Baser Urges | By : PersephoneCorelli Category: Anita Blake > Het Views: 4613 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own the Anita Blake series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
I nod and turn towards him so he knows I’m listening. Looking into my eyes he begins.
“You didn’t take advantage of me, don’t apologize. If I wasn’t willing to have sex with you, I wouldn’t have offered in the first place.” He reaches for my hand and I let him slip his fingers between mine. I focus my attention beyond his shoulder and pray he’ll be done with this soon. Talk about awkward. “Anita?” I pull my eyes back to his and glance away just as quickly. Will tonight ever end? “What do you mean that wasn’t the ardeur? Apparently no. Gulping to soothe my suddenly dry throat I attempt to explain in better detail. “Well, um, the ardeur is a metaphysical contagion. I feed from the lust of others while either they have sex or by having sex directly with them.” I stop as Edward interrupts me with a wave of his other hand. “You already described this to me Anita.” I squeeze the hand that I’m holding gently. “Be patient. I need the introduction to explain this to you. I told you I don’t really know how it works with humans. I’ve never tried.” At his nod I continue. “As I was saying, the ardeur causes extreme highs of lust. I can change it into two forms. Blood lust and sexual lust. If it is denied for too long, it simply becomes blood lust. I have never really allowed this to happen which is why all the sluttiness. I told you, when I agreed to go along with you, that I would need to feed at least once a week. Hopefully that’s all I will need since I can’t endanger Damian again. Especially after what happened last time. Ever since then, I mostly get to decide when to feed the ardeur and try as hard as I can not to let it rule me. I don’t always succeed but it doesn’t matter. The point is that tonight I wasn’t feeling the pull of the ardeur.” I pull my hand away and lie back on the bed. I cover my eyes with my hand. Did I mention my life sucks? “So then why, Anita? If not the ardeur, why?” Damn. No breaks for me. Figures. I rub the bridge of my nose and then sit up. Fuck it. Looking him in the eye defiantly and with my blood pounding in my ears, I say what I mean. “Because I wanted you. Fuck! I wanted to know how it would feel to be with you. To know your touch, scent and taste.” My voice was losing its edge, and as it cracks, I whisper, “I just wanted you.” I continue to stare into his eyes for a minute and then turn away. I can’t sit still so I move to pace the room. ‘Oh good job Anita. Just push away the only person who can possibly protect you from Olaf. Very smart.’ And yet so turbulent were my thoughts that just as quickly I was cursing Edward. ‘How dare he just sit there all silent and blank faced. Damn, damn, damn. I hate that. He damn well better not be thinking I was just trying it with a human. I am no fucking scientist. This is not a fucking lab assignment. And what the hell is with all the silence from him anyways. I mean Edward’s always been the silent type but give me a break.’ “Anita?” ‘How does he do that?’ I stop pacing but keep my attention on the wall. “Yes Edward?” I turn around and bump my nose on his chest. Fuck! I hate when he does this shit. He grabs my upper arms and pulls me to the floor. Great now I’m mad and uncomfortable. “I need to say this now or I’m not going to at all.” Anger fades at my curiosity. What could Edward need to say before HE loses courage to? Is this a fucked up night or what? “I wanted you too.” I stare at him in disbelief. My mouth was probably dangling open so great was my shock but I just couldn’t find it in me to care at the moment. Before I could recover he continued. “In fact, I’ve wanted you for awhile. After you left Santa Fe I reevaluated my life. I didn’t love Donna and even though I connected with her kids there was something that I kept missing. I nearly drove myself insane trying to figure out what it was. Even after I had the answer I still didn’t believe it. It was you. I had honestly never thought about you that way before and I’m not sure what made me change my mind but all of a sudden you were it. All I could think about. I promised myself I would stay away from you. Let you live your life with the monsters like you obviously wanted, but then Olaf came after you. I knew when you called that I couldn’t just leave you to face him alone. I’d brought him into your life and since my threat wasn’t enough to keep him away, I came to you. I knew when I told you we would have to leave the city that you’d have to bring someone to have sex with and honestly you could have if you had really fought for it. I just saw it as my chance to experience that side of you. Especially since you would never have to know about this side of me. It could all be blamed on the ardeur. When you didn’t push, I was hoping that there was a part of you that wanted me as well. But you resisted the effort that I put forth to have sex without the ardeur. When you called that to a halt I just assumed when you kissed me tonight, it was to feed. I honestly didn’t think it was for anything else. I didn’t mean to cause you pain and I felt like I’d been stabbed when I saw your tears.” Ok, mouth still gaping. I can not process this. Pinching myself hard I blink back the tears the pain caused. Edward lets go of my upper arms and I see indentations where his fingers had been. Damn that is going to leave a mark. He lifts my face towards his. “I’m so sorry Anita. So very sorry.” As his lips settle on mine, I can’t help but think that this has all been a dream. If so, I don’t ever want to wake up.While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. 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