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You'll See	By : StargateFanatic Category: Twilight Series > AU/AR > Slash Views: 8666 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or make any money from this story.

Chapter List
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The results from the 'contest' are in. And the winner is... Ding, ding, ding! We have a tie between Kiki and Gaps of Misery. *gives cyber hugs* (I've been to busy to bake. Sorry.)
By the way, did anyone catch the flower bit last chapter?

“You were the one watching?” I asked incredulously.

Edward only shuffled his feet, still not looking up.

“Why?” Jasper asked.

“I don’t know,” Edward replied.

“You’re lying.”

“Because it aroused me. There, happy?” he snapped.

“Not really. I didn’t know you had voyeuristic tendencies.”

“I don’t,” he muttered.

“Sure seems like it.” Jasper’s face grew serious. “Why were you watching? Honestly. That moan wasn’t just an aroused moan.” I was sure, if he had been capable, Edward would have been blushing.

“What was it, then?” Edward retorted.

“You want something,” I interrupted, though I had an idea of what it was. Edward’s jaw ticked when I spoke.

“What do you think I want?” he asked tightly, his teeth clenched. I swallowed at his glare, but I stood my ground.

“You want me out of the picture,” I all but whimpered.

Edward’s eyes widened slightly; he didn’t think I’d say it.

Jasper growled ferociously, suddenly standing between Edward and me. Edward bowed his head in defeat. I placed a hand on Jasper’s shoulder to calm him.

“Yes, Whitaker. That’s what I want,” Edward uttered almost imperceptibly.

“You lay a hand on him, and you’ll suffer the consequences,” Jasper growled.

“Let him say his piece,” I whispered in his ear.

“Why, Edward?” Jasper asked, only marginally calmer.

“Because of you, Jasper,” Edward murmured. “When Alice left, I thought we could finally be together… But you wouldn’t talk to anyone, not even me. And then he comes along and you automatically start talking to him.” I bristled at his condescending tone.

“Alice left me a note telling me why she was leaving. She left because she saw Whitaker coming and me leaving her,” Jasper explained.

“We could have been great together!”

“But I would have left you for Whitaker.” Jasper lowered his tone. “And what about Bella?”

“What about her?”

“I thought you loved her.”

“I do, but it’s nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

“Edward, you’re only lusting after what you can’t have. You don’t really love me.”

“But I do!”

“You’re not the one who has read emotions for over a century. I know what you’re feeling, and it’s only lust.”

Edward turned away in shame. “It’s the strongest I’ve ever felt.”

“Then you must not truly love Bella.”

Edward flinched. “I guess not.”

“Go, Edward. I won’t allow you to do anything that would hurt Bella. She’s a good kid, and she doesn’t deserve that.”

I saw the anguish on Edward’s face as he turned away. The same anguish was mirrored on Jasper’s face, but he hid it when I looked over at him.

It worried me, because it hadn’t been a reaction to feeling Edward’s emotions. Jasper had truly felt anguished over something.

Sighing and shaking off the turmoil of my thoughts, I took Jasper’s hand and led him back to my house.

That night, I slowly read one of my newest novels, while Jasper lay silently sprawled across the couch. He was brooding…again.

“Is brooding a vampire’s favorite pastime?” I muttered, turning another page in my book.

“What?” He halfway sat up, propping himself on his elbows. I didn’t look up.

“Brooding. You and Edward brood a lot. I can understand a need to think, but brooding is something different.”

“I was thinking.”

“You were brooding. If looks could kill, the ceiling would be in flames.”

“I have a lot on my mind.”

“Want to talk?”

“Not really.”

“Mind if I talk?”

“I can’t stop you.” He sat up completely.

“You love him, don’t you?”

His head snapped in my direction. “Who?”

“You know who.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you do.”

His gaze lowered.

“I’m not angry. I just want to know.”

“You’ll be mad…”

“No, I won’t. I just want you to trust me enough to talk to me.” I sat beside him and ran my hand over his golden hair; it was always so soft. “You won’t push me away.”

He pulled me into a tight embrace, burying his head into my shoulder. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. I’m here.”

He shook his head sadly, but he didn’t let me go.

“When did you know that you loved him?”

He sighed. “It was about fifteen years ago. Edward and Alice were the main ones to help me with my control. I’d loved Alice since I met her, but…I developed the same feelings for Edward.”

“Fifteen years?”

He nodded.

“I was three…”

“You have to know… Edward has been alone ever since Carlisle changed him. Bella’s the first person to change that.”

He pulled away from me, hiding his face.

“I lied,” he muttered. I’m sure he felt my confusion, because he continued, “Back in the clearing. I lied about what Edward was feeling. I never thought he would… Until earlier, that is…”

“Why did you lie?”

“I was scared. I’m still scared. Yes, I love him, but I’d rather have you. I love you more.”

I kissed his temple gently.

“I think you need to talk to Edward,” I murmured. He looked up at me with wide, scared eyes.

“I can’t—”

“I don’t like seeing you in pain. This is tearing you up inside; I can see it. Talking can help–”

“I don’t want to fucking talk!” he yelled.

“You have to get this shit out of your system if you ever want to feel better, to be better!” I retorted louder than I intended. Calmer, I said, “If you feel better about yourself, you could control yourself better. You could be freer. Keeping it inside just—”

“Why don’t you ever talk, huh? I know there are things you’re keeping from everybody. You always want me to talk to you, when you’re staying hypocritically silent!” he growled when he regained his faculties from his surprise.

I froze as unwanted memories hit me with a force I hadn’t known for years.

“See? Right now. There’s something you’re not telling me. What is it? What happened to your parents? Why is your memory so faulty at times? You never talk about yourself, so I don’t want to hear it when you say I should talk.”

“All right. You don’t want to hear it.” My voice cracked as I stood and snatched up my book. I felt tears I could never shed well in my eyes.

He watched me head to my bedroom. It was late, or rather early, since my clock read almost four.

I laid across my bed on my stomach and began reading again, trying to calm my irrational anger, intense sorrow, and undeniable fear.

-sigh- Boys, boys, boys... Surprised? What could Whitaker be hiding? I want to know what you think. :)
Zynda--No, but good guess! I hadn't actually thought of that... And don't worry, I'll help Gaps of Misery fetch you a Cullen. ;)
Song of Time--Shh! No one's supposed to know about the squirrel, darn it!
elvinwitch--Hopefully I cleared some of it up. :) This still isn't everything that was on his mind, but that will come later.
Kiki--Thank you. :D I wanted it to be that way. ;)
Gaps of Misery--Heehee. Not for Whitaker... And I'm game for that plan! And ditto on having Zynda for first guest. ;) But just cupcakes? What happened to cookies?
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