insists that she be given 'slave wine' and that its effects be explained to her. I am assuming that a woman may be more useful at explaining away her concerns, not to mention answering any questions she may have.”
            My beautiful wife placed her palm against my cheek and smiled serenely. “You are a very good man, my husband. I am proud to call you my love.”

APOV
            I knocked upon Renesmee's door several hours later. She did not respond, and I debated with myself about the propriety of entering her suite uninvited, finally deciding that I needed to see her.
            The room was dark. She had pulled the curtains and sealed out the daylight. The fire had all but burnt out. I half expected to find her abed, instead I found her seated, on her knees, upon a waiting cushion. She sat exactly as a pleasure slave had been taught, back straight, head bowed, hands resting gently in the lap.
            I took a deep breath. I knew the position she had taken well, and I also knew that taking it was her way of reminding herself of her place. It was familiar and comforting. I also knew it could not stand.
            “Renesmee...” I called. She did not respond and resolutely remained in her safe zone. “Renesmee, you must come away from there.”
             Still no response. I thought for a moment and then decided upon my action. I walked to the windows and threw wide the coverings. Light flooded the room, and I saw the child flinch at its brightness.
            “The king will wish to see you in a week’s time. I cannot present you to him as you are now. You need to come away from that cushion; it is no longer your place.”
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Courtesan