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Focused Madness	By : fusedtwilight Category: Twilight Series > General Views: 3772 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Focused Madness
Chapter 21

Fusedtwilight: Thanks to mybetagirlkiki for betaing, this chapter Leah has an important talk with Sam and Matthew begins to doubt his family.

Frustration: A deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs.
Example: The frustration between Leah and the wolves is released.
Leah P.O.V
I spent three days recovering. Three long, painful, bastard days.
I had been in and out of a lot of it. Seth was always there. Mom came to visit me, I wish we were meeting under better circumstances, but she helped ease away some of the dark clouds that littered my mind. We did a lot of catching up. Seth would be graduating this year. He had been working hard to mix his duties as a wolf and his duties as a student. I was really proud of Seth.
I told them all about Priddis, about my job, about the nice little house. Mom approved of the stuff I got to make the place homey.
Jake had been keeping me up to date about the Matthew situation. There were no new leads. Alice had remembered no new visions, and they been unable to find any scents from the house. By the time they had arrived any trail we had, had run cold.
Seth and mom were driving me home. My left side only felt like I had a painful sun burn. A day or two and it will be back to normal. Had I still been human I would be horribly scared for life.
I needed to get out of the Cullens. I was going stir crazy and I needed to find a way to release myself of a lot of pent up energy. Mom was talking about how she and Charlie were still going. I barely listened though. I was too busy thinking about Fred.
I had not seen him since I first woke up. I was a little miffed he hadn't come to visit me.
I watched the scenery as we drove. Everything seemed the same. Two years and not much had changed. The houses were still where they were, the school was still where it was, the Atera grocery store still run by the Atera family was still there.
Nothing changes much in La Push. But yet everything seemed surreal now. Like I was a stranger who somehow knew where everything was. Had Matthew been with me he would inquire as to my mood. I have no idea what the color I am feeling is. Probably gray or some shit.
I keep on thinking about Matthew. Was he safe? Was he happy? Were they being nice to him? Were they feeding him right? Were they keeping him in a nice room? Were they being mean to him?
I was happy to see mom and Seth, but thoughts of Matthew dominated my mind. I wanted to be out there looking for him. But I have no idea where to look. One thing I was dreading was Nahuel. The Cullens had gone to inform him of the situation and I so do not want to see him. The thought of seeing him look at me with anger for failing to protect Matthew.......
Soon we pulled up to the house. It was the same, except mom and added some new flower pots on the porch.
I got out of the car, and froze. There were two cars in the driveway. One I recognized belonging to the Blacks. The other was Sam and Emily’s.
“Mom?” I asked.
I could smell their scents in the air now that I was out of the car. I was wondering why everyone were here?
“Your friends have come to see you Leah. Everyone was so worried about you,” she said.
“You knew and you didn't tell me?” I demanded. A streak of anger ran through me.
“I wanted you to have a nice surprise. We have all missed you so much.”
“Mom look at me,” I pointed at my still burned left side, “I can't let them see me like this.”
“You'll be fine, they have seen worse,” She said.
Seth put his hand on my right shoulder. “Don't worry Leah, they just want to see how you have been.”
I sighed and followed mom and Seth to the house. I had hoped to one day bring Matthew here. He had told me numerous times he wanted to see my house.
I could hear everyone inside talking. Mom opened the door and we walked inside. The chatter died down and everyone looked at us. They were all here. All the members of the original pack. Sam, Jared, Paul, Embry, Quil, Collin, Brady and Jake (who I shot a glare) and even the imprints.
“Leah!” Emily came running forward, her face set in a delighted smile.
“Hey Em,” I said.
“Oh, how are you feeling? Are you okay?” she was looking at my left side with such sadness. She wasn't the only one. Everyone was looking at my burns with a look of pain or anger. Or in Sam's case a little bit of both.
“Been better. It's nice to see you again, you look great,” I said.
She smiled. Soon everyone was welcoming me back. Mom got some food ready for us all. They were all asking me questions. Where was I? How did I get by? All of them except Sam, who remained quiet and brooding.
They asked me what it was like to live with a vampire. They asked how I could stomach the smell, I told them it was hard at first but after a while when you get past the burning you can smell their true scents better.
“Man Leah you got some balls,” Paul said.
“Yeah Leah, all by yourself while looking after a hybrid?” Collin said looking amazed.
“Well Fred helped a lot,” I said.
“That's my sister,” Seth said proudly.
It was so odd. I was not used to being the center of attention. I was not used to being idolized and so welcomed by everyone. I figured mom and Seth and Emily and Jake were a sure thing but everyone else?
I got up to speed on how everyone was doing. How everything had been quiet since I left, how they had no vampires show up. No one has imprinted. Jake had been the last wolf to imprint and no one else had yet.
An hour later and I was feeling a bit better. Everyone was doing an amazing job making me feel at home. I am sure if Matthew was here he would love the atmosphere right now. He would tell me all the colors he was seeing.
I showed them all my burns. They all winced when they saw it. We always wondered how our healing powers would fair against fire, but there was only one way to find out. But now we knew.
“Man that leech really let you have it Leah,” Quil said.
“Half leech and when I find the bitch I intend to pay her back with interest,” I said with a dark scowl.
Everyone seemed to share a look. I had no idea how to decipher it but I know they were thinking of something that made them a bit nervous.
“Leah, good news. The elders want you back. Now that everything has been settled you can stay,” Kim said with a smile.
“Well I can't stay long, as soon as I am healed I am gone,” I said.
“What why?” mom asked looking distressed.
“To find Matthew of course.”
An awkward silence filled the room. The once warm and friendly atmosphere evaporated. It was so quit you could hear the clock on the wall ticking.
“Leah, I know you got close with the boy. But don't you think you should just let him go?” Rachel said.
I glared at her and she flinched. Paul put a protective arm around her.
“I mean. He is with his family now and you don't have to look after him. You can come back home an-”
“And do what?” I asked harshly.
“Return to your old life of course.”
“Old life? You mean the one where I had nothing better to do then run around on all floors hunting monsters until I croak?”
“Leah, she was just making a point,” Mom said lightly.
“Oh yeah, well what’s the point?” I asked her.
“You left us to protect him, but now he is with his own kind. That is for the best. He is where he belongs and you are where you belong, here with us.”
“No, that is not true. Matthew does not belong with those freaks; he belongs with his real family. Me and Fred.”
“Oh come on Leah. Do you really think playing little house on the prairie with a hybrid and a vampire is any better than the life you had here?” Paul asked.
“Fuck you Paul! It was my life! Mine! I had no one telling me what to do and I didn't have to give up any dreams or aspirations because I was unlucky enough to be born with the wrong fucking D.N.A.”
“Yeah some life, it almost got you killed,” he sneered.
“At least I had a nice normal job to support myself. Tell me you find a job yet or are you still leeching of the Black's?”
“Come on Leah that is uncalled for,” Rachel said defending Paul.
“I'll take that as a yes.”
Paul bared his teeth at me. “You have a lot of nerve, you are lucky we even allowed you back after the shit you pulled.”
“Oh yeah and what shit is that?”
“Well let’s see, first you almost killed Sam, then you fucking left the pack and the tribe for a freak.”
I was wishing Fred or Matthew was here right now, they could calm me down. Paul was pissing me off and I was about to take it out on everyone. All the rage I had been holding since Matthew was stolen from me was finding a way out. One thing I was good at for relieving myself of anger was being a real bitch.
“Well if Sam wasn't trying to kill him I wouldn't have had to fight him!”
“Well if he hadn't tried to kill Emily Sam wouldn't have tried to kill him! Seriously Leah, you chose a monster over your own blood, you probably hoped he would kill her so you could have Sam back!”
Jake, Quil, Embry and Seth growled at Paul, Mom wasn't a wolf but she was doing a good impression of one.
“Paul that is enough!”
A bunch of shocked eyes turned to Emily. She had yelled at Paul, Emily never yells at anyone.
“Leah almost died, don't you get that? All these years and you can't be nice to her? After everything you have been through your going to accuse her of something so horrible? You should be ashamed Paul,” she said.
Paul looked away, his face angry but regretful. That look people get when they have been chastised for being dumb and they know it.
“Thanks Em,” I said.
Sam placed his hand on Emily's. A single tear ran down her face. “I am sorry Leah. It's my fault. Sam didn't want me to go to that game. Kim and Rachel didn't want to go either but I talked them into it.”
I stared at her shocked. “Why? Why did you go?”
I knew she had talked Sam into letting her go, but I didn't know she had convinced Kim and Rachel to go.
“Because I wanted to hang out with you. I wanted to have fun with you like we did when we were kids. I saw the change he was bringing on you. I saw how happy you were becoming, you were turning back into the old Leah I knew, I wanted to see you laugh and smile again. I wanted things to be like they were before. I thought, it would be fun, like old times.”
I said nothing. I knew she had talked Sam into letting her go. I never pondered why she did it; I never knew she dragged Kim and Rachel to it. All so she could be close again with me.
I got up and everyone was tense. Like they expected me to freak the fuck out. Which was what I normally did. But for the first time I did something I never did before. I walked away.
“I need to go for a walk.”
I headed for the door. Mom and Seth followed me. “Leah don't leave,” mom begged.
“I'll be right back, I just need some alone time.”
“Leah.”
“Mom, please. I am pissed, frustrated, scared and if I don't leave now I am going to make a huge scene in front of everyone and I don't want to do that, I just need some time alone. Please.”
She sighed, and then nodded. “Okay. But don't be too late; I am making your favorite steak for dinner.”
I kissed her on the cheek and hugged her. “Thanks mom.”
She hugged me back; I could feel the tension leaving her body. I gave Seth a quick kiss and hug and walked out the door. By the time I hit the tree line I heard Jake following me. I knew it was him from his smell.
“What do you want Black?” I snapped.
He walked up beside me, a goofy grin on his face. “Decided to take a walk too. A lot of tension in that place.”
“Gee, ya think?” I asked rolling my eyes.
“Mind if I join you?”
“Yes as a matter of fact I do. I am feeling really anti-social right now and want to be alone.”
“Well too bad.”
“Will you just go away?” I snapped.
He shook his head. “Sorry but you’re a rough wolf in my territory. I got to make sure you don't cause any mischief.”
“Dick,” I muttered.
He chuckled. “How ar-”
“I swear to God if you ask me if I am okay or fine then I will bite you on the ass!”
“Wouldn't be the first time.”
“What?!”
“So, is it weird being back?” he asked, quickly changing the subject.
“Very. Nothing has really changed. In the movies someone leaves home and comes back and everything is different. But the only thing that feels different is me. Like I am a stranger you know?”
He nodded.
“I mean, everyone expects me to just go back to how everything was. Like I am just supposed forget about him and everything, like everything that we went through never happened. That for two wonderful years I felt more at peace and normal than I ever have.”
He sighed. “It's not looking good Leah. We have no way to track these people down. Maybe you should consider the possibility that you won't be able to find him.”
I shook my head. “No, I can't accept that. I won't. Not now, not ever. If I have to spend an eternity, if I have to keep phasing, if I have to wonder the earth all by myself I will. I will never, stop trying to find him Jake. And if no one will help me, fine, I will look by myself.”
“You've changed Leah. There is a fire in your eyes now I didn't see before. He really did change you for the better,” Jake said with a proud smile.
“He did some changing too. He was starting to speak right and all.”
“Leah.”
We turned around. Sam had followed us.
“We need to talk,” he said.
“Sam, I don't think that is a good idea,” Jake said.
“Please, we need to talk,” he said.
“It's okay Jake. I will be fine,” I said.
Jake looked at me and I nodded. “Okay, I will be close by.”
He walked off. Leaving me alone with Sam.
He walked up to me slowly, careful. I watched him wearily, waiting for him to do or say something to piss me off. I waited for the old feelings to surface. The bitterness, the longing, the things that once overwhelmed me. Only now I barely felt anything.
Maybe a bit of nostalgia for the old days when the world was simple and uncomplicated. But compared to before when the pain was unbearable I could not call it pain anymore, more like a a strong ach.
“Hello Leah,” he said.
“Hey Sam,” I greeted back politely. No sarcasm or wit.
“I am glad you are back.”
“Glad someone is.”
“Don't let Paul get to you. He still needs to work on his anger issues.”
“Something tells me he isn't the only one who thinks I am a traitor.”
“You are not a traitor Leah,” he said firmly, “some of the wolves just have a hard time with you running off to live with vampires.”
“I didn't want to leave....no....I did want to leave. But not like that. Not with the memory of you....but sometimes shit happens. Story of my life. Why didn't you tell me about Emily? Why didn't you tell me she was feeling like that?”
He shrugged. “Because every time I brought up you and her hanging out again you clammed up. And you were already gone and made it clear you weren't coming back.”
He had a point there. I always did my best to avoid them.
“Was he changing me so much it could be seen?” I asked. I tried to think back then. Was the connection between me and Matthew strong even then?
“Emily seemed to think so, she was always better at seeing you better than most.”
“Yeah, even when we were kids she could do that.”
“Leah, maybe you should consider what Rachel said,” Sam said.
“Don't you start too,” I warned.
“Leah please, see sense. He is with his family now; it's time you came back to yours.”
“No.”
“What life could you have with him Leah, are you going to stay immortal for him? Are you going to make him watch as you grow old and die?”
“He'll have Fred and Nahuel.”
“How many times have you almost lost your life Leah? First he bit you, then he attacked Emily, he almost made you kill me, you almost died protecting him. What more do you need to see sense, it was not meant to be.”'
“Why are you so obsessed with me coming back and leaving him Sam?”
“Because I care about you Leah. I know I hurt you but I just want you to be safe and happy.”
“That's the thing Sam, that's what you don't get I was happy!” I yelled at him. “I was moving on, I had a normal life. A job, a house, and a ki-....everything I once dreamed of having.”
“Leah, you have to let go. You can't use a hybrid to fill your need for a child, it's not healthy.”
Sam had caught what I was going to say. I was going to say a house and kid. But I knew if I said it he would try and use my infertility against me. But he knew what I was going to say.
“This wasn't about me Sam. You know what your problem is? You keep on seeing him as a hybrid, as something inhuman, something that doesn't fit with a family. But you never saw him for what he is Sam. A child. A little boy who needs a family. A real family. Not that fucked up group his father bred. Well I got news for you and I want you to pay real close attention so all those assholes in your pack can see this when they are linked with you. That boy is mine, you got that? He is mine to protect because as far as I am concerned he is my son.”
“Le-”
“Sam for once in your life will you just shut the fuck up and let me finish!” I yelled at him. “He showed me his love for me Sam, before they showed up when were planning on coming back he showed me how much he loved me with his power. He told me he wanted to be called Matthew Clearwater, Sam. He wanted to show everyone that he had changed; he said he wanted to make me proud, he said he wanted to be a better person for me. I have to get him back Sam because if I don't they are going to wipe his memory and take out everything I love about him and everything that makes him good and fill it with their ideas and the Matthew I knew will be dead and...and.....”
I began to cry. I hated to, especially in front of Sam. But all that fear and anger found a better way to come out.
Sam wrapped his arms around me and let me cry. That was the real reason I was so desperate to get him back. I knew at any moment they could take away all the memories we had made together. Take away all the love and happiness and fill it with their cold logic and instincts. He would forget me and Fred and the Cullens. He would forget all the times we watched TV or hunted in the woods or he fell asleep in my arms as I sang softly to him.
He would forget all the times Fred taught him to play cards, play ball, all the times they wrestled and played video games.
How could I bear to know at any moment he could be lost to me? That when next I saw him he would not even know who I was?
Sam held me tight as I cried. Just like he did when dad died. When I was finally able to return to human form I cried so damn hard and Sam had been there to hold me as I cried.
Sam let me go and I wiped my face. “I miss him so much Sam, I miss holding him in my arms, I miss running with him through the woods, I miss hearing his voice and his smell. And at any moment all that could be destroyed and no one understands, they keep on telling me to let him go, to forget, but I can't forget, I will never forget.”
I took a step forward, looking him dead in the eye. I let Sam see the real me. I had many faces in my life, the daughter, the sister, the lover, the bitch, the beta. But now he was seeing the most dangerous and lethal. Leah the mother.
I let him see this new me, this me that was stronger than any face I have ever wore. I looked him right in the eye so when he was in wolf form and his mind was linked with the others, I wanted them to see this, this new me. So next time someone decides it is a smart thing to tell me to drop Matthew, they know to mind their own fucking business.
“I will never stop. I will find him and I will mow down anyone or anything that gets in my way. The second I am back to full strength I will be out there hunting down him and his sisters and his daddy. And I am going to kill every single one of them so they will never come for him again.”
He looked at me with serious eyes. I could not tell if he liked the new Leah, I didn't care if he liked it or not. I had a mission in life. That was to find and protect Matthew.
To my surprise he backed away. Sam never backed away.
“I don't know if I should like the transformation he brought in you or not Leah. I see death in your eyes Leah.”
“You don't have to like it Sam, if you won't help me then stay the fuck out of my way.”
“I won't help you Leah. I am glad he is gone. But I won't stop you either. I will tell the others to not provoke you about it anymore.”
“Thank you Sam. That's all I request,” I said.
“So what now?”
“Now? Now I rest, get my strength back and start finding any trace I can of Matthew. I will try and spend as much time with mom and Seth as I can.”
“And how will you find him?”
“The Cullens will help. I am sure Carlisle has a friend or someone who can help us find him.”
“And if he doesn't want to come back?”
“He will,” I said firmly.
“But what if they have already wiped his mind?”
“Then I will still bring him back.”
“He won't go willingly.”
“I figured he wouldn't.”
“He might fight you.”
“I know.”
“Where will you go if you do find him?”
“Back here. You did promise Emily you wouldn't come after him right?”
He scowled. “Yes, I did. I meant it, as much as I think it should be done. But I won't go back against a promise I made to Emily.”
“Good. Then when I get back I am going to move in with the Cullen’s. They'll be leaving soon and we will move in there. I'll get a job and work on going to college and Fred will live with us and look after Matthew while I am gone, just like in Priddis. We'll be a family again.”
“Family?”
“Yes Sam a family. And I will get Carlisle to help me get some papers so I can adopt him. Give him the last name he wants so bad.”
“Leah, I hate to be a broken record. But you can't do this. What will you do when you fall in love? What will you do when you imprint?”
“Have him move in of course.”
“And you’re just going to let him be around vampires? Fred is still new to the Cullen lifestyle and Matthew has shown to be dangerous in the past.”
“I'll work something out, I promised Matthew I would always be there for him and I won't let anything break that promise, not even the imprinting will.”
“I don't think this is a good idea Leah, I think you should leave him with his family. There have been too many things to prove this.”
“Well you are entitled to your opinion, but I am still going to bring him back home.”
We said nothing for a few moments. “Well, some of the guys left already. Paul is sorry for being a jerk. I'll have him come back later to say sorry.”
“Unless he really means it don't even bother. I am no mood for false apologies.”
We headed back for the house. Jake walked with us, whether he heard us or not I didn't know. We did not talk as we walked back. When we did only Emily was still there, everyone else had decided the party was over.
We continued without them. We ate the food Mom made and carried on like there was no fight. After an hour Emily, Sam and Jake left. Emily gave me a gentle hug, Sam gave me a shake of the hand and Jake patted me on my good shoulder and promised me he would see me soon.
He smiled at me and there was pride in his eyes. I guess he did hear what I said to Sam and was proud of me for it.
I spent the rest of the day with mom and Seth. Seth and I took a nice walk through the woods for a while, talking about what he planned to do after school and what he wanted to do. He was at a cross roads. Things were tricky for him because of his protector status. Plus with the recession the country was finding itself in it was hard to pick a good paying job.
We got back home and found Charlie waiting. He didn't give me a big hug or anything but he had a big happy smile on his face when he saw me.
I didn't mind seeing him. I was glad to see him. It was odd. Since I have returned all the things that agitated me or pissed me off didn't affect me as much.
The anger I felt over the whole Sam imprinting on Emily was still there, but it didn't hurt as bad as it once did. Any resentment I felt for mom going off with Charlie was gone.
I felt like I had been living in a world of fog, made from anger and resentment that left me blind to the world. But now the fog was gone and the world seemed clearer than I remembered it to be.
I talked to Charlie for a while, he was doing good. Everything had been quit in Forks. A few drunken idiots and some high speed drivers were all he had to deal with. I was glad he had a peaceful quit life. I envied him that.
Soon it got dark out and Charlie left. Mom seemed happy that I was more comfortable around Charlie now. I was still a little at odds with it. But hey, if I can go and fuck a hybrid and have hot feelings for a vampire who was I to judge?
I had to wonder when I became so calm and rational. I was not known for being calm or rational. Was it something that happened slowly during the last two years? Or was it when Matthew opened his soul to me and showed his love for me? I wish I could give justice to that feeling, that all encompassing feeling that shattered every emotional wall I built to protect my heart. I missed him so much it hurt. I was so worried about him. I kept on thinking about him.
Was he happy? Safe? Loved? Protected? Fed? Healthy? So many questions and I don't have any answers, it was pissing me off!
Soon I was tired and I headed off for bed. I kissed mom on the cheek and gave Seth a hug. I walked up to my room. Nothing had changed. Mom had kept it nice and clean but all the pictures were where they had been and the sheets were the same and the blinds were the same.
Yet I was so much different then when I was last in here.
I laid down on the bed, careful because of my burns.
I turned on my right side, moved over to the left and instinctively reached out to hold on to Matthew. My heart sunk when I realized he was not there. For one wonderful moment I had forgotten he had been kidnapped and thought he was still with me. I moved over to the middle and I took my extra pillow and placed it in my arms. A poor substitute, but it gave me something to hold onto.
It took me a while, but eventually I was able to drift off to sleep. At least in my head, me and Matthew were still together.
Reservations: Doubts and misgivings.
Example: Matthew develops some reservations about his family.

A week after abduction
Matthew P.O.V
I watched as Vladimir slammed his son into the ground.
I winced.
It was not easy living with my nephews and nieces. They were nice to me and all. But they were very wild and temperamental. There were a lot of fights that happened at the castle.
Hormones and vampire mindsets do not mix real well. They could fight really viciously though, and sadly since they were more vampire then human their thirst was stronger and since daddy taught them no self control it was a little tough to keep hired help alive.
I remember when two male hybrids got into a fight. One of the maids came to see what the commotion was about. The second they smelled her they stopped fighting and fell on her like wolves much to my horror.
I have begun using my power to make everyone calm and rational. I have had a 100 percent success rate. Since I have used my powers no has fought. Daddy is really proud of me for doing that. My sisters are grateful because they hate seeing their babies fight.
Right now was training time. Daddy and Vladimir and Stefan were teaching everyone how to fight. This was no easy sparring though, despite the fact they faced their offspring Stefan and Vladimir showed no restraint with their children. Daddy showed no concern, but if one of my sisters felt they were getting too rough they would make their fathers give them a break.
Mikhail got up and hissed at Vladimir. Vladimir just grinned.
Mia got nervous and spoke. “Don't hurt him Vladimir,” she said with a chastising tone.
Vladimir winked at her and she frowned. I was very curious as to Vladimir and Stefan's relationship with my sisters. Seraphina, Hypnia, Rosemary, Mia and Sarah all shared them.
From what I have seen from their aura's there is dark pink which means lust and some small levels of affection, some held more for others. I noticed Stefan favored Seraphina more than the others while Vladimir seemed to enjoy Hypnia more.
Seraphina's feelings for them both were the same. Indifference. They meant nothing to her. A way to make babies and the means to an end, nothing more. The others had more feelings for them then she did, then again she only seemed to have affection for daddy and her children.
It was so different then what the Cullens had. The Cullens shared themselves or their mates with no one. They had nothing but love for one another. It made me uncomfortable to think my sisters were in some bizarre mating arrangement with these Romanians.
When Leah had the talk with Matthew, she said sex should be done with someone you love. But there was no love with them. So why?
Also why must they train every day? We would spend hours outside training. And it could be so brutal and harsh. Daddy never let me train though, I was thankful. I did not want to hurt no one and there was a lot of hurt that could happen.
I was disturbed at how much the new hybrids enjoyed the fight. The laughed, they jeered, they teased. Even if someone lost a limb. They seemed eager for violence. I had to wonder if it was because of their extra vamp-y side or if it was because how daddy and the Romanians trained them to be.
Nessie was never like this. During these times we were less like a family and more like a bunch of soldiers being trained.
I was missing Leah and Fred-Fred a lot. I did my best to keep my missing them from seeping out. I didn't want the others to share my misery. I did my best to act like I wasn't missing Leah or Fred-Fred. But I thought about them a lot.
Daddy and no one had told me anymore about these plans daddy had for me. I had been tempted to use my power to make them talk but Leah said it is not nice to use my power on others against their will so I don't. I still want to be a good boy for Leah and I don't want her to find out I was using my power to do bad things.
I was never alone; Rosemary was always with me like she used to be. I was also always around the new hybrids. They always called me uncle or Uncle Matthew which was neat.
I was still only eating animals. Daddy and everyone tried hard to get me to go back to humans and although I was tempted I refused. Everyone thought I was mad to drink animal blood. Said it was unnatural. But I refused. I promised no more human blood and I meant it.
Things got real dicey one night. Daddy decided to treat us to something special. I was the only one to be horrified by it:
Flashback
It was four days after I arrived in Romania.
Everyone had a grueling day of training we were on our way back to the castle. We were told to get cleaned and dress nice. Daddy and the Romanians had a surprise for us.
Rosemary and her three sons led me to the throne room. Her sons were Gregory, Steven and Peter. All three were gifted.
Peter could trap you in a mental reality so real it could fool every sense. It was kind of like being in a dream world where he could control every aspect. If he wanted he could make the dream last for years, while in real world time seconds had passed. He could make it pleasant or extremely horrific.
Gregory could make you remember. Everything you have ever forgotten he can make you remember it all. It was like he refreshes your mind, making all the old memories new again.
Steven could make you relive your best most happiest memories, or your worst and most traumatic.
All three had power that dealt with memory, just like their mother.
Stefan was Steven and Peter's father, Vladimir was Gregory's.
We were about thirty feet from the throne room when I stopped. I was sensing fear, lots and lots of fear. Fear is black with ruby red highlights. I smelled the scent of humans. But they were no humans I had smelled before.
At first I thought daddy had brought in some new humans who knew what we were and were more scared then the others had been. But this fear was too strong, and I was sensing anticipation and hunger from the hybrids. The sound of human hearts beating fast and the sound of gagged whimpers and screams didn't help me feel any better.
A feeling of dread crept into my stomach. As we approached the doors opened and we walked in. I froze as we walked in and the doors closed.
There were humans suspended upside down from the ceiling. They were tied by chains to their legs. I would have thought it funny if it were not for the fact they were truly afraid and my family watched them with eager and hungry eyes.
“Ah, Matthew, we were just waiting for you,” daddy said smiling at me.
“What is this?” I asked horrified by what I was seeing. There were about forty humans dangling from the ceiling.
“Dinner of course,” Seraphina said with a smile.
“Dinner?”
“Not all of us deny what we are Matthew.”
“Daddy?” I asked.
“Well the others have been training so hard I thought it would be good to treat everyone to a treat,” he said.
“Why are they hanging from there?” I asked.
“So we can feed of course.” he clapped his hands and some of the guards appeared, moving wooden tables over the struggling people. They then placed thin silver bowls over them.
“Who are these people?”
“Do not fear Matthew, I know you are squeamish about human blood. But I also know you miss it so we took humans who were going to die anyway.”
“What?”
“These men are wicked Matthew,” Vladimir said.
“They committed crimes so heinous their people sentenced them to die. Murder, rape, slave trading, no sin was beyond their reach. But now the time has come for them to face retribution.”
“Why are they upside down?” I asked.
“So we can draw blood more easily.”
“What do you mean?”
“Easy, we will slit their throats and the blood will pour into the bowls. That way no blood will be wasted,” Stefan said.
“Please hurry Uncle Matthew, we are so hungry,” Morphia said.
They were all hungry. The smell of human blood and beating hearts made my mouth water. I could feel everyone's thirst so strongly it made me even thirstier.
“But it is wrong.”
“Why? They are bad men, we are doing the world a kindness by killing them?” one of the hybrids asked.
“Because we are torturing them that is why. This isn't a feeding, this is sick, sadistic.”
Seraphina rolled her eyes. Annoyance mixed in her aura. “I remember you singing a different tune years ago. You used to love hunting humans with us.”
I tried to remember but much of my memories were still lost to the burning. But something deep inside told me her words had truth. Once upon a time I would have ignored the fear and gone through with this. But I was not the same Matthew any more.
“They may be bad men, but that is not a reason to be like this. This is beneath us. Daddy says we are better than humans, and then surely we should try and be humane. We are being better than this.”
The hybrids were confused. My words made no sense to them. They could not see my logic.
Daddy was not happy about what I said. I did not care though; I would not drink human blood. Especially like this.
“Oh enough of this dribble,” Seraphina said.
She walked forward to the nearest human. She pulled his head back and before I could stop her she slid her nail across his neck and blood began to pour out of his throat.
You want to know the worst part of my power? It wasn't having to always be able to sense others emotions. It was watching someone die. Watching as all those beautiful lights and colors died and faded. The very light leaving their bodies, leaving nothing but a colorless husk.
I had killed my fair share of humans and animals. But I always hated this part.
There was nothing I could do. Soon the heart stopped and the color was gone. Before he died he felt desperation and fear. I had to wonder what he was thinking in his final moments? What do evil men think of before they die? Fear? Regret? Peace?
When the last drop of blood dropped Seraphina took the bowl and poured the blood into big goblets of silver, with large ornate jewels on them.
“Dinner kids,” she said.
Her children surged forward and took the goblets and greedily drank from them. Soon everyone was picking a human and slitting their throat and draining the blood. The pain and horror coming from the humans were too much. I used my power to weave threads of peace and calm around them and they stopped crying.
“Finally, I hate it when they cry,” Mia said.
Seeing everyone feasting on these poor men was too much for me. I turned and began to walk out of the room. I felt daddy come up behind me and he put his hand on my shoulder.
“Matthew, come dine with us,” he said gently.
“No, this is not right,” I said.
“We must feed; the hybrids need their strength, as do you my son.”
“Well I am fine. Animal blood does wonders for me.”
He turned me around and made me look him in the eye. “You are a god to these things Matthew; do not waste your pity on them.”
“Everyone deserves pity daddy, Leah taught me that.”
“Leah is not your mother, nor is she your kin. We know what is best for you. You need to stop denying your natural urges it is not healthy.”
“Leah knew what was best for me's and she always makes sure me is being healthy.”
I was getting angry at daddy. I was mad at him, mad at Seraphina and mad in general. I was mad at daddy for doing this no matter his intention, I was mad at Seraphina for being so cold, I was mad at them all for taking me from Leah and Fred-Fred.
I jerked out of daddy's grip and turned to go back upstairs. “I am's being really sleepy, me be taking nap, leave me's alone.”
My speech was worsening. When I got really excited or really angry I am speaking wrong. I feel daddy's dissatisfaction and frustration but I ignore him. I am to upset now to care.
I sighed to myself; I hated thinking of that night.
I was brought out of my thoughts when daddy told everyone it was time to quit. I was going to go back to my room and read when daddy stopped me.
“Matthew, a word.”
I waited behind as everyone left. I promised some of the hybrids I would play with them later. I was happy none of them treated me any different after the little incident. I was worried they would think me weird and ignore me.
Everyone left, except for Vladimir and Stefan who stood with daddy. I was worried they were going to try and talk to me about that night.
We waited until the sounds of heartbeats were so distant we knew we were not being over heard.
“Yes, daddy?” I asked him.
“Matthew, I know it has been difficult trying to readjust to being back with us. But the time has come for you to prepare yourself,” daddy said, he was really serious.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Your destiny child,” Stefan said.
“The time has come for a new order to rise, you will be the one that helps make it,” Vladimir said.
“Everyone keeps saying that but what does it mean?” I asked frustrated.
“Fear not my son,” daddy smiled. “As you know we have big plans for you. Until now we have thought it best to wait until you got your bearings, but we have no time to wait. Matthew, we need you to use your power to increase the family's powers beyond their limits.”
“But why?......you are going to attack someone?” I said realizing the truth. “That is why you had the Romanians help you. You’re not making a family, you are making an army!”
I could tell from their auras I had gotten it right.
“Why? Why make an army? Who are we going to attack?” I asked.
“The Volturi of course,” daddy said.
“But they are too strong. Me be told what some of their members can do. Me scared of them, especially Jane, me not want to be hurt by her again!” The memory I had of Jane made me feel sick.
“But with you we can take them all out in a single blow.”
“But how? My power can't kill. I mean it can help me kill but I can't just will someone to die.”
“Well of course, but with some help you can.”
“Just tell me already!” I demanded.
He told me......and I wish he hadn't. For in that moment I realized two things. My daddy, who I loved so much was a monster and I had to get back to Leah.
At any and all costs.

Fusedtwilight: So what is Joham's plane for Matthew and will he be able to contact Leah in time? Please review.
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Focused Madness