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She Sleeps
By : bcullen1026
Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR
Views: 5823 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.
Chapter List
- 20
- 21
- 22
Chapter 21
BPOV
I don’t know how long I sat there. It was long after the sun set that I even thought about moving. I didn’t want to be around anyone at the moment, but I knew I was too much of a risk to humans to be out on my own. It was a dilemma. After Alice, Esme and Rose left me alone, I did some thinking. I remember everything that happened before the change. I shook just thinking about it.
I thought about Edward and what he told me. I’m so sorry love, for everything. Just promise me one thing. No matter what you remember, know that I’ve always loved you and I always will and together we can overcome any obstacle. I know he meant it at the time, but it was hard to believe that he always loved me. I shook my head to try and clear my thoughts. It was a surprisingly human gesture that still didn’t help. I listened to Alice and Esme downstairs in the kitchen. I heard Rosalie working on a car in the garage.
Time had no meaning for me, but I heard them before I even heard the front door open, the boys were back. I knew I didn’t really want to see anyone, but especially not any of the men. I figured I needed to be prepared if Edward was going to come up so I listened to the conversation. Surprisingly it was only Carlisle talking to Esme. “Where is she?”
“She’s upstairs in Edward’s room. Carlisle, she wants to leave. She says she can’t stay here for long.” Carlisle took a deep breath. “She’s too new to be out around humans, but we can’t force her to stay here. I’ll go speak with her.” Esme sighed. “Be careful dear. She’s very fragile right now.” I heard Carlisle kiss her and walk up the stairs at an almost human pace. He was probably giving me time to compose myself. I called out before he could knock on the door. “Just come in Carlisle.”
He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. “How are you feeling?” The ridiculousness of the question made me laugh. “Well, let’s review shall we? I was abandoned by the people I thought of as family. I was dumped by my real father, locked away, kidnapped, changed into a vampire against my will, and oh yes in the middle of all that. I was raped and beaten…repeatedly. So how do you think I’m feeling?” Carlisle visibly cringed. I felt bad for a moment and opened my mouth to apologize, but stopped myself. I didn’t owe anyone anything.
“Bella I can never express how sorry we are that we left and about everything that happened to you and we are all here for you if you need it, but Esme tells me you want to leave. I think it would be best for the time being if you stayed here. You are too young to be around people just yet.” I stopped him before he could go any further. “I know that Carlisle. I was prepared for this, remember? I wanted this life once. I just don’t think I can stand being around all of you right now.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’ll be right back.” His speed, which once I couldn’t even see, was now easy to follow, but the joy I should have felt was missing. I just felt empty.
He returned with a notebook. “I know it’s not much, but sometimes it helps to write things down. Not necessarily memories, but your feelings and your fears. Sometimes getting everything down in one place helps you process things better. Hopefully this will at least help you manage your emotions for a little while. It won’t solve all the problems, but it should give us enough time to fully test your resistance.” I thought about it for a moment and decided he must be crazy. He thought writing things down was going to help. I opened my mouth to tell him so, but he stopped me. “Just try it and if it doesn’t work we will figure something else out.” I sighed. “Fine, give me the damn notebook I have a lot I need to get down right now.” He gave me a small grin and set the book down on the dresser and left the room.
I stared at it from across the room. I didn’t want to do anything at the moment. I wanted to wallow in my self-pity. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to curl up in a hole and disappear. I wanted to die. That one thought stopped me. I didn’t want to die. I wanted revenge. I leapt off the bed and ran downstairs.
The whole family was in the living room. They all looked up when I entered. I didn’t give them time to speak. “I know what I have to do. I want revenge. I will hunt them to the ends of the earth if I have to, but I swear to whatever god is listening I will slaughter them all.”
EPOV
After Bella’s breakdown, the men left the house. Carlisle and Esme decided that our presence wouldn’t be helpful, and rightly so. We went hunting. Emmett and Jasper tried to talk to me, but I ignored them. I didn’t want to be consoled. I wanted to feel everything I had brought upon myself. Bella was hurting and I couldn’t help her, again. I was a failure.
Carlisle was the only one who let me be. He didn’t try to force me to talk about my feelings or my thoughts. We found a herd of deer and drank our fill. After we had sated our thirst, we decided to just run for awhile. Running was the thing I loved the most, after Bella of course. Running helped me clear me head. I don’t know where we went and I don’t know how long we were gone, but eventually we returned to the house.
When we walked in, Esme and Alice were in the kitchen and Rose of in the garage. Emmett immediately left to find her. Jasper went to Alice and Esme came to Carlisle. She seemed distraught. Carlisle spoke first “Where is she?”
“She’s upstairs in Edward’s room. Carlisle, she wants to leave. She says she can’t stay here for long.” My heart clenched. It was my greatest fear. She hated us. She wanted to leave us forever. Carlisle took a deep breath. “She’s too new to be out around humans, but we can’t force her to stay here. I’ll go speak with her.” Esme sighed. “Be careful dear. She’s very fragile right now.” Carlisle left the room. I heard him upstairs talking to Bella.
When he came back down he looked hopeful. “I gave her a notebook to record her thoughts and emotions in. It’s a technique sometimes used for rape victims. They need somewhere safe to express themselves and sometimes that is on a piece of paper. Hopefully this will help her heal. She also agreed to stay for the time being, pending the helpfulness of the notebook.” I breathed a sigh of relief. She was staying, for now. It at least gave us some time to figure everything out.
Everyone seemed to take that in. After a moment, they all left and went about their business. I didn’t move. I stood in the living room and just stared out the back window. I listened to Bella upstairs in my room. She wasn’t moving at all. It was driving me insane. Not know what she was doing or thinking. I stared out the window until I heard her move. She was coming downstairs. Everyone heard her, she was quite new after all, and we all gathered together.
We all stared at her as she entered the room. She wasted no time. “I know what I have to do. I want revenge. I will hunt them to the ends of the earth if I have to, but I swear to whatever god is listening I will slaughter them all.” My cold, dead, unbeating heart broke, again. To hear my once gentle, caring Bella speak like a cold hearted killer, like a monster, was torture. I left to spare her this existence and it didn’t help. She ended up exactly like me.
I stepped forward. “Bella, love, please think about this. You don’t want to be this person. You don’t want to become a killer. You’re understandably angry and –” She interrupted me before I could finish. “Don’t tell me what I want Edward! You don’t know me, not anymore, and you certainly lost any right you might have had to tell me what to do a long time ago.” She was right.
I sighed. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to tell you what to do and I may not know you right now, but the girl I knew, the girl I know you still are, even if you don’t, wouldn’t want this.” She glared at me. “No Edward! I’m not that girl anymore. She was ripped to pieces by the one person she trusted more than anyone in the world. She was abandoned by her chosen family and locked away by her blood family. She was left alone and forgotten. She was kidnapped, raped, and tortured. So no, I’m not that girl anymore and I never will be again.”
Alice stepped forward. “Bella, please try to understand –”
“NO! You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to talk to me like we’re sisters. You lost that right when you left without saying goodbye, when you didn’t fight his decision to leave me.” She rounded on Esme and Carlisle. “I thought of you as family. I thought you cared about me, but you left too. You let him make a decision, that I should have been a part of, without me, without question.” Emmet and Jasper were next. “And you! You say you thought of me as a little sister, but you left too Emmett! You didn’t even say goodbye. And Jasper, despite what you may think I don’t blame you for what happened at my party, but I thought after all that I might have earned an explanation for why you all left. Out of all of you here, Rosalie was the only one who was honest from the start. You all made me feel welcome and loved and then ripped my heart out and smashed it to pieces. At least she was honest about not liking me from the start.”
Her anger was winding down, so I tried one more time to get through to her. “Bella, please don’t blame them. This was all on me. I didn’t give them a choice. I made them leave. Don’t be angry with them.” She took two steps forward and stopped within touching distance of me. I stared into her eyes and tried to find the Bella I knew was in there. She took a deep breath and slapped me across the face. “I hate you Edward Cullen and I wish I had never met you.” Then she turned and walked away.
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She Sleeps	By : bcullen1026 Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR Views: 5823 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

She Sleeps