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Reckless Abandonment	By : bsoffia Category: Anita Blake > Slash Views: 3414 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Anita Blake series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Richard opened his eyes slowly and experimented with sitting up. A wave of nausea crashed into him. He groaned pitifully and flopped back onto the soft pillows. He felt lousy. He wasn’t sure what made his head spin; it could be the hangover from his alcoholic binge the night before or the fist to his face courtesy of Asher. Hell it might even a combination of both!
He clutched his head and whimpered as the migraine kicked in. His skull was imploding. But this wasn’t new. Waking up with a massive headache everyday was one of things Richard had grown accustomed to since he made the bottle his best friend. God, he needed another drink. Getting drunker was the only sure way he knew how to get rid of the hangover; but he doubted he would find any alcohol here.
Richard turned his head slowly and examined his surroundings. He was in a strange bedroom, but he had no doubt he was still at the Circus of the Damned. This room was vintage Jean-Claude; strong colors, tasteful décor, huge bed… and the clincher? Layers and layers of the finest silk sheets money could buy.
Richard was naked when he crawled out of bed. If he wasn’t in such bad shape, he might have been upset by it, but as things were, all he wanted was to take a shower. He was sticky and he smelled of sweat and stale whisky
Richard did not want to be dirty in such a pristine room. It bugged him. He had to be sobering up. He never cared what he looked or smelled like when he was hammered, but now he felt like trash on a marble floor. The sooner he was clean the better.
He staggered into the bathroom and found everything he needed lined up on the counter by the sink. There was a new razor, a can of shaving cream, a hand towel, a toothbrush and a tube of mint toothpaste. In addition, there were some freshly-pressed clothes folded neatly on the chair by the door.
“This is convenient,” Richard muttered bitterly and scowled into the large mirror in front of him. And so predictable. Jean-Claude’s endless generosity for those he cared about was almost too good to be true. Richard couldn’t fathom why the vampire cared so much. Monsters don’t have feelings, and Jean-Claude was a monster, wasn’t he? A day ago, he would have agreed wholeheartedly, but now he wasn’t sure.
That conversation with Jean-Claude confused him. And then he remembered what he did. He cringed as details of what happened the night before slowly burned into his brain. He came here to kill the vampire, but instead of doing that, he… he seduced him? That couldn’t be right. He wasn’t like that! He liked women. But Jean-Claude was so damn tempting! The beautiful eyes, those kissable lips, that perfect body… Richard stared at his reflection with dawning horror. He STILL wanted Jean-Claude!
“What’s wrong with me?” He asked himself. “What have I become?” He dragged his hands roughly through his thick brown hair and frowned. He didn’t want to think about what almost happened. It made him ill. He came into the bathroom to make himself presentable and he would start with a shave.
But his mind refused to shut off and flashes of the previous night flickered through his head as he lathered on the shaving cream and ran the razor against his skin. He remembered the feel of Jean-Claude’s lips against his and yearned to feel it again. He wondered what it would be like to have that warm mouth engulf his cock…
Richard dropped the razor and put his fist through the mirror. He gave a low scream and summoned the rage he felt the night before. He reminded himself that Jean-Claude was dead. The vampire was the one who kept Anita away from him. If it wasn’t for that undead bastard, they would be happily married and Anita wouldn’t be dead. He made her a whore and then he killed her…
But no matter what he told himself, the blinding rage wouldn’t resurface. Richard had no anger in him; all he was left with were confusing and conflicting feelings about Jean-Claude. Did he really kiss him? Richard growled when remembered how he forced himself on the Master of the City. If Jean-Claude was weaker, would he have raped him? Could he have sunk so low?
The Ulfric’s dark thoughts were interrupted when he heard a soft rap on the door. It swung open and an exhausted Jason stepped into the bathroom. The young wolf had nothing on save a pair of silk boxers. He was still nude, but neither man was bothered until Richard flashed on the image of a very naked Jason in the tub with his arms around Jean-Claude. He reached for a towel and covered himself. The young man lowered his eyes and kept them glued to the floor.
“Nate is making breakfast,” Jason said softly. He raised his head slowly and met his King’s eyes. “In case you’re hungry.” He added quickly and he shuffled his feet nervously.
“Thanks. I’ll be out soon,” Richard said. His voice was dull and flat.
Jason nodded and left without another word. It was unusual, to say the least. The young man was always bouncy and full of life. Richard sighed heavily. It was his fault. He frightened Jason last night and the lesser wolf was probably afraid of what his Ulfic would do without Jean-Claude around to protect him.
He didn’t blame Jason for being scared; he remembered how he reacted when he arrived and found them in the tub together. He was disrespectful, rude and obnoxious. It was a miracle he lived to see the dawn. Asher could have easily dispatched him into the next world.
Richard’s stomach rumbled. He couldn’t recall the last time he had solid food; let alone a home-cooked meal, and he was famished. He hurried through the rest of his grooming, stepped into the shower and ignored the tempting aroma of bacon and eggs as it wafted through the room.
By the time he was cleaned up and dressed, his tummy was making the worst noises imaginable. He followed his nose and headed to the kitchenette. Before he got there, he heard Nathaniel whining.
“Come on, Jason. You MUST tell me!” The leopard insisted as Richard came through the door. Nathaniel was holding a plate piled high with food in one hand. ”Or you don’t get any breakfast…” He threatened. The young wolf stuck out his tongue and then pouted at his best friend.
“Fine, if you want to know so badly…” Jason stopped short when he saw his Ulfric observing them. The silence that followed was heavy and uncomfortable. Nobody knew what to say and no one dared to break the silence.
Nathaniel finally handed Richard the plate of food. The wolf King took it and nodded. It smelled wonderful. He had to admit the leopard had a knack with food; even his experiments in the kitchen always turned out great. He settled on a bar stool next to Jason and shoveled scrambled eggs into his mouth.
“Aren’t you going to give me some? I’m starving…” Jason whimpered pitifully and stared at Nathaniel with puppy dog eyes.
“Tell me first,” the other man said firmly. Jason eyed his Ulfric warily and then gave in.
“Fine.” Jason grumbled and threw Richard an odd look before he continued speaking. “As you know, Jean-Claude was very upset with Asher.”
“Because of what happened last night?” Richard asked, his food temporarily forgotten.
“Yeah. Jean-Claude ordered Asher not to do anything. He told him to wait in his room, and we all know that’s not what happened,” Jason waited for their reaction. Nathaniel sniggered, but sobered quickly when Richard glared at him.

“So what did Jean-Claude do about it?” Nathaniel asked as he spooned more eggs onto Richard’s plate. Jason gazed longingly at the food and sighed dramatically.
“You won’t like it,” he warned Nathaniel. “Jean-Claude kicked Asher out of all our beds.”
“What!” The leopard exploded. “What do you mean he kicked Asher out of all our beds? You mean he can’t… with any of us? Not even me?” Nathaniel’s face fell and tears sprung into his eyes. “For how long?” The leopard demanded.
“I don’t know.” Jason said sadly. He knew this was going to be especially hard on Nathaniel. “But Jean-Claude was really mad… I don’t see the punishment lasting a short time.”
“Asher is not the only one being punished,” Nathaniel mumbled and prepared a plate for Jason. “What am I supposed to do now? I’ve already waited so long…and I miss him already.” The leopard glared at the Ulfric; his unusual lavender eyes blazed with anger and accusation.
Richard didn’t know what to say. This entire situation was bizarre! And now, on top of everything else, he was being blamed for Asher’s inability to control himself!
He laughed mirthlessly and turned his attention to Nathaniel. It was odd that the leopard now spoke so openly about his relationship with Asher. Everyone knew Nathaniel wanted the blond vampire, but it was never articulated because it wasn’t allowed.
Richard preferred it that way. The last thing he needed while eating was the image of Asher doing Nathaniel. What happened between lovers should remain in the bedroom… or in this case, the bathroom. He could live with them fucking each other’s brains out; he just didn’t want to see it with his own eyes! As it was, that image of the four of them together would be burned into his mind forever.
Which brought him to Jason. He studied the young wolf intently. Jason was one of the straightest guys around, he loved women… and they loved him right back! So what the hell was he doing in the tub with three naked men? Richard wanted to know. He cleared his throat and waited until Jason looked up from his food.
“What?” He asked grumpily before he downed a glass of juice and burped. He poured himself more juice and took another swig.
“When did you start liking dick?” Richard asked boldly. The bluntness of his question shocked everyone in the room. Jason choked on the juice and almost lost his breakfast, but Nathaniel thought it was hilarious and chortled from the sink area.

“Excuse me?” Jason said once he could breathe properly.
“You heard me,” he said with the same blunt tone. “You are one of the last people I thought would go soft. You always said you only like girls. What made you decide suck Jean-Claude’s cock?”
Richard felt bad for pushing Jason so hard, but he wanted to know. And it wasn’t just idle curiosity. Perhaps if he understood what happened with Jason, he would have a better idea of what was happening to himself. He still hoped it was one of the vampire’s mind tricks. The alternative was unthinkable.
Jason blushed with embarrassment at Richard’s direct questions. He didn’t want to talk about his relationship with Jean-Claude to anyone, and certainly not with his Ulfric! He wished he was dead. Nathaniel, on the other hand, was completely amused. He loved it when Jason blushed, it was a phenomenon rarely seen these days.
“Why do you want to know?” Jason whispered. He was finished, he knew it. His King had already judged and condemned him.
“Just curious,” Richard sneered as he challenged weaker wolf.
“Do you really want to know, or are you fishing for something?” Jason asked fearlessly. His humiliation was total. He had nothing left to lose. Richard gave him an unpleasant smile.
“Are you afraid to tell me? Am I sensing that you are embarrassed by your “relationship” with Jean-Claude? That you are… ashamed of him?
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jason declared. “You will never understand.” His voice was low and dangerous and he glared defiantly at his King. His eyes changed as his beast unintentionally rose to the surface.
“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to insult you.” Richard backed off. It wasn’t his intention to start a pissing contest with the younger wolf. “Please continue…” Jason’s expression cooled. He took a deep breath and started talking.
“It began a few months ago. Nathaniel had already moved in, but nobody was doing anything. Everyone was still hurting. And then Asher had to go out of town on business, and he took Nate with him. That left Jean-Claude alone for the first time since…” Jason’s voice faded. He cleared his throat and continued.
“You’ve got to understand that Jean-Claude didn’t allow himself to fall apart after... after. He didn’t have that luxury. He clung to Asher, but once Asher left, he was alone with his thoughts and they crushed him.” Jason looked at the other men and wondered if he had said too much already, but he’d gone this far and he wanted to finish it.
“I’ve never seen him so weak,” Jason whispered. “When I went to feed him, I...I found him in his bed. He looked so sad… so lost.”
Richard’s heart went out to the vampire; he had misjudged Jean-Claude. He wanted to hate him and jumped to all the wrong conclusions. Jean-Claude was hurting too, but he didn’t whine or self-destruct. He grieved in private and handled everything with a grace and stoicism very men had. Richard felt like a heel. He hated himself for the groundless accusations he made and hoped Jean-Claude would forgive him. Jason’s soft voice pulled him away from his thoughts.
“I wanted to make his pain go away,” the young wolf explained; his eyes shone with tears as he remembered. “He let me hold him that night, and the next. I initiated it, not Jean-Claude. But he didn’t stop me; he needed me… and he let me love him.”

Richard looked at the boy curiously as a dozen thoughts raced through his mind. So Jason was the one who went for it. That was hard for Richard to believe, but who was he to judge when he damn near jumped the vampire himself? The only difference was: Jean-Claude didn’t want him. He said no. He pushed him away. The Ulfric wasn’t good enough for the vampire, and yet he accepted a less significant wolf. Life was so unfair!

Richard had not felt this way in a long time. It took a while before he realized he was jealous. Of Jason. The boy had Jean-Claude and it was eating him alive!
But why did he feel that way? He didn’t have feelings for Jean-Claude. He couldn’t have.

“Does that answer your question?” Jason asked flatly. He was done talking about this and his tone made it clear he did not appreciate his Ulfric’s sudden interest in his private affairs.

Richard stood up slowly. “I have to go,” he ignored Jason’s question.
“Wait!” Nathaniel called out. “Jean-Claude wants you to stay until he wakes up. He needs to talk to you.” Richard paused at the door.

“What does he want to talk about?” He asked. He sounded normal, but his heart pounded in his chest.

“He just asked us to keep you here.” Nathaniel shrugged and glanced at the clock on the wall. “Look… Jean-Claude will be up soon and you can ask him yourself. In the meantime, why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the couch outside?” The leopard handed him a glass of juice and gestured at the door.
Richard was a little worried about his forthcoming conversation with the Master of the City. What could Jean-Claude possibly want to talk about? He hoped it wasn’t about that kiss or anything even remotely connected. He didn’t know how he felt about that. He wasn’t even sure if it was a mistake anymore. Maybe he always felt something for the vampire... and those feelings got confused when SHE came into the picture. Maybe Jean-Claude was the one he loved and wanted all along…

That last thought was too wayward for his mostly prudish sensitivities; he should have fought it and denied it vehemently, but he didn’t want to. Richard shook his head and walked slowly back to his room.

He passed Jean-Claude’s quarters and paused. He turned the knob, stepped into the room and stared at the slumbering vampire. He was beautiful and perfect. Seized by an instinct he didn’t understand, Richard pulled back the sheets and curled himself against the vampire’s naked body. This was where he wanted to be. And Jean-Claude would just have to deal with that!
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Reckless Abandonment